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[Poll]

Is BDSM inherently sexual?


Yes
  21% (16)
No
  12% (9)
Maybe
  5% (4)
Why would I let him/her beat my ass if they weren't gonna fuck me?
  6% (5)
Why would I beat their ass if I wanted to fuck them?
  0% (0)
Folks can do this and not get horny?
  6% (5)
Folks actually get horny doing this?
  1% (1)
Purple
  6% (5)
42
  6% (5)
Where is my sandwich bitch?
  5% (4)
Yes, for me
  15% (11)
Bacon
  10% (8)


Total Votes : 73
(last vote on : 4/13/2016 1:14:32 AM)
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RE: Is BDSM inherently sexual? - 2/27/2015 6:09:01 PM   
shiftyw


Posts: 2837
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quote:

ORIGINAL: JstAnotherSub

oh shifty dammit the "done enough damage to the community today" made me snort.

I adore you!


You should've seen what I did when that comment was thrown at my sincere apology.
(Hint: take her acceptance of my apology seriously wasn't it...)

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Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Is BDSM inherently sexual? - 2/27/2015 6:16:09 PM   
satanscharmer


Posts: 376
Status: offline 		I understood what was being said when it was written on the other thread and immediately thought of one of my favorite sayings from one of my favorite professors "No word is inherently bad or good". That statement I completely agree with.

Trying to apply that to BDSM had been causing a debate between two voices in my head. Neither one had won yet. I eventually muzzled them both, now I stumble on this thread.

So, I'm going to have to award the third voice as winner by method of rock, paper, scissors, lizard, Spock.
Bacon won. Ugh, and I don't even like bacon.

BDSM is sexual for me, but I just can't come up with a decision one way or the other regarding it being inherently this or that.

(in case anyone is wondering what I might be on...coffee. A LOT of it. All. Day. Long.)

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Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Is BDSM inherently sexual? - 2/27/2015 7:09:30 PM   
shiftyw


Posts: 2837
Joined: 6/6/2013
From: The Shire
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quote:

ORIGINAL: satanscharmer

I understood what was being said when it was written on the other thread and immediately thought of one of my favorite sayings from one of my favorite professors "No word is inherently bad or good". That statement I completely agree with.

Trying to apply that to BDSM had been causing a debate between two voices in my head. Neither one had won yet. I eventually muzzled them both, now I stumble on this thread.

So, I'm going to have to award the third voice as winner by method of rock, paper, scissors, lizard, Spock.
Bacon won. Ugh, and I don't even like bacon.

BDSM is sexual for me, but I just can't come up with a decision one way or the other regarding it being inherently this or that.

(in case anyone is wondering what I might be on...coffee. A LOT of it. All. Day. Long.)



This is exactly my thing.

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Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Is BDSM inherently sexual? - 2/28/2015 1:58:23 AM   
NookieNotes


Posts: 1720
Joined: 11/10/2013
Status: offline 		I answered no.

quote:

inherent
existing in someone or something as a permanent and inseparable element, quality, or attribute;


No, because for some, BDSM is not sexual. It's not that they get nothing out of it, it's just that what they get out of it is not entirely sexual. So, no, BDSM is not inherently sexual in my view.

FOR ME, though, I'll take my BDSM with a large helping of fuck. Not all of it. I do have non-sexual service relationships, and I enjoy them. However, there are many things I do in BDSM that take my breath away and make my panties wet. In fact, I ranted about those who try so very hard to take all the sex out of BDSM (snipped version, it went K&P on FL last year):

Fuck YEAH! I'm in it for the SEX!

Here's the thing: BDSM, for me, is sexual. It's a turn on. Dominance is fun. It's also work and responsibility. A lot of responsibility. We provide (in no particular order):

• Mental well-being
• Goal attainment
• Affection (often deep love)
• Physical release
• Objective views
• Behavior correction
• Physical punishment
• Protocol
• Task lists (and follow-up)
• Leadership
• Paradigm shifts
• Structure
• Catharsis
• And more...

And what do we get for that responsibility? Well, that depends.

I, for one, get sex.

I also get pleasure of knowing that a person trusts me beyond anything I've ever experienced outside of the lifestyle. Which makes me horny. And then I get sex.

I also get service. They do things for me. That makes me horny, and then I get sex.

