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Dealing with Switches - 10/29/2014 12:53:27 PM   
SuddenlySatyr


Posts: 13
Joined: 10/25/2014
Status: offline 		I'm curious as to how Dominant women deal with switches, if and when they engage them or if it even matters to you that they switch?

Thank you in advance for your replies.
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RE: Dealing with Switches - 10/29/2014 1:10:09 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		What do you mean by "switch"? In relationships or in play (Top/bottom)?

And by switch, do you mean someone who NEEDS to be both Dom/Top and sub/bottom, or someone who needs one role and is ABLE to fulfill the other? Because the first implies poly.

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RE: Dealing with Switches - 10/29/2014 1:25:24 PM   
SuddenlySatyr


Posts: 13
Joined: 10/25/2014
Status: offline 		Anyone who identifies as a switch. It is a broad term, I leave it to you to define terms in your response.

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RE: Dealing with Switches - 10/29/2014 2:13:13 PM   
freedomdwarf1


Posts: 6845
Joined: 10/23/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SuddenlySatyr

I'm curious as to how Dominant women deal with switches, if and when they engage them or if it even matters to you that they switch?

Thank you in advance for your replies.

The same way that anyone else who is a non-switch - probably not engage them at all.

Unless the Dom/me wants to engage in switch activity (and many don't), they would want that switch to remain in 'sub' mode.
In which case, why bother with a switch when they can get a sub with less chance of problems???



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RE: Dealing with Switches - 10/29/2014 2:34:42 PM   
FieryOpal


Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: freedomdwarf1

The same way that anyone else who is a non-switch - probably not engage them at all.

Unless the Dom/me wants to engage in switch activity (and many don't), they would want that switch to remain in 'sub' mode.
In which case, why bother with a switch when they can get a sub with less chance of problems???

Exactly. (And them male subs ain't no cake walk either. )

OP, I'll be totally honest with you. Nearly half of the switches who contact me are bisexual, despite my profile clearly stating that any SUBMISSIVE MALE I consider MUST be completely heterosexual. No ifs, ands or buts about it--none of this bi-curious but haven't (yet) acted upon "my" fantasies nonsense.

The other issue has to do with BDSM kink vs. D/s relationship dynamics. Most of the male S/switches I know personally (as strictly platonic friends) and/or have interacted with on-line do not have the foggiest idea how D/s dynamics work. They are all about the kink, about either BDSM bottoming or Topping; as in, What's the big deal? Can't we just have kinky sex? Then outside the bedroom "I" can continue to be argumentative and contentious, or annoying at the very least.

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RE: Dealing with Switches - 10/29/2014 3:28:08 PM   
xgender


Posts: 78
Joined: 10/18/2014
From: A psych ward east of the Mississippi
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FieryOpal

The other issue has to do with BDSM kink vs. D/s relationship dynamics. Most of the male S/switches I know personally (as strictly platonic friends) and/or have interacted with on-line do not have the foggiest idea how D/s dynamics work. They are all about the kink, about either BDSM bottoming or Topping; as in, What's the big deal? Can't we just have kinky sex?


This is pretty much me. Not so much into the D/s dynamic as the kink. (You say "kinky sex" like it's a bad thing, lol)

< Message edited by xgender -- 10/29/2014 4:01:37 PM >

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RE: Dealing with Switches - 10/29/2014 3:28:17 PM   
epiphiny43


Posts: 688
Joined: 10/20/2006
Status: offline 		"Switch" is about as imprecise as words get, meaning whatever the user wants it to mean. And in kink forums, possibly more often used to disparage or denigrate everyone who isn't aligned with or complementary to the speaker's orientation and needs. Going from attempting to define almost totally unknown person's deepest needs to relatively benign labels of their range of possible role play, it takes considerable questioning to find what is actually meant. And if it has even the slightest relation to the person being abstractly labeled and categorized.
Doms, Dommes, Masters, slaves, submissives, tops and bottoms are all accepted to come in rainbows of variation. Switches by definition come in more variety. People who dismiss any possibilities because the label 'switch' comes up remind me of the many personals ads seeking only BBC or similar racial profiling. It's a form of modern prejudice, which I'd have hoped would at least decline as the cultural drift is supposed to be moving towards learning the uniqueness of each of us and both appreciating and celebrating those differences and gifts.

Ed: Not really a reply to a particular post, it's not obvious how to edit that out.

< Message edited by epiphiny43 -- 10/29/2014 3:30:31 PM >

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RE: Dealing with Switches - 10/29/2014 3:38:34 PM   
freedomdwarf1


Posts: 6845
Joined: 10/23/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: epiphiny43

"Switch" is about as imprecise as words get, meaning whatever the user wants it to mean. And in kink forums, possibly more often used to disparage or denigrate everyone who isn't aligned with or complementary to the speaker's orientation and needs. Going from attempting to define almost totally unknown person's deepest needs to relatively benign labels of their range of possible role play, it takes considerable questioning to find what is actually meant. And if it has even the slightest relation to the person being abstractly labeled and categorized.
Doms, Dommes, Masters, slaves, submissives, tops and bottoms are all accepted to come in rainbows of variation. Switches by definition come in more variety. People who dismiss any possibilities because the label 'switch' comes up remind me of the many personals ads seeking only BBC or similar racial profiling. It's a form of modern prejudice, which I'd have hoped would at least decline as the cultural drift is supposed to be moving towards learning the uniqueness of each of us and both appreciating and celebrating those differences and gifts.

