Into the lifestyle (Full Version)

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AlabamaPrincess -> Into the lifestyle (2/23/2015 8:09:12 AM)

With so many different folks on here, I was wondering (and let's hope I get my wording correct) about how you "discovered" BDSM. By that I mean, for those that are naturals, and you knew you needed to be either Dominant or submissive, how did you actually figure out that there was a whole lifestyle dedicated to your needs?

I'll try to clarify, and probably end up making it worse, but let's say you're 16 years old and you know that you have a way about you that makes people do what you ask, or your way with your partners makes you Dominant over them, or submissive toward them.....how did you realize it was BDSM?



ExiledTyrant -> RE: Into the lifestyle (2/23/2015 8:17:18 AM)

For me, I just learned the vocabulary for the nature of my beast. I haven't really variated from where I always was nor incorporated much else, just acquired a better vocabulary and labels for things that have always been a part of me.

Finding this site and others allowed me to learn more technique about things I was already involved in.



AlabamaPrincess -> RE: Into the lifestyle (2/23/2015 8:20:14 AM)

Ah ok.....hehe, where would we be without the internet? haha



ExiledTyrant -> RE: Into the lifestyle (2/23/2015 8:23:23 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: AlabamaPrincess

Ah ok.....hehe, where would we be without the internet? haha


Trying to sift through the Marquise De Sade and Leopold von Sacher-Masoch writings and forming an agreed upon vocabulary.



GoddessManko -> RE: Into the lifestyle (2/23/2015 8:24:52 AM)

Ha, this is tough. I didn't discover it per say, more it discovered me. I believe all roads in my life were leading up to it. Unlike many I have no specific likes or specific kinks. I just like to be submerged in it and let it take over completely. I have embraced my role as a Dominant and Matriarch. I explain that kink is my sexuality. What sex is for most people, kink is for me. And I think that best explains it. Sex is almost a foreign concept to me because it takes a lot for me to desire to fuck someone/yield to inherent desires. I relish challenges far too much and it's quite easy to turn me off.



Greta75 -> RE: Into the lifestyle (2/23/2015 8:25:54 AM)

I already had fantasies of non-consensual sexual torture since pre-puberscent. And sad to say, your question might earn me a gold letter or a ban, but reality is, I was sexually aware since a child of 8. I do not know how is this possible, but I never read anything bdsm throughout my teens, and yet, I was the one who always topped from bottom with my vanilla boyfriends growing up, telling them to tie me up, spank me, gag me, blindfold me, rape play. It was always I who initiated, brought it up and taught them and explain to them how I process it and ease them into it.

I only knew about bdsm incidentally in my late twenties when I read this article about a gorean master who took his "gor-ness" seriously, and kidnapped several women, and subject them to real gor-style slavery. So he was arrested and women were rescued. As I research what Gor was, I discovered BDSM, and then realise, oh well, I've been into this shit all the while since a child.

So I never met bdsm people or associated with people into bdsm until after my divorce. As the failure of my marriage makes me realise how important it is that I need to be with someone who understands bdsm. Then I started socialising in the bdsm community.




AlabamaPrincess -> RE: Into the lifestyle (2/23/2015 8:34:37 AM)

These are all so interesting......making me look further into my past to see things differently....



shiftyw -> RE: Into the lifestyle (2/23/2015 8:40:49 AM)

I'm generation Internet.

I knew long ago I was a bottom. I remember having slave fantasies. I remember being like huh, I can't be the only one, and Google helped me figure that out.

Once I went to college I got waylayed for a couple years, then I met a guy into it, and I've explored since then. Some exploration has only the redeeming quality of "learning what I don't like"- but I guess that's valuable experience.

I kinda went through it backwards. I started thinking service sub/slave and now I'm a bedroom only bottom. So it's been a weird ride.



NookieNotes -> RE: Into the lifestyle (2/23/2015 8:41:48 AM)

I've always been bossy. I was raised to view the world differently. I read the Sleeping Beauty Series at 16, closely followed by the Marquis DeSade's writings. When I had the opportunity to go to a fetish club at 19 while living in NYC, I jumped at the chance.

I've just grown more and more into my role as I've gotten older.

I'm one of the few who never thought I was weird or anything. I've always just loved the mental play and control, mostly without having anything to call it.



Moderator3 -> RE: Into the lifestyle (2/23/2015 8:45:41 AM)

[:)] Words that are music to a moderators ear, that bring a bit of a smile at least to this one.

I may get a gold letter or ban, but I am going to say this anyway, totally disrespecting the guidelines and terms of service because what I have to say is important to me. The best part for me, the moderator is that I wouldn't pull it or ban it because you are talking about your own experience and are not encouraging others to do it.

I just don't know if you are saying, to Hades with the rules and staff, I will do what I want anyway or challenge staff to take action so you can point at the big bad moderators for doing their job. Just a tip. [;)] When you want to challenge the staff or rules, you might really make it worth your efforts by actually understanding them and then breaking them.

[:D] I know I for one will feel much better about what I have to do, rather than defend what my job requires over something I wouldn't have done in the first place.

We can shorten the process with you asking me again, how this works. Constantly reminding me that you won't pay attention anyway is like poking a big ol bear... to quote Loretta Lynn talking to her growling husband Doo. [:D]



Greta75 -> RE: Into the lifestyle (2/23/2015 8:53:32 AM)


quote:

The best part for me, the moderator is that I wouldn't pull it or ban it because you are talking about your own experience and are not encouraging others to do it.

