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Non Traditional Intimacy - 7/14/2006 3:13:59 AM

cloudboy

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I am curious how many of you have had or are currently involved in an intimate relationship of one year or longer whose sex involves absolutely no intercourse.

What are your thoughts on such a relationship, and what causes you to hold intercourse back?

Post #: 1

RE: Non Traditional Intimacy - 7/14/2006 3:26:44 AM

SusanofO

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You know I would answer you cloudboy, if I was in such a relationship (or any), but, I am not. But I know other people will answer your question.

I can, however, think of some reasons some people might do it (although I don't know if I, personally, would have the ability to hold out and be truly very patient in that situation) - but, maybe some people are -

1) Afraid that sex will cement their bond to a point where it is more strong than they want to handle (or feel they can, emotionally handle), and the other person is going along with their request (or feels the same way)?

2) Maybe they are in a poly relationship that allows "play", but not sex, with other partners? (if that kind of relationship exists - for whatever reason).

3) Maybe one partner (or both) may feel they have "performance issues" or problems (health problems, or God forbid, lack of interest in intercouse).

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 7/14/2006 4:11:35 AM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to cloudboy)

Post #: 2

RE: Non Traditional Intimacy - 7/14/2006 3:27:28 AM

NINASHARP

Posts: 295
Joined: 4/23/2006
From: NJ/NYC
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: cloudboy

I am curious how many of you have had or are currently involved in an intimate relationship of one year or longer whose sex involves absolutely no intercourse.

What are your thoughts on such a relationship, and what causes you to hold intercourse back?

Is that you my sweet sub? JK!

Why do you think I would hold back? I try not to neglect, but when he is undeserving, I utilize the privilege. He is like melted butter in my hand and follows me around like a whipped pup. Sorry, but I really get off on that!

Nina

< Message edited by NINASHARP -- 7/14/2006 3:28:07 AM >

(in reply to cloudboy)

Post #: 3

RE: Non Traditional Intimacy - 7/14/2006 4:15:32 AM

MzMinx

Posts: 277
Joined: 12/26/2005
Status: offline

my first bdsm relationship lasted nearly 10 years ... with no intercourse and no expectation there ever would be intercourse ... but it was the most deeply emotionaly intimate and physical satisfying relationship I had ever experienced to that time.

It was a poly dynamic where my Mentor/Sir was married. I was not the first submissive he had had during his marriage.

I am good friends with his wife although we did not share a 'physical' relationship and indeed their children are close to me as well

Their love was one of the strongest I have ever been privildged to be touched by, but it was maintained by keeping open communication, trust and respect and by haveing things that were special between them. One of the physical acts he kept special to his wife was intercourse.

I never felt any lack of affection, love or indeed physical satisfaction in any way, in fact I can say he introduced me to pleasures and depths of sensations I never knew existed *warm smile*. We shared our own special activities, time and conections.

I have nothing but warm delight and pleasure in my memories ... and the only thing that ended the relationship was his passing .

I dont believe there is a single way to love or be loved ...to me it is only measured by whether all are receiveing their needs, that they are growing, learning and not being harmed.
In every way I was loved, delighted in, respected, cared for, treasured and given more than I could have ever desired, certainly a great deal more than i ever expected....

What did it matter if we didnt 'fuck'. It certainly never worried me nor did I feel it lessened our bond in any way or made me any less special

I would do the same again *smiles* ... i dont think Love nor intimacy is based on one particular act

(in reply to NINASHARP)

Post #: 4

RE: Non Traditional Intimacy - 7/14/2006 4:44:56 AM

FangsNfeet

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quote:

ORIGINAL: cloudboy

I am curious how many of you have had or are currently involved in an intimate relationship of one year or longer whose sex involves absolutely no intercourse.

What are your thoughts on such a relationship, and what causes you to hold intercourse back?

One lady that I had an understanding with enrolled in school for a nursing degree and did not want to take the chance of getting pregnant during her rigorous clinicals. I've never had sex with anyone without thinking of my financial means in raising a child. Anyhow, without intercourse, our intimate moments came from being playfull, sleeping in the same bed together, and having lots of oral sex where we would have fun with orgasim denial, listerine strips, various methods, and so on.

