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Answering Messages. - 2/12/2015 8:57:25 PM   
FeleciasubTV


Posts: 1
Joined: 1/2/2009
Status: offline 		Wouldn't it be nice if people could reply to messages, even just a "thanks but no thanks".
People view your profile so you message them thanking them for viewing and explaining what you are seeking.
They read your message and can't even be bothered to reply.
Politeness doesn't cost anything.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Answering Messages. - 2/12/2015 9:02:29 PM   
DaddySatyr


Posts: 9381
Joined: 8/29/2011
From: Pittston, Pennsyltucky
Status: offline
You're right, of course but there will be a cacophony along, shortly to explain to you that you're selfish and unrealistic for holding this opinion. Don't believe 'em.

I just say this because we've had this discussion, before.



Michael

_____________________________

A Stone in My Shoe

Screen captures (and pissing on shadows) still RULE! Ya feel me?

"For that which I love, I will do horrible things"

(in reply to FeleciasubTV)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Answering Messages. - 2/12/2015 9:16:22 PM   
stef


Posts: 10215
Joined: 1/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FeleciasubTV

Wouldn't it be nice if people could reply to messages, even just a "thanks but no thanks".

Wouldn't it be nice if people didn't have such a sense of entitlement?

quote:

People view your profile so you message them thanking them for viewing and explaining what you are seeking.

If they're not interested in you, why should they explain what they're seeking?

quote:

They read your message and can't even be bothered to reply.
Politeness doesn't cost anything.

You should read the other threads about this and see exactly what such "politeness" can cost.

_____________________________

Welcome to PoliticSpace! If you came here expecting meaningful BDSM discussions, boy are you in the wrong place.

"Hypocrisy has consequences"

(in reply to FeleciasubTV)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Answering Messages. - 2/12/2015 9:20:30 PM   
SeekingTrinity


Posts: 1834
Joined: 5/29/2012
From: The 'burbs of Portland, OR
Status: offline 		~FRing it~

Would it be nice? Yes, it definitely would. I totally agree with everything you have said. That is honestly my preferred way of doing things because I think it's the right thing to do. It's polite and courteous. Some might say that the person is under no obligation to respond...and I respect that as well. If I could do it my way, Id love to reply to each message I receive in kind.

However I sadly got very leery of being polite. I used to reply to all messages, even if it was to say "thanks, but no thanks." I've been called everything from a fat ugly bitch who should be grateful anyone would stoop to even be interested in me at all to a diseased cunt to of course everything in between.

Am I saying everyone is this way? Of course not. Sadly assholes ruin it for good people like yourself, OP. Because someone like me never really knows if you will be cool with a polite rejection for whatever reason or if I'm opening myself up to verbal abuse. I honestly wish it was different.


(in reply to DaddySatyr)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Answering Messages. - 2/13/2015 2:24:04 AM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FeleciasubTV

Wouldn't it be nice if people could reply to messages, even just a "thanks but no thanks".
People view your profile so you message them thanking them for viewing and explaining what you are seeking.
They read your message and can't even be bothered to reply.
Politeness doesn't cost anything.


It would be nice. I've spent some of my best writing on people that never replied, but I already knew that was a risk before I hit the send button.

Reality is a bit different than what would be courteous or nice. Sadly there are folks that do not take "no" for an answer. There are some people that have stories to tell that are genuinely freaky, all because they replied, "Thanks, but no thanks" to an email.

No reply is a reply after all, it is a nice way of saying no thank you without saying it. Look, don't get too hung up on this. Concentrate on those that reply.

After a brief look at your profile, it needs work. You say little to nothing about who you are, what you like doing, etc. and it is more centered around the kink aspect of things. Simply put, your profile is your advertizement, if someone looks at it, you need to get their attention, not just say what you are seeking and leave it at that. If you cannot be bothered putting forth a little more effort than what you are doing now, you may keep getting the same results.