I have never encouraged anybody to do it, but I have been banned before for simply sharing personal experience. And yes, if I think the rule is unreasonable, I do not follow it. Not challenging, but we all got our own point of views on right and wrong. Sometimes my view will not compliment the T&C. That's life!



Moderator3 -> RE: Into the lifestyle (2/23/2015 8:59:00 AM)

Sorry for the hijack folks.

No Greta. If you wish to discuss that ban publicly, which you clearly seem to wish to do, I will make one more post and then you can email me with anything further. I will explain for the other members and one more time for you. We do want the rules understood, right? Each post must be looked at to see if there are any variances that need to be considered by staff.

After a moderator encourages caution, members need to pay attention to that cautionary measure. Then of course proceed. When giving details of what might happen between two people of the same age, it tends to be okay for the most part. When giving details of an adult with a child, is something very different.

I do hope you understand now and if you don't, you may email me. The hijack is over.

Thank you and nobody got hurt! Yeah!



Moderator3 -> RE: Into the lifestyle (2/23/2015 9:00:45 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75


quote:

The best part for me, the moderator is that I wouldn't pull it or ban it because you are talking about your own experience and are not encouraging others to do it.

I have never encouraged anybody to do it, but I have been banned before for simply sharing personal experience. And yes, if I think the rule is unreasonable, I do not follow it. Not challenging, but we all got our own point of views on right and wrong. Sometimes my view will not compliment the T&C. That's life!



Thank you for sharing.




Greta75 -> RE: Into the lifestyle (2/23/2015 9:01:53 AM)


quote:

When giving details of what might happen between two people of the same age, it tends to be okay for the most part.

And this was exactly what I was banned for! Anyway, you're the boss with powers here, and there is nothing I can do. I did PM after that ban, but I got no response either.



Moderator3 -> RE: Into the lifestyle (2/23/2015 9:07:07 AM)

You missed the part where the mod gave at least one cautionary warning. I do believe it was more than that through and you were in that thread doing exactly what you are doing on this one. Determining that you will post whatever you want if you believe the rules are faulty or don't like them.

I bet this time, I don't have to explain this to anyone. Which rule did you break this time? Gee, how about reading guidelines and TOS. You don't seem to get it when I explain it and you just want to argue about it. So, we're done. I was only trying to explain and you wanted to poke. I told you that wasn't a good idea and you did it anyway.

Enjoy the intermission.



AlabamaPrincess -> RE: Into the lifestyle (2/23/2015 10:55:30 AM)

Well, this certainly took a bad turn [:(]



Moderator3 -> RE: Into the lifestyle (2/23/2015 11:24:57 AM)

For that I am very sorry AlabamaPrincess. I would prefer addressing things off the forum, but sometimes special measures are called for with long existing issues that I am not at liberty to discuss and my hand has been pushed or when a comment can mean that other members are confused over the rules.

I am sure people will be back if they have something they wish to say. The drama is over now. Anything further will be removed. It is back to the topic and that only. I promise.



littleladybug -> RE: Into the lifestyle (2/23/2015 11:30:14 AM)

I first came to realize that there was "something there" when I tagged along with a friend of mine to a local club about 15 years ago.

I've come to understand that my first experience brought up more questions than answers, but it was really good for me to be in a place where I thought people might understand where I was coming from.



DaddySatyr -> RE: Into the lifestyle (2/23/2015 11:44:40 AM)


I was a dinosaur for my day. I was born in '64 and I was raised with old school traditional manners and values. My grandparents were almost all immigrants, so add "European" to that description of how I was raised.

A gentleman holds a door for a lady, walks in front, going down the stairs, walks on the correct side of the sidewalk, etc.

I can't say that I was "taught" but my examples in the family were men, very much "in charge" of the big picture while the ladies ran the day-to-day of the household. It was just natural for me to emulate/become what I knew, growing up. In that regard, I have always been this way, as far as I can tell.

Some years ago (can it really be seventeen of them?), a lady with whom I was involved identified me as a "Daddy". She picked a most inopportune moment so, I was freaked out, for a few minutes but she showed me an interwebz site with an essay by a lady named Kendra. It described me, almost perfectly.

The web page no longer exists (No. It wasn't Castle Realm. It was vanilla-not.com). I think I have the original saved on this external drive, if anyone is interested (The essay had almost nothing to do with age play, thank God).

From that moment on, I understood more fully who and what I am.



Michael



AlabamaPrincess -> RE: Into the lifestyle (2/23/2015 1:04:15 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Moderator3

For that I am very sorry AlabamaPrincess. I would prefer addressing things off the forum, but sometimes special measures are called for with long existing issues that I am not at liberty to discuss and my hand has been pushed or when a comment can mean that other members are confused over the rules.

I am sure people will be back if they have something they wish to say. The drama is over now. Anything further will be removed. It is back to the topic and that only. I promise.

Oh I completely understand.....been in your shoes plenty of times and I don't envy you at all. It's too bad one person (general term, no one specific) comes along and sort of stops things short, and makes it so a Mod has to step in. I know you're just doing your job, so no worries :)



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