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RE: Permanent Birth Control - 12/10/2014 10:47:44 PM

DaddySatyr

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I don't think it can be stressed enough that this is a decision that you must make FOR YOURSELF, Gringuita.

It is something that is so personal and so life-changing. I can't imagine what my life would have been without my children but that's me.

I would also point out that many ladies feel very differently about child birth, when they're 18 or 21 compared to when they've hit their 30s. I've known a few ladies whose views have changed, drastically. Perhaps you have some friends who might be able to offer some input?

Then, there's the issue of the word "permanent". Why do you have to worry about permanency, right now? There are very effective forms of birth control that can be permanent but can also be reversed, at some point, should you change your mind.

Michael

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Post #: 21

RE: Permanent Birth Control - 12/14/2014 9:13:44 AM

gringuita

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I have given a lot of thought over many years to the idea of having children.

While I don't think I have the motivation to do it on my own, I think it is a very romantic show of love and devotion to someone to bear and raise their children. There are women that never thought about whether or not they are interested in having children that end up pregnant and keep and raise the child. I don't understand why my having thought about it suggest I wouldn't carry through on my commitment. If I should intentionally become pregnant as a romantic gesture, it would be a life-long commitment which I would honor.

Thank you for all the input and personal experiences everyone has shared. My original thoughts (that there are plenty of people on the planet, so I don't really need to contribute by making any of my own) remain.

(in reply to DaddySatyr)

Post #: 22

RE: Permanent Birth Control - 12/14/2014 9:28:15 AM

Bhruic

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quote:

ORIGINAL: gringuita

I just turned 30 and I haven't had children. I have never had motivation on my own to have any children. I am currently on birth control and find the side effects are nigh unbearable, now that I'm 30 I think I may be able to find a doctor that would perform a sterilization on me.

As a Dom/Master would you be put off if a prospective partner had gotten her tubes tied before meeting you?

I know the sensible advice would be to do the right thing for my own health and happiness; I would still like to hear how important it is to you for a girl to be able to bear children. Answers from 1950's HoH's especially encouraged.

Edit to say: Even though I never had my own motivation to have children, I've often thought that for the right man I would have them. What I want to hear is how much of a desire to have your partner bear children you might have, if it's a deal breaker if she can't, or if it would be a bonus to find a girl that cannot have children.

For the sake of the hypothetical child... do not have it because someone else wants you to. If a man doesn't want you because you can not have a child, that is a man YOU should not want.

Having a child as a romantic gesture seems like a terrible reason to have a child. Once the Kodak moment has passed, you'll have a lifetime of regret.

< Message edited by Bhruic -- 12/14/2014 9:33:47 AM >

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Post #: 23

RE: Permanent Birth Control - 12/14/2014 3:46:22 PM

Missokyst

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I think I was 15 when my mom let it slip that she didn't want to have any children after the boy was born. I am the youngest. It is not like I wasn't aware of this prior to her slip of the tongue. My mother was not so fond of children, particularly if she was done.
If you never felt a desire for children do one a favor and don't have one simply because a potential dominant might want one. You will be much happier with someone who wants what you want. He will be happy he found one with similar desires. And the child who does not enter the world with a half hearted parent will be better off in someone else's arms. It did not make me feel content or loved knowing that taking care of me was a commitment.

< Message edited by Missokyst -- 12/14/2014 3:49:21 PM >

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Post #: 24

RE: Permanent Birth Control - 12/30/2014 4:54:10 AM

AllTheThings

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I'm in my early 20's and I've always known that I didn't want kids. They're just not for me (despite my family's hope that they will be one day). I love my niece and nephew, I love certain kids that make me laugh, but I'm not a caretaker. I prefer being by myself and kids tend to mess that up.

I'm going to go on birth control (has never had sex) once I do have a physical relationship, but I don't know if I want my tubes tied yet. It's a thought I've had for a very long time, but I want to be sure before I actually put the funds into doing it.

(in reply to DerangedUnit)

Post #: 25

RE: Permanent Birth Control - 12/30/2014 5:05:23 AM

Lucylastic

Posts: 40310
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This
I had my tubes tied after my third was born.
I got pregnant a year later, an ectopic pregnancy.
All of my pregnancies were accidents. Seven of them.
24 years later, Ive been on the pill for other gynae issues for two thirds of that time, suffered with the side effects because there was more than pregnancy at issue.
Your life, your choice, your body....but please dont have a kid just because the "man" wants one.

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

You're willing to have kids for a guy but you have no interest in them yourself. So what happens if afterwards you break up or he gets hit by a bus, you planning on putting them into the foster care system?

If you aren't 100% committed to them, don't have them. This isn't like letting him pick the color for the walls. This is the rest of your life.