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to FeleciasubTV)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Answering Messages. - 2/13/2015 3:30:23 AM   
NookieNotes


Posts: 1720
Joined: 11/10/2013
Status: offline 		~FR~

I see two major issues with your post. I'll choose the lesser one first.

As Gauge said, your profile has almost nothing in it. You can't even be bothered to put effort into your own presentation to the world, why should someone like me, who puts time and effort into creating a profile that shows exactly who I am and what I enjoy give you my effort, when you don't even feel you are worth your own? And obviously don't feel I, or anyone else who might look at your profile, is worth your effort.

That said, on to issue number two:

I do respond to every email I receive, even if it is with "No, thank you."

Here is an example of what often happens:

quote:

Hi sexy im moe

Hello Moe.

You are beautiful

Thank you.

Would you like to chat on the phone

Why?

Talk easier then typing plus we can chat more beautiful

Well, if you read my profile, you'll see that I'm not interested in long-distance or online relationships.

I can come out to visit@date have race horses all over the contry

It's still a long distance thing. I've done that before. It's a lot of work to do right.

But, even setting that aside, why me? Because you think I'm pretty? That's not a good enough reason, in my view.

Your all that
Most beautiful leggs in the world

Let me just be clear.

My physical attractiveness or lack thereof has very little to do with creating any sort of relationship.

And, considering that I have no idea what you look like, and that we are not on an even playing field with what information you know about me and what I know about you, there is no incentive for me to want to get to know you better in any way.

Add to that fact that you are long-distance, your profile is nearly empty, and your conversation thus far has been barely English...

No, thank you.

Best of luck in your search.

Ok chubby
your too fat and asshol. i was just bein nice


So, while I actually enjoy the back-and-forth of something like this, and rub my hands together with glee when I sense an idiot about to be rude, I can totally see why most women would want to avoid it like the plague.

Add to that that you may think it's easy responding to one or two messages with "No, thank you," it can be quite time consuming on a day when you receive 80-100 of them.

So, how about this: You do what works for you (nearly empty profile), and put in only as much effort as you are willing to put in, and likewise allow others to do what works for them, and put in only as much effort as they are willing to put in.

Sound fair?



_____________________________

Nookie
--
https://datingkinky.com

I Write! A few of my books on Amazon: http://amazon.com/author/msnnotes

(in reply to Gauge)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Answering Messages. - 2/13/2015 3:44:17 AM   
DaddySatyr


Posts: 9381
Joined: 8/29/2011
From: Pittston, Pennsyltucky
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge

After a brief look at your profile, it needs work. You say little to nothing about who you are, what you like doing, etc. and it is more centered around the kink aspect of things. Simply put, your profile is your advertizement, if someone looks at it, you need to get their attention, not just say what you are seeking and leave it at that. If you cannot be bothered putting forth a little more effort than what you are doing now, you may keep getting the same results.



quote:

ORIGINAL: NookieNotes

~FR~

I see two major issues with your post. I'll choose the lesser one first.

As Gauge said, your profile has almost nothing in it. You can't even be bothered to put effort into your own presentation to the world, why should someone like me, who puts time and effort into creating a profile that shows exactly who I am and what I enjoy give you my effort, when you don't even feel you are worth your own? And obviously don't feel I, or anyone else who might look at your profile, is worth your effort.



I like both of you. I think, on the whole you're really good eggs.

However, this first "excuse" upon which you seem to be in agreement has not been borne out by my own experiences, here.

I used to have a detailed profile with "bullet points" at the top and fuller explanations, below (I'm going to have to see if I have a copy of it, saved, somewhere). I think it was, essentially, my journal post from DEC 2011?

I almost always send well thought-out e-mails unless I'm just touching base with someone with whom I've already spoken.

The entitled, self-important, rude people can't be arsed to respond and then, they justify their behavior with clap-trap.

That's the long and short of it.