I get the satisfaction of helping an amazing human being become a better version of themselves. Which makes them even hotter to me. So, I get sex.

I get to guide a person into new areas, share their first experiences, and expand their boundaries. That's so fucking hot, it makes me horny, and I get sex.

I get to try out new ways to play inside someone's head, and push their buttons, and learn more about how they think. Yeah, you guessed it. That makes me horny, and I get sex.

I get love. Deep, amazing, boundless love. Which, uh huh, makes me really, really, really horny. And I get sex.

You know what, though?

When I get sex, they get sex, too.

And I'd like to think I'm pretty good at the sex thing. I certainly enjoy myself. And I get even better, the more of that stuff ^^^^ up there happens.

But hey, I'm willing to admit that maybe I'm in this for all the wrong reasons. And that that others enjoying what I offer and what I take in return is not good enough, and we're both doing it wrong.

After all, I'm sure that somewhere there is a set of rules on how all this works that fits for everyone, right?

Right?

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Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Is BDSM inherently sexual? - 2/28/2015 3:22:52 AM   
DaddySatyr


Posts: 9381
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quote:

Inherent
adj.
Existing as an essential constituent or characteristic; intrinsic: the dangers inherent in the surgery; the inherent instability of financial markets.


quote:

Sadism
n.
1. The deriving of sexual gratification or the tendency to derive sexual gratification from inflicting pain or emotional abuse on others.
2. The deriving of pleasure, or the tendency to derive pleasure, from cruelty.
3. Extreme cruelty.
[After Comte Donatien Alphonse François de Sade.]
sadist n.
sa·distic (sə-dĭstĭk) adj.
sa·disti·cal·ly adv.


quote:

Masochism
n.
1. The deriving of sexual gratification, or the tendency to derive sexual gratification, from being physically or emotionally abused.
2. The deriving of pleasure, or the tendency to derive pleasure, from being humiliated or mistreated, either by another or by oneself.
3. A willingness or tendency to subject oneself to unpleasant or trying experiences.
[After Leopold von Sacher-Masoch (1836-1895), Austrian novelist .]
masoch·ist n.
mas′och·istic adj.
mas′och·isti·cal·ly adv.


What can I say? I like definitions.

So, if one of the people involved in the BDSM is a sadist or ...

... if one of the people involved in the BDSM is a masochist,

by definition, BDSM is inherently sexual.

If neither participant is a sadist or a masochist. Call a cop. It's a mugging.

ETA: What does the acronym stand for, again? "Sadism" and "Masochism" are represented by two of the letters.



Michael

< Message edited by DaddySatyr -- 2/28/2015 3:30:37 AM >

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RE: Is BDSM inherently sexual? - 2/28/2015 4:05:36 AM   
dreamofthemoon


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Joined: 2/2/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: camille65

… Can it be? Sure. Does it have to be? No.

That. ^

Though I'm thinking, like everything, it would depend on who is involved and how they view BDSM/WIITWD/etc.

So… maybe?

Or was it purple? I happen to like purple.

What's with all this fuss over bacon?
*hides*

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RE: Is BDSM inherently sexual? - 2/28/2015 4:17:33 AM   
NookieNotes


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Joined: 11/10/2013
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DaddySatyr
So, if one of the people involved in the BDSM is a sadist or ...

... if one of the people involved in the BDSM is a masochist,

by definition, BDSM is inherently sexual.

If neither participant is a sadist or a masochist. Call a cop. It's a mugging.

ETA: What does the acronym stand for, again? "Sadism" and "Masochism" are represented by two of the letters.


Bondage & Discipline
Dominance & Submission
Sadism & Masochism

I am neither a sadist nor a masochist. I am firmly in the middle camp of Dominance and Submission.


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Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Is BDSM inherently sexual? - 2/28/2015 4:55:23 AM   
SinFix


Posts: 866
Joined: 4/1/2011
Status: offline 		The original acronym stood for Bondage Discipline Sado-Masochism, it wasn't until more recently that people started tossing in the dominant submissive twist to it as well, which is in my opinion wrong since you can have BDSM and absolutely no D/s at all, or D/s with absolutely no BDSM

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Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Is BDSM inherently sexual? - 2/28/2015 5:07:33 AM   
NookieNotes


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Joined: 11/10/2013
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SinFix

The original acronym stood for Bondage Discipline Sado-Masochism, it wasn't until more recently that people started tossing in the dominant submissive twist to it as well, which is in my opinion wrong since you can have BDSM and absolutely no D/s at all, or D/s with absolutely no BDSM


English is a living language. *shrugs*

You can also have bondage and discipline without sex, so even were I of that ilk, my comment above would still stand to Michael. Which, in some ways, I am... but it's not my primary focus.