Not having intercourse is not the end of the world nor the relationship. However, physical contact with intimate moments of relief is important to me. If you're not having intercourse, are you being relieved by the other person?

_____________________________

I'm Godzilla and you're Japan

(in reply to cloudboy)

Post #: 5

RE: Non Traditional Intimacy - 7/14/2006 4:50:31 AM

MHOO314

Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: cloudboy

I am curious how many of you have had or are currently involved in an intimate relationship of one year or longer whose sex involves absolutely no intercourse.

What are your thoughts on such a relationship, and what causes you to hold intercourse back?

I have come across male slaves who were trained not to have intercourse, that to engage in that act was an unacceptable breach with the Dominant and not worthy of their station.

Personally, its going to depend on the submssive/slave and the arrangement.

_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor

(in reply to cloudboy)

Post #: 6

RE: Non Traditional Intimacy - 7/14/2006 8:52:01 AM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
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I have a female het slave. We've never had sex, but the relationship is certainly intimate, based on MY definition of intimate. I simply don't offer intercourse. This doesn't mean that she wouldn't if I ordered her to (she has stated she'd have no problem with it, for me), but it isn't her chosen sexual preference.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to cloudboy)

Post #: 7

RE: Non Traditional Intimacy - 7/14/2006 9:31:00 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: cloudboy

I am curious how many of you have had or are currently involved in an intimate relationship of one year or longer whose sex involves absolutely no intercourse.

What are your thoughts on such a relationship, and what causes you to hold intercourse back?

Married to Tom for 14+ years -- have had intercourse a few times
Owned Fox for almost 7 years -- never had intercourse

Same reason for both: Do not want children.

No matter how good you think your birth control is, unless you are sterile there is always some risk. Heck, just look at my family of origin to see how "good" birth control is and you'll see only more births when they thought they were being "safe".

I don't personally think bringing a life into the world when I don't want to do that is worth any risk. I personally think that would be abusive to the child and to my family.

I also don't personally believe in abortion except for my health or because it was rape -- if I made the choice to have intercourse, I should face the results. Again my own personal belief; I'm a big abortion rights supporter.

There are so many other ways to have orgasms, have sex, be close, and be intense.

For me and mine, this is our choice at this time.

< Message edited by thetammyjo -- 7/14/2006 9:32:21 AM >

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to cloudboy)

Post #: 8

RE: Non Traditional Intimacy - 7/14/2006 1:40:02 PM

cloudboy

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quote:

ORIGINAL: thetammyjo

Married to Tom for 14+ years -- have had intercourse a few times
Owned Fox for almost 7 years -- never had intercourse

Same reason for both: Do not want children.

No matter how good you think your birth control is, unless you are sterile there is always some risk. Heck, just look at my family of origin to see how "good" birth control is and you'll see only more births when they thought they were being "safe".

I don't personally think bringing a life into the world when I don't want to do that is worth any risk. I personally think that would be abusive to the child and to my family.

I also don't personally believe in abortion except for my health or because it was rape -- if I made the choice to have intercourse, I should face the results. Again my own personal belief; I'm a big abortion rights supporter.

There are so many other ways to have orgasms, have sex, be close, and be intense.

For me and mine, this is our choice at this time.

That is how my wife thinks about abortion as well.

My Mistress and I have never had intercourse, but things are great and intense between us. I think we are in a distinct minority, a distinguished group that seems to include you as well.

quote:

I dont believe there is a single way to love or be loved ...to me it is only measured by whether all are receiveing their needs, that they are growing, learning and not being harmed.

What did it matter if we didnt 'fuck'. It certainly never worried me nor did I feel it lessened our bond in any way or made me any less special

I would do the same again *smiles* ... i dont think Love nor intimacy is based on one particular act

I think I share your sentiment here, mzminx. You had quite an open poly relationship, something not so easy to find or balance.

(in reply to thetammyjo)

Post #: 9

RE: Non Traditional Intimacy - 7/14/2006 1:46:46 PM

Owned1

Posts: 847
Joined: 7/6/2005
From: Toronto, Ontario
Status: offline

what?!?!?!?! no sex, i have tried it however i could not. Thankfully Master also considers BDSM play foreplay and always leads to amazing sex. Sex is another level of intimacy for both Master and i. This is the reason we do not play in public forums.

