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Activity in the local scenes.... - 7/13/2006 11:41:08 PM

littlemissub

Posts: 118
Joined: 5/4/2006
Status: offline

I have been told a few times that I can not be a true submissive if I do not experience the local scenes. Why do people think this? I choose not to go because I am not comfortable going as a single submissive. Why does that make me any less submissive? Is it a common belief that you must be active in the local scene to be "real" and not just some poser looking for kink??

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~littlemissy~

Post #: 1

RE: Activity in the local scenes.... - 7/13/2006 11:53:52 PM

Tikkiee

Posts: 1099
Joined: 4/6/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlemissub

I have been told a few times that I can not be a true submissive if I do not experience the local scenes. Why do people think this? I choose not to go because I am not comfortable going as a single submissive. Why does that make me any less submissive? Is it a common belief that you must be active in the local scene to be "real" and not just some poser looking for kink??

While I am a firm believer in 'getting out there and being seen', I do not hold with the idea that you have to be seen to be 'real'. Just as I do not hold with the idea that there are 'real' submissives/slaves and 'real' Dominant/Masters. The term real means something different for everyone.
As to whether or not it makes you less submissive. Only if YOU allow them to make you feel that way.

_____________________________

~~@ cass @~~

(in reply to littlemissub)

Post #: 2

RE: Activity in the local scenes.... - 7/13/2006 11:55:08 PM

littlemissub

Posts: 118
Joined: 5/4/2006
Status: offline

That is a good point Cassandra. I will remember that.

_____________________________

~littlemissy~

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Post #: 3

RE: Activity in the local scenes.... - 7/14/2006 12:17:47 AM

FemWillUseYou

Posts: 14
Joined: 9/10/2005
Status: offline

I will hold my tongue here about * the scene* cause I am not ready for the war I would start ... but dont let any one push you into doing something you have to live with

(in reply to littlemissub)

Post #: 4

RE: Activity in the local scenes.... - 7/14/2006 12:37:38 AM

popeye1250

Posts: 18104
Joined: 1/27/2006
From: New Hampshire
Status: offline

That's B.S.!
Why do you need to be around a bunch of strangers anyway?
I used to go down to NYC to "The Vault" and the "Hellfire" club with friends back in the 90's.
It was a fun experience but we were into the B&D S/m M/s scene anyway!
Locally here there is one group as it were. I went to one of their munches and all they talked about were the procedures for running the group! And who should be elected to which offices!
What a bunch of crap!
Also, most of them were not just overweight, they were* morbidly obese!* They should have been in a Gym not at a munch!

(in reply to FemWillUseYou)

Post #: 5

RE: Activity in the local scenes.... - 7/14/2006 1:25:44 AM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline

Hello littlemissub,

Quite frankly, it's tosh. You don't have to *join a club* to have an interest in, or passion for something or to *be* anything. Going along to a social scene just means that you've gone along to a social scene...and that's ALL it means.

If that was any sort of criteria, then I absolutely am not a *real* slave.......lol

With regards, agirl

(in reply to littlemissub)

Post #: 6

RE: Activity in the local scenes.... - 7/14/2006 2:28:39 AM

LadiesBladewing

Posts: 944
Joined: 8/31/2005
Status: offline

The advantage of visiting the local scene is that you get an opportunity to meet people and be met, and there is the opportunity to learn first-hand about some of the activities that people talk about (but may never have seen being done to real people). Being known locally -does- give people an advantage. We're not -heavily- active in the local scene at the moment, because of things going on in our private lives, but we're known by more than a couple people in town, and should anyone ask, folks who have been around a while know what kind of people we are.

As far as not wanting to go to local BDSM group meetings as a single female person -- this is one of the reasons for not going that holds the least amount of weight. Going to a munch is probably one of the -safest- ways of meeting people that exists, especially for the single female person. Going to a regular BDSM meeting is JUST as heavily monitored, to make sure that nobody who comes is put in an uncomfortable, non-consentual, or dangerous position. Dungeon monitors keep track of everything from the out-of-town-visiting-top who doesn't know the meaning of "no" to supervising the parking lot to make sure none of the "vanilla" idiots in the neightborhood get any ideas while the group's guests are trying to get to their cars after the meeting. Try to find that kind of safety on a groping date at the theater with the geek you met on the internet dating service.

Sure, there are some things not to like about groups. Every group has its politics and its glitches. But, in general, if an individual has access to a local BDSM group or two, not taking some advantage of that to learn about this lifestyle from people who are living it and willing to show, in person, how they do what they do, and expecting to get the same caliber of knowledge and comprehension from hearing people talk about it on a forum and reading some books and websites is, frankly, like saying "I can ride a horse" because you watched the Kentucky Derby on TV every year and read National Velvet and have a subscription to Horse and Rider.

ZWD

< Message edited by LadiesBladewing -- 7/14/2006 2:29:35 AM >

_____________________________

"Should have", "could have", "would have" and "can't" may be the most dangerous phrases in the English language.
Bladewing Enclave

(in reply to littlemissub)

Post #: 7

RE: Activity in the local scenes.... - 7/14/2006 2:37:35 AM

wandering4u

Posts: 167
Joined: 6/18/2006
Status: offline

I guess it depends on the group. Some are into almost a social club , others are more "play" related. It's all about what you as a single are comfortable with. For example, it may be a good place to have a first meeting with someone you meet here(after the appropriate check for red flags).

