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RE: You say 'mentally unstable' like its a bad thing... - 10/27/2014 10:54:41 AM   
shiftyw


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Joined: 6/6/2013
From: The Shire
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MariaB


quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

Think of what you're doing to yourself when you say, "I am never going to fix this," or, "I am never going to be able to do that." Because, honestly, you're damaging yourself in the guise of self-protection. Do what you can to live your mental life as an analogue to this



Unfortunately its not that cut and dry. If the brain of an anxiety disorder or panic sufferer has physical abnormalities that contribute to his anxiety or panic attacks, then certain types of anxiety or panic attacks can never be "cured."
http://anxietypanichealth.com/2008/07/02/cause-of-social-anxiety-disorder-found-in-the-brain/

Claiming that all anxiety, panic attacks and phobias can be cured if only we chose to go down the healing route, could well raise false hope and a feeling of failure in people who have physical abnormalities in the brain.

As far as limits. If a limit has been set because of an anxiety issue. Even if that issue is dealt with successfully, it often should, depending on what it is, remain a limit. Unfortunately even with the best therapy and meds, there can be severe setbacks. Nobody in their right mind would risk tipping the balance.



Unfortunately- I just argued this with Red last week.
You and LL are making a lot of sense, but unfortunately, it will fall on deaf ears.

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RE: You say 'mentally unstable' like its a bad thing... - 10/27/2014 11:52:54 AM   
MariaB


Posts: 2969
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quote:

ORIGINAL: shiftyw

Unfortunately- I just argued this with Red last week.
You and LL are making a lot of sense, but unfortunately, it will fall on deaf ears.


Sorry shifty, I missed that thread.

At the end of the day, all you can do is suggest people educate themselves. If they don't want to do that there's no point pushing a point.



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RE: You say 'mentally unstable' like its a bad thing... - 10/27/2014 3:36:00 PM   
LittleGirlHeart


Posts: 1427
Joined: 4/4/2013
Status: offline 		He's very firmly in the camp of having limits wi th your partner is selfish, and or if you have limits you're defective somehow, or not fully healed or some nonsense. Nobody will likely ever get him to think otherwise.
quote:

ORIGINAL: MariaB


quote:

ORIGINAL: shiftyw

Unfortunately- I just argued this with Red last week.
You and LL are making a lot of sense, but unfortunately, it will fall on deaf ears.


Sorry shifty, I missed that thread.

At the end of the day, all you can do is suggest people educate themselves. If they don't want to do that there's no point pushing a point.





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'Cause where there's a man who has no voice
There ours shall go singing

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RE: You say 'mentally unstable' like its a bad thing... - 10/27/2014 3:53:11 PM   
catize


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Joined: 3/7/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady

I am a female dominant and I have limits. Many are based simply on my "ick" factor and aren't going to change. I'm perfectly fine with that. No one should be made to feel they have to justify their hard limits and explain why they have them because some douchebag tells them it will make them more mentally fit.




Thanks for that point, LafayetteLady! I have been with dominants who had limits that I did not---so we just did not engage in those activities. It never occurred to me to tell him he was selfish or unstable because he had no interest in X/Y/Z.

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RE: You say 'mentally unstable' like its a bad thing... - 10/27/2014 4:51:58 PM   
shiftyw


Posts: 2837
Joined: 6/6/2013
From: The Shire
Status: offline 		In Red's defense- I don't care what or who he chooses to date.
Its fine if mental illness is off the table for him.

But my point has, and will continue to be- limits I have because of my mental health are not speaking to instability.

Again I ask, is a matter of self preservation really a matter of selfishness? Perhaps- but again, I'm ok with it. I'm a person first, a bottom second (or maybe even third or forth...my career is above my kink as well..). I think that speaks to my stability vs. instability.

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RE: You say 'mentally unstable' like its a bad thing... - 10/27/2014 5:53:05 PM   
xgender


Posts: 78
Joined: 10/18/2014
From: A psych ward east of the Mississippi
Status: offline 		I deal with mental illness and yes, I am stable. It is a disease, like any other and those who are affected by it are usually stronger and more resilient than those unaffected. (I base this on being in and around mental health advocacy and being a consumer for the last 30 years) Ironically, the stigma of mental illness is applied most vigorously to those who are diagnosed. Yet people get a diagnosis only when they take the responsible course of action and seek help. Meanwhile, many "healthy" people walk around undiagnosed - stigma-free, but untreated - claiming sanity and doing totally messed up things...