_____________________________

~~in His Chains i am free~~

(in reply to cloudboy)

Post #: 10

RE: Non Traditional Intimacy - 7/14/2006 3:08:39 PM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: cloudboy

I am curious how many of you have had or are currently involved in an intimate relationship of one year or longer whose sex involves absolutely no intercourse.

What are your thoughts on such a relationship, and what causes you to hold intercourse back?

I lived 24/7 with my first Master for 3 years and never engaged in any form of sex. No oral, anal, hand jobs, nothing.

What held it back.. he was gay and I had the wrong body parts. ::laughs:: This was also around the time AIDS reared it's ugly head in the SF community. It was just safer for all concerned not to indulge when neither of us was sexually turned on by the other one.

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to cloudboy)

Post #: 11

RE: Non Traditional Intimacy - 7/14/2006 3:33:53 PM

irishbynature

Posts: 551
Joined: 5/11/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: cloudboy

I am curious how many of you have had or are currently involved in an intimate relationship of one year or longer whose sex involves absolutely no intercourse.

What are your thoughts on such a relationship, and what causes you to hold intercourse back?

Good question. My first Domiant engaged in sexual activity with me and then he stopped because he wanted the relationship to be 'more than about sex or BDSM' and he also thought he was creating a 'monster' (*me*). His reasons were largely ones based in jealousy and insecurity. I did enjoy the friendship aspect w/out sex and we did grow closer and developed a deeper bond. However, I did miss the sex---and combined with the other issues he was having...I ended the relationship. So, I believe you can engage in a relationship w/out intercourse. But, the combinations of friendship, respect, and sex would be ideal.

_____________________________

What seems nasty, painful, or evil, can become a source of beauty, joy, and strength, for those who have the vision to recognize it as such. Henry Miller

(in reply to cloudboy)

Post #: 12

RE: Non Traditional Intimacy - 7/14/2006 3:43:43 PM

Vendaval

Posts: 10297
Joined: 1/15/2005
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I have and have had, many intimate relationships that do not involve
sex of any kind. In many cases, we decided it was safer to not risk
the friendship. In one situation, the other person had a history
of severe sexual abuse and could not be sexual.

In some cases, we were not attracted to each other because
of differences in sexual preferences.
And in regards to submissives//slaves, only a select few
are allowed sexual intimacy with Me.

< Message edited by Vendaval -- 7/14/2006 3:46:07 PM >

_____________________________

"Beware, the woods at night, beware the lunar light.
So in this gray haze we'll be meating again, and on that
great day, I will tease you all the same."
"WOLF MOON", OCTOBER RUST, TYPE O NEGATIVE

http://KinkMeet.co.uk

(in reply to cloudboy)

Post #: 13

RE: Non Traditional Intimacy - 7/14/2006 5:16:45 PM

SDFemDom4cuck

Posts: 2809
Joined: 5/23/2005
From: P'burgh PA
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quote:

I am curious how many of you have had or are currently involved in an intimate relationship of one year or longer whose sex involves absolutely no intercourse.

What are your thoughts on such a relationship, and what causes you to hold intercourse back?

I was in a cuckold relationship for over 6 years and only had intercourse once. Of course that is the entire basis of most cuckold relationships to a degree. There are far more intimate things to do than have actual intercourse. In My current one he is very aware it will be twice only no matter the number of years W/we are together.

Why do I choose to hold back? Because it is My right, My choice and My desire to do so. peewee doesn't exactly measure up to My preference and understands that. It is a personal preference to so within a cuckold relationship/marriage.

Its Good to be the Queen!

_____________________________

Ms Jo

She dealt her pretty words like Blades -
How glittering they shone -
And every One unbared a Nerve
Or wantoned with a Bone -

I want a sensitive man - one who'll cry when I hit him.

(in reply to cloudboy)

Post #: 14

RE: Non Traditional Intimacy - 7/14/2006 5:55:07 PM

cloudboy

Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
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**Fast reply in response to all**

Just for the sake of clarity, my own situation is not asexual, rather it mirrors tammyjo's who said, "There are so many other ways [besides intercourse] to have orgasms, have sex, be close, and be intense. "

I appreciate the answers of everybody here, because at times I can just feel so abnormal about what I do. Abnormal or not, I like what I do, and I am very happy in my situation. (The usual poly troubles aside.)

