Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

How to Find a Sustainable Solution


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> How to Find a Sustainable Solution Page: [1]
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
How to Find a Sustainable Solution - 12/29/2014 10:22:02 AM   
nicenerd


Posts: 2
Joined: 12/27/2014
Status: offline 		To me the ideal situation would be to have a attractive (i.e. hot) Femdom wife with whom I could live happily ever after.

It seems like this ideal scenario is pretty unlikely, at least in my area. You can find a really hot Femdom, but she may be a pro, or if you're really lucky she may be lifestyle without any "financial fetish" but in my experience most ladies who fall into that are not seeking the sub as their husband and exclusive lifetime companion. OTOH, there are some ladies who are less attractive but meet the other criteria.

My question is -- is it worth it to hold out for that ideal scenario, or is it better to bend a little in terms of either seeking a potential spouse or the things you're looking for in that spouse?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: How to Find a Sustainable Solution - 12/29/2014 10:42:39 AM   
NookieNotes


Posts: 1720
Joined: 11/10/2013
Status: offline 		Only you can answer that for yourself.

Why would what any of us have to say matter to you. Will it change what you will be happy with in your life?

Gosh. I hope not.

For me, I don't settle for less than ideal. Why would I? But then, I've never wanted a movie-star looking dude. I have far different priorities.

_____________________________

Nookie
--
https://datingkinky.com

I Write! A few of my books on Amazon: http://amazon.com/author/msnnotes

(in reply to nicenerd)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: How to Find a Sustainable Solution - 12/29/2014 12:07:10 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		Lessee.

You want a woman who is:

Dominant
Hot
Lifestyle rather than pro
Monogamous
Looking for an LTR

You're asking whether you should bend on criteria. I get the feeling that the main criterion up for grabs is the attractiveness one.

Dunno. As my girlfriend NookieNotes said, it depends on you. Keep two things in mind:

1. Her looks will not hold up with age. Neither will your vision.
2. Weird things happen when people get involved. I've seen a monogamous straight woman attracted to both Tasha and myself. I've seen Dominant lesbians who were submissive to a male life partner. If you've got game, your playing field may be wider than you think.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to NookieNotes)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: How to Find a Sustainable Solution - 12/29/2014 1:08:47 PM   
FieryOpal


Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline 		Okay, a reality check is in order. What you seek is not undoable, not absolutely unrealistic, but not totally realistic either.
There's nothing wrong with having ideals or wanting an ideal life partner. "Ideal" as in ideal for you, without feeling as though you're settling, and without making your partner feel as if you're settling for less than what you want.

You're 30. You sound as if you're ready to settle down, but are you really?
Are you content with where you are in life right now? Your career? Your finances? Plans for the future?

You call yourself a nerd. Are you what you think your "ideal" Mistress would be looking for in a mate? What is your age range? What would hers be?

I'll be honest with you. You might be able to find an attractive Domme in her 30s who's marriage-minded, but she can easily pull a virile male sub in his 40s who has a whole lot more going for him, along with emotional maturity (conceivably) and financial stability.
What makes you the better catch for her? Will she find you as "hot" as you expect her to be for you?

Nobody's looks are going to hold up in the long haul. That's besides the point. Personally, I find good health and overall fitness to be more important than looks.
What if you meet a Domme who is a nerd like you? How important are character traits such as integrity to you? Sense of humor? Playfulness? Somebody whose company you can enjoy? Intelligence? You don't even mention intelligence in your profile other than a brief reference to wanting to find a "compatible" partner. What if you (think you) find your Holy Grail, but neither of you can carry on an interesting conversation with one another or don't share the same life goals? Then what?

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to nicenerd)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: How to Find a Sustainable Solution - 12/29/2014 1:57:35 PM   
nicenerd


Posts: 2
Joined: 12/27/2014
Status: offline 		Thanks for the answers! :)

(in reply to FieryOpal)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: How to Find a Sustainable Solution - 12/29/2014 2:57:28 PM   
NookieNotes


Posts: 1720
Joined: 11/10/2013
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

Dunno. As my girlfriend NookieNotes said, it depends on you.


Squee! He called me his girlfriend! *fans self*

And to the OP: How much of that do you have to offer? What are you on the attractiveness scale? I figure I'm about a 7 - 7.5. I rate my Pet an 8 or more. But he has so much more going for him besides that... and well, I'm a FemDom, and in demand.

Well, not so much demand, but I have more going for me than looks, too. Thank goodness. I'm 41. LOL!

