Ask a sadist... fearful of your own sadism? (Full Version)

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orgasmdenial12 -> Ask a sadist... fearful of your own sadism? (1/10/2015 2:37:39 PM)

I guess this is more a question for sadists, although it equally applies to sadistic Masters / Mistresses / Doms / Dommes and Tops too.

I am curious as to how you became comfortable with your own sadism and lost any residual feelings of guilt or apprehension about enjoying the pain of others?

We are raised to believe that good partners are gentle and kind to each other, that they feel their loved one's pain or distress and act to end it.

Knowing all of this, how do you smile when your submissive screams and enjoy the arousal it brings? How do revel in your sadism, rather than wondering where it will all end up?

I remember in my early days as a submissive, I used to wonder where it would lead me; would I end up in a cold, dank cellar somewhere, chained to a wall and eating out of a dog bowl, hardly able to speak or think of myself as human?

Now, of course, I think it would be kind of fun even if that did happen ;-) But I know some beginner sadists feel the same unease; they wonder if they will turn into a bad person, if they will lose empathy for their loved one, if it is wrong to be aroused when their partner is screaming, with tears rolling down their face?

So, for the sadists, were you fearful of your own sadism in the beginning? And how did you lose that fear, or do you still have it?

Thanks :-)

OD12






sheisreeds -> RE: Ask a sadist... fearful of your own sadism? (1/10/2015 5:04:01 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: orgasmdenial12

I guess this is more a question for sadists, although it equally applies to sadistic Masters / Mistresses / Doms / Dommes and Tops too.


I'm guessing this also includes switches ;)

quote:


I am curious as to how you became comfortable with your own sadism and lost any residual feelings of guilt or apprehension about enjoying the pain of others?


This to me is two different questions:

How did you become comfortable with your own sadism?

Through practicing it. I started out light and felt my way through the limits of muscle, tissue, breath, and skin. Just like any other skill with time I developed competence. When I punch, kick, spank, hit, cane, choke, cut, and set my partner on fire I have a pretty good sense of the damage I'm going to do.

When did you lose any residual feelings of guilt or apprehension about enjoying the pain of others?

I never had any guilt about enjoying the pain of others. I had apprehension only in the sense of not wanting to cause unintended harm, which resolved with the above stated practice.

quote:

We are raised to believe that good partners are gentle and kind to each other, that they feel their loved one's pain or distress and act to end it.


Yes, but it never felt natural.

quote:

Knowing all of this, how do you smile when your submissive screams and enjoy the arousal it brings?


Some of the screams and suffering are give me's since my partner is fully enjoying the suffering itself. When they are truly suffering and/or afraid that's often the best, because I get power over them and their suffering all in one go. I don't feel guilty about it because I choose partners who enjoy that kind of submission. Our relationship wouldn't have lasted 6 years if he didn't like the fact that he doesn't get anything nice for free ;)

quote:

How do revel in your sadism, rather than wondering where it will all end up?


I maintain a healthy respect, and recognize the risks involved. However, as a sadist I also get off on that hypervigilence and risk. Attending to the need for appropriate caution is part of the whole power trip. When it becomes my responsibility to look after our safety, then I'm really in control.

Maintaining this synergy is a careful balancing act. If for whatever reason the responsibility is overwhelming: lack of experience in that kind of torture, feeling tired, etc; then my responsibility is to lessen to lessen the risk and/or control. If I'm learning something new I rely on regular feedback from my partner, if I'm tired I go for something less edgy or not play at all.

quote:

I remember in my early days as a submissive, I used to wonder where it would lead me; would I end up in a cold, dank cellar somewhere, chained to a wall and eating out of a dog bowl, hardly able to speak or think of myself as human?


What's funny is as a masochist and submissive I too had those fears when I dove into the deep end of BDSM. They resolved fairly quickly, but I still had them. As a sadist I never really worried about losing myself. I'm curious to see responses to this thread, since I wonder a bit if I didn't have that fear because I had already gone through the other end of it.

Or is it simply that as a dominant and/or sadist the name of the game is control, and as a submissive and/or masochist it is all about releasing control.

It is one of those intellectually masturbatory concepts that is interesting to think about, but in the end has endless answers and little meaning ;)

quote:

So, for the sadists, were you fearful of your own sadism in the beginning? And how did you lose that fear, or do you still have it?


