RE: URGENT-Need Guidance & Help Please

RE: URGENT-Need Guidance & Help Please (Full Version)

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ThePrincessKali -> RE: URGENT-Need Guidance & Help Please (11/2/2014 2:04:02 AM)
Catfish 100%. You know what Nev and Max always say: if they refuse to talk on the phone it's pretty likely they are not the gender they claim to be.

subrosaDom -> RE: URGENT-Need Guidance & Help Please (11/2/2014 2:17:16 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: subbiedude quote: ORIGINAL: freedomdwarf1 FR~ He asked this question, or something similar, in Feb 2013: http://www.collarchat.com/m_4387348/mpage_1/tm.htm He has spent the better part of 18 months spinning his wheels. He has been truly sucked in. And, FWIW, given the nature of how the 'relationship' has been over that time, I honestly think the 'she' is a HE!! [:D] To the OP: how did you let this go on for sooo long?? Most people would have sussed this out within a few emails or exchanges and certainly withing a week or two. Sheeesh! You must be extremely naive or just a dumb clutz, or both. True. After that incident, I had no interaction for a month or so, but then again I thought i may be wrong in putting forth demands as a sub, That i was asking her to cam or mic chat after chatting with her like for 3 months or so. i felt her reasons were may be genuine for not camming at that time, as it was just 3 months. She used to sound really sweet & Kind, The more i chatted with her, more feelings i had towards her, so these feelings would never let me go off her, The way she used to speak, her friendliness, really made me go crazy on her.....I felt she may eventually end up showing herself, or reward me for my obidience, thats how it went on streching for so long.....i am naive, i agree on that part... I am highly skeptical. But there's an easy way to find out. Write back to "her": Be straightforward. "It's been 18 months and you haven't been willing to talk to me, skype with me, send me pictures or meet me. Therefore, I have concluded that this cannot happen. I am moving on. If I am wrong, then talk to me AND send me pictures AND skype with me to video verify in the next week. I hope I am wrong. Otherwise, have a nice life." That's it. Now, you will get one of three responses: (1) No response. You have your answer. (2) Most likely. Either a bunch of accusations saying you can't talk this way to a "Domme" or she calls you names or she says you deserve to die or more excuses OR agreement which then is not delivered on exactly within that week. Again, you have your answer. Note my ANDs. ORs are a fail. At this point, you require everything. (3) Mirabile dictu. We're all wrong and she does all of the above and you live happily ever after. It's pretty simple. Throw the gauntlet down. The onus is on "her" to prove she's what she claims. You know this time she gets no excuses. None. One week. Over and done. I say this not just from a psychological perspective but as an experienced negotiator.

GoddessManko -> RE: URGENT-Need Guidance & Help Please (11/2/2014 2:32:07 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: subrosaDom I am highly skeptical. But there's an easy way to find out. Write back to "her": Be straightforward. "It's been 18 months and you haven't been willing to talk to me, skype with me, send me pictures or meet me. Therefore, I have concluded that this cannot happen. I am moving on. If I am wrong, then talk to me AND send me pictures AND skype with me to video verify in the next week. I hope I am wrong. Otherwise, have a nice life." That's it. Now, you will get one of three responses: (1) No response. You have your answer. (2) Most likely. Either a bunch of accusations saying you can't talk this way to a "Domme" or she calls you names or she says you deserve to die or more excuses OR agreement which then is not delivered on exactly within that week. Again, you have your answer. Note my ANDs. ORs are a fail. At this point, you require everything. (3) Mirabile dictu. We're all wrong and she does all of the above and you live happily ever after. It's pretty simple. Throw the gauntlet down. The onus is on "her" to prove she's what she claims. You know this time she gets no excuses. None. One week. Over and done. I say this not just from a psychological perspective but as an experienced negotiator. I respectfully disagree. Even if it is a woman, he has yet to even speak on the phone with "her". My friend is from a well respected family, he has been featured in the indiantimes and his mother is a famous neurologist yet we know more about each other than most. He's not "hiding" himself. This is not a cultural thing keeping her hidden. This is literally a pointless pursuit and regardless of it is a woman, time to move on. GET OUTSIDE AND GO HIKING. Get some fresh air, so smell some flowers. You need to get away from technology for a bit to clear your head OP. I have seen plenty of members from India on here so reach out to them. Or I can recommend a chat program where one of my friends there runs a webcam room with over 100 members in India in there at a time. Still online, but better than this. Edited to add; By the way OP, marriage is a huge deal to your parents I am sure and this is something you should consider further. My friend's marriage was a "merger" of two companies but it was a part of his duty to his family. However, you wasted enough time on this faceless entity that I can't help but wonder if some inherent fear of committing to someone "vanilla" might be part of it. I'm not saying you should commit yourself somewhere where you may not be happy, but I'm telling you, you may regret the decision not to in the long run. You can be married and still cater to your online fantasies virtually worst case scenario. Best case, you stop pigeonholing yourself into a relationship with text on a screen. "She sounds so sweet", no she doesn't. Get back to reality. In fact you have NO idea if she sounds like Barry White. Just my [sm=2cents.gif]

