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Confused about possible danger - 7/12/2006 7:41:20 PM   
Violetblushes


Posts: 6
Joined: 7/10/2006
Status: offline 		I'm a new submissive. I posted my profile looking for a few friends around my area to just hang out with and answer questions and stuff, and was contacted by a dominant from another state. He seems very nice, but it made me nervous when he asked for my cell phone after 10 minutes of chatting with me. He's married but is looking for a sub, and I told him I'm not looking for a married dom. He said that he'd be willing to train me because another dom. would want me to know how to please him. He also wants to fly me out to him and his wife. I'm not sure what I should do. Everything I've grown up hearing about the internet says I'm nuts for even considering, but I don't know enough about this lifestyle to know if what he says is true. He keeps insisting that he is sincere and won't go any further than i'm comfortable with. Could someone please give me some advice so I know whether I should cut contact now?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Confused about possible danger - 7/12/2006 7:44:09 PM   
sleazybutterfly


Posts: 2801
Joined: 5/15/2006
Status: offline 		Pleaaasssseee.... don't go!!!!
 
Trust your gut on this one.. it's never wrong.......
 
Please... Andrea

_____________________________

~Flutterby
~Curvylicious
Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, she became a butterfly.
Life is not a popularity contest, it's better to be hated for what you believe, than loved for a lie.

(in reply to Violetblushes)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Confused about possible danger - 7/12/2006 7:46:26 PM   
babysburnin


Posts: 421
Joined: 2/16/2006
Status: offline 		NO, NO, NO ... can I be more clear?

_____________________________

-Babysburnin

"Love is, above all else, the gift of oneself."
- Jean Anouilh

"The highest proof of virtue is to possess boundless power without abusing it."
- Lord Macaulay

(in reply to Violetblushes)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Confused about possible danger - 7/12/2006 7:48:49 PM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline 		I think you have your own questions answered. If it doesn't feel right to you then you shouldn't do it. People in this lifestyle aren't anymore sincere or honest than those you will meet in life in general. In MY opinion it is ridiculous for anyone to be asking for a phone number after a 10 minute online chat....it is ridiculous for him to be asking you to fly out to him. How sweet of him to offer to "train" you for your next Dom! He just wants to make you a notch in his belt my dear. You sound like a smart girl....leave this loser in the dust....he doesn't even deserve a response.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to Violetblushes)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Confused about possible danger - 7/12/2006 8:00:42 PM   
babysburnin


Posts: 421
Joined: 2/16/2006
Status: offline 		Just because you are "new" to the "lifestyle"...don't throw your common sense away.  The "lifestyle" does not hold different rules than the "norm"... Users are here, real people are here...

Nothing is "required" to be here. 

_____________________________

-Babysburnin

"Love is, above all else, the gift of oneself."
- Jean Anouilh

"The highest proof of virtue is to possess boundless power without abusing it."
- Lord Macaulay

(in reply to babysburnin)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Confused about possible danger - 7/12/2006 8:04:11 PM   
diamonddreamlove


Posts: 770
Joined: 5/19/2006
Status: offline 		What they said is true!  Don't go and ditch him fast is what i would call the smartest thing next to asking for advice that you could do for yourself.  There are way to many out there that will try to take advantage of you and your newness.  Trust your instinct, always meet in a well lit public place and my favorite Dom says take a cab too lol.  He is very safety conscious and has given me good advice in the past so i listen and learn to follow His guidance.  Unfortunately they are not all as caring as He is.  OMG hope He does not see the word caring or He will have a fit lol.  But truth is you have to take care of you first that includes safe sex and safe meetings.  Oh and don't go!

