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I've Given Up On Free Spankings (And I'm A Lot Happier) - 12/26/2014 10:53:42 PM   
SecretInNYC


Posts: 2
Joined: 12/23/2014
Status: offline 		Having spent a good long time on various kinky social sites looking for female dominant spankers, I've now abandoned that and gone the pro route.

I understand. Finding a woman who is primarily into spanking is difficult and who wants to be the dominant one is difficult. Then look at the number of male bottoms there are compared with the number of female Tops and you see the problem. The former group vastly outnumbers the latter. The female Tops can afford to pick and choose from the best of the bunch, which leaves a large number of men out of luck.

I'm not complaining. I'm merely pointing out the reality of the situation.

Enter the Pro Domme. Although there are only a handful who are primarily spankers and understand the kink, there are enough that I'm able to get exactly what I'm looking for on a a somewhat regular basis. The feel of the scene is exactly right. The intensity of the session is what I'm happy with. For the time I'm with the pro, I get her full attention.

I still talk to women who are not pros. I enjoy corresponding with women and having pleasant kinky conversations. But I've been frustrated too many times by people who either don't follow through or simply disappear mid-conversation. Now I avoid it completely and stay happy.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: I've Given Up On Free Spankings (And I'm A Lot Happ... - 12/27/2014 1:10:42 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		Welcome to the forums!

You didn't mention this in your post, but your profile states that you also want roleplay and discretion. I suspect that that has a lot to do with the difficulty of finding a good non-pro.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to SecretInNYC)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: I've Given Up On Free Spankings (And I'm A Lot Happ... - 12/27/2014 4:09:45 AM   
FieryOpal


Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

You didn't mention this in your post, but your profile states that you also want roleplay and discretion. I suspect that that has a lot to do with the difficulty of finding a good non-pro.

OP says he is "paying for both the spanking and for their silence." Plus he wants more the Disciplinarian and has to go the Pro-Domme route, and can't get by with a cheaper call girl acting as a BDSM Top.

I'll come straight out and say that I would rather these married men get a reality check and shell out the bucks to hire a BDSM provider rather than even attempt to find a free fetish & kink delivery system for themselves.

Why waste your time and our time by being a stingy, greedy ass (pun intended). Lifestyle IRT-In Real Time Dommes (whether mono or poly) want a D/s relationship dynamic with a collarable sub. Attached men are not collar-worthy because they are already owned by another. Encroaching on another's property is poaching. (Trying to take someone else's client away from them is poaching, as well.)

Also, it's not even a question of finding a single male sub. Spanking sluts are not desirable sub partners in the sense that they want 45-minute or hour-long spanking sessions, are often what I call "lazy receiving bottoms" or DO-ME subs because they have no *real* submission to offer in a D/s capacity. Whether lifestyle of not, Dommes generally do not want subs who are all about themselves and getting their itches scratched according to their kink-fetish fantasy scripts.

[Edited for clarity]

< Message edited by FieryOpal -- 12/27/2014 4:27:59 AM >

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: I've Given Up On Free Spankings (And I'm A Lot Happ... - 12/27/2014 6:55:04 AM   
SecretInNYC


Posts: 2
Joined: 12/23/2014
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FieryOpal


I'll come straight out and say that I would rather these married men get a reality check and shell out the bucks to hire a BDSM provider rather than even attempt to find a free fetish & kink delivery system for themselves...

...Also, it's not even a question of finding a single male sub. Spanking sluts are not desirable sub partners in the sense that they want 45-minute or hour-long spanking sessions, are often what I call "lazy receiving bottoms" or DO-ME subs because they have no *real* submission to offer in a D/s capacity. Whether lifestyle of not, Dommes generally do not want subs who are all about themselves and getting their itches scratched according to their kink-fetish fantasy scripts.

[Edited for clarity]


I'm sure some men would find your response either disheartening or harsh, but I find it refreshingly honest. It's something I did not consider and will have to file away for future reference. From my vantage point, I simply don't want to put up with the bullshit. Going the pro route is the logical cure.

