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submissive mindset - 11/19/2014 7:04:18 AM   
MojoDaddyMarine


Posts: 28
Joined: 5/17/2014
Status: offline 		Is there anything that you recognize in particular that your Dom or Master does that excels in putting you into a submissive mindset? we all have our lives and responsibilities and sometimes find that our vanilla world gets us away from our D/s dynamic, I am ALWAYS thinking of new ways to help her stay focused on her service and help her to get deeper into her submissive mindset. Recently we had done some travel and she had surgery, and these type of things tend to interfere with the flow of the dynamic. What have you done or have had done that has helped at these life moments?
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RE: submissive mindset - 11/19/2014 7:49:44 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		He doesn't. If I'm supposed to be focused on cooking dinner, he doesn't try to distract me.
Nor does he expect me to be focused on him if I'm ill and need to focus on getting well.

Because there are more important things in life than to go about all the time feeling submissive.

Feeling those fuzzy warm feelings is fun but actually submitting does not require that I feel like that all the time.
Him creating an area of trust, of showing me that he is safe to submit to was the largest portion of what was needed. Him inspiring me to submit through his sheer competence and excellence of decision making did the rest.

The grabbing me by the throat and making my eyes glaze over is the fun stuff. But if you really need that all the time for someone to submit to you, then you need to become someone worth submitting to.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to MojoDaddyMarine)
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RE: submissive mindset - 11/19/2014 8:16:50 AM   
MojoDaddyMarine


Posts: 28
Joined: 5/17/2014
Status: offline 		I agree wholeheartedly. And agree that there are other things in life that take precedence, healing from her surgery is definitely a priority. That being said, I am still curious as to what methods, either a daily ritual or task or even if it is like you said a physical act within scene that helps to trigger more of your mindset. Understand I am one who is attempting to improve as her Dom through understanding and asking the submissive's point of view..

(in reply to DesFIP)
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RE: submissive mindset - 11/20/2014 12:11:05 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MojoDaddyMarine
Is there anything that you recognize in particular that your Dom or Master does that excels in putting you into a submissive mindset? we all have our lives and responsibilities and sometimes find that our vanilla world gets us away from our D/s dynamic, I am ALWAYS thinking of new ways to help her stay focused on her service and help her to get deeper into her submissive mindset. Recently we had done some travel and she had surgery, and these type of things tend to interfere with the flow of the dynamic. What have you done or have had done that has helped at these life moments?

Women, even women I've had an equal relationship with, have been most submissive to me when they thought I was the awesomest person in the world. This is true of both friendships and more smexy stuff. People go out of their way for you if they think you're worth it. Are/were you a Marine? If so, think of the leadership traits that would get you to bust your ass for the person in charge, or would cause you to say fuck it and fuck you.

With the specific case of recovery from surgery, I'd recommend doing lots of nice things for her. Order her to keep her feet up and drink more water, or whatever she is supposed to be doing. Strictly enforce what her doctor ordered, even if she wants to slack off and do something else instead. That way she gains trust in obeying you long-term, because she knows you have her best interest at heart, even if she is annoyed by what you are telling her to do right now.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to MojoDaddyMarine)
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RE: submissive mindset - 11/21/2014 2:50:08 PM   
orgasmdenial12


Posts: 613
Joined: 9/18/2012
Status: offline 		We recently did a sub 're-set' where all my privileges were taken away for a week. Although most of them were just small things like drinking coffee or deciding what time to get up, the combined, cumulative effect pushed me deeply into a submissive mindset. Worked very well for us :-)

(in reply to MojoDaddyMarine)
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RE: submissive mindset - 11/22/2014 12:06:00 PM   
MojoDaddyMarine


Posts: 28
Joined: 5/17/2014
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

quote:

ORIGINAL: MojoDaddyMarine
Is there anything that you recognize in particular that your Dom or Master does that excels in putting you into a submissive mindset? we all have our lives and responsibilities and sometimes find that our vanilla world gets us away from our D/s dynamic, I am ALWAYS thinking of new ways to help her stay focused on her service and help her to get deeper into her submissive mindset. Recently we had done some travel and she had surgery, and these type of things tend to interfere with the flow of the dynamic. What have you done or have had done that has helped at these life moments?

Women, even women I've had an equal relationship with, have been most submissive to me when they thought I was the awesomest person in the world. This is true of both friendships and more smexy stuff. People go out of their way for you if they think you're worth it. Are/were you a Marine? If so, think of the leadership traits that would get you to bust your ass for the person in charge, or would cause you to say fuck it and fuck you.