Again, I wasn't fearful of my sadism itself, I however was very concerned about causing unintentional harm, and still am. In my own approach to play caution, and respect for the risks involved is an important thing.



GotSteel -> RE: Ask a sadist... fearful of your own sadism? (1/10/2015 6:41:53 PM)


I think this is where a meat space community really helps, for my girl meeting nice normal people that were like her really helped her get more comfortable with herself.



FieryOpal -> RE: Ask a sadist... fearful of your own sadism? (1/10/2015 6:45:07 PM)

I'm probably one of the least qualified Dominants here to respond to your questions because I don't consider myself a sadist, not even a Sensual Sadist.

But OP, it was you who caused me to rethink this a while back from post(s) you had made about what constituted masochism. Introspectively, I realized that I must have a mentally sadistic streak in me in order to have engaged with my long-time partner the way that I had in terms of the sexual humiliation he wanted. I do know, however, that I don't get into emotional sadism or mindfucks, much less physical sadism and edge play.

In any event, I believe it would be misleading for me to call myself a sadist since I don't seek a masochistic sub. Ordinarily, I'm not looking for one who wants to be humiliated either. Sado-masochism is so marginal or so circumstantial, that it can be bypassed.

I don't enjoy the pain of others. In fact, I have an empathetic nature and can't stand to see anyone suffer. When I was young, we were driving through dangerously narrow and winding passes in the Rockies, and there was a car accident up ahead. There were treacherous bends in the road, so there was no telling what had happened. I saw a boy around my age being carried out by a paramedic from a crumpled car that had run into the guard railing. He was sobbing and blood was running down his leg. I'll never forget the pained expression on his face, his anguish. I don't know whether his parents were alive or had been killed. Although I can stand the sight of blood, I can't stand to see open wounds, not even those shown in films. My hand automatically goes up to cover my eyes.

The reason why I could engage in BDSM was to get to the D/s. It was a conduit. Men need to go through the physical motion of things, which is why I believe more men are fetishists than women are. Fetishes involve ritual. For D/s to become real and tangible to many people, they need to undergo these symbolic rituals. It's no different than with religion in that respect.

I have absolutely no clue how anybody could desire to have freedom of choice taken away from them. For a submissive to want to be overpowered and hand over control to another is puzzling enough, but then to want to be mistreated inhumanely in a way that I wouldn't even treat a dog, is total anathema to me. I just don't get it.

Although I have owned that Bitchy part of me which is capable of sadistic action, I am not proud of it. I don't fear it, the same as I don't fear losing my self-control or becoming a full-time Bitch - correction, Sadistic Bitch - because that isn't who I am at the core of my being.



DarkSteven -> RE: Ask a sadist... fearful of your own sadism? (1/10/2015 10:47:51 PM)

I'm a spanker. I have a barrier pushing past the point of tears. I'm working on that.

I need the aftercare to reassure myself that I did not go too far.



orgasmdenial12 -> RE: Ask a sadist... fearful of your own sadism? (1/11/2015 5:11:17 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: FieryOpal
Although I have owned that Bitchy part of me which is capable of sadistic action, I am not proud of it.


Strangely, although you don't identify as sadistic, I think this is very relevant to what I am asking. Do sadists ever feel ashamed of their sadism? I know so many sadists who become obviously, physically aroused when they see their submissive in pain, yet they hesitate to describe themselves as sadists or to revel in that arousal.

Of course, seeing unintentional, accidental, non-consensual pain (like the victim of the car crash that you described) is upsetting. How do sadists acknowledge their pleasure in seeing their loved one suffer, whilst switching off that response when seeing pain in the outside world?



ExiledTyrant -> RE: Ask a sadist... fearful of your own sadism? (1/11/2015 6:39:41 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: orgasmdenial12


So, for the sadists, were you fearful of your own sadism in the beginning? And how did you lose that fear, or do you still have it?

Thanks :-)

OD12



I am Primal, and carefully so. It takes time to learn where another's threshold is in regards to biting, hair pulling, scratching, gripping, take down, etc... I'd rather start off too gentle than too rough. It is so much better for her to urge me to be more viscous than have her recoil or withdraw from the "space/moment". Once I know where that level is, it is rooted in my subconscious and I will always ride the razors edge of too much, but not push past that. The drop from her sharp recoil/withdraw is not only harsh on her, it's pretty harsh on me.



