Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

Good vs bad sub


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> Good vs bad sub Page: [1] 2 3   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
Good vs bad sub - 2/5/2015 6:12:19 AM   
AlabamaPrincess


Posts: 134
Joined: 2/4/2015
From: The Dragon's Keep
Status: offline 		Hello all, new to the forum and other than the intro this is my first post. I looked 3 pages back and didn't see anything related to my question, so I figured it was safe to ask....

Is there really such a thing as a good or bad sub? I like to consider myself 'good'. I stay home, keep the house clean, have my Sir's cocktail ready when he comes in the door. I leave him to have his quiet time and wind down from work while I cook dinner, serve his dinner, and clean up after. No biggie. I am polite in public (I don't argue or pout, no tantrums or ill words) etc. That being said, I have seen women who claim to be subs, but are horrible at it. One woman in particular constantly yelled at her husband (I admit, he wasn't a Dom, but he was trying) and talked down to him just so he'd spank the crap out of her at home. Basically he was spanking out of anger, not desire. However, one look from my Sir had her averting her eyes and quiet, only speaking when he spoke, and answering politely. Now I admit, this was her husband's fault for allowing this and like I said, he really wasn't a Dom to start with. My question is though, are there subs out there who constantly challenge their Doms in this fashion? And why?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Good vs bad sub - 2/5/2015 6:27:10 AM   
HaremEmperor


Posts: 19
Joined: 12/5/2014
Status: offline 		Yes there are subs that constantly challenge their Doms in this way. As to why, well it depends on the Dom and the sub. Some do it because they can, since their Dom lets them get away with it. Others do it to test their Dom and see where their limits and boundaries are. Yet others do enjoy being "bad" so that they get punished/disciplined. Those are the ones I can think of, there might be other reasons I'm forgetting.

(in reply to AlabamaPrincess)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Good vs bad sub - 2/5/2015 6:34:39 AM   
Kittenluv954


Posts: 237
Joined: 3/18/2014
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AlabamaPrincess

Hello all, new to the forum and other than the intro this is my first post. I looked 3 pages back and didn't see anything related to my question, so I figured it was safe to ask....

Is there really such a thing as a good or bad sub? I like to consider myself 'good'. I stay home, keep the house clean, have my Sir's cocktail ready when he comes in the door. I leave him to have his quiet time and wind down from work while I cook dinner, serve his dinner, and clean up after. No biggie. I am polite in public (I don't argue or pout, no tantrums or ill words) etc. That being said, I have seen women who claim to be subs, but are horrible at it. One woman in particular constantly yelled at her husband (I admit, he wasn't a Dom, but he was trying) and talked down to him just so he'd spank the crap out of her at home. Basically he was spanking out of anger, not desire. However, one look from my Sir had her averting her eyes and quiet, only speaking when he spoke, and answering politely. Now I admit, this was her husband's fault for allowing this and like I said, he really wasn't a Dom to start with. My question is though, are there subs out there who constantly challenge their Doms in this fashion? And why?


there are subs of every type, ranging from wholly compliant, to bratty or worse. just like there are good Doms, and terrible ones.

(in reply to AlabamaPrincess)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Good vs bad sub - 2/5/2015 6:43:45 AM   
AlabamaPrincess


Posts: 134
Joined: 2/4/2015
From: The Dragon's Keep
Status: offline 		Ok, I understand. I guess it goes with "it takes all kinds" and "someone for everyone" lol Coming from an abusive childhood, I prefer "good" spankings and not "bad" ones :) I do admit I can get bratty, but it's usually not enough to warrant lines, corner time, silent time, etc.

(in reply to Kittenluv954)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Good vs bad sub - 2/5/2015 6:47:43 AM   
ExiledTyrant


Posts: 4547
Joined: 12/9/2013
From: Exiled
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kittenluv954


quote:

ORIGINAL: AlabamaPrincess

Hello all, new to the forum and other than the intro this is my first post. I looked 3 pages back and didn't see anything related to my question, so I figured it was safe to ask....