With the specific case of recovery from surgery, I'd recommend doing lots of nice things for her. Order her to keep her feet up and drink more water, or whatever she is supposed to be doing. Strictly enforce what her doctor ordered, even if she wants to slack off and do something else instead. That way she gains trust in obeying you long-term, because she knows you have her best interest at heart, even if she is annoyed by what you are telling her to do right now.



We are not having a problem with her submission, she is now and has always been a jewel, with no motivation other than my satisfaction on her mind. This lifestyle, even for someone living 24/7 TPE we all have distractions, we have family, jobs, and other things that can tend to pull at the dynamic. I guess I was more curious as to any activity or physical task, anything that hits you as a submissive as giving you a firmer focus feeling closer to your inner sub? I am a DaddyDom suffering from White Knight syndrome so believe me, since her time of surgery (nothing serious, breast augmentation), she has been spoiled by her Daddy in my way as well.

(in reply to RedMagic1)
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RE: submissive mindset - 11/22/2014 12:20:40 PM   
MojoDaddyMarine


Posts: 28
Joined: 5/17/2014
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quote:

ORIGINAL: orgasmdenial12

We recently did a sub 're-set' where all my privileges were taken away for a week. Although most of them were just small things like drinking coffee or deciding what time to get up, the combined, cumulative effect pushed me deeply into a submissive mindset. Worked very well for us :-)


Great response, this was pretty much right on target as to the type of information I had hoped for, your journal entry was much help as well.

(in reply to orgasmdenial12)
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RE: submissive mindset - 11/24/2014 5:27:53 AM   
theshytype


Posts: 1600
Status: offline 		I agree with just be awesome.  
Beware though (this is more for others that may be reading this), if he wanes from that awesomeness then one may start to feel slighted.  As if everything done was for nothing.  
This isn't anything new or different than any other relationship.  Sometimes couples stop doing things to court and impress the other.  Or, really, they stop lying and become their real selves.  
So don't just be awesome - be awesome at being yourself.  

Constant reminders are not typically needed (see above paragraph) for some people and I believe that's why you've received a few similar answers.  

But, I will admit that sometimes I get into some sort of funk, typically an extreme amount of stress that causes me to emotionally check out for a moment, and a nudge in the right direction helps.  Something different may work for different people.  A week worth of punishment, for example, wouldn't work on me but it may on yours.  It would send me in the opposite direction, making me very defiant.  If he wants to treat me like a child, oh I'll act like one.  If he stands his ground with me, that's all I need.  One day.  Sometimes a stern look, on rare occasions a spanking or a hair tug was needed - but that's us.  Truly, I want to be shown who's the boss without feeling like a child.  I'm with him because there was something I needed/wanted, not because I needed something taken away.  

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RE: submissive mindset - 11/24/2014 7:13:01 AM   
Greta75


Posts: 9968
Joined: 2/6/2011
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quote:

We recently did a sub 're-set' where all my privileges were taken away for a week. Although most of them were just small things like drinking coffee or deciding what time to get up, the combined, cumulative effect pushed me deeply into a submissive mindset. Worked very well for us :-)

I'd be very careful with this. This may not work with women like me and DesFIP, such hardcore methods, and speaking for myself, that would end up in absolute disobedience and total war and friction, if a dom ever did that to me. Basically, I don't respond to harshness, but better to kindness.

For me, the more wonderful I think the man is, the more submissive I feel towards him. The more loving and giving he is towards me, the more I want to give back to him and make him happy.

I don't know if there is gonna be one size fit all method for all submissive. You just gotta know the psyche of your girl and what motivates her.

(in reply to theshytype)
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RE: submissive mindset - 11/24/2014 7:47:32 AM   
littleladybug


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Joined: 5/30/2013
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: theshytype

But, I will admit that sometimes I get into some sort of funk, typically an extreme amount of stress that causes me to emotionally check out for a moment, and a nudge in the right direction helps.  Something different may work for different people.  A week worth of punishment, for example, wouldn't work on me but it may on yours.  It would send me in the opposite direction, making me very defiant.  If he wants to treat me like a child, oh I'll act like one.  If he stands his ground with me, that's all I need.  One day.  Sometimes a stern look, on rare occasions a spanking or a hair tug was needed - but that's us.  Truly, I want to be shown who's the boss without feeling like a child.  I'm with him because there was something I needed/wanted, not because I needed something taken away.  


This is pretty much the way I look at it as well.

My dynamics have never been about rewards and punishments to make me "feel submissive". Crap, the day he thought it would be a good idea to take away some "privilege" for a week...