I do find it interesting that women spanking bottoms don't have the same problem. There are plenty of men who, in effect, are service Tops. Spanking whoever wants it and doing the heavy lifting. No complaints from them. I wonder why the gender gap.

(in reply to FieryOpal)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: I've Given Up On Free Spankings (And I'm A Lot Happ... - 12/27/2014 8:46:09 AM   
CreativeDominant


Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SecretInNYC


quote:

ORIGINAL: FieryOpal


I'll come straight out and say that I would rather these married men get a reality check and shell out the bucks to hire a BDSM provider rather than even attempt to find a free fetish & kink delivery system for themselves...

...Also, it's not even a question of finding a single male sub. Spanking sluts are not desirable sub partners in the sense that they want 45-minute or hour-long spanking sessions, are often what I call "lazy receiving bottoms" or DO-ME subs because they have no *real* submission to offer in a D/s capacity. Whether lifestyle of not, Dommes generally do not want subs who are all about themselves and getting their itches scratched according to their kink-fetish fantasy scripts.

[Edited for clarity]


I'm sure some men would find your response either disheartening or harsh, but I find it refreshingly honest. It's something I did not consider and will have to file away for future reference. From my vantage point, I simply don't want to put up with the bullshit. Going the pro route is the logical cure.

I do find it interesting that women spanking bottoms don't have the same problem. There are plenty of men who, in effect, are service Tops. Spanking whoever wants it and doing the heavy lifting. No complaints from them. I wonder why the gender gap.
Because women are still geared towards the relationship outside of sex and play.

Caveat: that's not all women...femDom or femsub...just the majority.

(in reply to SecretInNYC)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: I've Given Up On Free Spankings (And I'm A Lot Happ... - 12/27/2014 8:58:21 AM   
FieryOpal


Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant
quote:

ORIGINAL: SecretInNYC

I do find it interesting that women spanking bottoms don't have the same problem. There are plenty of men who, in effect, are service Tops. Spanking whoever wants it and doing the heavy lifting. No complaints from them. I wonder why the gender gap.

Because women are still geared towards the relationship outside of sex and play.

Caveat: that's not all women...femDom or femsub...just the majority.

Why is there a gender gap with pay-for-play and with female sex worker:male client? Supply and demand. Most women can get sex for free. Why should this be any different when it comes to BDSM play?

Male subs primarily want a female Top, not a male. Men ordinarily have more upper-body strength.

If you have no relationship currency to offer, no actual submission either, then what does a man have to offer a Domme that she can't get from 50 other sub-bottoms?

It's a no-brainer.

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to CreativeDominant)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: I've Given Up On Free Spankings (And I'm A Lot Happ... - 12/27/2014 9:29:38 AM   
LiveSpark


Posts: 808
Joined: 12/25/2014
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FieryOpal


quote:

ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant
quote:

ORIGINAL: SecretInNYC

I do find it interesting that women spanking bottoms don't have the same problem. There are plenty of men who, in effect, are service Tops. Spanking whoever wants it and doing the heavy lifting. No complaints from them. I wonder why the gender gap.

Because women are still geared towards the relationship outside of sex and play.

Caveat: that's not all women...femDom or femsub...just the majority.

Why is there a gender gap with pay-for-play and with female sex worker:male client? Supply and demand. Most women can get sex for free. Why should this be any different when it comes to BDSM play?

Male subs primarily want a female Top, not a male. Men ordinarily have more upper-body strength.

If you have no relationship currency to offer, no actual submission either, then what does a man have to offer a Domme that she can't get from 50 other sub-bottoms?

It's a no-brainer.


Add to that the fact that (as far as I can see) there are far more male subs looking for female dommes than the reverse and it's going to be much harder for those men to find a domme. It's far easier for us female subs - actually it's far easier for us females PERIOD - we're spoiled for choice.

_____________________________

I've been here as MontrealPhoenix, zephyr and
TheFireWithinMe.

I also have the sarcasm gene which is NOT to be taken seriously.

