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How do you know? - 7/13/2006 8:46:49 AM   
kalimachild


Posts: 21
Joined: 6/7/2006
From: Toledo
Status: offline 		How do you know what side of the coin you fit on?  I'm new to the lifestyle and thought that I was needing to find a Dom for basic training as a sub and possible as a switch, but after a recent encounter with a sub with slave tendencies who belongs to my best friend, it was pointed out that I act and react to my environment more as a Domme than anything else.  According to her, I lit up like a 100 watt lightbulb while we were at a local club for Goth night and I saw someone I wanted.  I did not approach the person because I am still in a relationship with someone.  Is it possible that the reason I've not been able to find a Dom for training as a sub is because that is not who I am and that I should think about getting trained as a Domme?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: How do you know? - 7/13/2006 8:53:49 AM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		Anything is possible. you might find that, with certain people and in certain situations, you behave and feel one way, but with others, it's different. Some of us feel that having a dominant personality doesn't automatically make you a Dominant. slave girl anne (my girl) definately has a dominant personality...that goes perfectly with her slave heart.

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to kalimachild)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: How do you know? - 7/13/2006 9:01:20 AM   
CrappyDom


Posts: 1883
Joined: 4/11/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline 		Who the fuck cares?  You want to beat someone, beat them, you want to lick someone's boots, get on your knees and beg for the chance to lick them. 

It isn't the labels that define you it is what you do.  Throw caution to the wind and just BE...and ignore the little people who have to look at your label before they can figure out how to deal with you.

You came to WIIWD to explore, then why not just do that?

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: How do you know? - 7/13/2006 9:54:05 AM   
HollyS


Posts: 230
Joined: 1/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kalimachild

How do you know what side of the coin you fit on? 


How about thinking of yourself as the whole coin with two complimentary sides rather than forcing yourself to one side or the other?

Coins can be heads or tails.  People are more complicated.  Answer what calls you and ignore those who would put you in any "this or that" category.  You are what you are - explore different areas and find what works for you.  Then do it.

~Holly


_____________________________

I wish my lawn were emo, so it would cut itself.

(in reply to kalimachild)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: How do you know? - 7/13/2006 4:51:19 PM   
proudsub


Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline 		What do you fantacize about?

_____________________________

proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan


(in reply to kalimachild)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: How do you know? - 7/13/2006 6:23:57 PM   
kalimachild


Posts: 21
Joined: 6/7/2006
From: Toledo
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: proudsub

What do you fantacize about?


Most of the time it's about having someone hold me when I want them to.  Run my bath water and bathe me.  Fix my hair when we are going out.  Know how to touch me to make me feel live and feminine.  Someone who is willing to allow me to be me.  You know, the more I think about it, the more I realize what it is that I might be looking for.  Someone to worship me as the Goddess I am.

(in reply to proudsub)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: How do you know? - 7/13/2006 9:59:18 PM   
proudsub


Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline
quote:

Someone to worship me as the Goddess I am.


Well there you go.
 
 


_____________________________

proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan


(in reply to kalimachild)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: How do you know? - 7/14/2006 5:39:29 AM   
windchymes


Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline 		This isn't rocket science.  If something made you "light up like a 100 watt light bulb", then it's definitely something you might want to look into exploring!

_____________________________

You know it's going to be a GOOD blow job when she puts a Breathe Right strip on first.

Pick-up artists and garbage men should trade names.

(in reply to proudsub)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: How do you know? - 7/14/2006 10:21:35 AM   
amayos


Posts: 1553
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: New England
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kalimachild

How do you know what side of the coin you fit on?  I'm new to the lifestyle and thought that I was needing to find a Dom for basic training as a sub and possible as a switch, but after a recent encounter with a sub with slave tendencies who belongs to my best friend, it was pointed out that I act and react to my environment more as a Domme than anything else.  According to her, I lit up like a 100 watt lightbulb while we were at a local club for Goth night and I saw someone I wanted.  I did not approach the person because I am still in a relationship with someone.  Is it possible that the reason I've not been able to find a Dom for training as a sub is because that is not who I am and that I should think about getting trained as a Domme?


As one who has lived both sides of the coin, I believe time answers these questions. Where there is a duality in most humans—or in the very least, the seeds of such—it is often difficult to know one's truer face when chasing the shifting banners of desire. In time it may be clear which side suits you more.