But, this is my dynamic and what works for me. Generally, I don't "get out of the submissive mindset", as I feel that is integral to my relationship. Even when I'm in a pissy mood, or stressed, if I am with him, I *am* submissive.

(in reply to theshytype)
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RE: submissive mindset - 11/24/2014 8:50:48 PM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MojoDaddyMarine
Is there anything that you recognize in particular that your Dom or Master does that excels in putting you into a submissive mindset?

I'm kind of curious what this "submissive mindset" is that you're trying to trigger. I'm pretty sure Carol doesn't have a "submissive mindset" so much as a "submissive mind".


_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

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RE: submissive mindset - 11/24/2014 9:02:23 PM   
GoddessManko


Posts: 2257
Joined: 3/6/2013
From: Dante's Inferno
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: orgasmdenial12

We recently did a sub 're-set' where all my privileges were taken away for a week. Although most of them were just small things like drinking coffee or deciding what time to get up, the combined, cumulative effect pushed me deeply into a submissive mindset. Worked very well for us :-)


So awesome. You have to have an openness to that for the D to even go there so he's lucky. Not typical I am starting to realize.


quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

He doesn't. If I'm supposed to be focused on cooking dinner, he doesn't try to distract me.
Nor does he expect me to be focused on him if I'm ill and need to focus on getting well.

Because there are more important things in life than to go about all the time feeling submissive.

Feeling those fuzzy warm feelings is fun but actually submitting does not require that I feel like that all the time.



Many subs should realize this. I have so much family and business blah going on (duh, holidays) that the better behaved my boy is, the more I'm gonna wanna "get lost" in our time. I hate feeling forced to perform especially when I have other priorities, that triggers an immediate shut down from me and it comes across as topping from the bottom which I don't entertain. If he can show me he's patient and understanding, the sky's the limit. I can be a fickle bitch and do exactly the opposite someone will hope I will do especially when being coerced.

< Message edited by GoddessManko -- 11/24/2014 9:09:40 PM >

_____________________________

Happy consent is the name of the game. You are my perfect Mistress. - my collared.

http://submissivemale.blogspot.com/

The Bird of Hermes is my name, eating my wings to make me tame.

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RE: submissive mindset - 11/25/2014 5:48:12 AM   
littleladybug


Posts: 1082
Joined: 5/30/2013
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessManko


Many subs should realize this. I have so much family and business blah going on (duh, holidays) that the better behaved my boy is, the more I'm gonna wanna "get lost" in our time. I hate feeling forced to perform especially when I have other priorities, that triggers an immediate shut down from me and it comes across as topping from the bottom which I don't entertain. If he can show me he's patient and understanding, the sky's the limit. I can be a fickle bitch and do exactly the opposite someone will hope I will do especially when being coerced.


For me, it's a question of *mutual* consideration. When I have other priorities going on, I do expect that any Dom that I am with will understand it. I wouldn't label what I do as "performing", but yes, outside circumstances *do* influence my actions within the relationship. Any Dom that I am with needs to understand this. (Just like I would understand it with him.)

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RE: submissive mindset - 11/25/2014 10:01:57 AM   
Greta75


Posts: 9968
Joined: 2/6/2011
Status: offline
quote:

I hate feeling forced to perform especially when I have other priorities

It seems like women whether dom or sub feels the exact same way. I think this describes it perfectly, because if a male dominant makes a sub feel forced to perform too, she could shut down. It's the same thing because submission should be given freely and from the heart, with love unconditionally. And not forced.

< Message edited by Greta75 -- 11/25/2014 10:02:46 AM >

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RE: submissive mindset - 11/25/2014 11:40:43 AM   
FieryOpal


Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75

It seems like women whether dom or sub feels the exact same way. I think this describes it perfectly, because if a male dominant makes a sub feel forced to perform too, she could shut down. It's the same thing because submission should be given freely and from the heart, with love unconditionally. And not forced.

QFFT
This game some people play with submission, either wanting it "forced" of them, or trying to force another, is tiresome as hell. There are way too many male subs who think it's cute to play the part of the "forced" submission bitch, or act like sluts (which is insulting to women in a backhanded way, because if you delve deeper, this is how they identify their Inner Female anima).