Ed: Not really a reply to a particular post, it's not obvious how to edit that out.

Switch is quite simple.
It means to be able to (usually willing) to switch roles with another - whatever those roles are defined as.

For me, I would say a switch is more a jack-of-all-trades rather than master of anything in particular.
But that's just me.

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RE: Dealing with Switches - 10/29/2014 3:49:26 PM   
FieryOpal


Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: epiphiny43

"Switch" is about as imprecise as words get, meaning whatever the user wants it to mean. And in kink forums, possibly more often used to disparage or denigrate everyone who isn't aligned with or complementary to the speaker's orientation and needs. Going from attempting to define almost totally unknown person's deepest needs to relatively benign labels of their range of possible role play, it takes considerable questioning to find what is actually meant. And if it has even the slightest relation to the person being abstractly labeled and categorized.
Doms, Dommes, Masters, slaves, submissives, tops and bottoms are all accepted to come in rainbows of variation. Switches by definition come in more variety. People who dismiss any possibilities because the label 'switch' comes up remind me of the many personals ads seeking only BBC or similar racial profiling. It's a form of modern prejudice, which I'd have hoped would at least decline as the cultural drift is supposed to be moving towards learning the uniqueness of each of us and both appreciating and celebrating those differences and gifts.

Ed: Not really a reply to a particular post, it's not obvious how to edit that out.

I get what you're saying, and for many who don't know how to "label" themselves, S/switch is as good a term as any. Oftentimes, vanilla newbies aren't sure what their orientation is, and it's good to experiment and to find a suitable play partner to experiment with.

Those of us who are primarily past the experimental stages - whether we've embraced or gravitate towards D/s dynamics - know what we want in an intimate partner. It's no different than with vanilla dating. I want a man who acts masculine, is totally straight, is completely monogamous (and wants to be owned exclusively), has his act together, has some life experience under his belt and understands women, and who shares the same committed LTR goals that I do. Why would I waste my time with anybody who is incompatible for me as a companion and life partner, someone unsuitable? I'm not looking to make more friends--I want a long-term lover, so yes, I can be as selective as I want to be. I don't owe anybody an equal opportunity fuck. Whether that special someone comes in a package marked "sub" or "switch" or comes unlabeled, I don't really care. The outer wrapping can be deceiving. It's what's inside that counts, and that inside needs to be submissively inclined, romantic and devoted to his assertively female mate.

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

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RE: Dealing with Switches - 10/29/2014 6:14:57 PM   
SuddenlySatyr


Posts: 13
Joined: 10/25/2014
Status: offline 		Thank you all so much for your replies.

It totally makes sense that one who is Dominant would try to avoid undue stress, the same way a monogamous person would avoid dating a poly person.

How does this account IYO for Alpha slaves, pets, service tops and performers?

Epiphany43: You are preaching to the choir! I see my orientation as a switch more as a description of my capabilities rather than my goal with partners, but I know this isn't the case with every switch.

FireyOpal: yeah, switch is certainly a go to label for the uninitiated, but I also find those same types labeling themselves as what they see to be most attractive as per their ideal persona. You are absolutely right, you don't know it's a snickers bar till you bite into it.

Freedomdwarf1: " It means to be able to (usually willing) to switch roles with another - whatever those roles are defined as."

Such a great way to put it!

How do ya'll see switches fitting into D/s in your community?

(Yes, I keep asking questions, I'm inquisitive lol)


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RE: Dealing with Switches - 10/29/2014 6:23:10 PM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SuddenlySatyr

How do ya'll see switches fitting into D/s in your community?




The same way we view everyone else, we go by character, not orientation or titles.

Welcome to the forums.

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RE: Dealing with Switches - 10/29/2014 11:15:58 PM   
epiphiny43


Posts: 688
Joined: 10/20/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge


quote:

ORIGINAL: SuddenlySatyr

How do ya'll see switches fitting into D/s in your community?




The same way we view everyone else, we go by character, not orientation or titles.

Welcome to the forums.

Thank You! I just wish "we" was more inclusive.

(in reply to Gauge)
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RE: Dealing with Switches - 10/30/2014 2:23:49 AM   
MariaB


Posts: 2969
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: freedomdwarf1


The same way that anyone else who is a non-switch - probably not engage them at all.

Unless the Dom/me wants to engage in switch activity (and many don't), they would want that switch to remain in 'sub' mode.
In which case, why bother with a switch when they can get a sub with less chance of problems???



A dominant doesn't have to engage in activity with their switches switch side. There are plenty of relationships where one is a switch and the other isn't. There are certainly a good few females who are totally submissive to their other half but dominate other people and there are plenty of dominants who enjoy being the spectator.

Whilst its a problem for you, I wouldn't say its a problem in general.