< Message edited by amayos -- 7/14/2006 11:03:49 AM >

(in reply to kalimachild)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: How do you know? - 7/14/2006 10:34:13 AM   
raiken


Posts: 868
Joined: 10/18/2005
Status: offline 		Try it all...and most importantly, have fun doing it!  As you begin, you will discover those things that tug on your heart more deeply than others, and what gives you the most fulfillment and satisfaction but you won't know any of that until you try it first.  i always suggest to never narrow your options or make a choice that is cut in stone, don't deprive yourself of that complete fulfillment.  Maybe for the time being as you grow and discover, you will wish to enjoy a bit of everything, and that is okay! It is YOUR fantasy/desires to live out to the fullest, and no one elses.  Just enjoy!
 
~raiken

(in reply to kalimachild)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: How do you know? - 7/14/2006 2:21:09 PM   
Owned1


Posts: 847
Joined: 7/6/2005
From: Toronto, Ontario
Status: offline 		When starting out, read read read, explore explore explore before you put yourself into a pigeon hole.  This lifestyle is about each of us and what turns our cranks.  Some know from the outset what they are and where they belong, others have been in the life for years and suddenly realize they are something they did not think they were.
As you have already ventured into the flesh and flogger real world find someone who you can explore with, be honest with them, try it all.  If you are not sure you can always label yourself a switch (if you really need a label)

_____________________________

~~in His Chains i am free~~

(in reply to raiken)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: How do you know? - 7/14/2006 2:38:14 PM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CrappyDom

Who the fuck cares?  You want to beat someone, beat them, you want to lick someone's boots, get on your knees and beg for the chance to lick them. 

It isn't the labels that define you it is what you do.  Throw caution to the wind and just BE...and ignore the little people who have to look at your label before they can figure out how to deal with you.

You came to WIIWD to explore, then why not just do that?


Not a bad idea. I'd have suggested getting together with a Dominant and a sub and asking the Dominant to flog you for a bit and then ask them to allow you to flog the slave and see which satisfies you the most.. You have three choices inthe main Dominant Switch and sub/slave I'd bet one of the three will fill your cup to overflowing..


_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to CrappyDom)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: How do you know? - 7/14/2006 6:14:37 PM   
LokisBrat


Posts: 431
Joined: 12/5/2005
From: Mayberry, Illinois
Status: offline 		Too much emphasis is placed, in my opinion, on labeling oneself. Explore all, learn all, and like others have replied, just enjoy and do what turns your crank.



LOKI


_____________________________

"My pleasure, your pain. Doesn't matter, its all the same"

-Loki

(in reply to IronBear)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: How do you know? - 7/14/2006 8:16:16 PM   
Sinergy


Posts: 9383
Joined: 4/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kalimachild

quote:

ORIGINAL: proudsub

What do you fantacize about?


Most of the time it's about having someone hold me when I want them to.  Run my bath water and bathe me.  Fix my hair when we are going out.  Know how to touch me to make me feel live and feminine.  Someone who is willing to allow me to be me.  You know, the more I think about it, the more I realize what it is that I might be looking for.  Someone to worship me as the Goddess I am.



Weird, I enjoy doing many of those things, apart from the worshipping aspect, with my submissive.  Giving her a bath,
brushing her hair, buying her clothing, taking her to Disneyland.

On the other hand, I also enjoy tying her up, spanking her behind a lovely purple color, making her wear a cheerleaders outfit, anally violating her, having her bring me a martini on her knees so I can enjoy her fellating me as I gaze at the sunset over the ocean.  Having her clean my place naked.

I do not enjoy being tied up, being spanked, wearing cheerleader outfits, being anally violated, etc.

This could all just be me, and I could be wrong, but I have a feeling
that my interests lie as a Dominant.

There ya go.

Sinergy

_____________________________

"There is a fine line between clever and stupid"
David St. Hubbins "This Is Spinal Tap"

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle


(in reply to kalimachild)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: How do you know? - 7/15/2006 11:43:59 PM   
Lidh2l


Posts: 74
Joined: 5/22/2006
Status: offline 		In our opinion, if you really must choose a label, go with switch until you can make a more informed descision.  We don't think labels are really that important, but there are those who do, and the first time one of them says "you say you're a switch, but you're not very Domly," or "subly," well then you'll know what the "I need a label" crowd wants to see.

However, we still think that Crappy gave the best advice so far, so go ahead and make your choice...goddess.

_____________________________

I want a lover I don't have to love,
I want a girl who's to sad to give a fuck...
I want a boy who's so drunk he doesn't talk
--Bright Eyes, Lover I Don't Have to Love

(in reply to Sinergy)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: How do you know? - 7/16/2006 3:35:21 AM   
wandering4u


Posts: 167
Joined: 6/18/2006
Status: offline 		Whatever label you choose, it does not change who you are. Go, enjoy and it will become clearer as you do.  And besides that, who cares what label you put on yourself? 

(in reply to Lidh2l)
Profile   Post #: 16
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