So, no, not selfish.

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RE: You say 'mentally unstable' like its a bad thing... - 10/27/2014 6:39:51 PM   
ExiledTyrant


Posts: 4547
Joined: 12/9/2013
From: Exiled
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quote:

ORIGINAL: catize


quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady

I am a female dominant and I have limits. Many are based simply on my "ick" factor and aren't going to change. I'm perfectly fine with that. No one should be made to feel they have to justify their hard limits and explain why they have them because some douchebag tells them it will make them more mentally fit.




Thanks for that point, LafayetteLady! I have been with dominants who had limits that I did not---so we just did not engage in those activities. It never occurred to me to tell him he was selfish or unstable because he had no interest in X/Y/Z.


Cat, one of the biggest problems we have is undiagnosed narcissists running amok that go from mellow to dickhead in 1.2 seconds once they preceive any type of rejection. Narcissism is mental illness and it is an illness that 99.99% of time goes untreated due to the nature of the miserable asshole afflicted with it. Naturally, for the narcissist, the fault is always yours because they are perfect in every way. You say limit, they say stupid diseased nut job cunt, because they cannot have total control over you.

Narcisists tend to be cunning chameleons that lure you into confidence, here in particular, by professing that they have no limits... in so far as to performing homosexual acts to convince you of how silly a limit is. However, when you put them in the homosexual scenerio it quickly becomes a hard limit, or they belittle your calling of their bullshit as you are inferiror and not a real and/or true submissive. It's all smoke, mirrors and head games.

Our /boys and /girls need to ignore the bull shit, identify what is healthy for themselves, shut out all that is unhealthy, and learning to identify a narcissist would be a good safety protocol to have in place. Sadly, it is easy to get lured in by a narcissist, they are predators and this is the best hunting ground for easy prey. Generally, the prettier they are the easier they scar. Shifty, although she cannot accept it, is a beautiful goddess of an /s, and the prettier the girl, the more shit she has endured because of it. Most become insecure over the years of BS and some become narcissists as a defense mechanism. We know which way shifty went, although a happy medium would've been great, I'd still fuck her nine ways to sunday and then come here and brag about it. In spite of her "flaws" her BF is a very lucky man. All that she is has not made her less than, it has made her more so.

I suffer from PTSD myself and PTSD is not a self induced choice, it is shit that lands on you and you deal with it the best you can or...

I am quite forthcoming about suffering the affliction, details are not available, what to expect is. Understnding how it effects me, when it comes on me, my triggers, etc... is a courtesy to anyone that would potentially invest time with me. I am not a diseased creature that is now unworthy of a relationship because it landed on me, it is just a part of me. Some people can reconcile their PTSD and be "cured", I for one cannot. The scar is too deep and the hole in my soul too big to be cured. I live with it, I manage it, I cope. It may disqualify me from a larger relationship pool, but that is of little consequence, I am happy alone. Happier in a functional relationship, but will not sacrafice a single want or need to be in a relationship, and all you sluts are mine anyway, what more could I want?

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RE: You say 'mentally unstable' like its a bad thing... - 10/27/2014 7:14:15 PM   
shiftyw


Posts: 2837
Joined: 6/6/2013
From: The Shire
Status: offline 		Well now you're just embarrassing me with all that flattery for your own enjoyment, you sadist.

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RE: You say 'mentally unstable' like its a bad thing... - 10/27/2014 7:22:53 PM   
ExiledTyrant


Posts: 4547
Joined: 12/9/2013
From: Exiled
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: shiftyw

Well now you're just embarrassing me with all that flattery for your own enjoyment, you sadist.


BONUS!

_____________________________

Gnothi Seauton
To lead, first follow: Aurelius, Epictetus, Descartes, Sun Tzu, to name a few.

Semper fidelis (which sometimes feels like a burden)

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RE: You say 'mentally unstable' like its a bad thing... - 10/27/2014 9:32:42 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Absolutely correct that many limits mean we haven't fully healed.

However, for many things, full healing is not a possibility. If you lose a leg in an accident, it won't grow back.

There are physical diseases that leave you permanently injured and unable to heal.
There are mental and emotional disorders that do the same.

