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FieryOpal -> RE: kind of a crossdresser (12/3/2014 12:39:34 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: sissyboycindy
If you want to dress in feminine clothing then you need to confess , Tell your Mistress everything...
<snip>
I ended your post there, cindy, because you made a cogent point. Whether you're a sissy, or just enjoy cross-dressing but don't identify as a sissy, or however a sub male identifies (bitch, slut, bottom, fetishist, kinkster, [fill-in-the-blank type]slave, whatever combination, etc.).
Before a Domme decides to collar you and become your Mistress, be honest about your sub needs. I really cannot stress that enough.
There are too many subs out there who are - for lack of a better word - desperate to find a Dominant, that they make short-term concessions or compromises in order to entice the Dominant to put or keep them under consideration (or vice versa).
This will only end badly, unless you can kiss your fetish/kink goodbye. Nor am I suggesting that this is what you do either, because you have to be true to yourself.
There is a female slave whose Master refuses to do oral, something that she used to love receiving. She made trade-offs and has lived with her decision over the years, but I can still hear the suppressed clarion call in her voice. (Believe me, it takes a lot of tongue-biting for me not to comment upon this bluntly, as in "What were you thinking, and are you freaking out of your mind?" But it's not my place to not respect a personal decision that doesn't cause her undisputable or irreparable harm.)
There was somebody not that long ago with whom I was seemingly kink-fetish compatible by roughly 85-90%, plus 10% workability or flexible negotiability, and a relatively high vanilla compatibility. (Btw, this is nearly impossible for me to find.) Appearances can be deceiving. He wasn't a total stranger, and I had no reason to believe that he was like so many subs who insist they're into whatever the Domme is into, that they have no preferences of their own and very few Hard Limits. [8|]
Now, this may be possible in exceptionally rare cases or with a newbie, but who are you kidding when you say that? To make a long story short, there were a few things to which my Spidey senses were alerted, but I wasn't sure whether they had more to do with mental headspace than with the physical acts themselves. He had made it clear he was not a masochist/pain slut and didn't want or trust a Sadistic Domme, so I thought we were good there. Notwithstanding some gray areas I don't need to go into, I had to call him out when he let it slip in one of his communiqués how much he enjoyed having his balls tied up and stretched when he was describing scenes he had experienced. Not tugged, but kept in that position. Now what part of that is not CBT? We had only seemed to be kink-fetish compatible because he had been omitting a bunch of stuff. Not experimental, or during the course of submitting to his Mistress's desires, but BDSM acts he had paid a Pro-Domme to do.
So OP, please don't take a Domme's preferences or lack of desire for what you're into as being a personal rejection. It isn't easy to find the right match. Also a Domme with multiple subs might be more prone to be flexible in this regard because she is getting her other needs met elsewhere. Contrary to what some kinksters might think, there are many Dominants who will try something that their sub might be into which they aren't because we relish having the power to fulfill a need or grant a wish as a reward, if we feel so inclined. (There are Tops who enjoy doing this casually with a bottom on a per-scene basis; and depending on the BDSM activity, might want to make it a regular event.) But you have to matter to us first, either as a friend, partner, mate, what have you, within the context of relationship. This means not leading with your kink or fetish as if that is all you are about and not much more than that as a person, potential companion and/or pet.
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