Initiating sex

Initiating sex (Full Version)

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SweetForDaddy -> Initiating sex (12/11/2014 2:09:04 AM)
Do you like/expect your submissive to initiate sex acts? Do you feel differently if they are spontaneous when they do it, or if they plan something? If they do initiate, do you want that to be all about your sexual needs, rather than their own or for mutual satisfaction? Do you ever feel pressured by it?

NookieNotes -> RE: Initiating sex (12/11/2014 4:40:31 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SweetForDaddy Do you like/expect your submissive to initiate sex acts? Yes. I thrive off desire. quote: Do you feel differently if they are spontaneous when they do it, or if they plan something? Yes, but not whether I like it more or less. There is something wonderful about sponteneity and something amazing about a planned seduction. quote: If they do initiate, do you want that to be all about your sexual needs, rather than their own or for mutual satisfaction? EVERYTHING is about mutual satisfaction. Not necessarily just that one scene, though. That can be all about me. LOL! quote: Do you ever feel pressured by it? No. I'm the dominant. I can turn things down anytime I want. In previous relationships, I didn't have enough desire or sex from my partners. I'd rather turn it down once in a while than not get it.

DaddySatyr -> RE: Initiating sex (12/11/2014 5:14:57 AM)
I posted on this topic, not too long ago. I think some submissive types get caught up in the "You'll do what I say" thing and forget that dominants like to feel *wanted* ;not just *obeyed* . I LOVE it, when I get up to go get some delicious carbonated beverage from the refrigerator and she stops me, drops to her knees and let's me know I'm a man (right before I make her feel like a woman). Thumb's up! Michael

InHisHeart -> RE: Initiating sex (12/11/2014 5:23:59 AM)
I can answer for Master. It looks like I copied Nookie's answers but I swear I didn't. lol Yes, he loves when I initiate sex and he expects it, he expects it for a few reasons. He likes to know I'm hot for him, I desire him and love having sex with him. He knows I enjoy coming on to him, he also knows I have a very high sex drive (mine is a bit higher than his) and if I ever stopped initiating, he would start asking questions because he would know something was wrong. He likes it both ways, spontaneity or planned, it's all good. It's always mutual satisfaction. I could make it all about him and his needs but that's very satisfying to me also. There are times I tried to make it all about him but he turned it around and made it all about me or all about the both of us. If he doesn't want to for whatever reason, he's the one in charge, he doesn't feel pressured to do anything.

SweetForDaddy -> RE: Initiating sex (12/11/2014 6:56:42 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NookieNotes quote: Do you ever feel pressured by it? No. I'm the dominant. I can turn things down anytime I want. In previous relationships, I didn't have enough desire or sex from my partners. I'd rather turn it down once in a while than not get it. How do you broach it if you want to turn it down, are you careful how you do it? When I've initiated I've usually had to step out of my comfort zone to do it, or gone to some great effort in planning, and then to get rejected without explanation or encouragement to try again makes me feel wounded. A straight out no and not discussing it further will have me making all kinds of things up in my head, I will think I've done something wrong. My dominant wouldn't have to have sex but they might have to spend half an hour reassuring me that I wasn't the worst partner in the world, which in turn would make me feel bad for them having to do that. Kind of a lose situation whatever happens if the answer is no. I'm too sensitive but I don't know how to de-sensitise myself to it. Also, wasn't suggesting that doing something purely for someone else didn't give me some kind of satisfaction, but theres different kinds of satisfaction. Blow-jobs almost always go down well (boom boom), but initiating other types of play haven't been so well received in my experience.

NookieNotes -> RE: Initiating sex (12/11/2014 7:56:58 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SweetForDaddy quote: ORIGINAL: NookieNotes quote: Do you ever feel pressured by it? No. I'm the dominant. I can turn things down anytime I want. In previous relationships, I didn't have enough desire or sex from my partners. I'd rather turn it down once in a while than not get it. How do you broach it if you want to turn it down, are you careful how you do it? Of course. He is a human, with feelings, and I care about him. I have been turned down over and over in relationships, since I have the higher sex drive (often), and it's demoralizing. I always keep that in mind.

orgasmdenial12 -> RE: Initiating sex (12/11/2014 11:27:13 AM)
Yeah he loves it. He's always responded well to it. We're very well matched so I can tell if he's too tired or busy or ill for sex, and even if he hadn't thought about it before, knowing I want him almost always turns him on. It's not something I have to give a great deal of thought to, it just happens naturally between us.