If you fall I'll always be there to catch you ~ Floor

(in reply to FieryOpal)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: I've Given Up On Free Spankings (And I'm A Lot Happ... - 12/27/2014 9:57:31 AM   
CreativeDominant


Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LiveSpark


quote:

ORIGINAL: FieryOpal


quote:

ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant
quote:

ORIGINAL: SecretInNYC

I do find it interesting that women spanking bottoms don't have the same problem. There are plenty of men who, in effect, are service Tops. Spanking whoever wants it and doing the heavy lifting. No complaints from them. I wonder why the gender gap.

Because women are still geared towards the relationship outside of sex and play.

Caveat: that's not all women...femDom or femsub...just the majority.

Why is there a gender gap with pay-for-play and with female sex worker:male client? Supply and demand. Most women can get sex for free. Why should this be any different when it comes to BDSM play?

Male subs primarily want a female Top, not a male. Men ordinarily have more upper-body strength.

If you have no relationship currency to offer, no actual submission either, then what does a man have to offer a Domme that she can't get from 50 other sub-bottoms?

It's a no-brainer.


Add to that the fact that (as far as I can see) there are far more male subs looking for female dommes than the reverse and it's going to be much harder for those men to find a domme. It's far easier for us female subs - actually it's far easier for us females PERIOD - we're spoiled for choice.
Indeed.

(in reply to LiveSpark)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: I've Given Up On Free Spankings (And I'm A Lot Happ... - 12/27/2014 10:06:25 AM   
LiveSpark


Posts: 808
Joined: 12/25/2014
Status: offline 		And yet CD it has been my experience there are so many undominant "Doms" out there that realistically the choice isn't that high.

_____________________________

I've been here as MontrealPhoenix, zephyr and
TheFireWithinMe.

I also have the sarcasm gene which is NOT to be taken seriously.

If you fall I'll always be there to catch you ~ Floor

(in reply to CreativeDominant)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: I've Given Up On Free Spankings (And I'm A Lot Happ... - 12/27/2014 10:22:58 AM   
CreativeDominant


Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LiveSpark

And yet CD it has been my experience there are so many undominant "Doms" out there that realistically the choice isn't that high.

They can't all be weal and twue "Domly-dom" (assumes "the stance") types such as...ahem...moi. ~does the nod~

(in reply to LiveSpark)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: I've Given Up On Free Spankings (And I'm A Lot Happ... - 12/27/2014 10:29:40 AM   
Spiritedsub2


Posts: 3316
Joined: 7/18/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LiveSpark

And yet CD it has been my experience there are so many undominant "Doms" out there that realistically the choice isn't that high.


I'll say it again: the odds are good but the goods are odd.

_____________________________

Don’t grieve. Anything you lose comes round in another form.
~ Rumi

Laughing Dolphin

(in reply to LiveSpark)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: I've Given Up On Free Spankings (And I'm A Lot Happ... - 12/27/2014 10:40:24 AM   
LiveSpark


Posts: 808
Joined: 12/25/2014
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant


quote:

ORIGINAL: LiveSpark

And yet CD it has been my experience there are so many undominant "Doms" out there that realistically the choice isn't that high.

They can't all be weal and twue "Domly-dom" (assumes "the stance") types such as...ahem...moi. ~does the nod~


oooooo the stance...the nod...a weal twue dom at last <drops in a weal twue subly faint>

_____________________________

I've been here as MontrealPhoenix, zephyr and
TheFireWithinMe.

I also have the sarcasm gene which is NOT to be taken seriously.

If you fall I'll always be there to catch you ~ Floor

(in reply to CreativeDominant)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: I've Given Up On Free Spankings (And I'm A Lot Happ... - 12/27/2014 10:41:44 AM   
LiveSpark


Posts: 808
Joined: 12/25/2014
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Spiritedsub2


quote:

ORIGINAL: LiveSpark

And yet CD it has been my experience there are so many undominant "Doms" out there that realistically the choice isn't that high.


I'll say it again: the odds are good but the goods are odd.


And occasionally the goods are really, really alarmingly odd lol

_____________________________

I've been here as MontrealPhoenix, zephyr and
TheFireWithinMe.

I also have the sarcasm gene which is NOT to be taken seriously.