DesFIPs post says it for me... As she often does.
Edited to add, I see lots of people have the same view.
you have some excellent advice OP
good luck

< Message edited by Lucylastic -- 12/30/2014 5:09:23 AM >

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Post #: 26

RE: Permanent Birth Control - 12/30/2014 7:09:10 AM

Exidor

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quote:

As a Dom/Master would you be put off if a prospective partner had gotten her tubes tied before meeting you?

Major win in my book. I have no interest in children, and even less in a paternity lawsuit.

(in reply to gringuita)

Post #: 27

RE: Permanent Birth Control - 12/30/2014 8:02:01 PM

Kelaina

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Forget the "romantic gesture" crap. This isn't buying flowers, or even a house. This is a commitment you will be stuck with literally, until the day you die.

In the US, it costs over a quarter of a million dollars, per kid, to raise them on basic necessities--and that's NOT counting college. That's partially why people should sit down and think VERY, VERY logically and rationally about whether or not having child is right for them. I'd encourage a budget, a redraft, discussion, another redraft, more discussion, another redraft, and even more discussion.

And that's just the finances! There's also the psychological aspect to consider. What are you going to do when (and it will be when, not if) your kid rebels in some manner you disapprove of? If you don't have good coping skills (and a lot of people don't), you could seriously fuck up your child.

I also just hit 30; I'm still VERY ambivalent about having children and we're nowhere near in a strong enough financial position, so I'm keeping my IUD, thanks.

Children are NOT a fucking whim, or a romantic gesture; they're a goddamn commitment and more people need to recognize what that means and what that entails.

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Post #: 28

RE: Permanent Birth Control - 1/3/2015 1:39:56 AM

sheisreeds

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Having kids because someone else wants you to have them is a really bad reason to have kids.

Part of the terms of me being in a committed relationship is having a partner who doesn't want kids. Another term of me being in a committed relationship is BDSM. Both are requirements and one certainly is not related to the other.

Plenty of people don't want to have children. Also even as a submissive it is still a relationship, just one where you make a choice to surrender various aspects of life. Though bringing a child into the world only based on someone else's will is setting that child up for failure. Kids should never be a part of a kink.

In regards to sterilization, it can be hard to get a doctor to agree without a medical reason unless you have already had children. I was "lucky" to have a diseased uterus and had that bitch cut out of me awhile back.

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Post #: 29

RE: Permanent Birth Control - 1/21/2015 1:35:01 PM

maniclilsub

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I'm not a Dom but Can I add that you CAN have a Hysterectomy at your age if you wanted one. Any decent Dr would be able to send you to a Obgyn to have one done. I had mine at 26. If you come a crossed some weirdo who wants to be with you to "Breed you" (i've seen this on some of the other sites) i would run run far! it's super creepy! Get with someone who will respect you and respect your wishes! I had to have my hysterectomy for health reasons but i was lucky to never be able to get pregnant and get with a much older man who didn;t want kids! Theirs pleanty of them out there! all the best!!

(in reply to DerangedUnit)

Post #: 30

RE: Permanent Birth Control - 1/21/2015 3:51:40 PM

RockaRolla

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My ex girlfriend got her tubes tied at 26 or 27. It's really a matter of finding a doctor willing to perform, but there's that prevailing attitude of "you're young so you don't know what you really want yet" that leads many docs to turn women away.

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Post #: 31

RE: Permanent Birth Control - 1/21/2015 8:36:34 PM

DesFIP

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Because unfortunately, when they have done permanent sterilization of women at a very young age, it's not uncommon for them to come back in 5 or 10 years wanting it reversed. And that's not at all an operation with a high level of success.

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Post #: 32

RE: Permanent Birth Control - 1/25/2015 8:18:06 PM

LafayetteLady

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From: Northern New Jersey
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~FR~

Yes having children is a commitment, but it is a lot more than that. Saying you would "honor that commitment" doesn't talk about providing the intangibles to a child such as love. If you truly feel this way, you shouldn't have them, as others said, it isn't a romantic gesture.

However, I do also know that sometimes when we meet the right person we WANT to have children with them and want to provide all those intangibles as well. There are so many methods of birth control out there, I don't see why you would need to make a permanent decision.

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 33

RE: Permanent Birth Control - 1/27/2015 9:08:46 PM

RemoteUser

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I was the mistake my parents enjoyed having.

My son was totally unexpected, but I didn't care one bit about that; and now I'm raising him on my own. The school doesn't make that easy because they occasionally treat his autism like a viral catastrophe. That's because they're asshats. I love my son and am glad I had him.

What you want is what you want. There are plenty of ways to raise a child without having it travel through your vagina or pop out of your stomach. If a child is important to you, and you have the funds and love to raise one, do it.

If your potential partner wants a child, talk blunt and determine its importance. If that's not for you, that's fine as well.

