RE: With out a safe word

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RE: With out a safe word - 1/13/2015 3:03:24 PM

Xmatt

Posts: 5
Joined: 2/17/2014
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SeekingTrinity

Fantasy is great, but you have to be able to separate fantasy from reality. You as a sub will always maintain some level of power. You choose to stay in a relationship or you choose to leave if it doesn't work out. No one can force you to stay. That is your power. If someone is blackmailing you and you want an out...well, a call to a police department puts the kibosh on it. No one can force you not to call if you say "that's it, I'm done."

This type of relationship is all based on your willingness to give up your power...and your continued willingness to keep surrendering it. No one can force you to stay in something you don't want to choose to stay in.

You are pretty new to this way of being, aren't you? Nothing wrong with it if you are. We all started some time. It's more my curiosity that prompts me to ask.

Yes I am.

(in reply to SeekingTrinity)

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RE: With out a safe word - 1/13/2015 3:10:10 PM

LiveSpark

Posts: 808
Joined: 12/25/2014
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Xmatt

quote:

ORIGINAL: SeekingTrinity

Fantasy is great, but you have to be able to separate fantasy from reality. You as a sub will always maintain some level of power. You choose to stay in a relationship or you choose to leave if it doesn't work out. No one can force you to stay. That is your power. If someone is blackmailing you and you want an out...well, a call to a police department puts the kibosh on it. No one can force you not to call if you say "that's it, I'm done."

This type of relationship is all based on your willingness to give up your power...and your continued willingness to keep surrendering it. No one can force you to stay in something you don't want to choose to stay in.

You are pretty new to this way of being, aren't you? Nothing wrong with it if you are. We all started some time. It's more my curiosity that prompts me to ask.

Yes I am.

That's absolutely fine, we were all new once. I think it's great that you're asking for advice, it's a great way to learn. Have fun learning it can be great exploring.

_____________________________

I've been here as MontrealPhoenix, zephyr and
TheFireWithinMe.

I also have the sarcasm gene which is NOT to be taken seriously.

If you fall I'll always be there to catch you ~ Floor

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RE: With out a safe word - 1/13/2015 5:57:57 PM

SeekingTrinity

Posts: 1834
Joined: 5/29/2012
From: The 'burbs of Portland, OR
Status: offline

~FRing it~

I thought so

In my experience, safe words really only have ever been used when shit just got way too hard to handle by the submissive. No two ways about it...this can bring up some pretty intense stuff. But uttering a safe word didn't come easy and the submissives I've had experience with felt like they failed because they had to safe word. Many have an innate desire to please their dominant...and using a safe word felt to them like they were letting me down. It wasn't to control the situation, but rather that what was going on was something that could have caused harm (be it physical, mental, or emotional) if it was to continue at the level it was at. As a dominant, the last thing I ever wanted to do was break my toys. For those who felt better having a safe word with me, it helped me so I didn't break my toy or cause him/her harm.

My guy and I do not use safe words with each other. But we also have three years together and spent the time building that trust. He knows where the line between sweet spot and too fucking much is with me. You have to decide what is best for you as far as your play goes. But with being new, you have to allow yourself some real time experience to learn who you are and what you are about as far as this form of expression goes.

< Message edited by SeekingTrinity -- 1/13/2015 6:03:27 PM >

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Post #: 43