LiveSpark -> RE: Ask a sadist... fearful of your own sadism? (1/11/2015 6:43:43 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: ExiledTyrant


quote:

ORIGINAL: orgasmdenial12


So, for the sadists, were you fearful of your own sadism in the beginning? And how did you lose that fear, or do you still have it?

Thanks :-)

OD12



I am Primal, and carefully so. It takes time to learn where another's threshold is in regards to biting, hair pulling, scratching, gripping, take down, etc... I'd rather start off too gentle than too rough. It is so much better for her to urge me to be more viscous than have her recoil or withdraw from the "space/moment". Once I know where that level is, it is rooted in my subconscious and I will always ride the razors edge of too much, but not push past that. The drop from her sharp recoil/withdraw is not only harsh on her, it's pretty harsh on me.


And that ET is why I would trust you enough to play with you. A sign of one of the good ones. OP take note.



Aibo -> RE: Ask a sadist... fearful of your own sadism? (1/11/2015 6:43:55 AM)

"So, for the sadists, were you fearful of your own sadism in the beginning? And how did you lose that fear, or do you still have it?
"

Yes though "fearful" is not quite the right word.
But I did have a lot of internal conflict over how I am wired.

And no I do not have any problems with this nowadays, especially since I have spend considerable time with two females that turned out to be ahead of me in this game. =)



Gauge -> RE: Ask a sadist... fearful of your own sadism? (1/11/2015 8:01:10 AM)

This is a fast reply.

There is a dark side of every human being, that side that a lot of people deny exists within them, this side of human beings has the potential for great and terrible destruction. It was when I embraced that part of me that I became aware of how easy it would be to slip into that abyss... ExiledTyrant refers to that side as "primal" which is an apt description.

Learning this about myself and understanding the sinister allure of that potential, it provided me with an interesting perspective because I now had to respect and control that darkness. My first encounter with a submissive that wanted me to slap her while fucking was an intriguing experience for me. On one hand I was breaking everything I was ever taught about not hitting a woman, and on the other hand she was writhing in explosive orgasms and it turned me on to no end. For the first time in my life, I felt that surge of power that emanated from deep within me and there was no turning back.

Because I know of the attraction, I can easily control it because I do not want to destroy anyone, but I do let it peek its head out every now and then to play in the sandbox for awhile.



FieryOpal -> RE: Ask a sadist... fearful of your own sadism? (1/11/2015 8:12:57 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

I'm a spanker. I have a barrier pushing past the point of tears. I'm working on that.

I need the aftercare to reassure myself that I did not go too far.

I'm an erotic spanker. Light spanking goes with ass play for me. I need erotic variety in terms of changing it up with the same partner; I'm not spending 30-45 minutes on any one thing. Pff-ft. (Not interested in learning how to do intricate and time-consuming rope-tying, not surprisingly; using restraints to me are a means to an end.)

I enjoy aftercare, since that also involves components of eroticism and intimately emotional bonding. The need for my sub's physical aftercare is minimal, as I only skirt the edges of mild sado-masochism for erotic and/or Domination-control purposes, to inflict pleasure not suffering. I don't seek control over or power over another, but to have the control to effect and the power to be a catalyst.

quote:

ORIGINAL: orgasmdenial12
quote:

ORIGINAL: FieryOpal

Although I have owned that Bitchy part of me which is capable of sadistic action, I am not proud of it.

Strangely, although you don't identify as sadistic, I think this is very relevant to what I am asking. Do sadists ever feel ashamed of their sadism? I know so many sadists who become obviously, physically aroused when they see their submissive in pain, yet they hesitate to describe themselves as sadists or to revel in that arousal.

Of course, seeing unintentional, accidental, non-consensual pain (like the victim of the car crash that you described) is upsetting. How do sadists acknowledge their pleasure in seeing their loved one suffer, whilst switching off that response when seeing pain in the outside world?

I'm not proud of being a disciplinarian, yet I won't hesitate to rise to the task. I would rather give positive reinforcement. So it's different than feeling shame, guilt or regret.

Interestingly, a male sub friend of mine remarked the other year that my use of nipple clamps would make me sadistic. My riding crop, nipple clamps and/or clothespins, play toys - and even with primal play, per ExiledTyrant's post - is never about inflicting pain for me, but to augment erotic pleasure or heighten arousal/passion in the bedroom. I keep BDSM light and mild, because it's really the D/s that I'm after.



