RE: The Dominance / Submission Continuum Is An Incomplete Perspective

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RE: The Dominance / Submission Continuum Is An Incomple... - 12/4/2014 9:01:34 PM

domincalifornia

Posts: 88
Joined: 6/7/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: NookieNotes

This leads me to a more tolerant way of looking at titles and dynamics, understanding the fluidity of humans, and their desire for a leader, or a follower, or a partner that has the right mix at the best levels to blend harmoniously.

Thoughts?

I should say this thought is not mine. It was posited to me originally by ColdHeartedBastard about this time last year. I just now got around to putting it into words and images.

Personally, I get bored by people who get hung up on labels or who think that a person who gives himself a certain label (dom, sub, whatever) should act in a certain way. The only "dynamic" I care about is the dynamic I have with someone I care about. As far as the rest of the world, if a dynamic works for you, it's OK by me.

The "my way is THE way" people really bore me.

I don't think there is a graph or formula predicts or describes chemistry in a useful way. At least I've never seen one.

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RE: The Dominance / Submission Continuum Is An Incomple... - 12/4/2014 9:42:21 PM

mstrjx

Posts: 2045
Joined: 11/27/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: domincalifornia

The only "dynamic" I care about is the dynamic I have with someone I care about.

This is a key point that I think needs to be made opposite. Follow...

Two people are about to meet. There will be attraction on some level. But to actually make a connection and get together in some capacity they either need to be able to see clearly who the other person is and be able to compare/contrast that image of that person with themself, or they need to communicate themselves to the other person clearly and completely so the other person can make an informed decision that you are/are not right for that person (and vice versa).

But because we are so individual, the information we see or are given even if we interpret it correctly may or may not 'fit'. (Remember, there's always three sides to any given communication - what person A says, what person B says, and the truth.)

It's amazing two people ever get into a relationship for more than 2 1/2 hours!

I call the getting-to-know-you period 'the dance'. How much each person discloses during that dance, and how they do so, dictates whether there will be any future. But how many times do we get caught trying to seem to be what we perceive that the other person wants? That might or might not be stretching the truth or trying to be what we aren't, or not. It could be a matter of leading with the right foot or the left foot. How many perceived missteps can be made before the other party gives up?

So yes, what two people have in whatever form they take is all that matters. But how it got there can be quite the mystery. If only it were easier.

Jeff

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Post #: 42

RE: The Dominance / Submission Continuum Is An Incomple... - 12/5/2014 5:33:11 AM

NookieNotes

Posts: 1720
Joined: 11/10/2013
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quote:

ORIGINAL: domincalifornia

Personally, I get bored by people who get hung up on labels or who think that a person who gives himself a certain label (dom, sub, whatever) should act in a certain way.

That is fine. I hate that much of the population believes that evolution does not exist, and that we were placed on this earth exactly as we are today. It does not stop it from being true, or me from needing to interact with some of those people sometimes.

Humans have evolved as far as we have partially because we are bale to quickly categorize and label things more effectively than our ancestors (not labeling stranger as dangerous, for example, and getting dead).

It is part of who we are.

I don't believe that just because there is a label (whether self-given or given to them) that a person should act a particular way. I'm saying that traits (not labels) are inherent and can be measured. Like intelligence, kindness, curiosity, and etc.

quote:

The only "dynamic" I care about is the dynamic I have with someone I care about. As far as the rest of the world, if a dynamic works for you, it's OK by me.

I agree.

However, part of my world view is that however flawed I may be, I have a gift for making people think and grow. So, I also care about helping others find that "works for them," through my writings and questions.

quote:

The "my way is THE way" people really bore me.

Agreed.

quote:

I don't think there is a graph or formula predicts or describes chemistry in a useful way. At least I've never seen one.

Agreed. This is not an attempt at that.

quote:

ORIGINAL: mstrjx

So yes, what two people have in whatever form they take is all that matters. But how it got there can be quite the mystery. If only it were easier.

Agreed.

And this is where I spend a lot of my mental time, in the space between what people understand about the world, and how they can use that to be better at _______ (fill in the blank—I've written a lot on many vanilla topics, too).

So, I'm constantly looking for new ways to say something, to make it clearer to those who do not comfortably dwell in the spaces of "what if?"

*smiles*

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Post #: 43

RE: The Dominance / Submission Continuum Is An Incomple... - 12/5/2014 5:49:59 AM

GoddessManko

Posts: 2257
Joined: 3/6/2013
From: Dante's Inferno
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: domincalifornia

quote:

ORIGINAL: NookieNotes

This leads me to a more tolerant way of looking at titles and dynamics, understanding the fluidity of humans, and their desire for a leader, or a follower, or a partner that has the right mix at the best levels to blend harmoniously.

Thoughts?

I should say this thought is not mine. It was posited to me originally by ColdHeartedBastard about this time last year. I just now got around to putting it into words and images.

Personally, I get bored by people who get hung up on labels or who think that a person who gives himself a certain label (dom, sub, whatever) should act in a certain way. The only "dynamic" I care about is the dynamic I have with someone I care about. As far as the rest of the world, if a dynamic works for you, it's OK by me.

The "my way is THE way" people really bore me.

I don't think there is a graph or formula predicts or describes chemistry in a useful way. At least I've never seen one.

Agreed, though sometimes I need to remind myself as well. Sometimes when you're a shark, it's hard to not consume the guppy.

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Post #: 44

RE: The Dominance / Submission Continuum Is An Incomple... - 12/5/2014 4:46:30 PM

Charles6682

Posts: 1820
Joined: 10/1/2007
From: Saint Pete,FL
Status: offline

pictures and charts makes it easy for my ADD to grasp! lol

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Post #: 45