_____________________________

Nookie
--
https://datingkinky.com

I Write! A few of my books on Amazon: http://amazon.com/author/msnnotes

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: How to Find a Sustainable Solution - 12/29/2014 3:20:03 PM   
eulero83


Posts: 1470
Joined: 11/4/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: nicenerd

To me the ideal situation would be to have a attractive (i.e. hot) Femdom wife with whom I could live happily ever after.

It seems like this ideal scenario is pretty unlikely, at least in my area. You can find a really hot Femdom, but she may be a pro, or if you're really lucky she may be lifestyle without any "financial fetish" but in my experience most ladies who fall into that are not seeking the sub as their husband and exclusive lifetime companion. OTOH, there are some ladies who are less attractive but meet the other criteria.

My question is -- is it worth it to hold out for that ideal scenario, or is it better to bend a little in terms of either seeking a potential spouse or the things you're looking for in that spouse?


In my opinion you are less likely to find her here than in real life, so if you don't want to take chances in falling in love for a non dominant girl search for bdsm events in your area and attend them. If you think love trumps your special needs start from hotness and see if you are lucky and her kinks will meet yours.

p.s. I really wish you the best luck in your search.

< Message edited by eulero83 -- 12/29/2014 3:21:27 PM >

(in reply to nicenerd)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: How to Find a Sustainable Solution - 12/29/2014 3:25:03 PM   
eulero83


Posts: 1470
Joined: 11/4/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FieryOpal
I'll be honest with you. You might be able to find an attractive Domme in her 30s who's marriage-minded, but she can easily pull a virile male sub in his 40s who has a whole lot more going for him, along with emotional maturity (conceivably) and financial stability.
What makes you the better catch for her? Will she find you as "hot" as you expect her to be for you?


He's 30 he can still aim for a girl in her 20s... why should he settle for a spinster?

(in reply to FieryOpal)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: How to Find a Sustainable Solution - 12/29/2014 3:42:15 PM   
FieryOpal


Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: eulero83
quote:

ORIGINAL: FieryOpal

I'll be honest with you. You might be able to find an attractive Domme in her 30s who's marriage-minded, but she can easily pull a virile male sub in his 40s who has a whole lot more going for him, along with emotional maturity (conceivably) and financial stability.
What makes you the better catch for her? Will she find you as "hot" as you expect her to be for you?

He's 30 he can still aim for a girl in her 20s... why should he settle for a spinster?

If he's been targeting "Dommes" in their 20s, then that's why he hasn't been meeting with any success. How many women do you know in their 20s who are ready to settle down with a submissive male and/or who aren't materialistically minded? Remember, he's trying to find a lifestyle Domme for his mate, one who isn't (also) a (poly) Fin-Domme with multiple subs.

A woman in her 30s is hardly a spinster. I'm almost tempted to use the "s" word about your post. Would you say that about a man in his 30s?--like yourself? A divorced woman in her 40s is hardly a spinster either (not that either she nor OP would make a suitable match, given generational gap/stage-of-life priority issues, assuming that OP wants to start a family of his own).

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to eulero83)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: How to Find a Sustainable Solution - 12/29/2014 4:21:09 PM   
eulero83


Posts: 1470
Joined: 11/4/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FieryOpal

quote:

ORIGINAL: eulero83
quote:

ORIGINAL: FieryOpal

I'll be honest with you. You might be able to find an attractive Domme in her 30s who's marriage-minded, but she can easily pull a virile male sub in his 40s who has a whole lot more going for him, along with emotional maturity (conceivably) and financial stability.
What makes you the better catch for her? Will she find you as "hot" as you expect her to be for you?

He's 30 he can still aim for a girl in her 20s... why should he settle for a spinster?

If he's been targeting "Dommes" in their 20s, then that's why he hasn't been meeting with any success. How many women do you know in their 20s who are ready to settle down with a submissive male and/or who aren't materialistically minded? Remember, he's trying to find a lifestyle Domme for his mate, one who isn't (also) a (poly) Fin-Domme with multiple subs.

A woman in her 30s is hardly a spinster. I'm almost tempted to use the "s" word about your post. Would you say that about a man in his 30s?--like yourself? A divorced woman in her 40s is hardly a spinster either (not that either she nor OP would make a suitable match, given generational gap/stage-of-life priority issues, assuming that OP wants to start a family of his own).


I honestly just wanted to annoy you.

(in reply to FieryOpal)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: How to Find a Sustainable Solution - 12/29/2014 4:27:23 PM   
FieryOpal


Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: eulero83
quote:

ORIGINAL: FieryOpal
quote:

ORIGINAL: eulero83

He's 30 he can still aim for a girl in her 20s... why should he settle for a spinster?

