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Poof Boys.... - 7/13/2006 9:08:41 PM

MistrssM

Posts: 45
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline

I am curious how many Mistresses have come across these....

Poof Boys are submissives who approach you....actively seek your attention.... they do their best to say all the right things,....and for the most part seem sincere in what they seek... they gain your attention..
and then POOF...one day they just disappear on you.. for various reasons.....

My instincts have grown enough to weed most of these out....see the red flags...... but I had one who did it to me very early on......in his case he was not ready to come to terms with his kink....a kink closet case who was running from himself.

anyone else have this Poof Boy experience they care to share... or insights into the reasons...

Any subs ever poof?

Post #: 1

RE: Poof Boys.... - 7/13/2006 9:17:47 PM

badgirl64

Posts: 28
Joined: 2/6/2005
Status: offline

MistressM,

I too have had the same experience with the "Poof Boys". Not once but a few times. The part that really pisses me off is (in my case) you take the time to try to develope a relationship with them. You think you are getting to know them, they are getting to know you and just when you think.."It's time to take this to the next level"....they're gone! That is such a waste of my time!

As to why they do it....I really don't know. Maybe some are scared of commitment. Maybe some are not really ready to get into a real BDSM relationship. Maybe some are just poser. Who knows?!

Mistress Carla

(in reply to MistrssM)

Post #: 2

RE: Poof Boys.... - 7/13/2006 9:22:23 PM

LadyHugs

Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Dear MistrssM, Ladies and Gentlemen;

I have had many of such 'Poof' boys. Come in all ages, sizes and areas.

One gets to the point to where you become more surprised if a male submissive/slave even gets to the point of meeting real time.

Respectfully submitted,
Lady Hugs

(in reply to MistrssM)

Post #: 3

RE: Poof Boys.... - 7/14/2006 1:26:22 AM

JalenJade

Posts: 2
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline

It can happen to anyone, even to "boys" who have someone in a Dominate position just suddenly vanish..

(in reply to LadyHugs)

Post #: 4

RE: Poof Boys.... - 7/14/2006 2:15:30 AM

MysticFireTopaz

Posts: 50939
Joined: 4/23/2005
From: Dallas/Ft. Worth, TX
Status: offline

Yes, I have come across a few of these.

I think some males have mixed feeling about being submissive. On the one hand, they are drawn to it, but on the other, it goes against the grain of what society says a man should be. They start to explore their submission, and often come across as being very sincere, but then their apprehesion takes over and they go "poof."

Others often have had long-held fantasies about being submissive, think they are ready to start a real-life realationship, and start moving in that direction by approaching and getting to know a Domme. Then, fear takes over, and they go "poof."

I have heard that this often happens to people on vanilla dating sites as well, so some of the same reasons could apply here as in vanilla relationships. Some might fear intimacy. Other times, one person may sense that the other is not right for them but not want to hurt their feelings. They figure it is easier to disappear into thin air rather than to be honest about how they feel.

I also have talked to male dominants, female submissives, and male submissives who have had the same thing happen to them. One male submissive friend of Mine got to know a Domme relatively new to the lifestyle. They played several times, then she suddently deleted her profile, deleted the e-mail screen name he had been contacting her under, and refused to respond to any of the voicemail messages he left for her. To this day, he doesn't know why. So I guess Dommes can go "poof" as well.

I am sure there are many other reasons, but these are the ones I have heard of.

Lady Topaz

(in reply to MistrssM)

Post #: 5

RE: Poof Boys.... - 7/14/2006 2:34:58 AM

NakedGirlScout

Posts: 370
Joined: 1/10/2006
From: Toronto
Status: offline

I think anyone (male, female, dom, sub, vanilla) can go Poof especially starting online.

As far as me going Poof, I've had it happen by accident. I thought the man didn't like me since he was critical of me when we talked on the phone, and didn't attempt to contact me again. According to him, I'd gone Poof when I never tried to contact him, either (since I am not a stalker LOL). But I guess that's a lot different than those times a person erases their profile and refuses to pick up their calls!

(in reply to MistrssM)

Post #: 6

RE: Poof Boys.... - 7/14/2006 4:14:03 AM

Oumae

Posts: 911
Joined: 1/4/2005
Status: offline

Lol.... love the title for them. yes, have come across quite a few of them. Some its because I won't do cyber domming so once not getting what they want they vanish, others a fear of commitment, some just like attention and to pass some time online and some tho' they like to think have hidden it are married or involved so when it comes a suggestion of meeting they vanish.