Michael

_____________________________

A Stone in My Shoe

Screen captures (and pissing on shadows) still RULE! Ya feel me?

"For that which I love, I will do horrible things"

(in reply to Gauge)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Answering Messages. - 2/13/2015 4:11:42 AM   
SinFix


Posts: 866
Joined: 4/1/2011
Status: offline 		Michael, with all due respect, why should I respond to anyone when I have a 60% chance of being "abused" for saying no thank you?

I usually will take the chance if a message is thought out, polite and well intentioned, then I will say thanks but no thanks. I also read profiles, engage more and cheerfully message people if they take the time to show that there is more to them than kink or sex.

Is it rude, sure but as has been pointed out a million times, men are paying the price for the stupidity and downright nastiness of their fellow men. Get called names, be put down and deal with nastiness enough that this is what becomes of females on online sites.

(in reply to DaddySatyr)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Answering Messages. - 2/13/2015 4:19:08 AM   
DaddySatyr


Posts: 9381
Joined: 8/29/2011
From: Pittston, Pennsyltucky
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SinFix

Is it rude, sure but as has been pointed out a million times, men are paying the price for the stupidity and downright nastiness of their fellow men. Get called names, be put down and deal with nastiness enough that this is what becomes of females on online sites.



By this logic, if you are rude to me and I call the next lady I speak with a "bitch", she had it coming, because of your actions. Does that sound right to you? Seriously?



Michael

_____________________________

A Stone in My Shoe

Screen captures (and pissing on shadows) still RULE! Ya feel me?

"For that which I love, I will do horrible things"

(in reply to SinFix)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Answering Messages. - 2/13/2015 4:22:02 AM   
ExiledTyrant


Posts: 4547
Joined: 12/9/2013
From: Exiled
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DaddySatyr


quote:

ORIGINAL: SinFix

Is it rude, sure but as has been pointed out a million times, men are paying the price for the stupidity and downright nastiness of their fellow men. Get called names, be put down and deal with nastiness enough that this is what becomes of females on online sites.




By this logic, if you are rude to me and I call the next lady I speak with a "bitch", she had it coming, because of your actions. Does that sound right to you? Seriously?



Michael


Read her post again, you missed it.

_____________________________

Gnothi Seauton
To lead, first follow: Aurelius, Epictetus, Descartes, Sun Tzu, to name a few.

Semper fidelis (which sometimes feels like a burden)

(in reply to DaddySatyr)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Answering Messages. - 2/13/2015 4:27:22 AM   
SinFix


Posts: 866
Joined: 4/1/2011
Status: offline 		Ummm... Hello, actually, what you would do if you even read or comprehend is ignore the next person unless for whatever reason you feel compelled to respond to them..


In simple terms for you..

you message me, I respond with a thank you I'm not interested.. you call me a fat stupid bitch for not being interested... now ET messages me, I ignore his message because, yes you were a dickhead about it all...

So again, why are you entitled to a response but I am not entitled to being treated with respect?

< Message edited by SinFix -- 2/13/2015 4:30:07 AM >

(in reply to DaddySatyr)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Answering Messages. - 2/13/2015 4:34:08 AM   
DaddySatyr


Posts: 9381
Joined: 8/29/2011
From: Pittston, Pennsyltucky
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SinFix

Ummm... Hello, actually, what you would do if you even read or comprehend is ignore the next person unless for whatever reason you feel compelled to respond to them..



Ummm hello? Your statement was that when someone treats me in a certain negative way, it is up to me how rude I wish to treat the next person (a lady deciding that ignoring someone is okay is where her "limit" is).

So, let's run with that.

Some guy messages you, you reject (nicely) and he calls you a "fatty" or some such. In your mind, that justifies you, ignoring the next guy.

Notice, you're not calling the next guy a "fatty". You're deciding for yourself, how you're going to handle the next random person who has offered you no offense of their own actions. So far, yes?

