RE: Wanting to be wanted and D/s

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RE: Wanting to be wanted and D/s - 12/14/2014 1:42:10 PM

EmpressElsa

Posts: 37
Joined: 10/12/2014
From: Western Upstate, New York
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@MiniRoboX8

If a person is too hung up on desiring to be desired I know that most likely he is either needy, a narcissist or codependent. I also know that he is thinking way too much about himself and not focusing on what he should be trying to do to serve.

(in reply to MiniRoboX8)

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RE: Wanting to be wanted and D/s - 12/14/2014 4:57:07 PM

ToMyOwnDrmmer

Posts: 5
Joined: 4/20/2014
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quote:

ORIGINAL: EmpressElsa

@MiniRoboX8

If a person is too hung up on desiring to be desired I know that most likely he is either needy, a narcissist or codependent. I also know that he is thinking way too much about himself and not focusing on what he should be trying to do to serve.

An interesting observation, and as previously noted, a really great topic of discussion. This really hits me where I live, as this, if anything would qualify, is my own personal "kink." More than anything, I would seek to be in a relationship where I, personally, individually, and uniquely, MATTERED TO, and was loved and desired by my dominant. So many of the profiles and descriptions of F/m relationships I read here and elsewhere describe the submissive either as one of several, or interchangeable, easily replaced, or beneath any possibility of real love or desire on the part of the Domme.

My dream is to be trained to service of whatever kind, but that what is important to my Domme was that it is ME who is performing it, and that my dominant desires MY service, not just service. I would like for my surrender and obedience to be desired and appreciated by my Domme. Ideally, I would feel loved within the context of being a good and obedient submissive, and it would happen in a way that didn't undermine my particular dominant's understanding of her own dominance. I just can't see spending the rest of my life loving and being in service to someone and not feeling loved and desired in return. I think part of the appeal of the whole "reverse 1950s household" thing that you sometimes see in profiles here is that the male sub can cook, clean, be servile, be disciplined and be completely submissive, and yet not take love and affection off the table. Just my two cents. YMMV.

(in reply to EmpressElsa)

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RE: Wanting to be wanted and D/s - 12/17/2014 1:07:35 PM

Regina1955

Posts: 7
Joined: 12/6/2014
Status: offline

@ToMyOwnDrmmr

quote:

So many of the profiles and descriptions of F/m relationships I read here and elsewhere describe the submissive either as one of several, or interchangeable, easily replaced, or beneath any possibility of real love or desire on the part of the Domme.

Don't believe everything you read! One of the dangers of on-line fora is that people feel free to indulge in complete balderdash. Some of the stuff you read is simply a fantasy.

The permutations of a real D/s relationship are as various as the people involved. And there exist FLRs that are warm, loving and exclusive, and that incorporate much that's good from the vanilla world. You might enjoy the Practically Kinky podcasts (available on iTunes and elsewhere) which are produced by a real life F/m couple who put a very real, practical, sensible spin on FLRs.

< Message edited by Regina1955 -- 12/17/2014 1:08:37 PM >

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RE: Wanting to be wanted and D/s - 12/17/2014 1:38:39 PM

GoddessManko

Posts: 2257
Joined: 3/6/2013
From: Dante's Inferno
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Regina1955

@ToMyOwnDrmmr

quote:

So many of the profiles and descriptions of F/m relationships I read here and elsewhere describe the submissive either as one of several, or interchangeable, easily replaced, or beneath any possibility of real love or desire on the part of the Domme.

Don't believe everything you read! One of the dangers of on-line fora is that people feel free to indulge in complete balderdash. Some of the stuff you read is simply a fantasy.

The permutations of a real D/s relationship are as various as the people involved. And there exist FLRs that are warm, loving and exclusive, and that incorporate much that's good from the vanilla world. You might enjoy the Practically Kinky podcasts (available on iTunes and elsewhere) which are produced by a real life F/m couple who put a very real, practical, sensible spin on FLRs.