I do tend to be patient with people I chat to as know some are genuinely nervous of taking that first step to meeting but I do have a very realistic streak with maybe a touch of cynicism

so I don't get too involved before meeting face to face.

Oumae

_____________________________

Is cuma le fear na mbrog ca leagann se a chos.
( The man with the boots does not mind where he places his foot)

(in reply to MistrssM)

Post #: 7

RE: Poof Boys.... - 7/14/2006 4:41:08 AM

Seawolf3465

Posts: 23
Joined: 11/9/2005
Status: offline

I list in my profile that I will not get into any online, cam or phone training. And believe it or not I still get those that try to get me into that position of "tell me what your going to do to me." My thing is that I don't provide wanking material to anyone! If someone is interested in real play then it's first email, IM then we can go to phone. I think also for some when they realize that you are in fact real it makes them think twice. I have had more than one boy say to me, wow your a REAL DOMME>.
I am also happily married and stated so on my profile. I think some get irritated when I will not put them in front of my family and have a life outside this computer. So in that case good bye and NEXT....
So for me I keep it as a normal conversation about things in general regarding life etc. I think this also keeps the nervous ones around if they are sincere, and the flaky ones will be Poof boys.
I do have to agree with Lady Topaz in that it happens to both Dom/mes and subs/slaves as well. Also I feel thats it's a real issue with men that might feel one way, but have yet to actually OWN up to that feeling and embrace it. Just my two cents.. for all its worth.. Hmmm maybe a nickles worth.. wink..

Ms Suzanne

(in reply to Oumae)

Post #: 8

RE: Poof Boys.... - 7/14/2006 1:51:33 PM

littlesarbonn

Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
Status: offline

For so long now, I haven't had anything go far enough for the word "poof" to ever be considered a possibility. Never gets that far.

(in reply to MistrssM)

Post #: 9

RE: Poof Boys.... - 7/15/2006 1:42:39 AM

mons

Posts: 2400
Joined: 11/16/2005
Status: offline

I had one man poof on me we were talking online and we had a fun time '
and we spoke for months he live in newyork me in ca i thought it was great until one day he was gone i was hurt it was one of my fisrt seroius online talk but i later found out he had prostate cancer being a cancer surive i can tell by what treatments he had and some of the things he said it was true a year to the day we spoke he came bak but i changed man came with him he was not the gentle person i spoke to, he was let say so different. he begin to write very hard limits and i had to tell him good bye , he bcame voilent in his writing to me yes poof made be a good ideal sometimes

mons

(in reply to littlesarbonn)

Post #: 10

RE: Poof Boys.... - 7/15/2006 1:54:45 AM

Caretakr

Posts: 1221
Joined: 6/24/2006
Status: offline

People tend to go poof when they find thier fantasies don't match reality.

(in reply to mons)

Post #: 11

RE: Poof Boys.... - 7/15/2006 8:37:49 AM

MistrssM

Posts: 45
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline

Thank you to all who responded so far.... and for the insights.. and yes I agree people of all kinds poof ...even in the vanilla world... especially online....it can be a false medium by nature and many are playing at or being something that they are not....I think pretending to be single is a common one...or being younger or a different appearence... and in those cases meeting in person is something they probably never really intend to do... or meet for more than a night....
Also I think some do not think about the fact there is a person on the other side of the screen and disappearing is easy.

I do really think something mysticfiretopaz said though hits home in many of the male sub POOF BOY cases.....

I think some males have mixed feeling about being submissive. On the one hand, they are drawn to it, but on the other, it goes against the grain of what society says a man should be. They start to explore their submission, and often come across as being very sincere, but then their apprehesion takes over and they go "poof."

Others often have had long-held fantasies about being submissive, think they are ready to start a real-life realationship, and start moving in that direction by approaching and getting to know a Domme. Then, fear takes over, and they go "poof."

I have observed playing with many novices...there is something in the male sub mind... especially in the beginning....that often battles ....its something that is against what societies views as "normal" male behavoir and something about themselves they need to accept... and this acceptance is not always easy.....

I had a sub male friend who was also gay and he once equated it to simular things he went through when accepting the fact he was gay....it was something the conservative world said was not "normal" .. and yet to him it was all that was normal.....
I think many sub men go through a simular battle ... sub=weak in their mind.. and weak men=gay in society... something that is far from true...... so they tell themselves its just kinky sex they crave... ( an lets face it for some that is all it is)....but deep down they know its something more.. and that can be scary to accept for some.

I think some accept this "need to serve" part of themselves easier then others.... and some... like the origianl poof boy I mentioned in my post...never do.....

but for a true submissive...its something that you can run from... but it never really goes away...