(in reply to mistoferin)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Confused about possible danger - 7/12/2006 8:08:04 PM   
TemptingNviceSub


Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Violetblushes

I'm a new submissive. I posted my profile looking for a few friends around my area to just hang out with and answer questions and stuff, and was contacted by a dominant from another state. He seems very nice, but it made me nervous when he asked for my cell phone after 10 minutes of chatting with me. He's married but is looking for a sub, and I told him I'm not looking for a married dom. He said that he'd be willing to train me because another dom. would want me to know how to please him. He also wants to fly me out to him and his wife. I'm not sure what I should do. Everything I've grown up hearing about the internet says I'm nuts for even considering, but I don't know enough about this lifestyle to know if what he says is true. He keeps insisting that he is sincere and won't go any further than i'm comfortable with. Could someone please give me some advice so I know whether I should cut contact now?
First off why are you even thinking about this..you stated that you are not...NOT..looking for a married Dominant..so why the hesitation?..second..whatever this Dominant trains you in besides maybe the most basic will have to be undone by your next Dominant ..they all have their own tastes and preferences..third...I am getting impression of Predator...one who preys upon the new ,the weak ,the uninformed...I hope you will listen to this advice...Tempting

(in reply to Violetblushes)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Confused about possible danger - 7/12/2006 8:22:45 PM   
LiliesDoGrow


Posts: 106
Joined: 5/15/2006
Status: offline 		Hello Violetblushes.

I'm in agreement with everyone here. Don't go. If this guy is a "newbie" predator, you will be hurt. And not good hurt. Emotionally, and physically devestated kind of hurt. Stick with your standards. If you don't want to be involved with married men, and you've stated that to him, yet he still insist that you meet with him, that shows that he doesn't respect or give a flying fig about your limits if he can't even honor that one. If people want to be "trained" by others who are not wishing to be in a relationship with them, that's their thing, but to say that they are training you in preparation of your "real dom" is arrogant, condencending and downright egotistical.

Wait for someone nice. You'll get plenty of responses from good guys. Take it really slow, friends first.

Don't be barracuda bait. Keep asking other sub/slaves for advice.

Lily

(in reply to Violetblushes)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Confused about possible danger - 7/12/2006 8:26:18 PM   
Violetblushes


Posts: 6
Joined: 7/10/2006
Status: offline 		Thank you all for your advice. I'll definitely heed your warnings.

(in reply to TemptingNviceSub)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Confused about possible danger - 7/12/2006 8:26:22 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		At the risk of piling on... RUN don't walk away from this individual.. "training" is usually dom specific, and you only need to be trained for the one you will serve. I wouldn't fall for this line from a stranger on the internet.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to LiliesDoGrow)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Confused about possible danger - 7/12/2006 9:46:21 PM   
Taylore


Posts: 121
Joined: 6/19/2006
Status: offline 		This slave would have ended all contact as soon as he asked for my telephone number.
This slave would have very politly,but firmly informed him that she was not looking to be trained.
This slave would have been very firm in saying NO, I will not fly to meet you.
 
And, last but not least, this slave would have employed the use of the block button immediatly.

_____________________________

Taylore

(in reply to Violetblushes)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Confused about possible danger - 7/12/2006 11:08:12 PM   
fullofgrace


Posts: 395
Joined: 3/24/2006
From: fl, usa
Status: offline 		he has to be an idiot for thinking that asking for your telephone # 10 minutes into chatting WOULDN'T get your back up. that, to me, is craziness. i freely give out my cell phone number through pm to people who might want/need it or who i want to have it for some reason, but i would never give it to a dominant who'd already showed other qualities that made me nervous, especially if he were married. there is a chance that his wife could be a dominant also, but there is just as much of a chance, perhaps more, that he's simply looking for a bit on the side. also, as others have said, in a 24/7 tpe relationship anyway any sort of training you'll receive is mostly dom-specific; even in other situations it's that way. also, as someone else mentioned, this is still the dating world, and it's still real life/online, regardless of whether it's bdsm-oriented or not. just because it's the "lifestyle" doesn't mean you do things you wouldn't do normally when someone starts asking for weird amounts of contact info. unfortunately, the lifestyle has the same amount, if not more, predators and crazy people out there.

*hugs* if you ever want to chat with another sub in your age range, feel free to drop me a pm :) please, please be careful. if it feels wrong, it probably is wrong.


_____________________________

i have the kind of beauty that moves...

