Asking personal questions online? (Full Version)

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YouName -> Asking personal questions online? (12/14/2014 11:29:16 AM)

So dudes and dudettes.

One of the reason why I come online (and usually end up staying in one or a few places intensely and then move on) is to exchange ideas with people.
Perhaps about stuff that isn't so easy talking to or about with people off'line.

So what's your opinion about it?
Will you speak about things to a stranger online that you won't to an ordinary buddy offline or not?
I think I've met people of both spectrums here.

One thing I notice though is peoples dislike for criticism online and their inability to admit mistakes. Perhaps we could include this discussion too.
It's quite apparent in the Politics part of this and many other forums but often enough in private conversations too.

I'm quite baffled by this as the anonymous web should be the perfect place to receive and give criticism, without any fear of the loss of status or retribution.
Just a marketplace of ideas.

But people seem more eager here and online in general to push their views onto others than reconsider them.

PS~ Sometimes you don't notice your own backyard staring at the frontyards of yourself and everyone else! What I mean is that I probably do the same from time to time.
But I don't think I want to do it, at least.



NorthernGent -> RE: Asking personal questions online? (12/14/2014 11:36:51 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: YouName

So dudes and dudettes.

One of the reason why I come online (and usually end up staying in one or a few places intensely and then move on) is to exchange ideas with people.
Perhaps about stuff that isn't so easy talking to or about with people off'line.

So what's your opinion about it?
Will you speak about things to a stranger online that you won't to an ordinary buddy offline or not?
I think I've met people of both spectrums here.

One thing I notice though is peoples dislike for criticism online and their inability to admit mistakes. Perhaps we could include this discussion too.
It's quite apparent in the Politics part of this and many other forums but often enough in private conversations too.

I'm quite baffled by this as the anonymous web should be the perfect place to receive and give criticism, without any fear of the loss of status or retribution.
Just a marketplace of ideas.

But people seem more eager here and online in general to push their views onto others than reconsider them.


YouName,

I'm a very open person by nature, and like to talk and listen to people, so away from the internet what people see is what they get.

Clearly, there are certain situations where it's expedient to be cautious, but providing I can be confident the conversation isn't going to cause me a problem farther down then I'm an open book.

I wholeheartedly agree that this is a good place to exchange ideas, and there are some very knowledgeable people on this site whether lifestyle or politics: a wise person would accept that they're not always close to the mark and re-evaluate accordingly.



YouName -> RE: Asking personal questions online? (12/14/2014 11:39:52 AM)

Cool dude.


Btw just to clarify for everyone (Not the poster above).
By personal I do not mean~ "Where do you live and/or would you like to suck my cock?"


Although~ "Would you like to suck the cock of a complete stranger, ever?" could potentially qualify as an intrusive such ask a sub. As an introductionary note its absurd.
But hum...Well. It's a bad example cause it's not the type of question I would ask but maybe a sub could give their views on this type of question and others could provide examples of less sexual ones if they want.
Rephrased perhaps and less personal~ "What is your perspective of sucking the cocks of complete strangers?"

Oh shit...this will develop into a meme I fear.


Remember if you say that you have to get to know the person well first, the point of the thread is a bit lost!
The question being your feelings about discussing things with a stranger.
But this could be expanded further~ What if you are comfortable with disclosing certain things to someone and do so...Only to find out you like the person but wouldn't want to meet them anymore cause you disclosed a bit too much?

Ah the dilemmas =)



GoddessManko -> RE: Asking personal questions online? (12/14/2014 11:45:40 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: YouName

So dudes and dudettes.

One of the reason why I come online (and usually end up staying in one or a few places intensely and then move on) is to exchange ideas with people.
Perhaps about stuff that isn't so easy talking to or about with people off'line.

So what's your opinion about it?
Will you speak about things to a stranger online that you won't to an ordinary buddy offline or not?
I think I've met people of both spectrums here.

One thing I notice though is peoples dislike for criticism online and their inability to admit mistakes. Perhaps we could include this discussion too.
It's quite apparent in the Politics part of this and many other forums but often enough in private conversations too.

I'm quite baffled by this as the anonymous web should be the perfect place to receive and give criticism, without any fear of the loss of status or retribution.
Just a marketplace of ideas.

But people seem more eager here and online in general to push their views onto others than reconsider them.

