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Slave turns Dominant? - 1/28/2015 4:46:28 PM   
iCandy


Posts: 5
Status: offline 		I recently met a man, who says he identifies himself as Dominant/ Master.
He has also clearly stated that he was a slave to a Domme for a year. ( which is confussing to me)

How does one go from being a slave for over a year to being dominant, looking for a slave of his own?
Wouldn’t he be a switch ?

Does anyone else have any experiences with this?

any advise would be helpful. Thank You
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Slave turns Dominant? - 1/28/2015 4:51:58 PM   
CreativeDominant


Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: iCandy

I recently met a man, who says he identifies himself as Dominant/ Master.
He has also clearly stated that he was a slave to a Domme for a year. ( which is confussing to me)

How does one go from being a slave for over a year to being dominant, looking for a slave of his own?
Wouldn’t he be a switch ?

Does anyone else have any experiences with this?

any advise would be helpful. Thank You

I'm not a switch so I could be wrong but it seems to me that he could be pursuing his dominant nature right now.

Or...its possible that he thought/felt he was submissive and his time in service disabused him of those thoughts and feelings.

(in reply to iCandy)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Slave turns Dominant? - 1/28/2015 4:58:51 PM   
GoddessManko


Posts: 2257
Joined: 3/6/2013
From: Dante's Inferno
Status: offline 		He might feel submissive to that one person and Dominant to everyone else, might have just been curiosity on his part or a genuine desire for submission. But not a switch unless he switches with you or others on a regular basis. Meaning he can probably only go in one solid direction or the other. Switches can go either way.
ETA; Also it is hard to imagine someone going from a slave on Monday to a Dom on Tuesday. He probably submerges himself in either role.

< Message edited by GoddessManko -- 1/28/2015 5:03:54 PM >

_____________________________

Happy consent is the name of the game. You are my perfect Mistress. - my collared.

http://submissivemale.blogspot.com/

The Bird of Hermes is my name, eating my wings to make me tame.

(in reply to CreativeDominant)
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RE: Slave turns Dominant? - 1/28/2015 5:48:33 PM   
usememistress775


Posts: 201
Joined: 1/15/2015
Status: offline 		Slave on Monday, master on Tuesday, couch on Wednesday, table on Thursday, potted plant over the weekend.

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RE: Slave turns Dominant? - 1/28/2015 7:10:09 PM   
RemoteUser


Posts: 2854
Joined: 5/10/2011
Status: offline 		What was the nature of his submissive relationship?

I knew a few male Dominants back in the day who went through submissive 'sessions' with Domme friends to know exactly how it felt to put their own slaves through specific experiences. Some people thought of it as a rite of passage; if you could perform as a submissive you had the 'right' to Dom.

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There is nothing worse than being right. Instead of being right, then, try to be open. It is more difficult, and more rewarding.


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RE: Slave turns Dominant? - 1/28/2015 7:10:42 PM   
OnYourKneesCLE


Posts: 2
Joined: 1/28/2015
Status: offline 		I was a slave and a collared submissive for 15 years before I became a Dominant..He wouldn't be a switch unless he is collared to a Dominant..Seeing as you have said whether or not he is still collared I am not sure if he is a switch or not

(in reply to iCandy)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Slave turns Dominant? - 1/28/2015 7:24:42 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		Way back in the old days, some houses required a year or two as a slave before training as a Dominant.

A switch is someone who can be both Dom and sub within the same time period. If he no longer is a sub or slave, then he is not currently a switch.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to OnYourKneesCLE)
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RE: Slave turns Dominant? - 1/28/2015 7:35:52 PM   
SeekingTrinity


Posts: 1834
Joined: 5/29/2012
From: The 'burbs of Portland, OR
Status: offline 		~FRing it~

It's how he himself identifies that matters. Not the label you, me, or anyone else you ask slaps on him.

And no, you don't have to be collared to someone to be a switch.

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Slave turns Dominant? - 1/28/2015 7:47:20 PM   
TheTrickster


Posts: 16
Joined: 1/18/2015
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SeekingTrinity

~FRing it~

It's how he himself identifies that matters. Not the label you, me, or anyone else you ask slaps on him.

And no, you don't have to be collared to someone to be a switch.

Very true it's also possible he was originally a submissive/slave and naturally he progressed and developed into a Dominate/Master

_____________________________

Men have called me mad but the question is not yet settled whether madness is or is not the loftiest intelligence- Edgar Allan Poe

(in reply to SeekingTrinity)
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RE: Slave turns Dominant? - 1/28/2015 7:51:53 PM   
RemoteUser


Posts: 2854
Joined: 5/10/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

Way back in the old days


We know the same old days even through we're not quite in the same generation.

I'm not sure if that makes me an old soul or it makes you a modern man.

_____________________________

There is nothing worse than being right. Instead of being right, then, try to be open. It is more difficult, and more rewarding.