(in reply to Taylore)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Confused about possible danger - 7/13/2006 1:02:42 AM   
babysburnin


Posts: 421
Joined: 2/16/2006
Status: offline 		Don't shy-away from our honesty.  We are being protective of you.


_____________________________

-Babysburnin

"Love is, above all else, the gift of oneself."
- Jean Anouilh

"The highest proof of virtue is to possess boundless power without abusing it."
- Lord Macaulay

(in reply to Violetblushes)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Confused about possible danger - 7/13/2006 2:08:51 AM   
Quivver


Posts: 1953
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Violetblushes
He keeps insisting that he is sincere and won't go any further than i'm comfortable with.


re-read what you wrote........ he already has gone further then your comfortable with or you'd not be asking this.  As the rest have said " follow your gut"
... dont go

_____________________________

The problem with communication ... is the illusion that it has been accomplished. ~George Bernard Shaw

(in reply to Violetblushes)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Confused about possible danger - 7/13/2006 2:15:06 AM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline 		Petal, the guy is talking out his ass!
When you find a Master that you are compatable with, both of you will need to learn each other and HE will teach you how to please HIM, the way HE expects things done. NO-ONE else can teach you that.

The only thing you do with the duffus offering you training.... Block, Delete, Ignore


_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to Violetblushes)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Confused about possible danger - 7/13/2006 2:45:22 AM   
Mavis


Posts: 828
Joined: 2/8/2004
Status: offline 		Trust this, the only reason Dominants push to move THAT fast is because they know, if you have the chance to ask others, you'll figure out it's a dumb move. 

Consider this..  if you went to the mall tomorrow, and talked to a guy in line, would you agree to go back to his place, and pack for a weekend trip with him, because he said  "that he is sincere and won't go any further than i'm comfortable with.."  ???

Just because it's BDSM doesn't mean we do the dating game that differently from regular life.  People do not fly around the country to meet dates, they go to be with people they have long relationships with, like visiting your boyfriend at college.  

Slow down, anyGuy in that much of a rush is trying to beat some pretty bad odds, yes?

(in reply to babysburnin)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Confused about possible danger - 7/13/2006 3:28:32 AM   
mons


Posts: 2400
Joined: 11/16/2005
Status: offline 		greeting

i wrote a long letter i lose it DO NOT OD ANYTHING this man says

mons

(in reply to Mavis)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Confused about possible danger - 7/13/2006 4:17:08 AM   
ShiftedJewel


Posts: 2492
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline
quote:

He said that he'd be willing to train me because another dom. would want me to know how to please him.


Violet... for me personally, I don't care if a sub/slave has twenty years of experience, they have zero experience in serving me so as far as I'm concerned, they're all newbies, the ones with decades in the lifestyle will just take longer to "untrain" and "retrain" for me, that's all. Don't jump into a situation simply because they offer this so-call "training"... we all "train" at some point, the biggie is, we train them to our likes and dislikes.
 
Jewel

_____________________________

Don't ask, trust me, you won't like the answer... no one ever does.

(in reply to Violetblushes)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Confused about possible danger - 7/13/2006 4:25:09 AM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline 		Don't listen to this man listen to YOUR gut. You don't know him and if what he tells you about himself is true. For all you know he could very well be a predator looking for easy prey.
Also one Dom cannot * train * you for another Dom, we are all different and what one will want from you, another may not.
It takes a long time to build a trust relationship and if anyone is trying to rush you along they aren't on the up and up IMO.
So I'd say write this off  as something doesn't sound quite right.

~Lashra
Whipping asses since 1981

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”






(in reply to Violetblushes)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Confused about possible danger - 7/13/2006 4:44:40 AM   
lapgirl


Posts: 116
Joined: 1/5/2006
Status: offline 		Violet.... you already know the answer.... you can feel its not right, you are uncomfortable.  ALWAYS trust you gut... it will never lead you in the wrong path.  I know.... because I went against mine one time.... first instincts are never wrong.  I know how confusing it is in the beginning.... follow your initial plan... finding others in the lifestyle as friends to hang with, learn from... they can help you ease in and heading down the right path.

(in reply to Lashra)
Profile   Post #: 20
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