RockaRolla -> RE: Ask a sadist... fearful of your own sadism? (1/11/2015 3:22:56 PM)

From a strictly play standpoint, I'm still in that apprehensive stage. I've got a partner with a masochistic streak, and a part of me likes to indulge that side. But I still struggle with the idea that causing pain can be a good thing.

I remember that he asked for that kind of play, he enjoys it, and he enjoys the aftercare in the form of snuggling. I also know that he'll communicate if something goes wrong. Knowing that helps me come to terms with the sadistic side of me and help her wake up.



CreativeDominant -> RE: Ask a sadist... fearful of your own sadism? (1/14/2015 12:22:39 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: orgasmdenial12

I guess this is more a question for sadists, although it equally applies to sadistic Masters / Mistresses / Doms / Dommes and Tops too.

I am curious as to how you became comfortable with your own sadism and lost any residual feelings of guilt or apprehension about enjoying the pain of others?

We are raised to believe that good partners are gentle and kind to each other, that they feel their loved one's pain or distress and act to end it.

Knowing all of this, how do you smile when your submissive screams and enjoy the arousal it brings? How do revel in your sadism, rather than wondering where it will all end up?

I remember in my early days as a submissive, I used to wonder where it would lead me; would I end up in a cold, dank cellar somewhere, chained to a wall and eating out of a dog bowl, hardly able to speak or think of myself as human?

Now, of course, I think it would be kind of fun even if that did happen ;-) But I know some beginner sadists feel the same unease; they wonder if they will turn into a bad person, if they will lose empathy for their loved one, if it is wrong to be aroused when their partner is screaming, with tears rolling down their face?

So, for the sadists, were you fearful of your own sadism in the beginning? And how did you lose that fear, or do you still have it?

Thanks :-)

OD12

This has been discussed before but it's one of those topics it's always good to see come back because there are always new viewpoints.

I've been at this for 15 years now. In the beginning, I had a hard time reconciling my growing desire to hurt and the arousal that came with it with my professional credo of "First...Do No Harm". One of the first things that helped was distinguishing the difference between "hurt" And "harm". Then came learning what "good hurt" constituted. Then finally, learning the difference between those of a masochistic nature...those who found the infliction of pain on themselves arousing...and those who either struggled to endure any sort of pain strictly for the Dominant and those who wore their pain as a sign of their victimhood. I wanted nothing to do with the last two types.

Time to begin. I had a sadistic individual who had already begun exploring his dominance...me. Seeking out submissives who enjoyed their masochism. I started slowly. I had fairly short, simple sessions with experienced masochists in which the desires for pain and arousal in both parties were satisfied. I began to learn what made me happy, what made different partners happy...similarities (spanking seeming to be the biggest one)...and differences (reaction to hair-pulling is an interesting study). I learned to
start slow and fairly mild (something I still do with a new partner, especially given my nature to include some aspect of my primal nature into play) and learned my limits. I learned new ways to hurt...some worked for me, some didn't. I began to explore the mental aspects of my sadism. I learned that a combination of dominance, mental play and physical play worked really well whether expressed in intricate ways or simple ways.

At first, there was fear. Fear I'd get so caught up that I'd harm somebody...Fear that I wouldn't go far enough to please someone...etc, etc. But I was always thinking...observing myself and my partner...communicating with other sadists and masochists...learning. I saw that as my experience and my ability to lease grew, so did my confidence and enjoyment. As My experience and confidence grew, my fear lessened. As my experiences proved to me the validity of others enjoying masochistic pleasure at my sadistic hands/mind, my negative feelings...what few there'd been...went away.

Now...to have a submissive masochist on her knees, face and shoulders to the bed, hands tied behind her, nipples clamped and pressed into an icebag, warming balm on her clit, me inside her while spanking her round, upturned ass...Ahhhhh.



wickkeddesire -> RE: Ask a sadist... fearful of your own sadism? (1/14/2015 1:02:39 PM)

I am me. I am always who I have always been
But and someone else already said this(ish)
We would be careful on whose soul we unleash our soul upon many reasons for this being so
We are not all pretend monsters, or stereotypical monsters well but a handful of us

i could write more but i see little point in doing so



LiveSpark -> RE: Ask a sadist... fearful of your own sadism? (1/15/2015 4:30:07 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant

quote:

ORIGINAL: orgasmdenial12

I guess this is more a question for sadists, although it equally applies to sadistic Masters / Mistresses / Doms / Dommes and Tops too.