(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Slave turns Dominant? - 1/28/2015 9:24:20 PM   
iCandy


Posts: 5
Status: offline 		Hi, I appreciate every single reply:

He has stated that he was tricked into putting on wrist cuffs, ankle cuffs and then over taken.
He explained photo were taken of him and used to blackmail him for over a year, until she decided to move back to a dying mom.
To which I am thinking he might still be a slave to her if she did not break it off, and maybe he is used this as an excuse to explore his submissive side.

He did say that this happened at the age of 24 and is now in his 40s.
He has said that she taught him many things to ensure he was a better Dom to his slave.


I am having issues with understanding will he always have submissive tendencies?

Does anyone have anything similar to share, going from slave to dominant ?

(in reply to RemoteUser)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Slave turns Dominant? - 1/28/2015 9:33:07 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		For a year?

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Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to iCandy)
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RE: Slave turns Dominant? - 1/28/2015 10:11:06 PM   
FieryOpal


Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: iCandy

He has stated that he was tricked....

He did say that this happened at the age of 24 and is now in his 40s.
He has said that she taught him many things to ensure he was a better Dom to his slave.


Uh, this sounds fishy on so many levels.

And how could a Domme who would non-consensually enslave and thereby abuse a young man possibly be able to teach anybody how to be a good Dominant, much less a Master?

I am thinking this 40-something dude is hankering to Top from having had training and experience as a service Top. Many Mistresses like to bottom on occasion, so this isn't uncommon. Either that, or he's just looking for bj's on demand, which he hasn't been able to get from Dommes.
If anything, I'm thinking he's a S/switch, and he needs to be completely forthcoming about that instead of touting that he's a Dom now. The issue isn't what he is so much as what he says he is to get what he wants in an unethical fashion.
No hypocrite is trustworthy, and I believe your gut instincts are telling you that his story doesn't add up.

When I was newly exposed to other BDSMers, I had a DaddyDom contact me saying he'd been secretly submissive for many years and was tired of Domming. I hear this all the time, but I hadn't back then. He kept insisting he didn't want to become a S/switch or be a Dominant anymore.
After exchanging several messages and talking on the phone for over 4 hours, I was still suspicious of his motives (of just looking to get Topped), so I sent him a YouTube link to a particularly provocative music video. Let's just say it had a few triggers contained in the lyrics and imagery. I could hear in his voice that he wasn't over his Domly past one iota and wasn't being honest with me or with himself, or both.

Only you can decide whether it's worth taking the risk of putting yourself in this man's hands. At the very least, whether you are willing to deal with remnants of his bottoming urges somewhere on down the road potentially.

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to iCandy)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Slave turns Dominant? - 1/28/2015 10:29:19 PM   
DaddySatyr


Posts: 9381
Joined: 8/29/2011
From: Pittston, Pennsyltucky
Status: offline
There are plenty of people that come into this lifestyle, a little "confused".

My best friend identified as a submissive for years . Finally, it dawned on her that just because she enjoys a good flogging and going down on her man, doesn't really affect her nature; who she is.

Your guy might have just been mis-identifying.

Not that you asked but I am going to add an observation: he may identify as dominant, now but I can't imagine someone who identifies as dominant allowing themselves to be blackmailed (over a sexuality lifestyle) for a year. One would think, at some point, they would alert the authorities or something.

I guess I took the long way around to: I'm not buying his explanation.



Michael

_____________________________

A Stone in My Shoe

Screen captures (and pissing on shadows) still RULE! Ya feel me?

"For that which I love, I will do horrible things"

(in reply to FieryOpal)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Slave turns Dominant? - 1/28/2015 10:32:06 PM   
GoddessManko


Posts: 2257
Joined: 3/6/2013
From: Dante's Inferno
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: iCandy

Hi, I appreciate every single reply:

He has stated that he was tricked into putting on wrist cuffs, ankle cuffs and then over taken.
He explained photo were taken of him and used to blackmail him for over a year, until she decided to move back to a dying mom.
To which I am thinking he might still be a slave to her if she did not break it off, and maybe he is used this as an excuse to explore his submissive side.

He did say that this happened at the age of 24 and is now in his 40s.
He has said that she taught him many things to ensure he was a better Dom to his slave.


I am having issues with understanding will he always have submissive tendencies?

Does anyone have anything similar to share, going from slave to dominant ?



The blackmail and the "forcing to submit" thing sounds strange. Very fantasy driven to me.

_____________________________

Happy consent is the name of the game. You are my perfect Mistress. - my collared.

http://submissivemale.blogspot.com/

The Bird of Hermes is my name, eating my wings to make me tame.