Is there really such a thing as a good or bad sub? I like to consider myself 'good'. I stay home, keep the house clean, have my Sir's cocktail ready when he comes in the door. I leave him to have his quiet time and wind down from work while I cook dinner, serve his dinner, and clean up after. No biggie. I am polite in public (I don't argue or pout, no tantrums or ill words) etc. That being said, I have seen women who claim to be subs, but are horrible at it. One woman in particular constantly yelled at her husband (I admit, he wasn't a Dom, but he was trying) and talked down to him just so he'd spank the crap out of her at home. Basically he was spanking out of anger, not desire. However, one look from my Sir had her averting her eyes and quiet, only speaking when he spoke, and answering politely. Now I admit, this was her husband's fault for allowing this and like I said, he really wasn't a Dom to start with. My question is though, are there subs out there who constantly challenge their Doms in this fashion? And why?


there are subs of every type, ranging from wholly compliant, to bratty or worse. just like there are good Doms, and terrible ones.


<----- terrible Dom.

_____________________________

Gnothi Seauton
To lead, first follow: Aurelius, Epictetus, Descartes, Sun Tzu, to name a few.

Semper fidelis (which sometimes feels like a burden)

(in reply to Kittenluv954)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Good vs bad sub - 2/5/2015 6:47:56 AM   
Kittenluv954


Posts: 237
Joined: 3/18/2014
Status: offline 		i generally tend to be compliant, with a random streak of brattiness mixed in. i cant explain exactly where that comes from, nor is it extreme to where it has caused issue, and needed to be curtailed. every Dom has his own threshold of tolerance as well. you nailed it, different strokes and such.

(in reply to AlabamaPrincess)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Good vs bad sub - 2/5/2015 6:49:58 AM   
GoddessManko


Posts: 2257
Joined: 3/6/2013
From: Dante's Inferno
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AlabamaPrincess

Hello all, new to the forum and other than the intro this is my first post. I looked 3 pages back and didn't see anything related to my question, so I figured it was safe to ask....

Is there really such a thing as a good or bad sub? I like to consider myself 'good'. I stay home, keep the house clean, have my Sir's cocktail ready when he comes in the door. I leave him to have his quiet time and wind down from work while I cook dinner, serve his dinner, and clean up after. No biggie. I am polite in public (I don't argue or pout, no tantrums or ill words) etc. That being said, I have seen women who claim to be subs, but are horrible at it. One woman in particular constantly yelled at her husband (I admit, he wasn't a Dom, but he was trying) and talked down to him just so he'd spank the crap out of her at home. Basically he was spanking out of anger, not desire. However, one look from my Sir had her averting her eyes and quiet, only speaking when he spoke, and answering politely. Now I admit, this was her husband's fault for allowing this and like I said, he really wasn't a Dom to start with. My question is though, are there subs out there who constantly challenge their Doms in this fashion? And why?


Even when you're doing all these things, it's hard to imagine there's not a time where you get annoyed or upset and need to talk it out with him. I think corrective discipline for making a mistake is good. I am not sure if spanking is the best way to resolve an argument though. I ignore, especially when I feel a sub is compelling me to act. Thankfully I would never marry someone who would make me reactive.

_____________________________

Happy consent is the name of the game. You are my perfect Mistress. - my collared.

http://submissivemale.blogspot.com/

The Bird of Hermes is my name, eating my wings to make me tame.

(in reply to AlabamaPrincess)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Good vs bad sub - 2/5/2015 6:52:58 AM   
Kittenluv954


Posts: 237
Joined: 3/18/2014
Status: offline 		somehow i doubt that :)

(in reply to ExiledTyrant)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Good vs bad sub - 2/5/2015 6:57:04 AM   
InHisHeart


Posts: 630
Joined: 3/22/2014
Status: offline 		Someone might be a good sub to one Dom but not be seen as a good sub to another Dom and the same goes for Doms. It depends on the Dom and sub involved, how they see each other, their expectations of each other and their expectations of the relationship, compatibility, the dynamics of their relationship.

What you described of the woman is not the kind of sub I choose to be and not the kind of sub my Master would tolerate but that doesn't mean there aren't some subs and Doms who like that dynamic. My thoughts are if he doesn't like it then he has the choice to not put up with it. If he puts up with it then I would guess he's getting some enjoyment out of it.

There's no one kind of sub or one kind of Dom and not one size fits all in any kind of relationship.

_____________________________

I don't have a bucket list but my fucket list is a mile long.

I would rather have a mind opened by wonder than one closed by belief.


(in reply to AlabamaPrincess)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Good vs bad sub - 2/5/2015 6:57:23 AM   
ExiledTyrant


Posts: 4547
Joined: 12/9/2013
From: Exiled
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kittenluv954

somehow i doubt that :)


The "Tyrant" in ExiledTyrant isn't just because it's catchy.

Jus sayin

_____________________________

Gnothi Seauton
To lead, first follow: Aurelius, Epictetus, Descartes, Sun Tzu, to name a few.