Whatever the determination about the form of punishment, you've decided that this new person is as big a creep as the last. That's the crux of the situation. You're treating one person, based upon another person's actions.

That's an interesting bent but one that doesn't pass the giggle test for me. Treating someone with any form of rudeness or disrespect because of how someone treated you perpetuates negativity. It continues the cycle.



Michael

_____________________________

A Stone in My Shoe

Screen captures (and pissing on shadows) still RULE! Ya feel me?

"For that which I love, I will do horrible things"

(in reply to SinFix)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Answering Messages. - 2/13/2015 4:50:24 AM   
dcnovice


Posts: 37282
Joined: 8/2/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FeleciasubTV

Wouldn't it be nice if people could reply to messages, even just a "thanks but no thanks".
People view your profile so you message them thanking them for viewing and explaining what you are seeking.
They read your message and can't even be bothered to reply.
Politeness doesn't cost anything.

Two questions might help put things in perspective:

(a) Do you answer every direct mail solicitation you receive?

(b) Do you answer all those kind offers in your email to let you in on a great price for ink cartridges or medications?

It may also bear noting that some members set their mailboxes to receive only those messages that fall within certain boundaries (age, location, etc.). So they may not be getting yours.

_____________________________

No matter how cynical you become,
it's never enough to keep up.

JANE WAGNER, THE SEARCH FOR SIGNS OF
INTELLIGENT LIFE IN THE UNIVERSE

(in reply to FeleciasubTV)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Answering Messages. - 2/13/2015 4:56:18 AM   
ExiledTyrant


Posts: 4547
Joined: 12/9/2013
From: Exiled
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DaddySatyr

Ummm hello? Your statement was that when someone treats me in a certain negative way, it is up to me how rude I wish to treat the next person (a lady deciding that ignoring someone is okay is where her "limit" is).


Michael


What an amazing sense of self entitlement. No one is under any obligation to respond to anyone... ever!

quote:

ORIGINAL: SinFix

Michael, with all due respect, why should I respond to anyone when I have a 60% chance of being "abused" for saying no thank you?

I usually will take the chance if a message is thought out, polite and well intentioned, then I will say thanks but no thanks. I also read profiles, engage more and cheerfully message people if they take the time to show that there is more to them than kink or sex.

Is it rude, sure but as has been pointed out a million times, men are paying the price for the stupidity and downright nastiness of their fellow men. Get called names, be put down and deal with nastiness enough that this is what becomes of females on online sites.


Just because you glossed over this part:

quote:

ORIGINAL: SinFix

I also read profiles.


quote:

ORIGINAL: SinFix
engage more and cheerfully message people if they take the time to show that there is more to them than kink or sex.


She said she reads a profile and engages more... that means she isn't replying blind to a message. Why would/should she or anyone else be under any obligation to respond to someone that is not what they are looking for?


_____________________________

Gnothi Seauton
To lead, first follow: Aurelius, Epictetus, Descartes, Sun Tzu, to name a few.

Semper fidelis (which sometimes feels like a burden)

(in reply to DaddySatyr)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Answering Messages. - 2/13/2015 5:37:23 AM   
SinFix


Posts: 866
Joined: 4/1/2011
Status: offline 		Well Michael, I noticed you did not answer why you are entitled to a response yet I'm not entitled to respect...

(in reply to DaddySatyr)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Answering Messages. - 2/13/2015 5:42:11 AM   
DaddySatyr


Posts: 9381
Joined: 8/29/2011
From: Pittston, Pennsyltucky
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SinFix

Well Michael, I noticed you did not answer why you are entitled to a response yet I'm not entitled to respect...



I must have missed where you asked that.

A person is always entitled to respect until they disrespect me. Those are words to live by.

Let me make it easy for you:

Once, again, the argument you seem to be making is that I'm not entitled to a response because of how someone else dis-respected you.

In my world, that argument leads to a bad place. If I treated people based upon how others treated me, we wouldn't be having this discussion.