Early onset mental and emotional disorders mean the developing brain will not develop normally. Thinking that this isn't true doesn't change the reality.

If you wouldn't tell someone with a body chemical disorder such as type I diabetes that they should be able to think themselves better, then you shouldn't tell someone with a brain chemical disorder that. It's just as stupid a thing to say.

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RE: You say 'mentally unstable' like its a bad thing... - 10/27/2014 9:46:24 PM   
shiftyw


Posts: 2837
Joined: 6/6/2013
From: The Shire
Status: offline 		Exactly. Des is a much clearer writer than i but, exactly.

< Message edited by shiftyw -- 10/27/2014 9:48:00 PM >

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RE: You say 'mentally unstable' like its a bad thing... - 10/28/2014 5:29:41 AM   
MariaB


Posts: 2969
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline 		And then of course there are Sociopaths... similar but different beasts to the Narcissist.

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RE: You say 'mentally unstable' like its a bad thing... - 10/28/2014 5:43:58 AM   
HeartAndSoul31


Posts: 148
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: shiftyw

In Red's defense- I don't care what or who he chooses to date.
Its fine if mental illness is off the table for him.

But my point has, and will continue to be- limits I have because of my mental health are not speaking to instability.

Again I ask, is a matter of self preservation really a matter of selfishness? Perhaps- but again, I'm ok with it. I'm a person first, a bottom second (or maybe even third or forth...my career is above my kink as well..). I think that speaks to my stability vs. instability.


Self preservation is not selfish, that is what a healthy person does. They know their triggers and they avoid putting themselves in situations that inflict damage as much as one can. Of course it's not at the expensive of others if one can avoid that. We are suppose to preserve ourselves even if someone doesn't like it. How can anyone be a benefit to others if they are not being as healthy as they can be for themselves first?

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RE: You say 'mentally unstable' like its a bad thing... - 10/28/2014 8:05:56 AM   
GoddessManko


Posts: 2257
Joined: 3/6/2013
From: Dante's Inferno
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: xgender

I deal with mental illness and yes, I am stable. It is a disease, like any other and those who are affected by it are usually stronger and more resilient than those unaffected. (I base this on being in and around mental health advocacy and being a consumer for the last 30 years) Ironically, the stigma of mental illness is applied most vigorously to those who are diagnosed. Yet people get a diagnosis only when they take the responsible course of action and seek help. Meanwhile, many "healthy" people walk around undiagnosed - stigma-free, but untreated - claiming sanity and doing totally messed up things...

So, no, not selfish.

EXACTLY. Some people acknowledge something is chemically "slightly awry" and they get the necessary neurogenesis medication or treatment which makes them more capable than those without any mental illness at all.
The people who truly freak me out are those who are sick on an incredibly high clinical level. (See; BTK killer) They are HIGHLY sociopathic, HIGHLY narcissistic and may be suffering with walking depression or PTSD.
And their incredible high level of sociopathy fool even therapists. Very scary. They are organizers in the community,church goers but then they secretly have the potential to be a serial killer or are. They just refuse the treatment for whatever bizarre reason and that's just a downward spiral despite their protests that they're "fine". At least some people are smart enough to get in there, get the treatment early and not have any chemical imbalances affect their daily lives or for them to become better and better at hiding the issue while it snowballs.
Narcissism in itself is a very dangerous illness untreated when it is clinical. Complete disregard for human life or feelings. But the sociopathy helps them follow social cues.

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The Bird of Hermes is my name, eating my wings to make me tame.

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RE: You say 'mentally unstable' like its a bad thing... - 10/28/2014 8:52:30 AM   
MariaB


Posts: 2969
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline 		Most ASPD's will never physically hurt anyone. Psychopaths are far more likely to take advantage of those around them without doing anything illegal. I agree that ASPD's. need ongoing treatment but because many of them are high functioning psychopaths and sociopaths, why would they look for help? Most high functioning ASPD's see success without conscience as a gift.

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RE: You say 'mentally unstable' like its a bad thing... - 10/28/2014 12:01:51 PM   
HeartAndSoul31


Posts: 148
Status: offline 		I have generalized anxiety disorder. I have medication if I need it but the best medicine I have found is facing the anxiety. I will work a mole hill into a mountain worrying if I don't consciously control it. I push myself to do things I hate to do and afterward I am really proud of myself. Next time it's easier.