Semper fidelis (which sometimes feels like a burden)

(in reply to Kittenluv954)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Good vs bad sub - 2/5/2015 7:18:58 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		There's no such thing as a generalized good or bad sub. A sub will be the perfect one for one Dom and be horrible for another.

The dynamic you described is bratting. In a healthy relationship, both would enjoy the sub's responses and ensuing funishment. In an unhealthy relationship, the sub could be feeling neglected and act out as her means of getting attention, and her Dom not be aware of or capable of changing the dynamic. If the Dom is unhappy with it but too weak to change it, it's topping from the bottom.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to ExiledTyrant)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Good vs bad sub - 2/5/2015 7:21:38 AM   
Kittenluv954


Posts: 237
Joined: 3/18/2014
Status: offline 		DS always knows what to say

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Good vs bad sub - 2/5/2015 7:25:57 AM   
ExiledTyrant


Posts: 4547
Joined: 12/9/2013
From: Exiled
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AlabamaPrincess

Hello all, new to the forum and other than the intro this is my first post. I looked 3 pages back and didn't see anything related to my question, so I figured it was safe to ask....

Is there really such a thing as a good or bad sub? I like to consider myself 'good'. I stay home, keep the house clean, have my Sir's cocktail ready when he comes in the door. I leave him to have his quiet time and wind down from work while I cook dinner, serve his dinner, and clean up after. No biggie. I am polite in public (I don't argue or pout, no tantrums or ill words) etc. That being said, I have seen women who claim to be subs, but are horrible at it. One woman in particular constantly yelled at her husband (I admit, he wasn't a Dom, but he was trying) and talked down to him just so he'd spank the crap out of her at home. Basically he was spanking out of anger, not desire. However, one look from my Sir had her averting her eyes and quiet, only speaking when he spoke, and answering politely. Now I admit, this was her husband's fault for allowing this and like I said, he really wasn't a Dom to start with. My question is though, are there subs out there who constantly challenge their Doms in this fashion? And why?


Okay, I'll give this a genuine shot ;)

We'll do this in columns:

Column A: Needs (the stuff you really need, food, shelter, emotional, mental, and physical care)

Column B: Want's (the stuff you want that gets your happy on but isn't necessary for your survival or well being)

Column C: Desires (the fleeting stuff that you fantasize about but have no expectations what so ever of realizing; winning the lottery, fucking the pool boy, watching him fuck the maid, getting random flowers delivered at random times, your family actually liking him/her)

Column D: Likes (all the stuff you like; treated like grade A choice fuck meat, chess over checkers, pokemon gold but not silver)

Column E: Dislikes (all the shit you do not want to be a part of; treated like grade A choice fuck meat, checkers, pokemon)

All of these columns need to ebb and flow, be in flux with your columns and his columns. If you desire (column C) random flowers and I want (Column B) to give them, our "columns" synergize each other.

If you like (Column D) to bitch, moan, whine, and cling to drama, and it is a dislike (column E) of mine, then we will reach critical mass in our dynamic because you may not ever overcome the "like" of it, and I may not overcome the "dislike" of it.

Critical mass can/will occur when you are diametrically opposed any one or more things. I am poly, I am diametrically opposed to monogamy, and for me to become involved with a monogamist girl is a recipe for disaster. It's not "if" it reaches critical mass and explodes/implodes, it is a matter of "when" it reaches critical mass.

When we are being neglected or opposed on something that is important to us we become bitter. Bitter, if allowed to fester, becomes the gangrene of a relationship, slowly rotting away the healthy flesh of the relationship until it is all consumed and dies.

It is incumbent upon each of us to know ourselves, understand our "columns", and relate all those things to a potential partner. This allows us to make sound and informed choices and "bet" on our future rather than gamble on a whim.

Jus sayin


_____________________________

Gnothi Seauton
To lead, first follow: Aurelius, Epictetus, Descartes, Sun Tzu, to name a few.

Semper fidelis (which sometimes feels like a burden)

(in reply to AlabamaPrincess)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Good vs bad sub - 2/5/2015 7:51:08 AM   
littleladybug


Posts: 1082
Joined: 5/30/2013
Status: offline 		I have no doubt that if I ran down the list of things I do (and don't do) in my relationship, I would be classified as a "horrible sub" by some. I know for a fact that there are several who I have known for years who are "appalled" that I have the nerve to call myself a "slave".