But otherwise its like saying ya cannot drink unless you go to a bar. Not necessarily true ( as I contemplate this evenings first scotch , which I will have sitting comfortably at home)

(in reply to LadiesBladewing)

Post #: 8

RE: Activity in the local scenes.... - 7/14/2006 3:11:34 AM

darkinshadows

Posts: 4145
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
Status: offline

It is always great to get out there and meet people who you can relate to. But it doesn't make you any less 'BDSM' if you don't. Some people are just not 'people' - people. Sometimes, the local scene is nothing more than a swingers club (nothing against swingers - just an observation) - sometimes its boring and nothing happens.

Be honest with yourself and that makes you what you are - nothing else.

Peace and Rapture

_____________________________

.dark.

...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

(in reply to littlemissub)

Post #: 9

RE: Activity in the local scenes.... - 7/14/2006 3:36:44 AM

SusanofO

Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline

Well, I am not "into my local scene" right now because I feel I:

1) Am not ready for anything like that, except perhaps a munch, and -

2) Don't know that many folks in my local area (I know two) - this is my own fault. I can remedy that situation any time, but am choosing not to, for my own reasons, for now.

And yet I still (horrors) consider myself a "true submissive". Hope I don't find out I've been wrong all this time.

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 7/14/2006 3:37:42 AM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to darkinshadows)

Post #: 10

RE: Activity in the local scenes.... - 7/14/2006 3:40:23 AM

wandering4u

Posts: 167
Joined: 6/18/2006
Status: offline

Susanof O, you're still sub - it would be a sad day if membership to a local group defined us! LOL!

(in reply to SusanofO)

Post #: 11

RE: Activity in the local scenes.... - 7/14/2006 3:46:11 AM

feastie

Posts: 1793
Joined: 6/4/2004
Status: offline

The only reason to involve oneself in the local group activities is to meet the local folks, perhaps get a little education at a demo or something. It doesn't define who you are as a person. I used to be involved in the local group here, but I grew weary of it and quit. I don't think it's changed anything about me personally.

_____________________________

Snarky and loving it.

Disclaimer: Any views expressed in any post are my opinions only. They may or may not be yours.

(in reply to wandering4u)

Post #: 12

RE: Activity in the local scenes.... - 7/14/2006 3:48:15 AM

SusanofO

Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline

Whew!! I am relieved!

- Susan

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to wandering4u)

Post #: 13

RE: Activity in the local scenes.... - 7/14/2006 3:48:57 AM

littlemissub

Posts: 118
Joined: 5/4/2006
Status: offline

I think one of the main reasons I avoid them is in person, I am extremely shy until I get comfortable with people. And large groups about send me into a spam of terror.

_____________________________

~littlemissy~

(in reply to feastie)

Post #: 14

RE: Activity in the local scenes.... - 7/14/2006 4:03:03 AM

JohnWarren

Posts: 3807
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlemissub

I have been told a few times that I can not be a true submissive if I do not experience the local scenes. Why do people think this? I choose not to go because I am not comfortable going as a single submissive. Why does that make me any less submissive? Is it a common belief that you must be active in the local scene to be "real" and not just some poser looking for kink??

Nonsense. I'm a big supporter of local scenes as a way to meet people and broaden experience but they don't have any affect on whether one is "real" or not.

Being "real" is a matter of the soul and any judgement about it has to be done by the one person who knows that soul.

_____________________________

www.lovingdominant.org

(in reply to littlemissub)

Post #: 15

RE: Activity in the local scenes.... - 7/14/2006 7:04:32 AM

firstsub

Posts: 42
Joined: 10/31/2004
From: middletown, CT
Status: offline

submission comes from your heart, not from the people or groups you associate with....don't allow others to tell you who you are....

_____________________________

A submissive needs to be contolled, owed, used. Pleasing and serving her Master. This will bring balance and meaning to her life. Discipline will keep her in focus. Master has only to look her way.

(in reply to littlemissub)

Post #: 16

RE: Activity in the local scenes.... - 7/14/2006 7:07:35 AM

RosaB

Posts: 852
Joined: 1/10/2005
Status: offline

Whoever told you that is narrow minded. Participating in the local scene (or outside the bounds of a one on one relationship) makes you no more or less real than anyone else.

Rosa

< Message edited by RosaB -- 7/14/2006 7:09:35 AM >

(in reply to littlemissub)

Post #: 17

RE: Activity in the local scenes.... - 7/14/2006 7:23:15 AM

CrappyDom

Posts: 1883
Joined: 4/11/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline

Who is "telling" you this, certainly nobody that posts here. I am a big believer in the importance of being part of the public scene and I say that as one who hasn't been involved in years. It is like travel, one doesn't need to do it constantly, but one trip to Europe will change your life...same with playing in the scene.

(in reply to RosaB)

Post #: 18

RE: Activity in the local scenes.... - 7/14/2006 7:26:33 AM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlemissub

I have been told a few times that I can not be a true submissive if I do not experience the local scenes. Why do people think this? I choose not to go because I am not comfortable going as a single submissive. Why does that make me any less submissive? Is it a common belief that you must be active in the local scene to be "real" and not just some poser looking for kink??

My view is that those who told you this are not real themselves... But then I'm biased and anti my local scene..

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to littlemissub)

Post #: 19

RE: Activity in the local scenes.... - 7/14/2006 7:29:18 AM

Caretakr

Posts: 1221
Joined: 6/24/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlemissub

I have been told a few times that I can not be a true submissive if I do not experience the local scenes. Why do people think this? I choose not to go because I am not comfortable going as a single submissive. Why does that make me any less submissive? Is it a common belief that you must be active in the local scene to be "real" and not just some poser looking for kink??

They want more fresh meat-ignore them.

(in reply to littlemissub)

Post #: 20

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