PS~ Sometimes you don't notice your own backyard staring at the frontyards of yourself and everyone else! What I mean is that I probably do the same from time to time.
But I don't think I want to do it, at least.


Hmmm, I am willing to speak more openly about unsavory topics like politics online. I was a radio commentator for a while as well and fared well in this arena but as a private person I eventually withdrew. I have no issues discussing things not pertaining to my life with strangers. Speaking about myself would be odd.
In my experience, most people can't really deduce who I am, not even within my own family. I keep a lot of myself to myself in regards to most people. If meeting someone I try to down-play myself as much as possible so all the "cool things"about me can be discovered later. Whatever those are. [;)]



SDFemDom4cuck -> RE: Asking personal questions online? (12/14/2014 11:51:53 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: YouName

So dudes and dudettes.

One of the reason why I come online (and usually end up staying in one or a few places intensely and then move on) is to exchange ideas with people.
Perhaps about stuff that isn't so easy talking to or about with people off'line.

So what's your opinion about it?
Will you speak about things to a stranger online that you won't to an ordinary buddy offline or not?
I think I've met people of both spectrums here.

One thing I notice though is peoples dislike for criticism online and their inability to admit mistakes. Perhaps we could include this discussion too.
It's quite apparent in the Politics part of this and many other forums but often enough in private conversations too.

I'm quite baffled by this as the anonymous web should be the perfect place to receive and give criticism, without any fear of the loss of status or retribution.
Just a marketplace of ideas.

But people seem more eager here and online in general to push their views onto others than reconsider them.

PS~ Sometimes you don't notice your own backyard staring at the frontyards of yourself and everyone else! What I mean is that I probably do the same from time to time.
But I don't think I want to do it, at least.


It depends on how personal the question. Evidently Cuckoldresses are rare here, or at least ones that truly understsnd what it is about are, so I get a lot of questions on the other side. Some of which are very general in regard to cuckolding.Others are unbelievably personal in regard to My personal experiences. My life and experiences are not going to be laid out and shared for some HNG's enjoyment. So if they are capable of discussing in an intellectual manner, I'm happy to answer questions. Start asking incredibly personal questions without getting to know Me...not going to be able to ask much after that.



YouName -> RE: Asking personal questions online? (12/14/2014 11:55:43 AM)

@Manko
But if not even people in your family can deduce who you are (and we are talking about more things than your kinks I guess?), isn't there then a risk of them things mostly never coming out? Doesn't it become a bit isolated being alone in that sense? Not from people but people from your true identity.



GoddessManko -> RE: Asking personal questions online? (12/14/2014 12:10:18 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: YouName

@Manko
But if not even people in your family can deduce who you are (and we are talking about more things than your kinks I guess?), isn't there then a risk of them things mostly never coming out? Doesn't it become a bit isolated being alone in that sense? Not from people but people from your true identity.


I know who I am, isn't that the most important thing? I don't know. I cannot identify with people who do things for the sake of how they are projected rather than how they are. My family doesn't even know I was broadcasted to 12 million households for a while. I do things I feel are necessary/ I enjoy. My life is quite indulgent in this regard. Also, my family probably wouldn't believe all the things I've done anyway so I think bragging is a fruitless pursuit.



LittleGirlHeart -> RE: Asking personal questions online? (12/14/2014 12:34:18 PM)

Yes, I will talk about kink with a stranger, just as readily as I would online.



InHisHeart -> RE: Asking personal questions online? (12/14/2014 1:19:17 PM)

Anything I talk about here I'll definitely talk about in RL and I'm much more open with friends than I am with strangers on-line. Personal questions I'm asked on line, I will answer but in a more general, less detailed way. With people I know in RL, they'll get a much more detailed answer.



DesFIP -> RE: Asking personal questions online? (12/14/2014 1:49:33 PM)

Like SDFemDom, I will talk about anything from an intellectual pov. It's rare for me to share personal details just for someone to use to wank to.



DaddySatyr -> RE: Asking personal questions online? (12/14/2014 2:01:33 PM)


I have to (kind of) echo NorthernGent, but I have to take it a bit further ...

I also am pretty open about who I am and how I am. As long as I can't see information given to people as being a potential time bomb, down the road, I will answer just about everything. I have to add that I have rarely found the truth to actually do me any damage. Certainly, there are some people who won't associate with me, after they get the truth but that's no skin off my nose.

