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Consent and something most often overlooked.... - 7/13/2006 6:59:36 PM   
LoganStrange


Posts: 34
Joined: 4/13/2006
Status: offline 		Another Logan Rant

We all talk about consent but I find there is a comon occurance that seems to be overlooked... alot.
Addiction,
We would all agree quickly that one who was in the lifestyle because of an addiction would not be consentual, an example would be a crackwhore doing anything Master wanted for her next fix.
Now for the rant, how many are in the lifestyle because of sexual addiction?
Seems I have met more than my share of people who are Doms or subs because of sexual addiction, and I have sent more than one sub to a shrink for it (wether they went or not I don't know, they usually drop me when I do this)
Sexual addiction like any other addiction takes away from consentual behaviour.

Ok, so there isnt really a question here, just my rant, but I felt a need to at least post something on this as I see it more and more now a days.
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RE: Consent and something most often overlooked.... - 7/13/2006 7:13:19 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		I dso not buy the assumption, and therefore I do not buy the deal, sorry.




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RE: Consent and something most often overlooked.... - 7/13/2006 8:24:43 PM   
Tikkiee


Posts: 1099
Joined: 4/6/2006
Status: offline 		Sorry, but the only reason I am in the 'lifestyle' for is pain. Sex is the farthest on my list of wants.

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~~@ cass @~~

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RE: Consent and something most often overlooked.... - 7/13/2006 8:30:55 PM   
CrappyDom


Posts: 1883
Joined: 4/11/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline 		Uh, can you define "sexual addiction" for us?

Oh, and next time you find one, my number is ...

(in reply to Tikkiee)
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RE: Consent and something most often overlooked.... - 7/13/2006 9:00:36 PM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		I'll venture into commenting on this with a: Suppose that was/is true? -

If it is true, and a girl or a man end up with a partner that is (hopefully) "together" and truly looking after the emotional needs (as best they can) of their partner, and aware this could be the case (sexual addiction), then it would be up to them to deal with it as they see fit, no?

That being said, my guess is it maybe isn't more represented in the bdsm world anymore than in the "vanilla" world, given that 90% of the world (supposedly) is "vanilla" and likes sex, too (just not bdsm sex - or hasn'[t been exposed to it). That could be a faulty assumption (maybe it is).

But maybe there are more folks who possess a sexual addiction in the bdsm world. If so, well...what are ya gonna do?

These comments are made with all due respect, I mean no offense whatsoever.

- Susan   

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 7/13/2006 9:33:27 PM >

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That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to LoganStrange)
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RE: Consent and something most often overlooked.... - 7/13/2006 9:21:38 PM   
OTKkindaGirl


Posts: 447
Joined: 12/26/2005
From: NW Arkansas
Status: offline 		  i guess like crappy dom i need your definition of sexual addiction.  because i would love to play devils advocate... *gigglez*

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hope



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RE: Consent and something most often overlooked.... - 7/13/2006 9:38:59 PM   
Sinergy


Posts: 9383
Joined: 4/26/2004
Status: offline 		Hello A/all,

From my studies of biology and behavior, I have determined that the human sex drive is a biological imperative.

From BDSM 101 and Screw The Roses, it can be determined that
the trick to making a bottom is tying their sex drive to receiving pain.

A biological imperative is something that transcends addiction.  It is like saying a person is weak because they need to breathe to stay alive.

But that is just me, and I could be wrong.

Sinergy

_____________________________

"There is a fine line between clever and stupid"
David St. Hubbins "This Is Spinal Tap"

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle


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RE: Consent and something most often overlooked.... - 7/13/2006 9:50:23 PM   
Tikkiee


Posts: 1099
Joined: 4/6/2006
Status: offline 		Personally, I find nothing sexual in pain what-so-ever. It does not arouse me, it does not get me off, it does not make me feel all 'floaty'. My purpose in receiving pain is not to end up having sex with someone.
Pain makes me feel alive. That's it. Nothing more, nothing less. The more pain I feel, the more I feel alive; that's the only motivation for me.

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~~@ cass @~~

(in reply to Sinergy)
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RE: Consent and something most often overlooked.... - 7/13/2006 11:14:00 PM   
shadevarr


Posts: 360
Joined: 7/2/2006
Status: offline 		There are endorfin junkies who will do almost anything to get that buzz. Sex is a pretty common way of getting it but in all honesty I find people like this quite rare and usually think that kink will always lead to sex and when it doesn't they get somewhat pissed.

(in reply to Tikkiee)
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RE: Consent and something most often overlooked.... - 7/13/2006 11:21:29 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		We consent to hold on to our addictions. As someone that used to give in to addictions, I can tell you most certainly you consent to keep them around. I quit smoking after more than 2 decades a year and a half ago, I decided to quit as i decided to pick it up.

I do not know if I believe in sex addiction.

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Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to LoganStrange)
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RE: Consent and something most often overlooked.... - 7/13/2006 11:46:38 PM   
popeye1250


Posts: 18104
Joined: 1/27/2006
From: New Hampshire
Status: offline 		Well, if there is such a thing as sex addiction where do I sign up?
I'd much rather be addicted to sex than say cocaine or heroin!
And it (would) be nice to have a partner who was addicted to sex as well as the B&D lifestyle!
That said I probably am addicted to sex. I like all parts of it; dating, forplay, the clothing, lingerie, hearing my sub moaning in delight, the curves on a woman's body, her smell, her hair,all aspects of B&D and the M/s relationship!
As long as you're not hurting anyone else I really don't see anything wrong with it!
LOL, I know a guy who found out about those Sexaholics Anonymous meetings and used to go to them to pick up women!
God! Imagine "swearing off" sex?
I mean wouldn't you explode or something after two weeks?

