Sex with submissives

Sex with submissives (Full Version)

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MissPeach09 -> Sex with submissives (12/21/2014 6:24:08 AM)
Good morning. I ran into a guy today that has the opinion that Dominants shouldn't be having sex with their subs. He says he was trained old school and sex between a Dom/Domme doesn't or shouldn't happen until the sub is a live in. I pointed out to him that every Dom I've met had sex with their subs and he said it's bad form. What's your opinion of this? I've never heard it before but I'm wondering if you ladies have sex with their subs? Why or why not?

NookieNotes -> RE: Sex with submissives (12/21/2014 6:44:38 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MissPeach09 Good morning. I ran into a guy today that has the opinion that Dominants shouldn't be having sex with their subs. He says he was trained old school and sex between a Dom/Domme doesn't or shouldn't happen until the sub is a live in. I pointed out to him that every Dom I've met had sex with their subs and he said it's bad form. What's your opinion of this? I've never heard it before but I'm wondering if you ladies have sex with their subs? Why or why not? I think that as a Domme, I can do what the fuck I please with my subs. If I own a cock, I can put in in any hole I want, for as long as I want, in any position I want, because, duh, it's mine. If you believe something similar, and he does not, leave him behind. He is a poor fit for you. I'd leave him behind in any case, because he's judgmental. It's OK to say that's not what HE prefers as a submissive, but not that it's wrong for all D/s relationships.

ExiledTyrant -> RE: Sex with submissives (12/21/2014 6:51:27 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MissPeach09 Good morning. I ran into a guy today that has the opinion that Dominants shouldn't be having sex with their subs. He says he was trained old school and sex between a Dom/Domme doesn't or shouldn't happen until the sub is a live in. I pointed out to him that every Dom I've met had sex with their subs and he said it's bad form. What's your opinion of this? I've never heard it before but I'm wondering if you ladies have sex with their subs? Why or why not? I'm guessing he isn't very good at it and needs to own your ass so you can accept that good sex is a necessary sacrafice to exist in the light of his überness. Jus sayin

DaddySatyr -> RE: Sex with submissives (12/21/2014 6:54:30 AM)
I see D/s relationships as just that; relationships. I'm hard-pressed to imagine (for my own needs) a loving, caring, romantic relationship with a lady that doesn't include sex. I guess there are some people that see submissives as non-sexual, servants. I don't get that but each to their own. I kind of agree with the explanation that he gave you that you passed on to us, here: quote: ORIGINAL: MissPeach09 He says he was trained old school and sex between a Dom/Domme doesn't or shouldn't happen until the sub is a live in. I agree that far too many people engage in sex before they've investigated whether or not there's a decent foundation for a relationship. I'm assuming the "Dom/Domme" thing in your post was a typo? If it was, it did kind of trigger an idea for me, anyway: Is there any chance this dominant was suggesting a sexual relationship with you; arguing the fact that he wasn't have sex with his submissive? Good luck. Michael

MissPeach09 -> RE: Sex with submissives (12/21/2014 7:31:01 AM)
quote: I think that as a Domme, I can do what the fuck I please with my subs. If I own a cock, I can put in in any hole I want, for as long as I want, in any position I want, because, duh, it's mine. THIS. Thank you all for the reply's. I feel much the same way about this subject. He considers himself a primal and when he saw my status change from considering to Domme of my submissive he started asking if he was "just a sub" or more. I for one was confused because if I choose someone as a sub there's no "just" about it. I care for and have a connection with that person. Up until today we've had great conversations and I was excited to meet him. However when you start using words like possessive and "make you mine" I can't agree with that. I explained to him I'm poly and while I may occasionally bottom, I'm never anyone's mine. It's a personal no-no for me. It might be best if I just left this one alone. Basically when he saw that I changed my status from considering to Domme of my submissive he started asking if he was "just a sub." Confusing to me because my submissive isn't "just" anything. If I enter this type of relationship it's because of a deep connection and mutual trust and respect. Pretty much he's telling me he wants me to only have sex with him or he'll feel possessive. I'm poly. This is very clear in my profile and the fact that I told him so again today. It's no secret. I can't understand it.

FieryOpal -> RE: Sex with submissives (12/21/2014 7:59:51 AM)
So let me get this straight from what I'd originally read of your OP. This guy is a male sub or slave, not a Dom who told you this. He claims to be experienced in old-school D/s (which can be problematic in itself, since you have your work cut out for you in de-programming & re-programming him to suit yourself and your own Domination style). Btw, if you haven't already done so, you need to find out why he's no longer owned. I don't care if this man had trophies given to him for outstanding sexual performance by every Mistress he's ever served. No man is moving in with me without passing in the sexual performance dept. with flying colors, and it makes no difference whether I'm a Domme or not. The simple fact that he has disregarded your stated preference to be poly should be sufficient reason to get himself disqualified from your consideration. No "old school" submissive male can ever expect to be exclusive or instant primary partner with his Mistress. This is a privilege which must be earned. He knows better than this--and I'll even go so far as to say that he is Topping from the bottom with you.