If he's been targeting "Dommes" in their 20s, then that's why he hasn't been meeting with any success. How many women do you know in their 20s who are ready to settle down with a submissive male and/or who aren't materialistically minded? Remember, he's trying to find a lifestyle Domme for his mate, one who isn't (also) a (poly) Fin-Domme with multiple subs.

A woman in her 30s is hardly a spinster. I'm almost tempted to use the "s" word about your post. Would you say that about a man in his 30s?--like yourself? A divorced woman in her 40s is hardly a spinster either (not that either she nor OP would make a suitable match, given generational gap/stage-of-life priority issues, assuming that OP wants to start a family of his own).

I honestly just wanted to annoy you.

You succeeded. Never took you for being a *bratty* sub, though. Aren't you native-born Italian guys supposed to be suave lovers? (Now I'm being the annoying one, hehe.)

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to eulero83)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: How to Find a Sustainable Solution - 12/29/2014 5:18:55 PM   
LookieNoNookie


Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
Status: offline 		I've wanted a sustainable solution for years.

A Domme who's carbon footprint is smaller than the beatings.

That's what I want...won't accept anything less.

It's all about methane.

(in reply to nicenerd)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: How to Find a Sustainable Solution - 12/30/2014 12:41:53 AM   
eulero83


Posts: 1470
Joined: 11/4/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FieryOpal

You succeeded. Never took you for being a *bratty* sub, though. Aren't you native-born Italian guys supposed to be suave lovers? (Now I'm being the annoying one, hehe.)


During courtship yes, after moving in... just oversized babies prone to cheating. According to this blogger we make good one night stands though

< Message edited by eulero83 -- 12/30/2014 12:42:38 AM >

(in reply to FieryOpal)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: How to Find a Sustainable Solution - 12/30/2014 1:14:42 AM   
FieryOpal


Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: eulero83

During courtship yes, after moving in... just oversized babies prone to cheating. According to this blogger we make good one night stands though

Bait and switch, huh? Isn't that what a lot of men complain about? Not enough nookie once the honeymoon is over? In direct correlation, perhaps, to the death throes of romance? *musingly*

I like the author's commentary, "where an American guy might treat a one-night-stand like a prostitute (because they were raised by monkeys, apparently), Italian guys still usually lay on the sweet stuff."

Well, I can cross Italian men off my list, along with the crossed-out Frenchmen who can't keep their pants zipped up. There are always exceptions, of course.

< Message edited by FieryOpal -- 12/30/2014 1:15:52 AM >

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to eulero83)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: How to Find a Sustainable Solution - 12/30/2014 1:26:15 AM   
Wickad


Posts: 428
Joined: 3/12/2005
Status: offline 		(fast reply)

Too much porn.

... ohhh, and entitlement!

(in reply to FieryOpal)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: How to Find a Sustainable Solution - 12/30/2014 3:52:29 AM   
eulero83


Posts: 1470
Joined: 11/4/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FieryOpal

quote:

ORIGINAL: eulero83

During courtship yes, after moving in... just oversized babies prone to cheating. According to this blogger we make good one night stands though

Bait and switch, huh? Isn't that what a lot of men complain about? Not enough nookie once the honeymoon is over? In direct correlation, perhaps, to the death throes of romance? *musingly*

I like the author's commentary, "where an American guy might treat a one-night-stand like a prostitute (because they were raised by monkeys, apparently), Italian guys still usually lay on the sweet stuff."

Well, I can cross Italian men off my list, along with the crossed-out Frenchmen who can't keep their pants zipped up. There are always exceptions, of course.


The bait part is kind of cultural, chinese have the "loss of face" concept we raise it and have the "bella figura" one, keeping up with that 24/7 is just impossible so the switch is inevitable.
I don't know, here most man complaints are about loss of freedom, ususally the loss of time they are allowd to watch or play football (soccer for you) with their friends after moving in.
It's not about lack sex it's just sometimes you don't want to be the only one being cheated in the couple.
No it's usually related to in-laws intrusions.

You are probably right, but not for the cheating part, that's easly solved with a CB6000, it's more about cultural differences and the reasons I gave you a passive-aggressive answer to your post.

(in reply to FieryOpal)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: How to Find a Sustainable Solution - 1/10/2015 12:48:35 PM   
QueenRah


Posts: 380
Joined: 6/3/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LookieNoNookie

I've wanted a sustainable solution for years.

A Domme who's carbon footprint is smaller than the beatings.

That's what I want...won't accept anything less.

It's all about methane.


You mean, someone who doesn't fart?? That would be ideal. For both parties.

_____________________________

Life's too short to drink cheap booze!

(in reply to LookieNoNookie)
Profile   Post #: 17
Page:   [1]
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> How to Find a Sustainable Solution Page: [1]
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.219