Thanks for that Regina, I might check it out. To the OP, I think much like vanilla relationships, you just "know". There are no major hiccups in communication, no what ifs, no second guessing. It simply feels right, one might even say quintessential. If you feel neglected or unhappy, perhaps you need to examine your desires to know what fits best for you and learning how to respectfully communicate them.
Common mistake among male subs is thinking it's a "one size fits all" dynamic or that you can have kinky requests the moment you are "let in the door". Most of my preliminary time is spent getting to know someone and if they are a right fit in the context of a relationship. Do I think male subs should be proactive in their desire to please? Yes. But I hold this perspective because I see men eager to please without the hope of kinky requests fulfilled in my daily life. Includes the most alpha of them, though it manifests differently.

_____________________________

Happy consent is the name of the game. You are my perfect Mistress. - my collared.

http://submissivemale.blogspot.com/

The Bird of Hermes is my name, eating my wings to make me tame.

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RE: Wanting to be wanted and D/s - 12/20/2014 4:40:42 PM

unwantedsub

Posts: 9
Joined: 12/26/2008
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I hear you brother. Amen.

I have a simple need and that is a desire to be desired. Proud of who I am and what I do I still can't seem to find someone who desires me. That is why I found my Collarspace name to be so fitting. But nobody seems to want to do the grind. Nobody really wants to get to know me. Everyone is to busy with themselves which no one can truly blame them for having busy lives. But the real kicker is that they haven't spent any real quality time with you or you them... So when you become interested, when you become hooked. It becomes an obsession. Are they busy or are they ignoring me. Why are they online but not answering when I send them a message. Why can't they complete a sentence before disappearing for days on end and then forgetting completely to finish answering the question when they do return. So, I understand that everyone has busy lives but I would never be rude enough to leave you hanging in the middle of a conversation or straight up disappear. I make time to respond even if I am not interested in what you are saying. If I have a problem with you I will tell you and never leave you wondering.

But this is just me. You may read this and think whatever. On the other hand if you knew me you would understand how I feel and why I feel this way and we would have a truer connection. You would be more sympathetic to my needs or at the very least you would tell me the truth about how you feel about me. Its amazing to me that the internet can bring so many people together and yet most people on here treat others like they do their next door neighbours. (I actually have really good neighbours by the way XD.)

But I understand that also... Who needs 250 friends from the internet. Hard to keep connected to all of them right. So we choose certain ones that keep us interested in one way or another. The others are fodder. So how do you put your worth at the top of their friends list? How is attention earned by someone who couldn't be bothered to give you the time of day. Honestly, I'd rather you tell me to fuck off then say nothing at all. Be honest, be courteous, be true to yourself and to others.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MiniRoboX8

While exploring my submission in the past, I have had a lot of thoughts on what it means to be a submissive and what it might say about my perception of who I am. I always felt rather proud of the person I was and the kind of man that I am. However I do seem to notice that my submission does have a good deal of that "desire to be desired" in it. It's fairly common for people to seek acknowledgement and I think it's an basic need.

From a submissive perspective, there's that constant desire to be wanted by a dominant, to be considered "worth owning". Does it mean that on some level I'm not completely comfortable with myself? I'm not sure I have an answer. I feel I'm quite a catch :) ~~

How do you dominant types out there see a submissive's "desire to be desired" and how do you see your own from a dominant perspective. (maybe I'm a bit unclear??)

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RE: Wanting to be wanted and D/s - 12/20/2014 7:09:43 PM

GoddessManko

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From: Dante's Inferno
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Pssssst...unwanted sub.

< Message edited by GoddessManko -- 12/20/2014 7:28:04 PM >

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Happy consent is the name of the game. You are my perfect Mistress. - my collared.

http://submissivemale.blogspot.com/

The Bird of Hermes is my name, eating my wings to make me tame.

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RE: Wanting to be wanted and D/s - 12/20/2014 7:16:31 PM

unwantedsub

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lol

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