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RE: You say 'mentally unstable' like its a bad thing... - 10/28/2014 3:31:13 PM   
GotSteel


Posts: 5871
Joined: 2/19/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: catize
There has been discussion on several recent threads where a dominant makes the statement that he believes any one with set limits is mentally unstable.


Yeah I saw that, what the fuck was up with that, that idea doesn't even make sense to me.

quote:

ORIGINAL: catize
Several people have replied with a defensive attitude, as if the possibility that they may be mentally unstable is offensive.

They'd probably get bent out of shape if it was claimed they had a physical issue (say the clap) as well.

quote:

ORIGINAL: catize
I have limits because of my 'syndrome'. Is that any different, is that any less acceptable, than someone who has emotional limits? Why or why not?

Of course it's different, we're talking about different health issues.

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RE: You say 'mentally unstable' like its a bad thing... - 10/28/2014 3:35:22 PM   
GoddessManko


Posts: 2257
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From: Dante's Inferno
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MariaB

Most ASPD's will never physically hurt anyone. Psychopaths are far more likely to take advantage of those around them without doing anything illegal. I agree that ASPD's. need ongoing treatment but because many of them are high functioning psychopaths and sociopaths, why would they look for help? Most high functioning ASPD's see success without conscience as a gift.


Agreed, though clinical narcissists see most people as disposable devices for their own means, they self victimize (no one else is a victim, a "me me me" attitude at inappropriate times) and if sociopathic are extremely charming and manipulative, as you said, why look for help when they have everyone wrapped around their pinky fingers? Usually follows this pattern ; EXTREME neglect and abuse at point A, unnatural levels of niceness and accommodation at point B. There is no even keel. Think mothers who starve one child in order to panhandle to feed the other children.
However, they can be extremely emotionally or psychologically abusive, harm themselves and others selectively to not blow their cover etc.

_____________________________

Happy consent is the name of the game. You are my perfect Mistress. - my collared.

http://submissivemale.blogspot.com/

The Bird of Hermes is my name, eating my wings to make me tame.

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RE: You say 'mentally unstable' like its a bad thing... - 10/28/2014 6:19:43 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		I went for my annual yesterday. My TSH is high. However if he raises the levoxyl above the present level, then my generalized anxiety disorder will become worse, to a point where I will need medication for the anxiety. And the side effect of every anxiety med? Weight gain, which will require an even higher level of hypothyroid medication. That's a downward spiral I am not willing to start.

There is no magic solution for this. There's only weighing the side effects and deciding which is less offensive to you.

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RE: You say 'mentally unstable' like its a bad thing... - 10/29/2014 6:02:36 AM   
HeartAndSoul31


Posts: 148
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

I went for my annual yesterday. My TSH is high. However if he raises the levoxyl above the present level, then my generalized anxiety disorder will become worse, to a point where I will need medication for the anxiety. And the side effect of every anxiety med? Weight gain, which will require an even higher level of hypothyroid medication. That's a downward spiral I am not willing to start.

There is no magic solution for this. There's only weighing the side effects and deciding which is less offensive to you.


Hi DesFIP

I have had GAD diagnosed for at least 15 years now. The anxiety actually caused high blood pressure. I was put on Xanax and NEVER had high blood pressure again. Well, once but it was because I had a pretty severe panic attack, and I didn't take my Xanax. After I took it Bp went back to normal. I have never gained weight on this medication. They say it can be addictive but I never had that problem. I take it at night only when its prescribed 3 times a day. I found it worked best for me finding my own way with taking it. Occasionally I will take one during the day if I am having a high stress situation. Sometimes I break the pill in half and only take half of it. It just takes the edge off. I would not advise this med if someone has any problems with addictions. But I can tell you it really works for me. It controls my mental anxiety so my bp does not spike. I don't take bp meds.
I have gained weight but it isn't the pills! Its menopause or otherwise called MENTAL-pause.

edited to add, ITs not a cure all, but I have lived with this condition all my life, a lot of it undiagnosed. The mental strain caused me to be ill often. Mental strain is a killer! Anyway hope you find something that works for you.


< Message edited by HeartAndSoul31 -- 10/29/2014 6:10:56 AM >

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