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Seeing a pro domme before hitting the scene? - 2/16/2015 12:05:35 PM

DandyBoy11

Posts: 8
Joined: 2/15/2015
From: New England
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Hey y'all,

I've been a fly on the wall on BDSM social networks for a bit. As I have roughly no experiences under my belt, I'd like to hear opinions on the pros and cons of (attempting) booking a professional domme session before hanging at munches, versus just finding experiences easing into the social scene.

Post #: 1

RE: Seeing a pro domme before hitting the scene? - 2/16/2015 3:52:07 PM

crumpets

Posts: 1614
Joined: 11/5/2014
From: South Bay (SF & Silicon Valley)
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I suspect the answer you'll get from the experts is that you're best off finding someone compatible who knows that you're new, and who is willing to take you under her wing.

Having said that, topping from the bottom never got easier than by hiring a pro domme!

(in reply to DandyBoy11)

Post #: 2

RE: Seeing a pro domme before hitting the scene? - 2/16/2015 7:22:19 PM

SpyUnderCover

Posts: 208
Joined: 6/21/2010
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If you're at all interested in the possibility of a relationship with a domme, I would skip the pro and check out the local events and/or endeavor to meet lifestyle dommes online. Not only will you save money, you also won't develop false impressions about non-pros.

If you are just curious about what it's like to be dominated, and don't care to get romantically or sexually involved with the domme, go for the pro.

Spy

(in reply to DandyBoy11)

Post #: 3

RE: Seeing a pro domme before hitting the scene? - 2/16/2015 9:26:52 PM

Gauge

Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DandyBoy11

Hey y'all,

I've been a fly on the wall on BDSM social networks for a bit. As I have roughly no experiences under my belt, I'd like to hear opinions on the pros and cons of (attempting) booking a professional domme session before hanging at munches, versus just finding experiences easing into the social scene.

Here is a good book list you may want to check out: http://www.collarchat.com/m_1726118/tm.htm

I would suggest that you do the local scene first, even if you intend to go for the pro. Never a bad idea to see things in person first.

_____________________________

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I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to DandyBoy11)

Post #: 4

RE: Seeing a pro domme before hitting the scene? - 2/17/2015 12:23:41 AM

wannapleez

Posts: 358
Joined: 1/26/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SpyUnderCover

If you're at all interested in the possibility of a relationship with a domme, I would skip the pro and check out the local events and/or endeavor to meet lifestyle dommes online. Not only will you save money, you also won't develop false impressions about non-pros.

If you are just curious about what it's like to be dominated, and don't care to get romantically or sexually involved with the domme, go for the pro.

Spy

+1

(in reply to SpyUnderCover)

Post #: 5

RE: Seeing a pro domme before hitting the scene? - 2/17/2015 12:25:31 AM

orgasmdenial12

Posts: 613
Joined: 9/18/2012
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I'd go to a munch first. You may find the social aspects more enjoyable than you realised, you may get to play with others and you will develop ideas about what you like and are looking for, in case you ever do decide to go to a pro-domme.

(in reply to DandyBoy11)

Post #: 6

RE: Seeing a pro domme before hitting the scene? - 2/17/2015 2:53:49 AM

DandyBoy11

Posts: 8
Joined: 2/15/2015
From: New England
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Thanks for the input, everyone!

(in reply to orgasmdenial12)

Post #: 7

RE: Seeing a pro domme before hitting the scene? - 2/17/2015 6:05:11 AM

NookieNotes

Posts: 1720
Joined: 11/10/2013
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Munches:
Meet real people, doing this in real life.
Create a social network to go to with questions.
See some play and dynamics you might never have thought of.
Get a realistic view of what to expect from kink.
Free (or the cost of a meal/event).

Pro-Domme:
Have it your way.
Get exactly what you demand, as a sub/bottom.
She will look the part.

The problem with using a pro to get experience is thinking that experience will actually translate into real life.

It's like going to one of those weight loss retreats where they cook for you and rouse you to exercise, and give you massages, and think this is what losing weight is like at home. It's not bad, just not realistic.

*smiles*

_____________________________

Nookie
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(in reply to DandyBoy11)

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RE: Seeing a pro domme before hitting the scene? - 2/18/2015 1:54:00 AM

wannapleez

Posts: 358
Joined: 1/26/2009
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"Pro domme vs munch" is a false dichotomy. Pro dommes will probably give you a false sense of the lifestyle, but so can munches.

I've heard even the strongest advocates for munches admit that a newbie can often be treated poorly at munches, even if he isn't showing his ass, but is merely uninformed. So you could get a false impression that the lifestyle is completely comprised of snobs and BDSM nazis.

Every BDSM relationship of any real value that I've had started as one-on-one online. Not saying that's the way to go. Just noting that it's another way beyond the two that you cited.

(in reply to NookieNotes)

Post #: 9

RE: Seeing a pro domme before hitting the scene? - 2/18/2015 2:15:05 AM

DaddySatyr

Posts: 9381
Joined: 8/29/2011
From: Pittston, Pennsyltucky
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quote:

ORIGINAL: wannapleez

"Pro domme vs munch" is a false dichotomy. Pro dommes will probably give you a false sense of the lifestyle, but so can munches.