I should also add that I am not "building a career". I will never run for public office. My children are grown and I have far fewer days ahead of me than I already have behind me.

All of that said; I feel an obligation to try to help anyone in the community who is confused or troubled and asks for my help. That help can frequently come in the form of pretty personal questions and I have to tread a fine line. I won't divulge truly intimate details shared by myself and my ladies but part of that story is mine to tell.

Let me explain: Frequently, I get asked about my views on polyamory; how I practice it, what I think about how others do it, etc. One could easily assume and extrapolate that since I'm dominant, my views certainly envelope how me and my ladies live. So, I am careful about just how deeply I will get into specifics.

If someone comes to me with a personal question, as long as it doesn't violate an intimate trust, I answer it as honestly and as fully as possible.



Michael



GoddessManko -> RE: Asking personal questions online? (12/14/2014 2:06:05 PM)

FR, I am open, if people ask a question, they get a truthful answer and I literally have no shame in anything I have done. However, I have a responsibility to protect myself and those who are dear to me. There is no way I'm going to jeopardize that, ever.



YouName -> RE: Asking personal questions online? (12/14/2014 4:07:43 PM)

Alright.

InHisHeart do you have good friends outside the scene with whom you discuss your kinks with?
Are you generally open about your politically views to most of your closer friends?

Then there's the barrier of interests. Some people just aren't interested in certain things or being confronted with certain things.


[Manko
I think that the people who consistently care about how they are perceived make more sense in a way than those who don't at all or very little.
Not only from a networking perspective but also from a social one. Your personality becomes inconsistent, especially if people you know know each other.
People will lack an understanding of why you do certain things, why you may be very busy at certain times and completely free at others, why you react in a certain way, etc.
It's probably fair to be fairly forgiving if you're going to be more introvert in that sense.

Either way, this isn't very important online in a more anonymous setting. And still a lot of individuals will tirelessly and very persistently defend their point of view.
Not quite sure why.

_________

How about an Ego, everyone, do you have a big ego online? I think I can upset online but I have a smaller ego. At the same time there are dead horses we've all beaten more than enough online that we would have left alone much sooner offline. I wonder why.



InHisHeart -> RE: Asking personal questions online? (12/14/2014 5:29:52 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: YouName

Alright.

InHisHeart do you have good friends outside the scene with whom you discuss your kinks with?
Are you generally open about your politically views to most of your closer friends?

Then there's the barrier of interests. Some people just aren't interested in certain things or being confronted with certain things.


I will discuss my kinks and relationship dynamics when I'm asked about them. My close vanilla friends know about my lifestyle and are curious about it so they ask questions, one in particular is always asking questions. She has no interest in being involved in it but is intrigued by it. Some of my close family members know, I have nothing to hide.

I never, ever talk politics or religion on-line or in RL. You won't see me on the P&R boards here and in RL if one of those subjects comes up, I'm out of the conversation. I have my views I keep to myself and I don't care to know anyone else's views.



GoddessManko -> RE: Asking personal questions online? (12/14/2014 6:55:23 PM)

YouName, you focus on being perceived as whatever, while I continue doing good things without expectation. There is nothing to forgive. I don't need a pat on the back to get motivated, period. I like me.
I have no idea why your perspective is what it is. But like I said I cannot understand the minds of people who expect applause. There is Snookie and then there's Aung San Suu Kyi. One is widely known, the other is more powerful, quietly.



shiftyw -> RE: Asking personal questions online? (12/14/2014 7:52:08 PM)

I'm a pretty forthcoming person.
You know more about me than some of my acquaintances in real life, but less about me than my good vanilla friends. Some things are easier for me to talk about with relative anonymity.

I'm a tough sell to get me with you offline if you know me online. I do not assume that anyone will be my friend in real life like they are online.

I talk A LOT more politics in real life. Religion, not so much, but thats because I don't have much to say on the matter.

I'm more stressed out in real life. I'd say real life friends get the brunt of that. I'd say how I act here is a relatively how I act in real life. Although I'm probably a little more reserved here in certain aspects of myself. My responses here are a lot more succinct than in real life because I type and edit them a lot clearer than just going off about something in real life.