I am curious as to how you became comfortable with your own sadism and lost any residual feelings of guilt or apprehension about enjoying the pain of others?

We are raised to believe that good partners are gentle and kind to each other, that they feel their loved one's pain or distress and act to end it.

Knowing all of this, how do you smile when your submissive screams and enjoy the arousal it brings? How do revel in your sadism, rather than wondering where it will all end up?

I remember in my early days as a submissive, I used to wonder where it would lead me; would I end up in a cold, dank cellar somewhere, chained to a wall and eating out of a dog bowl, hardly able to speak or think of myself as human?

Now, of course, I think it would be kind of fun even if that did happen ;-) But I know some beginner sadists feel the same unease; they wonder if they will turn into a bad person, if they will lose empathy for their loved one, if it is wrong to be aroused when their partner is screaming, with tears rolling down their face?

So, for the sadists, were you fearful of your own sadism in the beginning? And how did you lose that fear, or do you still have it?

Thanks :-)

OD12

This has been discussed before but it's one of those topics it's always good to see come back because there are always new viewpoints.

I've been at this for 15 years now. In the beginning, I had a hard time reconciling my growing desire to hurt and the arousal that came with it with my professional credo of "First...Do No Harm". One of the first things that helped was distinguishing the difference between "hurt" And "harm". Then came learning what "good hurt" constituted. Then finally, learning the difference between those of a masochistic nature...those who found the infliction of pain on themselves arousing...and those who either struggled to endure any sort of pain strictly for the Dominant and those who wore their pain as a sign of their victimhood. I wanted nothing to do with the last two types.

Time to begin. I had a sadistic individual who had already begun exploring his dominance...me. Seeking out submissives who enjoyed their masochism. I started slowly. I had fairly short, simple sessions with experienced masochists in which the desires for pain and arousal in both parties were satisfied. I began to learn what made me happy, what made different partners happy...similarities (spanking seeming to be the biggest one)...and differences (reaction to hair-pulling is an interesting study). I learned to
start slow and fairly mild (something I still do with a new partner, especially given my nature to include some aspect of my primal nature into play) and learned my limits. I learned new ways to hurt...some worked for me, some didn't. I began to explore the mental aspects of my sadism. I learned that a combination of dominance, mental play and physical play worked really well whether expressed in intricate ways or simple ways.

At first, there was fear. Fear I'd get so caught up that I'd harm somebody...Fear that I wouldn't go far enough to please someone...etc, etc. But I was always thinking...observing myself and my partner...communicating with other sadists and masochists...learning. I saw that as my experience and my ability to lease grew, so did my confidence and enjoyment. As My experience and confidence grew, my fear lessened. As my experiences proved to me the validity of others enjoying masochistic pleasure at my sadistic hands/mind, my negative feelings...what few there'd been...went away.

Now...to have a submissive masochist on her knees, face and shoulders to the bed, hands tied behind her, nipples clamped and pressed into an icebag, warming balm on her clit, me inside her while spanking her round, upturned ass...Ahhhhh.


That you had those concerns, particularly regarding the safety of the masochists you were working with, tells me that you're one of the good ones. Much better that a sadist just starting out be too cautious at first than to go at it full tilt without regard for the safety of his partner.



DaddySatyr -> RE: Ask a sadist... fearful of your own sadism? (1/15/2015 5:17:46 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant

This has been discussed before but it's one of those topics it's always good to see come back because there are always new viewpoints.

I've been at this for 15 years now. In the beginning, I had a hard time reconciling my growing desire to hurt and the arousal that came with it with my professional credo of "First...Do No Harm". One of the first things that helped was distinguishing the difference between "hurt" And "harm". Then came learning what "good hurt" constituted. Then finally, learning the difference between those of a masochistic nature...those who found the infliction of pain on themselves arousing...and those who either struggled to endure any sort of pain strictly for the Dominant and those who wore their pain as a sign of their victimhood. I wanted nothing to do with the last two types.

Time to begin. I had a sadistic individual who had already begun exploring his dominance...me. Seeking out submissives who enjoyed their masochism. I started slowly. I had fairly short, simple sessions with experienced masochists in which the desires for pain and arousal in both parties were satisfied. I began to learn what made me happy, what made different partners happy...similarities (spanking seeming to be the biggest one)...and differences (reaction to hair-pulling is an interesting study). I learned to
start slow and fairly mild (something I still do with a new partner, especially given my nature to include some aspect of my primal nature into play) and learned my limits. I learned new ways to hurt...some worked for me, some didn't. I began to explore the mental aspects of my sadism. I learned that a combination of dominance, mental play and physical play worked really well whether expressed in intricate ways or simple ways.