Seriously, and I swear I'm not making this up. I started exchanging messages with a registered slave. He has his slave number tattooed onto his buttcheek, it turns out. He calls his slave self by a small string of numbers, but then in subsequent messages, he wrote as his *real* self, with a proper surname. This was actually getting humorous, so I decided to get to the bottom (no pun) of this bizarre split personality. He has compartmentalized his slave self, whom I refused to address by number, telling him that this was as bad as going by a Symbol name substitute (à la Prince) , so this entity became slave#. I also told him that by identifying his enslaved self as such, this meant he was still owned by his ex-wife. He later referred to his slave# as a whore. Bye, bye--Hope you find what you're seeking, and have a Happy Thanksgiving holiday weekend, was my parting message.

ETA: Btw, this is a university-level academic and scientist, if that makes any difference.

< Message edited by FieryOpal -- 11/25/2014 11:44:51 AM >

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

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RE: submissive mindset - 11/25/2014 11:58:42 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		It isn't so much that a week of being micromanaged wouldn't work on me. It would, if there was nothing else going on.
But if I'm sick, doing that crap is just going to cause me to resent you and distrust you.

The times when it would work would be the times it really isn't needed. I can see it being a fun game, but if you have chronic illnesses, small children, elderly parents, stressful jobs etc, then it will backfire. Because you're not going to relieve stress allowing me to focus on you, instead you're going to so majorly add to it than you would be lucky if I didn't have a car accident or a panic attack as a result.



_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


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RE: submissive mindset - 11/25/2014 8:08:33 PM   
Greta75


Posts: 9968
Joined: 2/6/2011
Status: offline
quote:

This game some people play with submission, either wanting it "forced" of them, or trying to force another, is tiresome as hell.

Wanting it "forced" out of me in a game play consensually is something I enjoy. It's like rape play. Both pre-agreed how the game play is gonna play out before hand, and the execute the whole play. So the "forcing" is not real.

But totally different when it's forcing a sub to do what she does not want to do, it becomes very non-consensual, and it becomes too real, and then the methods to induce it, becomes real things like intimidation, blackmail, belittling, pressuring, guilt tripping etc. Fine line into real abuse.

< Message edited by Greta75 -- 11/25/2014 8:09:29 PM >

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RE: submissive mindset - 11/28/2014 5:17:42 PM   
RebeccaR


Posts: 21
Joined: 10/22/2014
Status: offline 		I don't currently have a Master or Dom but I do have clients so I can kinda relate to the OP's question.
Pinching and twisting my nipples makes me very submissive....and very horny. Also slapping my face and tits.

Rebecca

(in reply to Greta75)
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RE: submissive mindset - 11/29/2014 11:16:34 AM   
MojoDaddyMarine


Posts: 28
Joined: 5/17/2014
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

It isn't so much that a week of being micromanaged wouldn't work on me. It would, if there was nothing else going on.
But if I'm sick, doing that crap is just going to cause me to resent you and distrust you.

The times when it would work would be the times it really isn't needed. I can see it being a fun game, but if you have chronic illnesses, small children, elderly parents, stressful jobs etc, then it will backfire. Because you're not going to relieve stress allowing me to focus on you, instead you're going to so majorly add to it than you would be lucky if I didn't have a car accident or a panic attack as a result.




This is my exact reason for asking, because I do feel it is imperative that a Dom take his sub's condition, and her or his situation into account, as to their health or anything else that might prolong times out of mindset. I am always considerate to my subs condition if she is sick or has other issues in play from her world away from the household.
ets face it, if one views himself as a good Daddy, he should be taking all of that into account. But once she is back to her healthy self, I am curious what I can do to help get us back on track and hearing what things help in your individual mindsett as to whether it is something as simple as a daily ritual, removing clothing.... what do you feel helps? Liking the input from everyone so far.

(in reply to DesFIP)
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RE: submissive mindset - 12/30/2014 5:31:20 PM   
CuriousToBeSub


Posts: 5
Joined: 5/16/2014
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MojoDaddyMarine

Is there anything that you recognize in particular that your Dom or Master does that excels in putting you into a submissive mindset? we all have our lives and responsibilities and sometimes find that our vanilla world gets us away from our D/s dynamic, I am ALWAYS thinking of new ways to help her stay focused on her service and help her to get deeper into her submissive mindset. Recently we had done some travel and she had surgery, and these type of things tend to interfere with the flow of the dynamic. What have you done or have had done that has helped at these life moments?


Being that you don't know me from Eve, what would you suggest as a general guideline for a Dom to help His sub to get in the mindset? My Sir and I are new to this, and I suppose you could say I'm the more educated of the two of us in this lifestyle. I try to coax him into reading up as well, and I try to explain and discuss what I know with him. But as far as the mindset?... He doesn't help me out there at all. So would you have any generalized pointers for me? Thanks in advance if you reply.

(in reply to MojoDaddyMarine)
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