I've heard even the strongest advocates for munches admit that a newbie can often be treated poorly at munches, even if he isn't showing his ass, but is merely uninformed. So you could get a false impression that the lifestyle is completely comprised of snobs and BDSM nazis.

Every BDSM relationship of any real value that I've had started as one-on-one online. Not saying that's the way to go. Just noting that it's another way beyond the two that you cited.

I'd like to (sort of) echo this sentiment.

The unfortunate reality is that this lifestyle is easier (I think) for dominants that are just starting out than it is for submissives; easier, but not necessarily all that different.

When I first came to the realization of who/what I was, I was able to do some reading (so can submissives). I read a lot of stuff. I processed the information and was able to determine what was "for" me and what wasn't.

Submissives, of course, can do this, also but the nature of our lifestyle is that they must be a bit more flexible (or acquiescent, if you will). They have to endure things that their (future) dominant(s) want them to endure.

Once I had done all of my reading and chosen my path, nothing and no one was going to sway me. I live by my principles. They work for me and mine.

I didn't go to my first munch until about four or five years ago. I found the two organizers of the munch to be extremely welcoming. I found the rest of the people to be more than a bit stand-off-ish. I felt as if I was intruding in their private space (a separate room, in a restaurant). I was asked some questions that were relevant and some that made no sense to me.

I was (gently) "informed" that if I was dominant, I had to be a sadist or that this lifestyle just wouldn't work for me.

The point being: munches aren't necessarily the best way to go.

OP: take some time to process lots of information. Really internalize the stuff that resonates with you. Set goals and recognize and indulge your wants and fantasies. Decide the (new) person you wish to be.

Then, go and search out that person (or persons) who are going to complement/guide/accentuate that person that you want to be. Take lots of time to get to know them before you bring them into your life.

In short: Relax, learn, and have some fun.

Michael

_____________________________

A Stone in My Shoe

Screen captures (and pissing on shadows) still RULE! Ya feel me?

"For that which I love, I will do horrible things"

(in reply to wannapleez)

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RE: Seeing a pro domme before hitting the scene? - 2/18/2015 4:16:38 AM

MariaB

Posts: 2969
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: NookieNotes

Pro-Domme:
Have it your way.
Get exactly what you demand, as a sub/bottom.
She will look the part.

The problem with using a pro to get experience is thinking that experience will actually translate into real life.

It's like going to one of those weight loss retreats where they cook for you and rouse you to exercise, and give you massages, and think this is what losing weight is like at home. It's not bad, just not realistic.

*smiles*

I quoted Nookie because I believe she’s made some important points.

There is nothing wrong with going to a pro Domme but unlike real life relationships, you have your pick of the bunch and the likelihood is, you’re going to pick the most beautiful ravishing Domme who is everything your fantasy desires. If she’s a decent pro Domme she’s going to be really good at what she does. Apart from telling her what you want you won’t need to guide her because she will exude confidence and work on you professionally, all the while making you believe that she’s really interested in you.

Back into the real world after your pro Domme experience; you’re going to find it frustratingly difficult to find a woman like her. Many men who only visit pro Dommes actually believe that Domme fancies him (she doesn’t) and tend to get it into their heads that they are incredibly desirable to beautiful dominant women. It’s a sort of submissive toxaemia where they become ego driven and forego on relationship possibilities with none pro Dommes because their expectations are set too high

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(in reply to NookieNotes)

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RE: Seeing a pro domme before hitting the scene? - 2/18/2015 4:21:45 AM

NookieNotes

Posts: 1720
Joined: 11/10/2013
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: wannapleez

"Pro domme vs munch" is a false dichotomy. Pro dommes will probably give you a false sense of the lifestyle, but so can munches.

I've heard even the strongest advocates for munches admit that a newbie can often be treated poorly at munches, even if he isn't showing his ass, but is merely uninformed. So you could get a false impression that the lifestyle is completely comprised of snobs and BDSM nazis.

This is true. I've been fortunate to fit in to every group I've joined (although not with every person), and not run into some of the horror stories I hear...

So those "feel" like myths to me, even though I am intellectually certain they are not, because I've seen it... But then, I was there, and reached out to say hello to the floundering noob.

quote:

Every BDSM relationship of any real value that I've had started as one-on-one online. Not saying that's the way to go. Just noting that it's another way beyond the two that you cited.

Interesting. I've had ONE that was online for any period of time (beyond friendships). It worked well, but was far too much effort. I need in-person chemistry and interaction, or I lose interest these days.

_____________________________

Nookie
--
https://datingkinky.com

I Write! A few of my books on Amazon: http://amazon.com/author/msnnotes

(in reply to wannapleez)

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RE: Seeing a pro domme before hitting the scene? - 2/18/2015 6:35:16 AM

littleladybug

Posts: 1082
Joined: 5/30/2013
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DaddySatyr

Submissives, of course, can do this, also but the nature of our lifestyle is that they must be a bit more flexible (or acquiescent, if you will). They have to endure things that their (future) dominant(s) want them to endure.