(in reply to iCandy)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Slave turns Dominant? - 1/28/2015 10:38:46 PM   
SeekingTrinity


Posts: 1834
Joined: 5/29/2012
From: The 'burbs of Portland, OR
Status: offline 		~FRing it~

People do change as they grow up though. While my experience was never slave to dominant as was specifically asked about, mine went from staunchly dominant to switch. I sadly even admit to having prejudice against switches. There was no way in hell ANYONE would ever get me to submit to them or me allow myself to appear vulnerable. But as I learned more about who I was and I met the person I am happily with now, I've grown beyond who I was when I first got started in all of this in my early 20's. Likewise for him. He was staunchly dominant, but as he grew...he opened himself up to new opportunities from a submissive perspective. Some people are just more fluid than others are. Being fluid or staunchly <fill in the blank> is not a bad thing.

Now the story you were told sounds a bit "Dear Penthouse Forum" to me, but I'll give dude benefit of the doubt. He may not have even known what he was back then. Or he might have needed to justify submitting to her in his own mind by being "blackmailed" into it. No one really knows for sure.

Only you can decide for yourself if he is worth going down that path with or not. You could think of it as him bring screwed up in the head. Or you could look at it like this dude knows what the things he does to you feels like from a personal basis. It all depends on your thoughts on the subject and your feelings about him.

< Message edited by SeekingTrinity -- 1/28/2015 10:39:54 PM >

(in reply to FieryOpal)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Slave turns Dominant? - 1/28/2015 11:23:57 PM   
seekingreality


Posts: 599
Joined: 8/11/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: iCandy

Hi, I appreciate every single reply:

He has stated that he was tricked into putting on wrist cuffs, ankle cuffs and then over taken.
He explained photo were taken of him and used to blackmail him for over a year, until she decided to move back to a dying mom.
To which I am thinking he might still be a slave to her if she did not break it off, and maybe he is used this as an excuse to explore his submissive side.

He did say that this happened at the age of 24 and is now in his 40s.
He has said that she taught him many things to ensure he was a better Dom to his slave.


I am having issues with understanding will he always have submissive tendencies?

Does anyone have anything similar to share, going from slave to dominant ?



That story sounds like total BS to me.

My guess is he is simply a kinkster. He likes the full range of erotic attractions, and he will be dominant with some women, and submissive with others. Or he will simply go through phases/periods where he likes to be dominant, followed by phases/periods where he likes to be submissive

(in reply to iCandy)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Slave turns Dominant? - 1/29/2015 1:26:36 AM   
HghHeelgirl


Posts: 6
Joined: 3/2/2014
Status: offline 		Well, as a submissive I'd prefer a Dominant who understands from a submissive point of view. All Dominants should be willing to experience any and all that they would expect from their submissive. Just my take on it :)

Although I haven't a Dominant bone in my body I suppose there are those who need to explore to determine exactly who they are. Maybe he was just getting a sense of self?

< Message edited by HghHeelgirl -- 1/29/2015 1:28:51 AM >

(in reply to CreativeDominant)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Slave turns Dominant? - 1/29/2015 2:51:40 AM   
freedomdwarf1


Posts: 6845
Joined: 10/23/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: HghHeelgirl
Well, as a submissive I'd prefer a Dominant who understands from a submissive point of view. All Dominants should be willing to experience any and all that they would expect from their submissive. Just my take on it :)

I tend to rail against this sort of analogy and thought process.
For most situations, this is just unnecessary and stupid.

I don't have to throw myself under a bus to know it's gonna hurt and probably kill me.
I also know that doing that to my /s is also going to do the same.
So no, I don't think it's at all sensible or needed for a D-type to undergo being submissive to understand the /s PoV. A lot of that is just empathy, being human and just plain old common sense.


As for the OP, I'm with a lot on here - the story sounds a bit dubious.
I'm firmly in the camp of: if I have to double-take and think too much on it, it probably isn't right for me.
YMMV and it's your choice.


_____________________________

“If liberty means anything at all, it means the right to tell people what they do not want to hear.”
George Orwell, 1903-1950


(in reply to HghHeelgirl)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Slave turns Dominant? - 1/29/2015 3:04:27 AM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline 		It is not uncommon for people to migrate their identity as they educate themselves with experience. I grew to identify as a Dominant by educated choice, long ago in my teens. However, that role, that identity is was not where I started. I found it by exploring.

When who they were and who they say they are don't line up, it triggers my caution too. To me that means they don't know themselves yet and are still exploring. Next year they may be vanilla or switch or who knows what?

Some late bloomers have been ignorant of their own sexuality for so long, they also turn out to be ignorant of mine. That lack of awareness is not what it takes to have a good relationship with me. That's not true for every late bloomer. There are many reasons people start exploring their sexual identity later in life. Some people have had long term relationships that were very satisfying while existing withing boundaries. It is only when the LTR ended and the person enters the dating world that they also start exploring their own sexual identity again.

Good luck.

_____________________________

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I give good thread.

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Profile   Post #: 20
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