It's not about "tit-for-tat". It's about realizing that each person is entitled to respect and courtesy until they prove - by their own actions - that they are not entitled to those things.



Michael

_____________________________

A Stone in My Shoe

Screen captures (and pissing on shadows) still RULE! Ya feel me?

"For that which I love, I will do horrible things"

(in reply to SinFix)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Answering Messages. - 2/13/2015 5:45:49 AM   
shiftyw


Posts: 2837
Joined: 6/6/2013
From: The Shire
Status: offline 		Michael- I like you.

But as someone who recently just came back here, and ended up on "fresh meat"- I got, no joke, 30 messages in the first day.
All my profile says is "just here for forums".

I think my lack of response IS a response.
I don't have time to say "sorry I'm taken" or "thanks but no thanks" to every Tom, Dick and Harry on here. I also don't have time (and this is all the time) to explain "why I'm on an Internet dating site if I have a man?"

No response IS a response. I respond to folks I recognize from the forum. Almost exclusively.

IF I sent out 30 well thought out letters asking for a job, each letter tailored to each position. Do you think each company needs to write me back saying thanks but no thanks?


(in reply to ExiledTyrant)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Answering Messages. - 2/13/2015 7:08:43 AM   
InHisHeart


Posts: 630
Joined: 3/22/2014
Status: offline 		~FR

I don't get why anyone would get bent out of shape because they didn't get a reply from a stranger, someone they don't know from Adam, a nameless, faceless person sitting behind a computer.

_____________________________

I don't have a bucket list but my fucket list is a mile long.

I would rather have a mind opened by wonder than one closed by belief.


(in reply to shiftyw)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Answering Messages. - 2/13/2015 7:26:40 AM   
thishereboi


Posts: 14463
Joined: 6/19/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DaddySatyr


You're right, of course but there will be a cacophony along, shortly to explain to you that you're selfish and unrealistic for holding this opinion. Don't believe 'em.

I just say this because we've had this discussion, before.



Michael



Yes there will be some who will come and explain their reasons for not answering cmails. There might be a couple who will be a bit snarky about it. That's the internet for ya. But most will try to help you understand why this is happening and try to answer your questions.

Then there will be the one maybe two who doesn't actually have an intelligent answer to your question but can't resist the chance to pop in and show his ass with a snarky comment about the comments you will get.

Now to answer the op, it would be nice but after many years on here I don't expect it and honestly after some of the cracks I have gotten, I don't always reply either. It depends on how much time I have to waste.



_____________________________

"Sweetie, you're wasting your gum" .. Albert


This here is the boi formerly known as orfunboi


(in reply to DaddySatyr)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Answering Messages. - 2/13/2015 7:29:56 AM   
kdsub


Posts: 12180
Joined: 8/16/2007
Status: offline 		I am always polite and appreciative in and of a message so I always respond in kind. If I receive a hey... I send a hey back... if I receive a well thought out message I return the same.

If I send a message it will always address what I find in their profile that attracted me and what we may have in common... BUT... I never have expectations of a return message. That way there is no disappointment and I move on without a care.

You need to form some calluses on your feelings. After all this is a BDSM site and many assholes reside here and love trying to get under your skin.

I occasionally spend time browsing photos and if I find one that interests me I will perv their profile. It is just curiosity and not meant to try and form a relationship... So otherwise unless someone addressees you directly I would not assume a view of your profile will be worth a message or a return one.

Finally... Men, of average... well everything like myself, have to understand that most women receive perhaps 50 messages or more to our every one we receive. Even if all the messages they receive are from well meaning good men or women it is just an imposition to answer them all and keep time to themselves on the site.

Butch

_____________________________

Mark Twain:

I don't see any use in having a uniform and arbitrary way of spelling words. We might as well make all clothes alike and cook all dishes alike. Sameness is tiresome; variety is pleasing

(in reply to FeleciasubTV)
Profile   Post #: 20
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