< Message edited by MariaB -- 10/30/2014 2:25:07 AM >

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RE: Dealing with Switches - 10/30/2014 3:18:04 AM   
MariaB


Posts: 2969
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline 		The problem with having too many of your own strict guidelines is, things change and evolve with the years. My entire relationships revolved around me being dominant and my partner being submissive for many, many years. I was happy, I knew what I wanted and I endeavoured to get it. When I met Steve, I embraced his kinky side. He took me on an incredible journey and one I had never before considered. I couldn't submit to him and he certainly couldn't submit to me but I found myself/ourselves experimenting with things I would never of dreamt of doing before. I allowed him to drip hot wax on me, tie me up in rope, use electrodes and violent wands on me and even, and I liked this the best, pierce my skin with needles. It was the same with him, we were jointly open minded when it came to exploring. Thing is, I still had this overwhelmingly strong dominant urge. What we were doing together was kinky but had nothing whatsoever to do with D/s. My submissive female joined us in the relationship. She knew what we got up to but it didn't bother her. Her role in the D/s relationship was absolute submission.

Occasionally I had to ask myself, am I a switch? People pointed a finger and tried telling us what we were which was just ridiculous because our submissive, if asked would tell you all, "this couple are dominant through and through; so much so in fact, their S&M experiments with each other have absolutely no baring on how they run the D/s side of the household. None the less, I decided to discard my title of dominant. I was sick of trying to fulfil other peoples expectations and start fulfilling a few of my own. I took on the tile of "Fetishst" which is even more confusing to people. If people ask I say, "I have a fetish to dominate and its so strong that it runs right through my blood".

I am Master of my own life and Steve is certainly the strongest and most capable man I've ever known. We are a success without D/s between the two of us, though if you observed us, as many have, you would say there is a huge amount of D/s going on in our every day life. They are wrong of course but what they are seeing and what confuses them is, we live a very old fashioned type of relationship and our relationship values are probably very different to modern type relationships. I enjoy doing things to make his life ultimately comfortable (I guess some would say that makes me a slave ) He, a clever, articulate and confident man, has guided me to be my own success story. He has made me realize that all the other relationships that went before him were built on rocky foundations with "I'm this" and you're "that" scenarios.

I honestly used to believe that anything less than me being dominant and my partner being submissive was not a key to happiness. I believed that switches were merely players and not the real McCoy whatever that's meant to be!. What I discovered was a whole new world; a place where I was pulled out of the shadows of my own beliefs and into something most people here wouldn't be able to recognize.


< Message edited by MariaB -- 10/30/2014 4:02:33 AM >

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RE: Dealing with Switches - 10/30/2014 4:30:34 AM   
starkem


Posts: 159
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline 		That is a wonderful experience MariaB that you shared! I receive it with delight for myself to be encouraged and wishes of a continued happiness for You and Steve.

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RE: Dealing with Switches - 10/30/2014 1:01:54 PM   
SpyUnderCover


Posts: 208
Joined: 6/21/2010
Status: offline 		I avoid switches for many of the reasons already stated. I don't switch, and I don't want to be with someone who isn't willing to submit to me all the time. If I like how a switch approaches me I usually give him the chance to explain himself. Sometimes people identify as switches for complicated reasons (for example, they may be very submissive but willing to switch if it pleases their dominant). The one consistent red flag for me is when they say, "Yes I know my profile says that I'm a switch, but don't pay any attention to that because deep down I'm really just a submissive and long to submit to you..." That kind of "switch" usually translates to "opportunist."

Spy

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RE: Dealing with Switches - 11/1/2014 5:34:33 AM   
NookieNotes


Posts: 1720
Joined: 11/10/2013
Status: offline 		I'm a switch, in one sense of the word, myself. Because I am a dominant woman and I enjoy bottoming in some activities, including sexually.

So, I run my relationship. Period. My Pet is a switch, and no matter what we do in that area, he is still submissive to me mentally.

But then, because I am bi and poly, I am also open to those options in my Pet (he is bi and poly), and actually prefer them.

I do agree with what has been said about switching, though. In many cases, it really is just someone who has no clue who they are, what they want, and is ready to take any opportunity that comes their way. The worst are the "dominant men" writing about submitting to me, but still hitting on all the subbie girls under a profile of false pretenses. No, thank you.

I really get to know someone and what they mean by "switch" before I choose to engage much with them.

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RE: Dealing with Switches - 11/1/2014 11:47:59 AM   
SuddenlySatyr


Posts: 13
Joined: 10/25/2014
Status: offline 		Gauge: lol of course, I meant in an interactive sense as it applies to the topic. It could broaden from there. My bad for not being more clear.


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RE: Dealing with Switches - 11/5/2014 7:19:43 PM   
Mistressannalee


Posts: 3
Joined: 8/28/2014
Status: offline 		For me I Just avoid switches completely. The ones I encountered in the
past were pushy and unsure of their role. I am more comfortable with submissive men,
They seem less kinky and more lifestyle.

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RE: Dealing with Switches - 11/5/2014 8:14:00 PM   
flutterby55


Posts: 31
Joined: 5/17/2014
Status: offline 		I hear you and I'm more comfortable with dominant men who are sure in their role.

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