(in reply to Caretakr)

Post #: 12

RE: Poof Boys.... - 7/15/2006 12:28:20 PM

MzS

Posts: 12
Joined: 4/21/2006
Status: offline

99% of mine go poof..Thats why I am not even bothering to find one anymore.. not worth the time and trouble...

(in reply to MistrssM)

Post #: 13

RE: Poof Boys.... - 7/15/2006 12:31:30 PM

michaelGA2

Posts: 1533
Joined: 4/26/2006
Status: offline

*when all is said and done and the players depart the stage, the one remaining is always left to clean up the mess left behind*

(sweeps the stage...exit...stage right)

_____________________________

Are we having fun, yet?

(in reply to MzS)

Post #: 14

RE: Poof Boys.... - 7/15/2006 4:37:34 PM

MistressWolfen

Posts: 578
Joined: 6/20/2005
Status: offline

well and truley said michael

_____________________________

Quoth the raven

(in reply to michaelGA2)

Post #: 15

RE: Poof Boys.... - 7/15/2006 7:53:18 PM

HouseofBear

Posts: 1280
Joined: 2/9/2005
Status: offline

I would not say this is particularly male problem, as I have also invested quite a bit of time conversing with female submissives, where everything seemed to be going great, then when it came time to actually meet, 'POOF'. I do not believe discourtesy has a gender.

(in reply to MistressWolfen)

Post #: 16

RE: Poof Boys.... - 7/15/2006 8:02:15 PM

TxBlkMistress

Posts: 337
Joined: 8/21/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: michaelGA2

*when all is said and done and the players depart the stage, the one remaining is always left to clean up the mess left behind*

(sweeps the stage...exit...stage right)

totally agree. I've wasted a lot of time with this "group" of people...lol

Now they have a new twist. They have their "mistress" contact you with some rude email telling to you to stop contacting "their" sub/slave. Now this group usually returns saying it didn't work out and want to talk again...yeah right...lol

I also agree with another poster...they usually contact me saying they want what I want...thinking they can manipulate you into something online or casual, which my profile specifically says I am not interested in...when they see they can not do this....they disappear

_____________________________

Being Domme it is a way of life for me, not a kink, but it's not the only thing that defines me. Get to know me as person, you might like what you find.

(in reply to michaelGA2)

Post #: 17

RE: Poof Boys.... - 7/16/2006 12:13:47 AM

ToServeIsToLive

Posts: 222
Joined: 11/16/2005
Status: offline

i guess you could call me a poof boy. i was in a very strong relationship with a Domme. At some point, i pretty much had a nervous breakdown due to stress from school. i realized my future wasn't too bright and decided not to be a burden to anyone i was in contact with so i abruptly cut my relations. This is an extremely small window into the circumstances though so it's probably not a good idea to conclude too much from it. Also, it doesn't seem to be a good match for the reasons you've run into poof boys. Overall, it was probably a childish thing to do, but my options were limited due to what foresight i had.

(in reply to TxBlkMistress)

Post #: 18

RE: Poof Boys.... - 7/16/2006 12:23:25 AM

michaelGA2

Posts: 1533
Joined: 4/26/2006
Status: offline

when it's all said and done, and the pairings have been made, i'll be the one to bid everyone farewell as they exit the room...i'll also be the one to clean up the mess after the party.

_____________________________

Are we having fun, yet?

(in reply to ToServeIsToLive)

Post #: 19

RE: Poof Boys.... - 7/16/2006 12:43:33 AM

TxBlkMistress

Posts: 337
Joined: 8/21/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ToServeIsToLive

i guess you could call me a poof boy. i was in a very strong relationship with a Domme. At some point, i pretty much had a nervous breakdown due to stress from school. i realized my future wasn't too bright and decided not to be a burden to anyone i was in contact with so i abruptly cut my relations. This is an extremely small window into the circumstances though so it's probably not a good idea to conclude too much from it. Also, it doesn't seem to be a good match for the reasons you've run into poof boys. Overall, it was probably a childish thing to do, but my options were limited due to what foresight i had.

If you felt that is was wise to pull back and regroup, then that was the thing to do...and could be that some others had good reasons, but my only thing is that you might drop the Mistress a line or two saying that you have to leave for a while. From what you said about a strong relationship with your Domme, she was probably more worried than mad...at first anyway. My thing is, just let someone know something. :>

_____________________________

Being Domme it is a way of life for me, not a kink, but it's not the only thing that defines me. Get to know me as person, you might like what you find.

(in reply to ToServeIsToLive)

Post #: 20

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