DarkSteven -> RE: Sex with submissives (12/21/2014 9:04:39 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MissPeach09 quote: I think that as a Domme, I can do what the fuck I please with my subs. If I own a cock, I can put in in any hole I want, for as long as I want, in any position I want, because, duh, it's mine. THIS. Thank you all for the reply's. I feel much the same way about this subject. He considers himself a primal and when he saw my status change from considering to Domme of my submissive he started asking if he was "just a sub" or more. I for one was confused because if I choose someone as a sub there's no "just" about it. I care for and have a connection with that person. Up until today we've had great conversations and I was excited to meet him. However when you start using words like possessive and "make you mine" I can't agree with that. I explained to him I'm poly and while I may occasionally bottom, I'm never anyone's mine. It's a personal no-no for me. It might be best if I just left this one alone. Basically when he saw that I changed my status from considering to Domme of my submissive he started asking if he was "just a sub." Confusing to me because my submissive isn't "just" anything. If I enter this type of relationship it's because of a deep connection and mutual trust and respect. Pretty much he's telling me he wants me to only have sex with him or he'll feel possessive. I'm poly. This is very clear in my profile and the fact that I told him so again today. It's no secret. I can't understand it. 1. You're poly and he's possessive. 2. He likes telling you what to do. 3. He makes up bullshit "this is the way everyone does it" justifications. Tell him goodbye.

PeonForHer -> RE: Sex with submissives (12/21/2014 9:29:48 AM)
quote: I think that as a Domme, I can do what the fuck I please with my subs. If I own a cock, I can put in in any hole I want, for as long as I want, in any position I want, because, duh, it's mine. Indeed. And that's what I, as a sub, would expect from a femdom, too.

MariaB -> RE: Sex with submissives (12/21/2014 9:50:15 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: FieryOpal No man is moving in with me without passing in the sexual performance dept. with flying colors, and it makes no difference whether I'm a Domme or not. Say it like it is Fiery! This is why I love this woman. Gives Fiery an early Christmas snog [:D]

FieryOpal -> RE: Sex with submissives (12/21/2014 9:55:09 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MariaB quote: ORIGINAL: FieryOpal No man is moving in with me without passing in the sexual performance dept. with flying colors, and it makes no difference whether I'm a Domme or not. Say it like it is Fiery! This is why I love this woman. Gives Fiery an early Christmas snog [:D] That would be overdue from last Christmas, believe it or not. Forget the live-in part, I'm not going to keep seeing a guy who doesn't have it going on, if you know what I mean. [;)]

MissPeach09 -> RE: Sex with submissives (12/21/2014 10:13:35 AM)
Haha FieryOpal I feel the same way. As I get older I don't feel the need to keep men around who can't satisfy in every category. Yes that massage might be amazing, but if I don't enjoy the sex I have to say no because sex is just important to me honestly.

MrRodgers -> RE: Sex with submissives (12/21/2014 10:22:27 AM)
Old school my ass. My experience back in the day before these sites was that submission was inspired and that was sexual submission or...there wasn't any at all. It is only since the advent of the Internet that we can wear a sign on our cyber forehead and proclaim or dominance or submission that has also tended to subject the idea to either Romanticism or some subjective protocols.

slvemike4u -> RE: Sex with submissives (12/21/2014 10:26:02 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NookieNotes quote: ORIGINAL: MissPeach09 Good morning. I ran into a guy today that has the opinion that Dominants shouldn't be having sex with their subs. He says he was trained old school and sex between a Dom/Domme doesn't or shouldn't happen until the sub is a live in. I pointed out to him that every Dom I've met had sex with their subs and he said it's bad form. What's your opinion of this? I've never heard it before but I'm wondering if you ladies have sex with their subs? Why or why not? I think that as a Domme, I can do what the fuck I please with my subs. If I own a cock, I can put in in any hole I want, for as long as I want, in any position I want, because, duh, it's mine. If you believe something similar, and he does not, leave him behind. He is a poor fit for you. I'd leave him behind in any case, because he's judgmental. It's OK to say that's not what HE prefers as a submissive, but not that it's wrong for all D/s relationships. QFT....and cause I really really like that perspective

MissPeach09 -> RE: Sex with submissives (12/21/2014 4:02:13 PM)
Thanks to all of the lovely advice sent here I turned him down politely letting him know that I didn't think we were a good match for each other and I wouldn't be meeting him. He texted back bye and then proceeded to upset my boy by saying I didn't know the difference between a play time and a proper sub on my flife account, that I threw away meeting him for a sub and then called me a whore and that because he's a "professional" apparently and I'm a lifestyler I'm a wannabe and a fake. WHAT A CREEP! So glad that I turned him down and did NOT end up meeting this clown.