It sounds like a deal breaker for you as a requirement, and it seems reasonable that only you can figure out if it's a viable option, which should rightfully be affected by the potential partner. I would advise you to consider the person and the significance before you lay down a blanket rule for yourself. Blanket rules saying "I will always" or "I will never" have a fantastic way of biting one in the ass.

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Post #: 34

RE: Permanent Birth Control - 1/29/2015 12:39:21 AM

crazyml

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quote:

ORIGINAL: RemoteUser

I was the mistake my parents enjoyed having.

My son was totally unexpected, but I didn't care one bit about that; and now I'm raising him on my own. The school doesn't make that easy because they occasionally treat his autism like a viral catastrophe. That's because they're asshats. I love my son and am glad I had him.

What you want is what you want. There are plenty of ways to raise a child without having it travel through your vagina or pop out of your stomach. If a child is important to you, and you have the funds and love to raise one, do it.

If your potential partner wants a child, talk blunt and determine its importance. If that's not for you, that's fine as well.

It sounds like a deal breaker for you as a requirement, and it seems reasonable that only you can figure out if it's a viable option, which should rightfully be affected by the potential partner. I would advise you to consider the person and the significance before you lay down a blanket rule for yourself. Blanket rules saying "I will always" or "I will never" have a fantastic way of biting one in the ass.

QFT

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Post #: 35

RE: Permanent Birth Control - 1/29/2015 6:22:48 AM

ejmichaels

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Some great replies here... I'll just add my experience: Convinced a doctor to tie my tubes when I was 26. I'm in my mid-50s now and never regretted it. My Dom, whom I hadn't met at the time, would have liked to have kids, but I told him it was a hard limit.

(in reply to crazyml)

Post #: 36

RE: Permanent Birth Control - 1/29/2015 4:50:51 PM

RockaRolla

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From: South Florida
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Because unfortunately, when they have done permanent sterilization of women at a very young age, it's not uncommon for them to come back in 5 or 10 years wanting it reversed. And that's not at all an operation with a high level of success.

Is it though?

I'm serious, because I personally see more women complaining about not being able to get sterilized when they're serious about not having kids than I see women who get sterilized and regret it.

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Post #: 37

RE: Permanent Birth Control - 2/20/2015 1:06:19 PM

AlabamaPrincess

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I will say this from my own health issue perspective. My Sir had a vasectomy way back in the early 90s, before he and I ever thought of getting together. It didn't bother me one single bit when I found out, mainly because A: he'd already had 2 kids and B: I'd already had my one...not to mention both of us in our 40s. Due to that I didn't use birth control. I have been on the pill, and the shot (which I don't recommend) and didn't like either one. Anyway, about 2 months ago I had a bleeding issue that lasted 55 days. The doc did tests, and it was decided that an ablation was in order. For those that don't know, they go in and caughterize your uterus. It's and outpatient procedure that takes about 15 minutes (It takes longer to sit in the waiting room or to get prepped haha). I had no pain afterward, and no more monthly cycle. I keep my hormones, and all is right with the world. Maybe this is something you can discuss with your doc. Just throwing it out there (probably more info that you all wanted)

(in reply to DerangedUnit)

Post #: 38

RE: Permanent Birth Control - 2/21/2015 1:07:02 PM

ResidentSadist

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I skimmed the replies, they pretty much covered it. You never know how you will about having kids in the future, but your health is as import as having or not having kids for the right reasons.

To answer your OP from my own experience, I wanted kids. My instincts were ringing like a bell in my ears so badly I could go to the mall and tell which women were ovulating. That being said, love won out over my instincts and I have chosen partners that could not have children even though having kids was a goal. My happiness and success in the relationship did not revolve around just that one goal. For me, it wasn't a deal breaker.

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Post #: 39

RE: Permanent Birth Control - 2/24/2015 9:46:37 PM

IcarusBurning

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i think this is a deeply personal issue, so asking whether people at large would want a woman who can bear children has little semblance or relevance to your specific situation. personally i adore children, and would prefer someone who does too. however, that does not mean you are killing your chances since there are many who are equally likely to think otherwise. on your second post, while its very childishly cute and romantic to want to show your love by bearing children for your man, please note that its a really, REALLY sucky idea. children are not toys, not even pets. if you have one, you devote a lifetime of effort, emotions and resources to their upbringing (and if you dont intend on doing that, spare the poor child a sad life). the initial thrill passes as soon as you have a screaming little creature drawing off all your attention (and sleep). its not even about just you OR him willing to go through all that and raise the child - it has to be about BOTH of you. too many lives have been ruined by one or both parents ignoring a child, lets not add to that misery. children are wonderful, they deserve nothing but the best love from both parents. unless you are sure you can give that, do not dive into it for the mere show of it.

(in reply to ResidentSadist)

Post #: 40

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