Musicmystery -> RE: Initiating sex (12/11/2014 1:07:12 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SweetForDaddy Do you like/expect your submissive to initiate sex acts? Both like and expect -- I encourage her authentic sexuality, and tell her that if she's got the urge, she should reach for her man. quote: Do you feel differently if they are spontaneous when they do it, or if they plan something? No. Love both. quote: If they do initiate, do you want that to be all about your sexual needs, rather than their own or for mutual satisfaction? I don't think there's that clear a distinction. If she's initiating, she'd probably going to be addressing mine, and my desire for her is going to take care of the rest. quote: Do you ever feel pressured by it? God no. I've got a voice. And I'm actually the dominant in this situation... [;)]

DerangedUnit -> RE: Initiating sex (12/11/2014 1:16:57 PM)
My owner is almost always hard but finding enough time and still managing sleep is problematic sometimes. It used to be all him initiating but I started too after a while. Usually keeping him away from work for an extra hour, I've gotten really needy about it but that never would have happened if he didn't set and keep up the standard for months... still I often initiate far more than I follow through.... we decided my eyes are bigger than my pussy... if he lets me every time I want to I end up too sore to do it at all the next day so we keep it down to three times generally these days and it's usually sirt of us pouncing on each other as soon as he gets in the door/wakes up

sexyred1 -> RE: Initiating sex (12/11/2014 3:22:17 PM)
I wouldn't be with someone who didn't want me to initiAte or plan sometimes. If I am hot for you, you are lucky, so appreciate it! [:D]

shiftyw -> RE: Initiating sex (12/11/2014 7:33:00 PM)
I am typing for my man...I'm just sub in the bedroom, bear that in mind. Do you like/expect your submissive to initiate sex acts? "Yes, I like it, and I expect it to happen sometimes, not like...a rule or anything" Do you feel differently if they are spontaneous when they do it, or if they plan something? "We prefer spontaneity, If she plans it, thats ok too, but we're go with the flow kind of people" If they do initiate, do you want that to be all about your sexual needs, rather than their own or for mutual satisfaction? "Either?" Do you ever feel pressured by it? "Occasionally if I need to get more sleep than she does and she's all up on me..."

FieryOpal -> RE: Initiating sex (12/12/2014 12:32:46 AM)
[Brackets mine] quote: ORIGINAL: NookieNotes quote: ORIGINAL: SweetForDaddy [1.] Do you like/expect your submissive to initiate sex acts? Yes. I thrive off desire. quote: ORIGINAL: SweetForDaddy [2.] Do you feel differently if they are spontaneous when they do it, or if they plan something? Yes, but not whether I like it more or less. There is something wonderful about sponteneity and something amazing about a planned seduction. quote: ORIGINAL: SweetForDaddy [3.] If they do initiate, do you want that to be all about your sexual needs, rather than their own or for mutual satisfaction? EVERYTHING is about mutual satisfaction. Not necessarily just that one scene, though. That can be all about me. LOL! quote: ORIGINAL: SweetForDaddy [4.] Do you ever feel pressured by it? No. I'm the dominant. I can turn things down anytime I want. In previous relationships, I didn't have enough desire or sex from my partners. I'd rather turn it down once in a while than not get it. Appending to the above exchange, 1. I wouldn't choose a sub who doesn't initiate sex or feels that he doesn't have the right based on his experiences with previous Mistresses. I don't want a man who isn't passionate about showing his passion. 2. Spontaneity wins out, but putting the effort into planning is romantic, and I can appreciate both modalities. In fact, if he has made plans, this is more incentive for T&D foreplay and prolonging our excitement. 3. I wouldn't see this as all about my sexual needs, ever. If you're talking about orgasms, then there may not be enough time with a quickie for both of us, depending on the act(s). Under ordinary circumstances, we would be making love and that is for our mutual satisfaction. 4. ??? Deranged, it's a good thing that my last sub and I could only see one another on the weekends usually. Three times a day gets me sore in no time. As such, I had the weekdays to recover (plus I was still getting my unwelcome visitor every 4-6 weeks last year [:(] ). Again, contingent upon the acts and/or activities in question. OP, if I weren't the Dominant, it's possible I would feel pressured or not fully engaged. I think it's important to flirt with your partner constantly and keep the sexual tension simmering and also to show plenty of (non-sexual) affection. This might not be the best or most suitable analogy, but even when I'm busy or otherwise preoccupied, my male kitty comes around and shows his affection without fail no matter what I'm doing. If I tell him I'm busy, he waits patiently for his next window of opportunity. If I don't shut the bedroom or bathroom door immediately, he's already snuck in there. He makes sure he doesn't miss out on a single one of his daily doses of loving, according to our routines. I've only had one cat who didn't seek out my company whenever I was home, who waited for me to call her instead of habitually initiating companionship. If my sub can't compete with my actual pets, then he wouldn't last long indeed.