I will *never* be someone who averts her eyes. Only speak when spoken to? Not on a dare. I will be the first to call my man out on bonehead things that he does. Essentially, I don't allow him to take himself too seriously. Every time he bends over to take clothes out of the dryer (yes, he does his own laundry), I can't help but give him a smack on the ass. (And more than one if he doesn't move out of the way fast enough.) Some might classify some of my actions as "bratty", I just call them "me being me".

My feeling on this is that there are only two people in the world who have opinions on this that really matter. Me and my man. If he sees me as being a "good sub" and I see him as being a "good Dom", why should how other's choose to live their own lives even come into play?

(And, frankly, if a man that I wasn't in a relationship with tried to "get me to behave" in the way he wanted-- I'd just laugh.)

(in reply to ExiledTyrant)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Good vs bad sub - 2/5/2015 8:18:21 AM   
orgasmdenial12


Posts: 613
Joined: 9/18/2012
Status: offline 		There's no such thing as a good sub or a bad sub, there is only the right sub for you or the wrong sub for you. If I did half the things you consider to be 'good' my Dom would be disappointed. He prefers a sub that goes out to work rather than staying home and he would not be interested in me averting my eyes or speaking only when spoken to. There is no one fixed or right way to be a sub.

(in reply to AlabamaPrincess)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Good vs bad sub - 2/5/2015 8:56:29 AM   
orgasmdenial12


Posts: 613
Joined: 9/18/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven
If the Dom is unhappy with it but too weak to change it, it's topping from the bottom.


A small correction - if he's too weak to change it, then it's bottoming from the top.

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Good vs bad sub - 2/5/2015 9:56:54 AM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		I find that question naive at best and Castle Realm-ish at worst.

Your way of being a sub is good for you, mine is good for me.

I would never behave in the manner you do and try to remember your way is not the only way.

There is NO one way.

(in reply to orgasmdenial12)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Good vs bad sub - 2/5/2015 9:58:22 AM   
AlabamaPrincess


Posts: 134
Joined: 2/4/2015
From: The Dragon's Keep
Status: offline 		I see what you all are saying. No, I don't avert my eyes when talking to him or anyone. We have our own unique dynamic, and we've run into a Dom (wannabe) who tried to say that all subs should answer to all Doms. I laughed in his face and told him to fuck off. He looked at my Dom with a raised eyebrow and was answered with "Hey man, you asked for that. She's mine, not yours" and walked away. Although this is not the thread for it, I guess somewhere I should explain how I came to be in the lifestyle, and a brief on our dynamic. *goes to look for appropriate thread other than "Intro"*

I guess this woman that I mentioned found the Dom she needed, subsequently divorcing her husband. He told her time and again he wasn't Dom material, but she pushed him too far. He has since left town. I guess I was just trying to figure out if there was a line, but now I see that there isn't.

(in reply to orgasmdenial12)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Good vs bad sub - 2/5/2015 11:02:57 AM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ExiledTyrant

<----- terrible Dom.


I'm worse than you.

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to ExiledTyrant)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Good vs bad sub - 2/5/2015 11:14:37 AM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AlabamaPrincess

I see what you all are saying. No, I don't avert my eyes when talking to him or anyone. We have our own unique dynamic, and we've run into a Dom (wannabe) who tried to say that all subs should answer to all Doms. I laughed in his face and told him to fuck off. He looked at my Dom with a raised eyebrow and was answered with "Hey man, you asked for that. She's mine, not yours" and walked away. Although this is not the thread for it, I guess somewhere I should explain how I came to be in the lifestyle, and a brief on our dynamic. *goes to look for appropriate thread other than "Intro"*

I guess this woman that I mentioned found the Dom she needed, subsequently divorcing her husband. He told her time and again he wasn't Dom material, but she pushed him too far. He has since left town. I guess I was just trying to figure out if there was a line, but now I see that there isn't.


For some people... some... let me be clear... some people, there is a mythical thing that we affectionately refer to as the Twue BDSM Handbook. These folks come here espousing their religion of One Twue Wayism and get a tad bent out of shape when they find out they are singularly alone in their belief that everyone should do things their way. Some... some... again, some of those folks mean well, others are staunchly blind and couldn't find their ass with both hands and a flashlight.

Your way is what works for you. My way is what works for me. All is right with the world. I'm genuinely glad that you were able to see the differences.


I actually came to this thread hoping to see a chick fight... your title was misleading.

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to AlabamaPrincess)
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1] 2 3   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> Good vs bad sub Page: [1] 2 3   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

1.141