And primals don't fall in there, either.. And yet, they are covered by the same roof, mostly.

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RE: Is BDSM inherently sexual? - 2/28/2015 5:16:16 AM   
DaddySatyr


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From: Pittston, Pennsyltucky
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SinFix

The original acronym stood for Bondage Discipline Sado-Masochism, it wasn't until more recently that people started tossing in the dominant submissive twist to it as well, which is in my opinion wrong since you can have BDSM and absolutely no D/s at all, or D/s with absolutely no BDSM



Actually, the original acronym was: BDDSSM and dominance and submission were included in there, but as you pointed out; since you can have either without the other, the acronym was adjusted, accordingly.

So, BDSM (which is what the question is about) includes "sadism" and "masochism". Both of those types of people derive sexual gratification from pain and cruelty. I would say that the "necessity" of a sadist or a masochist (based on the words which the acronym represents) being present, my point stands on its own merits: You can't have BDSM without sadism or masochism. sadism and masochism are driven by sexual gratification.

As Archie Bunker would have said: "Ipso fatso ... it's dere"



Michael

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RE: Is BDSM inherently sexual? - 2/28/2015 5:16:24 AM   
InHisHeart


Posts: 630
Joined: 3/22/2014
Status: offline 		My vote was "Yes, for me". I don't need to be fucked, I don't need any kind of genital stimulation for it to be sexual or for me to orgasm. Being restrained in any form, ropes, cuffs, his own hands, being manhandled, be flogged, etc. is sexually stimulating to me and will lead to orgasm without anything happening that is thought of as sexual.

The second he says "come here slut" or grabs me by the hair or takes off his belt, throws me over the arm of the sofa and whips my ass, walks in the room holding a collar and leash, the list goes on......it has instantly turned sexual to me and my juices are flowing.

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RE: Is BDSM inherently sexual? - 2/28/2015 5:17:38 AM   
ResidentSadist


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From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NookieNotes

.........Fuck YEAH! I'm in it for the SEX!...........


I'm in if for the bacon.




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RE: Is BDSM inherently sexual? - 2/28/2015 5:36:57 AM   
kallisto


Posts: 1185
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: InHisHeart

My vote was "Yes, for me". I don't need to be fucked, I don't need any kind of genital stimulation for it to be sexual or for me to orgasm. Being restrained in any form, ropes, cuffs, his own hands, being manhandled, be flogged, etc. is sexually stimulating to me and will lead to orgasm without anything happening that is thought of as sexual.

The second he says "come here slut" or grabs me by the hair or takes off his belt, throws me over the arm of the sofa and whips my ass, walks in the room holding a collar and leash, the list goes on......it has instantly turned sexual to me and my juices are flowing.




This is so me .... but it all has to do with the "he" that has the ropes or cuffs, or hands, etc .... seeing the implements all by themselves on a shelf are not going to make my panties wet. (I think Shifty and others brought this up as well).

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RE: Is BDSM inherently sexual? - 2/28/2015 7:09:21 AM   
NookieNotes


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quote:

ORIGINAL: DaddySatyr
You can't have BDSM without sadism or masochism. sadism and masochism are driven by sexual gratification.

As Archie Bunker would have said: "Ipso fatso ... it's dere"


It is my understanding that in order to be "true" BDSM, you do not have to adhere to every facet it represents.

I could be wrong.

However, in my interpretation, it doesn't matter if sexual pleasure is represented, it is not inherent unless it is required. If sadism and masochism are required to be a member of BDSM communities, rightfully, then I'm happy to remove myself. I am neither, and have no interest in changing that.

However, I have yet to see anyone else require it, or have not had that conversation with anyone that they made that assertion.