At first, there was fear. Fear I'd get so caught up that I'd harm somebody...Fear that I wouldn't go far enough to please someone...etc, etc. But I was always thinking...observing myself and my partner...communicating with other sadists and masochists...learning. I saw that as my experience and my ability to lease grew, so did my confidence and enjoyment. As My experience and confidence grew, my fear lessened. As my experiences proved to me the validity of others enjoying masochistic pleasure at my sadistic hands/mind, my negative feelings...what few there'd been...went away.

Now...to have a submissive masochist on her knees, face and shoulders to the bed, hands tied behind her, nipples clamped and pressed into an icebag, warming balm on her clit, me inside her while spanking her round, upturned ass...Ahhhhh.



I swear, by all I hold holy, you and I must have been raised in the same family ... or, at least, in the same manner. Thumbs up on a GREAT post!

Much like your oath (First, do no harm); part of my spiritual belief is: "an it harm none, do what ye will"

The only difference is that I am not much of a sadist so I've never had any fear of going too far. I have experienced quite the opposite; I have "lost" submissives due to my lack of physical sadism.



Michael



CreativeDominant -> RE: Ask a sadist... fearful of your own sadism? (1/15/2015 6:34:46 PM)

Brothers from a different mother, eh? [;)]

I did have one say she wouldn't play with me anymore if I "ever bring that motherfuckin' Serpent's Bite Cane near this ass again". Spoilsport.



LiveSpark -> RE: Ask a sadist... fearful of your own sadism? (1/15/2015 6:51:51 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant

Brothers from a different mother, eh? [;)]

I did have one say she wouldn't play with me anymore if I "ever bring that motherfuckin' Serpent's Bite Cane near this ass again". Spoilsport.


Serpent's bite cane? Hmmmmmmm interesting. <hums happily>



ResidentSadist -> RE: Ask a sadist... fearful of your own sadism? (1/15/2015 7:19:23 PM)

Nope, no problems with my sadism. I grew up in my preteens reading the writings of brilliant people. When I discovered my sadism at the age of 14 or 15, I was quite comfortable being "myself" and have been ever since. No emotion or self image obstacles to overcome, no epiphanies, just found part of myself to be a sexual sadist and have been trying to "be all you can be" ever since.

In fact, sadism comes in pretty handy sometimes.



Kana -> RE: Ask a sadist... fearful of your own sadism? (1/17/2015 5:33:32 AM)

I was never scared of my sadism. I'd taken years of martial arts and was well versed in the fine art of hurting people. I did, however, worry tremendously as to what it said about me as a man, as a person and as a decent being. That was a long time ago though.

Basically, the thing that changed everything was the realization that;

A-Certain women, for whatever reason, are attracted and drawn to masochistic acts and interactions that seem abusive. That they are going to participate in these interactions because that's who and what they are and what they crave-they are drawn to such acts as a moth is to a light;

B-I'm a decent guy. Not an asshole, not a diety, but a pretty good mofo. I have lots of experience and know what to do and how to do it yet, in a safe way, know how to still extract maximum pleasure/pain/humiliation/degradation ... as opposed to some real dangerous, ill-informed misogynistic fuckers out there. I also happen to be sane, which helps lots. Thus;

C-I can actually help give a woman what she needs/craves/desires, yet do it in a not completely detrimental fashion, unlike most men on sites like this. Thus, instead of the common perspective which is that she's doing me some vast favor by submitting to me,* I'm actually the one doing her a solid by beating the fuck out of her. I'm the one who is helping her out, not the other way around. In fact, the slut should be more grateful-I may need to whip her harder...

Yeah, that little tidbit only changed everything.
Instead of being a twisted asshole, I was being a good guy. Not a black hat but a white hat.
And oh my, how it changes the dynamics of the D/S side of the experience. All sorts of lovely leashes arise from that simple idea.


*Can there be anything more pathetic than a wanna-Dom crawling and groveling to get someone to submit to them. "Pleeeeaaaaase, just be mine. I'll do whatever you want."
Uhhh, dude, that's the polar opposite, not of what she wants, but whats she craves in her deepest soul. It's the one path doomed to failure



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