FieryOpal -> RE: Sex with submissives (12/21/2014 5:29:30 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MissPeach09 Haha FieryOpal I feel the same way. As I get older I don't feel the need to keep men around who can't satisfy in every category. Yes that massage might be amazing, but if I don't enjoy the sex I have to say no because sex is just important to me honestly. That's my kind of gal. [sm=kiss.gif] Again, strictly speaking from an F/m viewpoint, the presumptuousness of this man to think he should become your primary partner and line-jump. I'm mono and ideally my primary would be my pairbonded mate, but there are no shortcuts with me to winning my heart or having any other kind of access to me. I would be the one collaring him, not the other way around. This is really unheard of in a non-marital situation. quote: ORIGINAL: MissPeach09 ...he's a "professional" apparently and I'm a lifestyler.... WHAT A CREEP! So glad that I turned him down and did NOT end up meeting this clown. A professional what? A professional clown, more like (no offense to those who actually are). For his info, being a lifestyler is not a derogatory term. I think he meant (BDSM) kinkster, and this isn't an insult to them either. You can tell a person's character by how well they take rejection, when he no longer feels he has anything to lose and then his nastiness, belligerence and/or spitefulness surfaces. It really is a good test, if I were the covertly testing type, which I am not. Nobody can say they were/are not forewarned with me.

GoddessManko -> RE: Sex with submissives (12/21/2014 6:05:01 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: PeonForHer quote: I think that as a Domme, I can do what the fuck I please with my subs. If I own a cock, I can put in in any hole I want, for as long as I want, in any position I want, because, duh, it's mine. Indeed. And that's what I, as a sub, would expect from a femdom, too. Yup, as others have said. You make the rules, period. There is no "one true way" to Dominate. Though personally being topped is something I have to REALLY want with someone because of a more profound connection than ownership. I am a Domme who has yet to be topped by her subs. I like being Top too much.

DarkSteven -> RE: Sex with submissives (12/21/2014 6:40:21 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MissPeach09 Thanks to all of the lovely advice sent here I turned him down politely letting him know that I didn't think we were a good match for each other and I wouldn't be meeting him. He texted back bye and then proceeded to upset my boy by saying I didn't know the difference between a play time and a proper sub on my flife account, that I threw away meeting him for a sub and then called me a whore and that because he's a "professional" apparently and I'm a lifestyler I'm a wannabe and a fake. WHAT A CREEP! So glad that I turned him down and did NOT end up meeting this clown. As MrRodgers said, "Old school my ass." Had you heard anything about him from the locals?

MissPeach09 -> RE: Sex with submissives (12/21/2014 7:16:49 PM)
I haven't really ever been topped by a sub. My sub would never even try to top from the bottom so I don't have to worry about it really. I haven't heard anything from anyone local about him yet, but there's a local guy that kinda keeps tabs on lowlifes and I told him about the situation. I mean if he's be so crass, rude and stalking with me I don't doubt he'd do it to others.

GoddessManko -> RE: Sex with submissives (12/21/2014 7:24:17 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MissPeach09 I haven't really ever been topped by a sub. My sub would never even try to top from the bottom so I don't have to worry about it really. I haven't heard anything from anyone local about him yet, but there's a local guy that kinda keeps tabs on lowlifes and I told him about the situation. I mean if he's be so crass, rude and stalking with me I don't doubt he'd do it to others. Right, he sounds like a creep. As you stated, your sub's cock is yours to do as you please (within discussed or desired parameters). The internet is sort of a free for all so as long as you screen these guys in a way comfortable to you, you can better avoid. From the moment someone would try to tell me how to dom I would block them. I had one do it in a very subtle way, he was polite, so I politely told him we're incompatible. Scripts on his journal of very descriptive fantasies, nothing but fetish pics on profile and telling (in my mind dictating) me to tell him how I would dom my sub. I simply replied with smiles. Sometimes the signs are surprisingly subtle, but there.

RockaRolla -> RE: Sex with submissives (12/21/2014 7:28:31 PM)
Where was this guy when my friend was looking for a Dom? In all seriousness, the situation caused her a lot of frustration because she was looking for a D-type with no actual intercourse, and several people accused her of topping from the bottom for having that limit. This is the first I've heard of a no-sex rule for subs.

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