subrosaDom -> RE: URGENT-Need Guidance & Help Please (11/2/2014 2:41:55 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: GoddessManko quote: ORIGINAL: subrosaDom I am highly skeptical. But there's an easy way to find out. Write back to "her": Be straightforward. "It's been 18 months and you haven't been willing to talk to me, skype with me, send me pictures or meet me. Therefore, I have concluded that this cannot happen. I am moving on. If I am wrong, then talk to me AND send me pictures AND skype with me to video verify in the next week. I hope I am wrong. Otherwise, have a nice life." That's it. Now, you will get one of three responses: (1) No response. You have your answer. (2) Most likely. Either a bunch of accusations saying you can't talk this way to a "Domme" or she calls you names or she says you deserve to die or more excuses OR agreement which then is not delivered on exactly within that week. Again, you have your answer. Note my ANDs. ORs are a fail. At this point, you require everything. (3) Mirabile dictu. We're all wrong and she does all of the above and you live happily ever after. It's pretty simple. Throw the gauntlet down. The onus is on "her" to prove she's what she claims. You know this time she gets no excuses. None. One week. Over and done. I say this not just from a psychological perspective but as an experienced negotiator. I respectfully disagree. Even if it is a woman, he has yet to even speak on the phone with "her". My friend is from a well respected family, he has been featured in the indiantimes and his mother is a famous neurologist yet we know more about each other than most. He's not "hiding" himself. This is not a cultural thing keeping her hidden. This is literally a pointless pursuit and regardless of it is a woman, time to move on. GET OUTSIDE AND GO HIKING. Get some fresh air, so smell some flowers. You need to get away from technology for a bit to clear your head OP. I have seen plenty of members from India on here so reach out to them. Or I can recommend a chat program where one of my friends there runs a webcam room with over 100 members in India in there at a time. Still online, but better than this. All true. But I think it gives him a chance of psychological closure. He won't get what he expects and so he will know he tried and be done with it. Instead of still wondering. Otherwise, I agree with you!