NookieNotes -> RE: Initiating sex (12/12/2014 3:07:36 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: FieryOpal I think it's important to flirt with your partner constantly and keep the sexual tension simmering and also to show plenty of (non-sexual) affection. This might not be the best or most suitable analogy, but even when I'm busy or otherwise preoccupied, my male kitty comes around and shows his affection without fail no matter what I'm doing. If I tell him I'm busy, he waits patiently for his next window of opportunity. If I don't shut the bedroom or bathroom door immediately, he's already snuck in there. He makes sure he doesn't miss out on a single one of his daily doses of loving, according to our routines. I've only had one cat who didn't seek out my company whenever I was home, who waited for me to call her instead of habitually initiating companionship. If my sub can't compete with my actual pets, then he wouldn't last long indeed. LOL! Exactly this! I had dogs for 22 years. They followed me EVERYWHERE. A pack of three for some time. Try fitting 200+ pounds of muscle in three dogs trying to get attention into the bathroom. Now, I have a kitty. She is the same. Will follow me to get her attention, is always nearby. I like that in my men and women, too. I'm just an affectionate pack leader.

Bhruic -> RE: Initiating sex (12/12/2014 6:40:42 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NookieNotes quote: ORIGINAL: SweetForDaddy Do you like/expect your submissive to initiate sex acts? Yes. I thrive off desire. quote: Do you feel differently if they are spontaneous when they do it, or if they plan something? Yes, but not whether I like it more or less. There is something wonderful about sponteneity and something amazing about a planned seduction. quote: If they do initiate, do you want that to be all about your sexual needs, rather than their own or for mutual satisfaction? EVERYTHING is about mutual satisfaction. Not necessarily just that one scene, though. That can be all about me. LOL! quote: Do you ever feel pressured by it? No. I'm the dominant. I can turn things down anytime I want. In previous relationships, I didn't have enough desire or sex from my partners. I'd rather turn it down once in a while than not get it. I was going to comment on this thread... but then you said everything I wanted to say :)

Greta75 -> RE: Initiating sex (12/12/2014 6:51:08 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DaddySatyr I think some submissive types get caught up in the "You'll do what I say" thing and forget that dominants like to feel *wanted* ;not just *obeyed* . I don't understand this part. If a submissive already made it clear to you that you are her sex god and she's dying for you sexually 24/7, why wouldn't you feel wanted? I would never ever initiate sex, but I don't think my dom would ever feel not wanted from the clear reaction of my bodily liquids to his sexual attentions or any hint of any possible sexual attentions, I mean it's so obvious. And also the fact that, not just any man can keep me dripping wet all day.

Musicmystery -> RE: Initiating sex (12/12/2014 7:24:30 AM)
I believe Michael is saying that all in all, simply getting a submissive is not as fulfilling as find a girl who is a partner as well as a submissive, and who understands her role as supportive partner as well as her role of submissive girl. I'm sure he'll correct my observation if I'm incorrect in my take. And incidentally, I agree with him.