(in reply to juliaoceania)
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RE: Consent and something most often overlooked.... - 7/14/2006 8:00:43 PM   
TemptingNviceSub


Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline 		Shoot you can be addicted to anything from sex, to pain to the love of cotton or chocolate or coffee or ad infinitum..humans display what could be loosely termed as addictive behavior on a daily basis.It is all subjective..ones mans definition of addiction could be another mans definition of preference..So IMO consent is still consent wether there is an addictive procees going on or not..as it is just your choice to accept the consent or not....be well..Tempting

(in reply to popeye1250)
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RE: Consent and something most often overlooked.... - 7/14/2006 8:11:53 PM   
Sinergy


Posts: 9383
Joined: 4/26/2004
Status: offline 		Hello A/all,

From what I have read about addictions, things tend to be considered an addiction when the overall quality of one's life
is negatively impacted by something and the person is unable
to control their behavior because of it.

In other words, is the person taking heroin because they want to, or
have they passed the point where they are unable to say no to
shooting up?

Viewing sex as an addiction, does one's sex drive screw up the rest of their life?  That, to me, would be what would qualify it as an addiction as opposed to a biological need or a passionate hobby.

Just me, etc.

Sinergy

_____________________________

"There is a fine line between clever and stupid"
David St. Hubbins "This Is Spinal Tap"

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle


(in reply to LoganStrange)
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RE: Consent and something most often overlooked.... - 7/15/2006 7:27:34 AM   
Clothespingirl


Posts: 82
Joined: 3/8/2006
Status: offline 		Logan Strange, you scrumptious man,

If you're being harassed by sex-crazed females, the solution is simple:  get rid of that picture!  Flesh and blood can only take so much!


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RE: Consent and something most often overlooked.... - 7/15/2006 3:06:43 PM   
lilninotchka


Posts: 121
Joined: 8/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Sinergy

Hello A/all,

From my studies of biology and behavior, I have determined that the human sex drive is a biological imperative.

From BDSM 101 and Screw The Roses, it can be determined that
the trick to making a bottom is tying their sex drive to receiving pain.

A biological imperative is something that transcends addiction.  It is like saying a person is weak because they need to breathe to stay alive.

But that is just me, and I could be wrong.

Sinergy
Would you please ecplain the above highlighted phrase for those of us who do not know what that means or is?

(in reply to Sinergy)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Consent and something most often overlooked.... - 7/15/2006 5:16:25 PM   
LoganStrange


Posts: 34
Joined: 4/13/2006
Status: offline 		I want to say thank you to Sinergy for the second post, yes, that is sexual addiction, the very word addiction means that it controlls you beyond healthy aspects, I am not refering to people who love sex, but those who cant make good choices because of the addiction.
Thank you for an  informed post.
And yes, the reason is that sexual addicts tend to get into the bdsm scene like drug addicts go from one drug to a stronger drug, sexual addiction is real and does destroy lives

and to Clothespingirl, thank you dear lady for the compliment, if only it was just that I would be pleased, I am not chased LOL, well a few vanilla's try but that doesnt last long LOL


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RE: Consent and something most often overlooked.... - 7/15/2006 6:52:01 PM   
nephandi


Posts: 4470
Joined: 9/23/2005
From: Cold and magickal Norway in a town near Bergen!
Status: offline 		We are all adicted to somthing, oxygen, food, drink, love, sleep, how mutch shall a grown up person need to be cuddeld, how mutch shall a grown up person be needed to be held by the hand, i say if you can deside enough for yourself to vote, you can deside enough for yourself to give consent to BDSM.

(in reply to LoganStrange)
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RE: Consent and something most often overlooked.... - 7/17/2006 9:44:09 PM   
LoganStrange


Posts: 34
Joined: 4/13/2006
Status: offline 		I posted some information on sexual addiction in the health area for those interested.

thank you for the replys.

(in reply to nephandi)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Consent and something most often overlooked.... - 7/17/2006 10:33:44 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		There are a lot more sex addicts in the vanilla world than in the kinky one.

That being said, certainly lots of people get into the scene to fulfill all manner of holes and insecurities.

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RE: Consent and something most often overlooked.... - 7/18/2006 12:56:09 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		Thereis another side to this too. Irrespective if you are male or female Dominat or submissive/slave and you get arroused by the play you are doning or watching, it is quite possible to refrain from having sex with the person you re playing with or watching esp[ecially when you have a regular partner (not play partner) with whom you can enjoy your arousal with. Unless it is something which has been discussed and agreed to, I could play all night including ultra arousal games and wait till Neets and I hit the bed together....... Of course I can happily shut off all the arousal and covert that energy ineo other forms of energy like a good work out with practice weapons, Creative writing or my 9thC calligraphy.. The point is tht we don't have to feel that sex with whoever we are with at the time is necessary. As humans we do have choices and the ability in most cases to be able to say no and dmpen down physical desire... Were this not the case most would be eating everytime they felt the urge and the weight would be ski high... 

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Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
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