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With out a safe word - 1/11/2015 12:05:27 PM

Xmatt

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Does anyone participate in a relationship or been blackmailed without having a safe word? It seems to take from the thrill.

< Message edited by Xmatt -- 1/11/2015 12:11:34 PM >

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RE: With out a safe word - 1/11/2015 12:20:42 PM

needlesandpins

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everyone has their own relationship. my ex playmate, and I never had an actual safeword as such. there were only a couple a occasions where I needed him to stop what he was doing, and my reaction was quite enough to fully stop what was going on. however, we had discussed something that would be club based, and that did kind of have something that would stop play, but I still wouldn't call it a safeword as such.

I've read what some others get up to, and fully appreciate why they have safewords. I'd also fully understand if someone I were to be playing with wanted one, and I'd respect that. just as I'd expect the same from them in return.

needles

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RE: With out a safe word - 1/11/2015 1:05:31 PM

DesFIP

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Blackmail is a rare fetish. And it's never real, because the blackmailer always has the risk of going to prison. It's a role play game.

As far as safe words, lots of us don't use them. We either tell our partners what the problem is "hey. my foot's cramping, change that tie please". Or we play enough with just one person that they can tell when we're in distress and when we aren't. Additionally, if in subspace you can go non verbal and be unable to use a word. At such times it's helpful if your partner checks in with you, asks if you've had enough or can take more. Anything that just a nod or shake of the head will answer.

If this isn't what you're asking, please expound. I'm not sure what you're getting at by mixing blackmail and safe words.

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RE: With out a safe word - 1/11/2015 1:06:58 PM

camille65

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No safe word in our dynamic, but also no blackmail.

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RE: With out a safe word - 1/11/2015 2:06:05 PM

RockaRolla

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I don't use a safeword when I play. To me, "no" and "stop" should be sufficient.

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RE: With out a safe word - 1/11/2015 7:10:48 PM

preytolife

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I've had relationships without safewords. But if the reason you don't want them is because of the thrill aspect then that's probably exactly why you need one. Safewords in theory are supposed to keep the dom safe in case something really bad happens. In practice they sometimes work. Not so much other times. Specifically pushing limits and consent play are probably the areas which they're most useful.

When I didn't use safewords we still stopped play when we needed to. There still an out and my partner knew me well enough to look for the signs.

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RE: With out a safe word - 1/11/2015 7:28:55 PM

caelestis

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No safeword in my relationship. Sometimes when the play gets intense it is a bit of a thrill, but I know that all I have to do to make something stop/change is tell him what's wrong. He also knows me well enough to know how my "just whining because it hurts" reaction and my "ohshitfuck that hurts in a way that passes my limits" reaction. No blackmail needed.

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RE: With out a safe word - 1/11/2015 7:40:35 PM

Xmatt

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What I meant was having a safe word that would end the blackmail. Having a safe word seems to put too much control into the subs hands.

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RE: With out a safe word - 1/11/2015 7:47:29 PM

Gauge

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Xmatt

What I meant was having a safe word that would end the blackmail. Having a safe word seems to put too much control into the subs hands.

Well, if you are worried about them having too much control, how about if they turn you into the police? Try explaining that you are kinky and the blackmail was just for fun... see how that works for you.

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RE: With out a safe word - 1/11/2015 7:50:43 PM

LiveSpark

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Xmatt

What I meant was having a safe word that would end the blackmail. Having a safe word seems to put too much control into the subs hands.

If you think having a safeword gives the sub too much control, that says a lot about you, none of it good. Good luck finding a sub. I know I wouldn't let you within 10 feet of me.

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RE: With out a safe word - 1/11/2015 7:53:38 PM

LovelyLittleToy

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The Sadist insists that I have a safe word, although we functionally don't. He likes for that safety net to exist in the case that he inadvertently harms me or triggers me. However, since he's an evil bastard and I'm a total pain slut (in all areas), we haven't had to use it. He also changed it from the oft-used word "red" to "pink" for humiliation purposes. I love that man.

Mostly, it's just as easy to say "leg cramp" as it is red (or pink), but whether he chooses to stop or not is still up to him.

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RE: With out a safe word - 1/11/2015 7:58:04 PM

Gauge

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The safeword that my slut uses is, "OUCHyoumotherfuckerstopthatorIwillcutyourballsoffwhileyousleep"

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RE: With out a safe word - 1/11/2015 8:08:24 PM

SeekingTrinity

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~FRing it~

If that is your view on the purpose of a safe word, OP...you have much yet to learn

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RE: With out a safe word - 1/11/2015 8:17:27 PM

camille65

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LovelyLittleToy

The Sadist insists that I have a safe word, although we functionally don't. He likes for that safety net to exist in the case that he inadvertently harms me or triggers me. However, since he's an evil bastard and I'm a total pain slut (in all areas), we haven't had to use it. He also changed it from the oft-used word "red" to "pink" for humiliation purposes. I love that man.

Mostly, it's just as easy to say "leg cramp" as it is red (or pink), but whether he chooses to stop or not is still up to him.

Ha I guess I have a safe word after all!
"Leg cramp!"

Thankfully he is great at working out a muscle cramp.

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RE: With out a safe word - 1/11/2015 8:52:43 PM

Xmatt

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But I am a sub.

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RE: With out a safe word - 1/11/2015 10:55:17 PM

seekingreality

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Xmatt

What I meant was having a safe word that would end the blackmail. Having a safe word seems to put too much control into the subs hands.

A sub always has the option of stopping any activity and leaving any relationship.

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RE: With out a safe word - 1/11/2015 11:20:17 PM

orgasmdenial12

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I'm not sure why you would associate no safeword with blackmail? It seems to me that this is a very specific fetish and not related to the issue of having a safeword in general.

Fwiw - no, we don't have a safeword.

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RE: With out a safe word - 1/12/2015 12:41:18 AM

stef

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Xmatt

What I meant was having a safe word that would end the blackmail. Having a safe word seems to put too much control into the subs hands.

There is always a safeword that will stop the blackmail. It's "911". Don't kid yourself that the "blackmail play" you're talking about is anything other than play.

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RE: With out a safe word - 1/12/2015 12:57:15 AM

SMgirl66

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well if i have been with someone a while then a safeword becomes obsolete, but you better believe with the play i enjoy i have a safeword and will use it, of course the control is in the sub's hands it needs to be in the early days and yes even with blackmail, if the Dom is an unknown how you gonna stop it from going too far? wait til you have to ring the cops is just stupid or wait until that Dom blackmails you to the point you lose your job or life savings is just being a complete whack job

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RE: With out a safe word - 1/12/2015 3:01:43 AM

needlesandpins

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Xmatt

But I am a sub.

then you do what the hell you want, and pay the consequences for it without whinging like a bitch if it all goes wrong.

needles

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