< Message edited by cloudboy -- 7/14/2006 5:56:53 PM >

(in reply to SDFemDom4cuck)

Post #: 15

RE: Non Traditional Intimacy - 7/14/2006 6:18:38 PM

SusanofO

Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
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Well sure there are other ways to be sexual; intercourse is just one way.
Glad you are happy and hope you continue to be happy!

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 7/14/2006 6:47:23 PM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to cloudboy)

Post #: 16

RE: Non Traditional Intimacy - 7/15/2006 12:09:03 AM

Rayne58

Posts: 746
Joined: 2/22/2005
From: Sydney Australia
Status: offline

*Using fast reply*

Master has erectile dysfunction due to health problems - I would say we would have penis/vagina intercourse maybe once a month or even less and most times He will not orgasm. However oral is a big part of our repertoire and He is able to orgasm from blowjobs. Toys play a big part and He is an expert in G spot play *drools*

I have no hesitation in saying that I am having more sex and intimacy than I ever had in my 23 year marriage to a healthy vanilla man.

(in reply to SusanofO)

Post #: 17

RE: Non Traditional Intimacy - 7/15/2006 3:14:01 AM

champagnewishes

Posts: 1310
Joined: 10/31/2005
From: Orange County
Status: offline

My last Dom and I were together 18 months. During that time, we had sex three times early on. The remainder of the time there was no oral, no anal, no vaginal...no orgasms period. It sucked...i hated it...and i would never find myself in that type of situation again.

_____________________________

Nirvana cannot be described, it is only understood truly by a person who has experienced it.

(in reply to cloudboy)

Post #: 18

RE: Non Traditional Intimacy - 7/15/2006 3:33:10 AM

ScooterTrash

Posts: 1407
Joined: 1/24/2005
From: Indiana
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: cloudboy

I am curious how many of you have had or are currently involved in an intimate relationship of one year or longer whose sex involves absolutely no intercourse.

What are your thoughts on such a relationship, and what causes you to hold intercourse back?

Can't say I have experience in anything this long term, likely because I have that typical biker mentality, "the crack of dawn makes me horny"..lol, and yes, I enjoy that particular physical part. But I don't see why someone couldn't have a meaningful and fulfilling relationship without it. I look at sex just like any other aspect of a relationship, it's a portion of a relationship, but not what the relationship is based on. Could a relationship exist without that? In my mind, most certainly...since it is simply a segment, it could be reduced to a small part or even omitted completely...relationships are based on interaction between two humans, not on body fluid exchange or physical interaction. If something was to happen to my partners where the physical "sex" aspect was not possible, it would not be the end of the relationship....bonds are made in the mind, not in the bed.

_____________________________

Formal symbolic representation of qualitative entities is doomed to its rightful place of minor significance in a world where flowers and beautiful women abound.
-Albert Einstein

(in reply to cloudboy)

Post #: 19

RE: Non Traditional Intimacy - 7/15/2006 7:52:57 AM

ArtimisBlack

Posts: 154
Joined: 6/13/2006
Status: offline

I also offer no sex with male subs, but the reason is because I am already in a committed (non-poly) relationship. He is not vanilla by a long shot, but it only sexually interested in females and got experimenting out of his system before I ever met him. He knows I haven't yet reached his level of experience and that I still want to "play" so we had a conversation. The result of it was: "play" all you want, learn whatever you wish, but you would be breaking the bonds of trust between us if you were to engage in sex with another without me/my knowing. In this case sex includes oral and hand jobs as well as standard intercourse. And you know what? I'm fine with that and it's something I let people know as soon as we talk about "playing" together- sometimes even sooner. I think it will make things even better then if I was having sex with others because in a way it forces me to separate BDSM and sex, and I believe this will lead to deeper appreciation and understanding.

_____________________________

I wanted to put in my 2 cents but I only have a dollar. Do you have change?

The pain is free. Do not pick the scab.

(in reply to ScooterTrash)

Post #: 20

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