This is something that I "learned" very early on. Over the years, I've unlearned it, and am much happier for that fact.

In my situation, I was told that I *had* to learn to enjoy, or at least endure, pain because, you know, Dominants *want* that and, as a submissive, I need to cater to a prospective Dom's "wants". It took me quite a long time to understand that, no, I didn't have to be "flexible" and endure things simply because my Dom wanted me to. This not only applies to pain, but to all aspects of the relationship.

The best resource I've had is, of all things, the most sadistic bastard I've ever had the privilege to meet in my life. I call him the "sole voice of reason in the sea of idiots" that I met when I first ventured out into the "scene". One of the most important tidbits that he's imparted on me is to "know thyself" and be true to it. Why simply "endure" a relationship, when you can actually enjoy it?

To the OP-- if you are interested in developing a relationship, I would suggest chatting with people either online or at a munch or such. Not that these people are the "be all, end all" of anything, but it may give you an idea of what's out there, how people are living "this life", and what you may want to try or pursue (or not). And, do remember to be "true to thyself". You don't have to be (and won't be) compatible with every Domme out there. All you need is one.

(in reply to DaddySatyr)

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RE: Seeing a pro domme before hitting the scene? - 2/18/2015 7:24:21 AM

RockaRolla

Posts: 1153
Joined: 1/20/2014
From: South Florida
Status: offline

There's no "you must be this experienced to ride" requirement at munches, and I doubt you'd be the only newbie there. You'll be welcomed at any level, provided you aren't a dick to others.

There's also no shame in going to see a pro-domme if you want to try something before you've had the chance to establish a connection with someone new. But don't treat the exchange as a way to get some experience under your belt.

_____________________________

~Roxie

(in reply to littleladybug)

Post #: 14

RE: Seeing a pro domme before hitting the scene? - 2/18/2015 8:49:41 AM

GoddessManko

Posts: 2257
Joined: 3/6/2013
From: Dante's Inferno
Status: offline

Honestly OP, I would do the utmost to just meet people in a one on one setting vs getting ideas from a bunch of different individuals in different dynamics at munches. Some people like it safe sane and consensual. Some like it casual. And some like it "meet me down this dark alley at this address". People are all over the place in how they do things but only you know best what will be a good fit based mostly on chemistry. If you can meet a newbie like yourself who is willing to learn with you I think that's quintessential. I do not consider subs who casually play by default. Personal preference.

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(in reply to RockaRolla)

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RE: Seeing a pro domme before hitting the scene? - 2/18/2015 12:39:42 PM

DandyBoy11

Posts: 8
Joined: 2/15/2015
From: New England
Status: offline

I am deeply appreciative of the responses I have received, from both subs and dom(me)s alike, speaking volumes to GoddessManko's point about "different individuals in different dynamics." Based on this thread, I am a lot more excited about getting involved in the social scene - you guys are terrific.

Also, thanks, Gauge for that resource list.

(in reply to GoddessManko)

Post #: 16

RE: Seeing a pro domme before hitting the scene? - 2/18/2015 2:48:17 PM

ResidentSadist

Posts: 12580
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A lot of good advice so far. I would say going to a munch would be your first best bet, but not to find a partner. Go there to find a referral to a good pro Dominatrix. A bad Dominatrix, like a sex worker that just bought a whip and wants to expand her clientele, will not make for a good BDSM experience. So find a pro with good referrals.

good luck

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I give good thread.

(in reply to DandyBoy11)

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RE: Seeing a pro domme before hitting the scene? - 2/18/2015 11:15:32 PM

Daldoan

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This is a decently informative video of what you get when you visit with a pro domme.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8H_7o7SN9fo

(in reply to ResidentSadist)

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RE: Seeing a pro domme before hitting the scene? - 2/19/2015 1:46:01 AM

wannapleez

Posts: 358
Joined: 1/26/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: NookieNotes

quote:

ORIGINAL: wannapleez
Every BDSM relationship of any real value that I've had started as one-on-one online. Not saying that's the way to go. Just noting that it's another way beyond the two that you cited.

Interesting. I've had ONE that was online for any period of time (beyond friendships). It worked well, but was far too much effort. I need in-person chemistry and interaction, or I lose interest these days.

I was talking about how the relationship started, not its entirety. I was just giving further illustration that munches are not the only way to meet non-pro's.

ETA: I can't see things working without in-person encounters, either. Online can be a nice supplement, esp if the relationship is LD -- it can even turn a LD relationship into a 24/7 thing. But every once in a while I need someone else to spank my ass. ;-)

< Message edited by wannapleez -- 2/19/2015 1:53:05 AM >

(in reply to NookieNotes)

Post #: 19

RE: Seeing a pro domme before hitting the scene? - 2/19/2015 1:48:43 AM

wannapleez

Posts: 358
Joined: 1/26/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RockaRolla
There's no "you must be this experienced to ride" requirement at munches, and I doubt you'd be the only newbie there. You'll be welcomed at any level, provided you aren't a dick to others.

This may represent your experience, but (as I said) this is far from universal, as admitted by even the staunchest munch advocates.

(in reply to RockaRolla)

Post #: 20

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