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RE: Is BDSM inherently sexual? - 2/28/2015 7:14:22 AM   
needlesandpins


Posts: 3901
Status: offline 		I voted yes. it is for me. there is absolutely no point in doing it unless it's for sex. now that's not to say that I expect to be fucked every time I play, but I expect sex to be involved somehow.

now I can see how those that are in it for the cash, and are enabling someone else's getting off may not actually be getting anything sexually out of it if they are detached about it. otherwise, I just don't see the point.

bacon, and purple are always possible though, because of course they are the answer for every thing.

needles

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RE: Is BDSM inherently sexual? - 2/28/2015 7:41:12 AM   
InHisHeart


Posts: 630
Joined: 3/22/2014
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kallisto


quote:

ORIGINAL: InHisHeart

My vote was "Yes, for me". I don't need to be fucked, I don't need any kind of genital stimulation for it to be sexual or for me to orgasm. Being restrained in any form, ropes, cuffs, his own hands, being manhandled, be flogged, etc. is sexually stimulating to me and will lead to orgasm without anything happening that is thought of as sexual.

The second he says "come here slut" or grabs me by the hair or takes off his belt, throws me over the arm of the sofa and whips my ass, walks in the room holding a collar and leash, the list goes on......it has instantly turned sexual to me and my juices are flowing.



This is so me .... but it all has to do with the "he" that has the ropes or cuffs, or hands, etc .... seeing the implements all by themselves on a shelf are not going to make my panties wet. (I think Shifty and others brought this up as well).


For me simply seeing those things do make my panties wet, I'm very easily aroused, maybe too easily if there's such a thing as too easily aroused. He has no complaints and takes full advantage of it. Hmmm......maybe knowing those things turn him on is the reason they turn me on, I know I'm going to be attacked so my body and mind prepares for the attack. IDK but I do know it's all good. :)




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RE: Is BDSM inherently sexual? - 2/28/2015 10:31:54 AM   
DesFIP


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Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		As far as the rope or chain by itself is not inherently sexual, I'd suggest asking a rope top how they feel in Home Depot when they're spending time in that aisle. My bet is most of them are turned on.

Otherwise, why even go into that aisle when they walked into the store to get a new light switch?

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Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Is BDSM inherently sexual? - 2/28/2015 3:17:14 PM   
shiftyw


Posts: 2837
Joined: 6/6/2013
From: The Shire
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

As far as the rope or chain by itself is not inherently sexual, I'd suggest asking a rope top how they feel in Home Depot when they're spending time in that aisle. My bet is most of them are turned on.

Otherwise, why even go into that aisle when they walked into the store to get a new light switch?


This is so not what I meant. I get that rope is sexy.
I can't express myself clearly, neither could Trans, and Charmer is struggling with it too.

The best I can come up with is:

Is a crop's INHERENT function to be used in sex play? I'd argue no.
I'd argue that a horseback rider who isn't into kink- see it only for utility in riding a horse. Does that make sense?

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Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Is BDSM inherently sexual? - 2/28/2015 4:31:04 PM   
satanscharmer


Posts: 376
Status: offline 		Yes, that's exactly where I'm at too.

If I take each word, on their own, I don't see any inherent sexuality there. Discipline, for example, is used in a few different ways and does not automatically trigger me to think sexual. Masochism may or may not be sexual, either. Using this as an argument, I'd be inclined to state BDSM is not inherently sexual.

However...

We're not arguing those separate words, the question is referring to an acronym, an idea. BDSM appears to be used as a blanket for WIITWD, even those that do not partake in all facets under the acronym still fall under the acronym. Since we're arguing the acronym, and not the individual words or implements themselves, that's where things get tricky for me.
I suppose if I knew who created the term and why, without a doubt as to the accurate credit, I'd have my answer. To me, if the coined acronym was created in reference to things done for sexual pleasure, regardless of other's interpretation or deviation from the original, I would believe that BDSM is inherently sexual.

So, I still go back to bacon.

< Message edited by satanscharmer -- 2/28/2015 4:33:53 PM >

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Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Is BDSM inherently sexual? - 3/1/2015 3:31:50 AM   
NookieNotes


Posts: 1720
Joined: 11/10/2013
Status: offline 		And what's awesome, from my perspective, is that we don't have to agree.

*smiles*

I don't feel That anyone here is less right than I am, or more right for that matter. I think the discussion is fascinating.

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Profile   Post #: 40
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