If you fall I'll always be there to catch you ~ Floor

(in reply to Spiritedsub2)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: I've Given Up On Free Spankings (And I'm A Lot Happ... - 12/27/2014 11:01:29 AM   
CreativeDominant


Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LiveSpark


quote:

ORIGINAL: Spiritedsub2


quote:

ORIGINAL: LiveSpark

And yet CD it has been my experience there are so many undominant "Doms" out there that realistically the choice isn't that high.


I'll say it again: the odds are good but the goods are odd.


And occasionally the goods are really, really alarmingly odd lol
---->odd but CHARMINGLY so<----

(in reply to LiveSpark)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: I've Given Up On Free Spankings (And I'm A Lot Happ... - 12/27/2014 11:08:26 AM   
LiveSpark


Posts: 808
Joined: 12/25/2014
Status: offline 		Sadly no, just really really ODD. Charming falls into the other category

_____________________________

I've been here as MontrealPhoenix, zephyr and
TheFireWithinMe.

I also have the sarcasm gene which is NOT to be taken seriously.

If you fall I'll always be there to catch you ~ Floor

(in reply to CreativeDominant)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: I've Given Up On Free Spankings (And I'm A Lot Happ... - 12/27/2014 2:51:21 PM   
MissToYouRedux


Posts: 867
Joined: 1/23/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FieryOpal

OP says he is "paying for both the spanking and for their silence." Plus he wants more the Disciplinarian and has to go the Pro-Domme route, and can't get by with a cheaper call girl acting as a BDSM Top.



Then the OP has made the best choice for [almost] all concerned.

_____________________________

- Miss Marie


(in reply to FieryOpal)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: I've Given Up On Free Spankings (And I'm A Lot Happ... - 12/27/2014 2:55:17 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		I could go to a bar tonight and find a guy willing to spank me before having sex. It's easy for a woman to do.

I'm not going to because I only play/have sex inside a committed relationship. Men are much more likely to be satisfied with casual play/sex than women are.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to MissToYouRedux)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: I've Given Up On Free Spankings (And I'm A Lot Happ... - 12/27/2014 6:15:17 PM   
GotSteel


Posts: 5871
Joined: 2/19/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SecretInNYC
I do find it interesting that women spanking bottoms don't have the same problem. There are plenty of men who, in effect, are service Tops. Spanking whoever wants it and doing the heavy lifting. No complaints from them. I wonder why the gender gap.


I wouldn't necessarily call the tops doing spanking scenes service tops any more than I'd call the bottoms getting spanked service bottoms. In my experience both roles are often filled by people motivated by their own enjoyment of the act.

(in reply to SecretInNYC)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: I've Given Up On Free Spankings (And I'm A Lot Happ... - 12/27/2014 9:43:19 PM   
BecomingV


Posts: 916
Joined: 11/11/2013
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SecretInNYC

Having spent a good long time on various kinky social sites looking for female dominant spankers, I've now abandoned that and gone the pro route.

>>>edited

Enter the Pro Domme. Although there are only a handful who are primarily spankers and understand the kink, there are enough that I'm able to get exactly what I'm looking for on a a somewhat regular basis. The feel of the scene is exactly right. The intensity of the session is what I'm happy with. For the time I'm with the pro, I get her full attention.


First, kudos for finding your happy space within the BDSM community. That's the goal for everyone so congrats!

It took a while for me to understand a few variations of this lifestyle and Pro-Dommes is one of those. I'm adamantly against prostitution because we now know regardless of their current ages, that 98% of all of them began as children because of incest, poverty or greed. They simply haven't escaped yet, or died yet. It's unconscionable.

So, I came to the issue of Pro-Dommes with the same fears of exploitation and victimization. I'm okay with it now because it seems this is not the case. These women are making grown women choices and they profit from those choices. Unlike prostitution, this is a win/win relationship, so I support it as a career option and as a consumer need.

Best of luck to you!

(in reply to SecretInNYC)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: I've Given Up On Free Spankings (And I'm A Lot Happ... - 12/28/2014 8:01:53 AM   
cloudboy


Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
Status: offline
I'm curious what you've learned about pro-dommes in your experience. What's the good and what's the bad?

(in reply to SecretInNYC)
Profile   Post #: 20
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