GoddessManko -> RE: Initiating sex (12/12/2014 7:39:37 AM)
My ex collared and I never had a typical sex life at all. It was never vanilla. Our version of sex involved a lot of things but he never topped me. I always initiated but he had his moments of restlessness if he felt ignored though never acted on it. I ended up having an outside sex partner I stay in touch with to this day. He was not spontaneous, he knew our daily routine and we both had a lot of freedom in our daily lives and my current boy hasn't even had his first kiss yet. I apologize but I cannot say that sex satiates me more than kink or vice versa. I cum tantricly without touch. My face also tingles when excited. It is a feeling I relish. I have never felt pressured. Not with subs, vanilla boys or otherwise. Usually my sweet nature makes them complicit to anything I say whether it is to ward off their advances or green light them. Well, I can only assume that's what it is. Intimacy I enjoy, tease and denial I enjoy more than sex as things stand. I have ripped the clothes off more people than I care to discuss in my mind unbeknownst to them. My current boy needs no "reward" aside from my happiness as things stand. He's wonderful and we grow closer as a result. So I am not typical when it comes to sex and intimacy and the expectation of it though desire is higher than most possibly.

NookieNotes -> RE: Initiating sex (12/12/2014 11:35:28 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Bhruic quote: ORIGINAL: NookieNotes quote: ORIGINAL: SweetForDaddy Do you like/expect your submissive to initiate sex acts? Yes. I thrive off desire. quote: Do you feel differently if they are spontaneous when they do it, or if they plan something? Yes, but not whether I like it more or less. There is something wonderful about sponteneity and something amazing about a planned seduction. quote: If they do initiate, do you want that to be all about your sexual needs, rather than their own or for mutual satisfaction? EVERYTHING is about mutual satisfaction. Not necessarily just that one scene, though. That can be all about me. LOL! quote: Do you ever feel pressured by it? No. I'm the dominant. I can turn things down anytime I want. In previous relationships, I didn't have enough desire or sex from my partners. I'd rather turn it down once in a while than not get it. I was going to comment on this thread... but then you said everything I wanted to say :) bows LOL!

Arturas -> RE: Initiating sex (12/12/2014 12:21:15 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SweetForDaddy Do you like/expect your submissive to initiate sex acts? Do you feel differently if they are spontaneous when they do it, or if they plan something? If they do initiate, do you want that to be all about your sexual needs, rather than their own or for mutual satisfaction? Do you ever feel pressured by it? I do like her to spontaneously do many things, including gently and slowly taking my fingers and sucking and licking them while I am trying to drive us home in a rainstorm. I know what she wants to do and generally enjoy giving it to her even in this situation. I find this happens more when I take her out on the town and make her feel great as a woman in all I do. I don't think she is rewarding me but is instead greatly wanting to express her passion for me, a passion stoked by my behaviour that night. I feel great about her no matter how she starts things going. I think all activies are for our mutual satisfaction. Most S&M activities are that way also, would you agree? I never feel pressured.

NorthernGent -> RE: Initiating sex (12/12/2014 2:25:53 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SweetForDaddy Do you like/expect your submissive to initiate sex acts? Do you feel differently if they are spontaneous when they do it, or if they plan something? If they do initiate, do you want that to be all about your sexual needs, rather than their own or for mutual satisfaction? Do you ever feel pressured by it? Having read the thread, I'm going to be in the minority here. I certainly do not expect it. I wouldn't say I dislike it because I don't dislike anything someone does with good intentions, I like to think she's trying to help! but I suppose I'm keen on dictating matters. Mutual satisfaction, definitely. I'm pretty moody - not moody in the sense that I fall out with people and argue because that's just not my style, and I take no pleasure in seeing anyone in discomfort so would never give her the brush off without reassurance - but moody in the sense that one morning I wake up and I'll be jovial for the day; the next morning I wake up and I'll be serious for the day. So, it depends on how I feel when I wake up, and quite frankly how I feel will dictate what I do for the day, including sex of any description. I'm struggling to grasp how anyone could feel rejected by someone else not wanting sex. That's life: one day we want cabbage and the next cauliflower.

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