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MySweetSubmssive -> RE: loving and caring Dommes? (8/2/2006 8:32:16 PM)
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It's so useful to hear others say that they struggle with the perceptions of others that they are "too nice."
I progress along as a dominant in fits and starts, sometimes influenced by what submissives expect, but always trying to listen to my own inner voice. What I've found is that I am happiest when I can move from interest to respect to affection to domination. When I like someone, I tend to dominate with more of myself, and it's a juicier experience. The road there, though, is circuitous. I tend to ask submissives lots of questions to get to know him, and most are not about D/s. Impatient people (or those that can't trust the process) get antsy. Some will eventually say that I'm not dominant enough. But for those who stick it out, it's a good experience.
When submissives question me or tell me I'm "not dominant enough," I can feel a little crazy. But when I follow my instinct (and he follows), it *always* works out. Things are good.
One of the things I want most from a submissive is surrender, just letting go of his desires so I can experiment. I know this is the hardest thing to do, to submit when it looks like nothing is happening. But it's this very act of being OK with something that doesn't look like domination that makes what he wants possible. It's when someone makes me feel all soft and fuzzy inside that my dominance is courted. Or to paraphrase a Buddhist saying (and Jasmyn, I noticed), "The first step in attaining something is to abandon it completely." If a submissive wants dominance, s/he should be willing to accept what's given.
This likely is not useful for anyone to read, but it helps me to express it. A thought-provoking thread. Thank you.
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