subbiedude -> RE: URGENT-Need Guidance & Help Please (11/2/2014 4:29:27 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: GoddessManko quote: ORIGINAL: subrosaDom I am highly skeptical. But there's an easy way to find out. Write back to "her": Be straightforward. "It's been 18 months and you haven't been willing to talk to me, skype with me, send me pictures or meet me. Therefore, I have concluded that this cannot happen. I am moving on. If I am wrong, then talk to me AND send me pictures AND skype with me to video verify in the next week. I hope I am wrong. Otherwise, have a nice life." That's it. Now, you will get one of three responses: (1) No response. You have your answer. (2) Most likely. Either a bunch of accusations saying you can't talk this way to a "Domme" or she calls you names or she says you deserve to die or more excuses OR agreement which then is not delivered on exactly within that week. Again, you have your answer. Note my ANDs. ORs are a fail. At this point, you require everything. (3) Mirabile dictu. We're all wrong and she does all of the above and you live happily ever after. It's pretty simple. Throw the gauntlet down. The onus is on "her" to prove she's what she claims. You know this time she gets no excuses. None. One week. Over and done. I say this not just from a psychological perspective but as an experienced negotiator. I respectfully disagree. Even if it is a woman, he has yet to even speak on the phone with "her". My friend is from a well respected family, he has been featured in the indiantimes and his mother is a famous neurologist yet we know more about each other than most. He's not "hiding" himself. This is not a cultural thing keeping her hidden. This is literally a pointless pursuit and regardless of it is a woman, time to move on. GET OUTSIDE AND GO HIKING. Get some fresh air, so smell some flowers. You need to get away from technology for a bit to clear your head OP. I have seen plenty of members from India on here so reach out to them. Or I can recommend a chat program where one of my friends there runs a webcam room with over 100 members in India in there at a time. Still online, but better than this. Edited to add; By the way OP, marriage is a huge deal to your parents I am sure and this is something you should consider further. My friend's marriage was a "merger" of two companies but it was a part of his duty to his family. However, you wasted enough time on this faceless entity that I can't help but wonder if some inherent fear of committing to someone "vanilla" might be part of it. I'm not saying you should commit yourself somewhere where you may not be happy, but I'm telling you, you may regret the decision not to in the long run. You can be married and still cater to your online fantasies virtually worst case scenario. Best case, you stop pigeonholing yourself into a relationship with text on a screen. "She sounds so sweet", no she doesn't. Get back to reality. In fact you have NO idea if she sounds like Barry White. Just my [sm=2cents.gif] You're absolutely right Goddessmanko. The fear or pessimism of not finding a suitable kinky partner in the near future or committing to a vanilla partner due to family pressure or just to settle down per se. All these have influenced me in believing that she is my only hope. Its really hard to come to terms to believe that a person whom you liked so much or loved so much has no regard for your emotions or concerns, what will people gain by doing this to innocent, naive person who loved them. I remember very recently asking her whether she would like to make any confessions, she simply said "naah". I guess this the reason why people call "Love is Blind".

starkem -> RE: URGENT-Need Guidance & Help Please (11/3/2014 7:19:02 PM)
Ahhhhhh...the joys of being love. How sweet.

AAkasha -> RE: URGENT-Need Guidance & Help Please (11/3/2014 7:33:56 PM)
In this day and age how hard is it to send an audio file or skype anonymously with someone you care about to prove it? Second, have you send ANY gifts or cash to this person?

subbiedude -> RE: URGENT-Need Guidance & Help Please (11/3/2014 9:05:16 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AAkasha In this day and age how hard is it to send an audio file or skype anonymously with someone you care about to prove it? Second, have you send ANY gifts or cash to this person? No, She is not into that kind of stuff. She never asked for any cash or gifts.

subbiedude -> RE: URGENT-Need Guidance & Help Please (11/3/2014 9:08:20 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: starkem Ahhhhhh...the joys of being love. How sweet. Well thats the problem. If it was a simple F/m online relationship, It would have got over long time ago, but LOVE is something which makes you really addicted to people. That is when heart takes precedence over head. I just wish if she understood how much I liked her :-(

starkem -> RE: URGENT-Need Guidance & Help Please (11/3/2014 9:23:10 PM)
Well that settles it! Dude it's a dude! I think you are getting some kind of kick out of all these responses. I would suggest that you consider that you are in love with yourself and masturbating, and attracted to persons that are emotionally unavailable, unrelenting cruel and aloof. I'm kind of into that myself. If it don't work out...cal me! I'm willing to believe you're in love though, but you will have to give me some sign that your actions are not just words. It is easy for anyone to say they are in love. Prove it! By tomorrow's eve, I need a definitive answer on whether this is a woman (not that there is anything wrong if this is actually a man). Secondly, I need some type of confirmation from you that you have seen and spoken to this person by the deadline of tomorrow evening, or else I refuse to believe this sharade of stringing me along just as you are being strung along. Ain't nobody got time for this mess at the ending of 2014. Get your wits about you. Thank you for your expedited cooperation in advance.

subbiedude -> RE: URGENT-Need Guidance & Help Please (11/3/2014 11:21:33 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: starkem Well that settles it! Dude it's a dude! I think you are getting some kind of kick out of all these responses. I would suggest that you consider that you are in love with yourself and masturbating, and attracted to persons that are emotionally unavailable, unrelenting cruel and aloof. I'm kind of into that myself. If it don't work out...cal me! I'm willing to believe you're in love though, but you will have to give me some sign that your actions are not just words. It is easy for anyone to say they are in love. Prove it! By tomorrow's eve, I need a definitive answer on whether this is a woman (not that there is anything wrong if this is actually a man). Secondly, I need some type of confirmation from you that you have seen and spoken to this person by the deadline of tomorrow evening, or else I refuse to believe this sharade of stringing me along just as you are being strung along. Ain't nobody got time for this mess at the ending of 2014. Get your wits about you. Thank you for your expedited cooperation in advance. Well mate you are assuming too many things about others, Thats your problem. I am not trying to get any kick out of all these responses, All i am trying to get is opinions, advice. There is a huge difference between attraction and love. Its true that anyone can say they are in love, but sustaining that feeling for over longer period of time will be difficult if actually there is no such genuine feelings. I dont have to prove anything to the strangers. However if do come to know the reality, I will definetly let the members know, so that i can close the loop end.

