quote:

ORIGINAL: Moderator3

FR

I know its tempting, but we are in General BDSM. Please remember the guidelines in this section. Snark is okay. Name calling or any variance of it, isn't allowed.

Thank you

quote:

ORIGINAL: freedomdwarf1

FR~

He asked this question, or something similar, in Feb 2013: http://www.collarchat.com/m_4387348/mpage_1/tm.htm

He has spent the better part of 18 months spinning his wheels.
He has been truly sucked in.

And, FWIW, given the nature of how the 'relationship' has been over that time, I honestly think the 'she' is a HE!! [:D]


To the OP: how did you let this go on for sooo long??
Most people would have sussed this out within a few emails or exchanges and certainly withing a week or two.
Sheeesh! You must be extremely naive or just a dumb clutz, or both.

quote:

ORIGINAL: ExiledTyrant

quote:

ORIGINAL: Moderator3

FR

I know its tempting, but we are in General BDSM. Please remember the guidelines in this section. Snark is okay. Name calling or any variance of it, isn't allowed.

Thank you

Asshole is a term of endearment.

Jus sayin

quote:

ORIGINAL: luxey2511

she's playing you for a sucker. move on.

quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist

quote:

ORIGINAL: luxey2511

she's playing you for a sucker. move on.

I think they (he or she) are playing him for the original custom tailored "fetish/roleplay erotic femdom stories" he supplies.

quote:

ORIGINAL: subbiedude

Hello,

This is a bit lengthy, pardon me, but i had to write a bit detail just to give a perspective.

I need an advice or guidance from expirienced fellow kinksters. I am in a dillemma, my problem is this. I have been chatting with a dominant female for about more than 1.5 yrs now. she is from India & from chatting what i make out is, she is a very good person & kind. However I have never seen her, either a picture of her or in person nor i have heard her voice. She has also not seen me, as i have not shared my pic with her (I refrain from sharing my pic online due to safety concerns). She has not asked me to share my pic either.
I started to really love her more than myself. However even at this stage I had not seen or heard her voice. It was love at no sight at all !!!!

One day I confessed her, that I liked her, she was neither taken aback nor surprised, she was supportive of my feelings. I even went onto talk about marriage at one point (Very premature in hindsight I guess). She simply said she wanted me to continue entertaining her over online & in due time she would take it to next level & She will decide when it will happen.

This went on for quite a some time. One fine day I asked her to atleast meet me in a public place or cam chat (Even without a face) or mic chat over net. She simply refused saying that she will do it on her own terms & not under the terms of a sub. I conceded. Then again It went onto many more days & months, My feeling & urge, addiction, yearning towards her grew more & more during this course of time.

I badly wanted to see her or lets say curious to see her. However she declined my request repeatedly.I was curious to know about the person for whom i was spending my time & energy. But thats when our equation started to go worse, She was frustrated & blocked me. But since I was so addicted to her, it was difficult for me to take that. (WTF)

I again somehow approached her, She was kind hearted enough to oblige my request. (again, WTF) I requested her to let me be a friend, She was ok with that. She was more of a friend this time. Infact very good friend. but still no meeting nor seeing eachother.

With her consent I came to an agreement that i can go ahead and search for a suitable life partner for me. Post this i've spent lot of time trying to find a friend. However i miserably failed to find a suitable person. At this same point i was getting pressure to settle down in life from my parents also, but I didnt want to marry a vanilla person either. I was very frustrated, confused, Thats when i turned back to this friend again & I asked her for guidance.

She adviced me to not to marry vanilla person, keep on searching until i get a soulmate or I can come back again (She has good opinion about me as a person as she knows me very well after being chatting for so long). (Yes, ruining your life is a clear sign she cares)She said i can comeback again but this time, I have to give up all my control & truly submit to her. I agreed, but again I begged her to meet me just once in public place before i can fully give up my control to her. But again she simply refused.

I humbly told her that, I was afraid to fully give up my control, because i feel vulnerable and not safe. I told her, kindly meet me once in public place, so that i can feel i am in right place under right person. so that i can feel comfortable, But she simply said, "I dont have to prove myself". (TELL ME AGAIN HOW SHE'S A GOOD PERSON?)

Now after chatting with this person for quite a some time my heart says she is a good person, but since I have not seen her, my head says i should meet her atleast once before fully dedicating my time & energy towards her again. Its not like i am doubting her, its just i want to reinforce my belief that i am with right person.

Finally I have asked her to give me couple of days of time to decide abt my future for which she has agreed.

Now i request the fellow kinksters to advice me what should i do? I am confused....Help me guys....

quote:

ORIGINAL: shiftyw

It's a man. 100%.
take your stories and get 'em published instead.
You are wasting your time. Be more patient and less desperate.

quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

Subbie dude, don't you have any friends you could discuss this with?