FieryOpal -> RE: Asking personal questions online? (12/14/2014 8:41:36 PM)

I am exactly the same person on line as I am off line, appropriate to the site. If I'm not around kinky people, then I don't discuss this subject. I gear my conversations toward the topic at hand, and if you ask my advice or for an opinion on a matter, you're going to get it. If I sense that certain topics make you feel uncomfortable, then I won't go there--except that in real life, this would depend on how close our relationship is. If you're doing something not in your best interests, I'm going to say my piece, just as I would expect you to do the same. If you're not receptive to what I say, then I won't waste my time. Other than with my kids. They don't get a choice on whether they have to listen to a(nother) lecture by their annoying mom or not. [:D]



theshytype -> RE: Asking personal questions online? (12/15/2014 8:18:24 AM)

No, I wouldn't, not with a stranger.

If a friend, acquaintance, or even a family member were to ask me a direct question then I'd answer honestly.
If a stranger in real life were to ask me a personal question, such as "Do like to get tied up and spanked?" I'd possibly consider it rude, intrusive, or as an unwanted come-on. I view online strangers no differently.
If I become online acquintances with someone, I'll open up. The more I'm clear that their intentions match my own, I'll open up more.

While I take any criticism with a grain of salt, online criticism is more difficult for me to swallow.
I do have difficulty opening up my mind to others as it leaves me feeling more vulnerable and naked than if I were to stand in front a group of strangers without any clothing. Therefore, I do protect my thoughts and ideas until I feel "safe".
While I will admit that how others perceive me carries a little importance (if a lot of people are perceiving me to be someone other than how I view myself, it's time to reflect), that's not my issue.



Kaliko -> RE: Asking personal questions online? (12/15/2014 6:32:44 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: YouName

So dudes and dudettes.

One of the reason why I come online (and usually end up staying in one or a few places intensely and then move on) is to exchange ideas with people.
Perhaps about stuff that isn't so easy talking to or about with people off'line.

So what's your opinion about it?
Will you speak about things to a stranger online that you won't to an ordinary buddy offline or not?
I think I've met people of both spectrums here.

One thing I notice though is peoples dislike for criticism online and their inability to admit mistakes. Perhaps we could include this discussion too.
It's quite apparent in the Politics part of this and many other forums but often enough in private conversations too.

I'm quite baffled by this as the anonymous web should be the perfect place to receive and give criticism, without any fear of the loss of status or retribution.
Just a marketplace of ideas.

But people seem more eager here and online in general to push their views onto others than reconsider them.

PS~ Sometimes you don't notice your own backyard staring at the frontyards of yourself and everyone else! What I mean is that I probably do the same from time to time.
But I don't think I want to do it, at least.


One of the reasons I come to message boards like these is because most (not all) of the people in my day-to-day life are not interested in much discussion past chit-chat, weather, and other niceties. I and a couple of girlfriends like to analyze ourselves and everything together, and of course, Awareness and I have similar intellectual turn-ons. But while he and I are still far apart from each other, and while I am still bogged down with life and not able to spend each evening with my girlfriends (though I did tonight, which was nice), then here is where I come to get a little grit on before I go to bed.

Yes, I do think it's easier to push my view online than in person. I have to see the people in my life everyday. If I say something that's a little too pushy for them, then ramifications can last for weeks. I learned my lesson when I said years ago that [something that shall remain nameless] was like a religion to me. Oh boy. She. Was. Offended. And I paid for it for quite awhile. So I learn to temper my argument based on who I'm talking to. But here? If someone takes issue with what I've said? I do sometimes feel badly about it, but life goes on.

On the other hand, I do like to take the opportunities presented online as a practice in humility. Sometimes, it's really, really hard to say "Yes, you're right" or "You have a good point" when it goes against what I am arguing, especially in front of however many readers there are on the thread. But it's good for me. It is exactly as you say. If I can't handle being wrong in a sea of anonymity, then how could I ever be graceful about being wrong among those who know me?



sexyred1 -> RE: Asking personal questions online? (12/15/2014 9:13:32 PM)

It depends.

I get a lot of personal questions as first emails, which is far too early to be asking about.

I can tell who wants to get to know me vs. someone just wanking, by what they choose to discuss with me.

On this side, I will reply if I feel comfortable, just like in real life.

I used to be much more open in real life, and learned to not share too much with new people too soon.

Again, when it comes to online, you will never know if you are getting the truth u less you meet, talk, become friends, etc.
and even then, who knows.



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