MzArianaPA -> RE: URGENT-Need Guidance & Help Please (11/5/2014 5:57:15 AM)
If she were real, and she felt anything for you like you feel for her, she'd have met you. She hasn't. She doesn't. You can play this game as long as you want, but know that it's only an online game.

domguyindia -> RE: URGENT-Need Guidance & Help Please (11/6/2014 2:11:56 AM)
I read all the replies and your concerns and thought to give my 2 cents. I agree to all the replies given which are asking you to move on. Anyone who reads your story can vouch for that. But you need to understand that we are in India which is a traditionally patriarch society and girls dont come out in open. I am not sure if you have shared your contact no or photographs with her as we are also brought up in this society and we males also dont want to be known as submissives out of our closet. Though I am myself a dom but in some of the fetlife events in Connaught Place I have observed this behaviour from submissive males. They dont want to be talked down upon. To cut a long story short, your message points to a certain person living in Manipal. Thats just a wild guess though as I have interacted with so many people online and offline from India. If that is the case then you dont have to worry about Gender and being cheated as I have interacted with her myself and met her once. Unfortunately things didnt work out as she is seeking quite a submissive. As I said this is just my wild guess as I am not very sure whom you are talking about and it was quite matured of you that you didnt mention her profile details etc. To be very frank marriage thing working out between you two seems to be a far cry as I believe you are thinking too much and too much in love with her without knowing her. PM me if you want to discuss or ask something specific. Take Care.

luxey2511 -> RE: URGENT-Need Guidance & Help Please (11/6/2014 2:25:15 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: subbiedude quote: ORIGINAL: AAkasha In this day and age how hard is it to send an audio file or skype anonymously with someone you care about to prove it? Second, have you send ANY gifts or cash to this person? No, She is not into that kind of stuff. She never asked for any cash or gifts. that's it then, it's a dude.

subbiedude -> RE: URGENT-Need Guidance & Help Please (11/6/2014 6:50:44 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: domguyindia I read all the replies and your concerns and thought to give my 2 cents. I agree to all the replies given which are asking you to move on. Anyone who reads your story can vouch for that. But you need to understand that we are in India which is a traditionally patriarch society and girls dont come out in open. I am not sure if you have shared your contact no or photographs with her as we are also brought up in this society and we males also dont want to be known as submissives out of our closet. Though I am myself a dom but in some of the fetlife events in Connaught Place I have observed this behaviour from submissive males. They dont want to be talked down upon. To cut a long story short, your message points to a certain person living in Manipal. Thats just a wild guess though as I have interacted with so many people online and offline from India. If that is the case then you dont have to worry about Gender and being cheated as I have interacted with her myself and met her once. Unfortunately things didnt work out as she is seeking quite a submissive. As I said this is just my wild guess as I am not very sure whom you are talking about and it was quite matured of you that you didnt mention her profile details etc. To be very frank marriage thing working out between you two seems to be a far cry as I believe you are thinking too much and too much in love with her without knowing her. PM me if you want to discuss or ask something specific. Take Care. Thank you for your reply. I have never intended any harm to HER. Nor will i ever, thats why i refrain from divulging her profile info. I have always wished her good. I want to know this person, but how can I know about her unless she herself comes forward to meet me or decides to talk to me, I am ready to meet her, thats why i asked her to atleast meet me once, She knows me very well as well and she knows i am harmless. Just dont understand what is the person's compulsions, certainly when you dont wanna meet after knowing the person for so long, it raises doubt and its quite natural i guess. I know marriage is a huge thing, thats why in my query i have mentioned raising that topic was premature in hindsight. Will PM you, want to discuss.