If so, they should smack you upside the head for being so gullible and letting yourself be so vulnerable that you continue a fantasy with someone who you have never seen or spoken to.

It's really sad.

quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

You need to move on, really. Find someone serious about meeting.

quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessManko

quote:

ORIGINAL: subbiedude

Hello,

This is a bit lengthy, pardon me, but i had to write a bit detail just to give a perspective.

I need an advice or guidance from expirienced fellow kinksters. I am in a dillemma, my problem is this. I have been chatting with a dominant female for about more than 1.5 yrs now. she is from India & from chatting what i make out is, she is a very good person & kind. However I have never seen her, either a picture of her or in person nor i have heard her voice. She has also not seen me, as i have not shared my pic with her (I refrain from sharing my pic online due to safety concerns). She has not asked me to share my pic either.
I started to really love her more than myself. However even at this stage I had not seen or heard her voice. It was love at no sight at all !!!!

One day I confessed her, that I liked her, she was neither taken aback nor surprised, she was supportive of my feelings. I even went onto talk about marriage at one point (Very premature in hindsight I guess). She simply said she wanted me to continue entertaining her over online & in due time she would take it to next level & She will decide when it will happen.

This went on for quite a some time. One fine day I asked her to atleast meet me in a public place or cam chat (Even without a face) or mic chat over net. She simply refused saying that she will do it on her own terms & not under the terms of a sub. I conceded. Then again It went onto many more days & months, My feeling & urge, addiction, yearning towards her grew more & more during this course of time.

I badly wanted to see her or lets say curious to see her. However she declined my request repeatedly.I was curious to know about the person for whom i was spending my time & energy. But thats when our equation started to go worse, She was frustrated & blocked me. But since I was so addicted to her, it was difficult for me to take that. (WTF)

I again somehow approached her, She was kind hearted enough to oblige my request. (again, WTF) I requested her to let me be a friend, She was ok with that. She was more of a friend this time. Infact very good friend. but still no meeting nor seeing eachother.

With her consent I came to an agreement that i can go ahead and search for a suitable life partner for me. Post this i've spent lot of time trying to find a friend. However i miserably failed to find a suitable person. At this same point i was getting pressure to settle down in life from my parents also, but I didnt want to marry a vanilla person either. I was very frustrated, confused, Thats when i turned back to this friend again & I asked her for guidance.

She adviced me to not to marry vanilla person, keep on searching until i get a soulmate or I can come back again (She has good opinion about me as a person as she knows me very well after being chatting for so long). (Yes, ruining your life is a clear sign she cares)She said i can comeback again but this time, I have to give up all my control & truly submit to her. I agreed, but again I begged her to meet me just once in public place before i can fully give up my control to her. But again she simply refused.

I humbly told her that, I was afraid to fully give up my control, because i feel vulnerable and not safe. I told her, kindly meet me once in public place, so that i can feel i am in right place under right person. so that i can feel comfortable, But she simply said, "I dont have to prove myself". (TELL ME AGAIN HOW SHE'S A GOOD PERSON?)

Now after chatting with this person for quite a some time my heart says she is a good person, but since I have not seen her, my head says i should meet her atleast once before fully dedicating my time & energy towards her again. Its not like i am doubting her, its just i want to reinforce my belief that i am with right person.

Finally I have asked her to give me couple of days of time to decide abt my future for which she has agreed.

Now i request the fellow kinksters to advice me what should i do? I am confused....Help me guys....

Based on what I highlighted, I can say, I am confused too. OK, so you fell into the online fantasy barbarella trap where she is the Domme of your dreams and you get to live out your submissive fantasies while playing it safe offline. Sounds like typical finsub stuff. However you are saying you love this faceless entity more than yourself. You are investing an unhealthy amount of time and emotional investment into a road leading nowhere. I'm sure she was wonderful for you and vice versa but you need to get off this hamster wheel sometime. What has you convinced you cannot have a discreet D/s relationship with a woman offline? Get to a local munch and meet people. I think the more you live in this fantasy world, the harder it will be for you to wake up from it and actually do anything in the realm of having a real relationship. As much as you reassure us she is a female and from India, you really don't know that or you wouldn't have repeated it so many times. I know PLENTY of people who have been outed for pretending to be something online that they're not and they sound and act exactly as the characters they portray. A model sued a man for using her photos to get thousands of men and have phone sex with them under the pretense it was her. It wasn't until she got hate mail she knew anything was going on. You know she may not be real or you wouldn't have let this thing ride out as long as you have.
Taking that first step into the real world is your decision but essentially right now it has gone from getting your kicks online with someone you seem to connect with to having a romantic relationship with your laptop. Respectfully part ways with this person unless you plan on meeting face to face (and with "her" not wanting to even speak on the phone or show her face, unlikely).
I have a friend in India, one of my best in fact. But I have had HUMAN connections with him. Not just text on the screen. The fact you even started a thread lamenting over this is very telling. Self examination is needed.