BecomingV -> RE: URGENT-Need Guidance & Help Please (11/9/2014 1:23:59 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: subbiedude Only she can clear this once & for all, which is exactly not happening & the crux of the problem. Hi subbie :) I want to address "the crux." First of all, the one experiencing a problem, is you, not "her." THAT's the crux. "Her" meaning, the online Domme persona who is experiencing exactly what they want, how they want it and when they want it. That persona, has no problem to clear. That persona has a block option and they taught you that they know how to use it and have no problem using it. THEY have no problem. I'm not judging you for falling into this common, online trap. We all make mistakes, have our vulnerabilities, etc... you get to make, and have, yours. I'm also not judging "her." I think if she's getting what, who, how, when and where met to her preferences, good on her! I can't help but notice that she's getting free erotica. Maybe she's selling it and in that way, IS a findomme. Again, I have no qualms with that, either. She's dealing with an adult who has given her these gifts. She is free to do with them as she wishes. Even if you choose to move on now, you needn't turn it into a great loss or drama. You've had 18 months of experience in writing erotica. You have gotten encouragement and kind words. Perhaps she supported you or gave you good advice as you faced some sort of obstacle during your time communicating online. You've gained close-up experience with an online role model, of sorts, in how to choose for yourself, what works for you and what doesn't and act in ways which align with that. I think you should watch a lot of episodes of Catfish if only to learn how others deal with the aftermath... the insights they gain about themselves, their thoughts on what it all meant and even how to spot a catfish in the future. Get educated on the topic. Most of all, it may help to do some thinking and be clear about your values. If you want a real life relationship, you are going to have to act in ways that lead you in that direction. For example, limit how long you will communicate online before meeting. Make a decision about that... pick YOUR time frame and state it in your profile. Then stick to it. From what you've described, you were aiming for one outcome and acted in ways that aimed towards another. ANY relationship begins with each person knowing what they want. Start there. :)

subbiedude -> RE: URGENT-Need Guidance & Help Please (11/9/2014 4:38:01 AM)
Thanks for the reply. I have no problem with a domme exercising her power of will. But the problem is with people who promise one thing in the beginning and keep on postponing their promise by exercising their dominant position to use it as an instrument of convinience. They say Trust is the foundation of any relationship, but when people take it for granted, thats when the problem starts. I trusted this person, thats why I stuck with her for so long. All she could have done in the beginning was to simply state that, she is not looking for LTR, Anyway there is no point in talking about it now. I dont want to create a drama about my loss. I've lossed something which i wont gain ever in my life. My precious time wont come back. Its not about the loss I am sad of, its about how my love, feeling was used for just amusement & nothing else. I completely agree, I have to get educated and be aware of such things. Its a great lesson for life indeed.

subbiedude -> RE: URGENT-Need Guidance & Help Please (11/9/2014 4:46:35 AM)
Quick Update. Its been quite a while since I asked this question. I had sent the link to this thread to this person whom i have spoken about in my query. I wanted her to see the kind of replies. Since then I have never heard from her. She used to appear online always on google, but now, she appears always offline. I think she has either blocked me or invisible to me. I have not sent her any message either. Its been quite difficult times for me. hope to get back to normal & move on. But it will definitely take some time....

subbiedude -> RE: URGENT-Need Guidance & Help Please (11/9/2014 4:52:46 AM)
As a first step towards my come back. I have updated my profile. Hope to meet real & genuine people.

Gauge -> RE: URGENT-Need Guidance & Help Please (11/11/2014 12:16:05 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: subbiedude Quick Update. Its been quite a while since I asked this question. I had sent the link to this thread to this person whom i have spoken about in my query. I wanted her to see the kind of replies. Since then I have never heard from her. She used to appear online always on google, but now, she appears always offline. I think she has either blocked me or invisible to me. I have not sent her any message either. Its been quite difficult times for me. hope to get back to normal & move on. But it will definitely take some time.... Sorry to hear, but you knew the answer you were going to get when you linked this thread to them. You use this experience as a lesson in what not to do, and move on. I will tell you that it should be easier to get over your feelings for "her" now that you know what "she" is all about. All you asked for was some truth and some reasonable exchanges, what you got was nothing. What you can take away from this is that you now know exactly what you do not want in a relationship. Best of luck to you in the future.

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