Vulnerabilities of Dominants

Vulnerabilities of Dominants (Full Version)

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IcarusBurning -> Vulnerabilities of Dominants (3/7/2015 10:28:49 PM)
Do you sometimes get the feeling as a Dominant that you are not allowed to be sad, upset, vulnerable or weak at any point? I have noticed this attitude among some of the younger dominants - the expectation that dominants are some extra-terrestrial beings who are unaffected by worldly emotions. Has this happened to you, and if so how have you dealt with it?

DarkSteven -> RE: Vulnerabilities of Dominants (3/7/2015 10:40:13 PM)
It's never been a worry because I tend to be very self-controlled. I do show emotion, but it's not in my nature to let it guide me.

DaddySatyr -> RE: Vulnerabilities of Dominants (3/7/2015 11:29:07 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: IcarusBurning Do you sometimes get the feeling as a Dominant that you are not allowed to be sad, upset, vulnerable or weak at any point? I have noticed this attitude among some of the younger dominants - the expectation that dominants are some extra-terrestrial beings who are unaffected by worldly emotions. Has this happened to you, and if so how have you dealt with it? This is interesting, to me. I grew up in the 70s and 80s and we had it drilled into us that men were "supposed to be" more sensitive and "in touch with our 'feminine' side". I always saw it as a load of crap, but I was not a typical "Macho Man" either. I had no issues with showing my emotions if they were appropriate. When a friend of mine died in a horrible way (decapitated while riding the train, coming home from a Van Headache concert), my then girl-friend came to the wake and burial with me. I had been with him, when he was killed so the closed casket was no solace to me. I was very broken up and bawling like a little school girl. The next day, my lady friend was less then sympathetic and her attitude wound up ending the relationship. Since I was born at the very end of the "Baby Boomer" generation, I usually mesh better with ladies my age or a bit older. When I was in my 20s, I had no qualms with dating ladies in their 30s and 40s. As I said; we meshed really well and many of them were still very attractive. I mention this because the whole "you have to be an '80s man' " wasn't really an issue for the older ladies. They were raised the same way I was. When I got into my 30s and, especially my 40s, I have to admit that I really didn't find many ladies in their 50s or 60s to be attractive. Shallow? Maybe, but it is what it is and it wasn't a thought-out decision. It's what appeals to me. So, I find this an issue, now since I tend to be attracted to ladies in their 40s (or 30s) who seem to be pushing back against the idea of a "sensitive man". I hear a lot of ladies say that what they really want is a "*real*" man. They're tired of "Mr. Sobby Eyes". I think this may be why a lot of the younger guys seem to go to such extremes as you mention in your OP. Michael

sexyred1 -> RE: Vulnerabilities of Dominants (3/8/2015 12:08:56 AM)
I find men who are in touch with their emotions, including crying, to be real. I also like men who don't make generalizations about how women of specific ages behave or think.

smileforme50 -> RE: Vulnerabilities of Dominants (3/8/2015 12:32:24 AM)
For me, I don't differentiate between men and women and what I think is "acceptable" for showing emotions. Quite literally....what's good for the goose is good for the gander. I wouldn't want a man who cries at the drop of a hat, and I also think that women need to gain better control over their emotions. Strange thing this brings to mind that actually kind of bothers me a bit.... My ex-bf (vanila) and I were together for 10 years and in those 10 years we lost 5 pets (3 dogs and 2 cats). With each animal's passing, he ALWAYS cried....and I never did. It actually kind of bothered me....not that he cried...but the I didn't. I saw him cry at 3 funerals, yet when my own mother passed away last summer....I was the only one of her 4 children who wasn't crying. That was something I actually really liked about my ex....that he showed his emotions so easily, yet anyone who knew him would NEVER call him "Mr Sobby Eyes".

DerangedUnit -> RE: Vulnerabilities of Dominants (3/8/2015 12:41:16 AM)
I don't think emotion is all a "vulnerability" however I think it can be. I'm not a very emotional person. I have two modes, happy and stoic and have found I mesh really really badly with people who are more emotional than me. It doesn't matter if that emotion is frustration, anger, love, sadness.... it's about stability, do they let their emotions rule them. Can I know the exact switch that will flip it from one setting to the next. People who are angry or self important, are the same to me as those that spend all day crying about how how I don't love them enough. I think people need to match up with their own type and they'll be fine. i get along great with guys who are loud and obnoxious and never feel insulted by a joke. My types of people annoy the crap out of your average bystander. Trying to match someone who thinks avoidance is the best method of interaction with someone who loves to cuddle is asking for a disaster. Knowing what you mesh with can make all the difference.

epiphiny43 -> RE: Vulnerabilities of Dominants (3/8/2015 3:19:33 AM)
Just a reflection or complement of the attitude a sub is an inferior person and a Dom is above normal human existence, which I see daily in newb's posts, Dom or sub, among the naive new recruits to BDSM. Idealizing instead of individualizing, it's depersonalization instead of emotional intimacy. Looking for a media defined role instead of a multifaceted human, unready for the complexity of people and relationships.

MariaB -> RE: Vulnerabilities of Dominants (3/8/2015 4:27:36 AM)
I used to love a man who appeared to be unaffected by all the devastation going on around him and look where I ended up...for those who don’t know, I found myself deeply involved with a sociopath. I’m very different now; I, probably more than anything else, need my man to be able to home into his own emotions without suspecting those emotions are merely crocodile tears. I believe that my past expectations led me down a dark road. Give me a man who can fully express how he feels because seeing that makes me feel far less vulnerable. That doesn’t mean I want a cry baby, just someone who is emotionally attached to things that matter in life.

GoddessManko -> RE: Vulnerabilities of Dominants (3/8/2015 5:03:38 AM)
IcarusBurning you are assuming. You do not know these "younger Dominants". I will think about your question further and respond later. All I ever see from you are suggestive comments and accusations geared at Dominants.

InHisHeart -> RE: Vulnerabilities of Dominants (3/8/2015 5:52:40 AM)
My Dom shows emotions but his emotions don't take over, he keeps them in perspective. I'm a woman and a submissive, I'm the exact same way. I see handling emotions as an individual thing and how each person whether male, female, dom or sub deals with their emotions.

DesFIP -> RE: Vulnerabilities of Dominants (3/8/2015 9:10:43 AM)
I required that he be as in touch with himself as I am with me. Because I will not be emotionally vulnerable to someone who is too insecure to be vulnerable with me. However, I also restricted my search to men who understood the value of therapy and identifying what you feel is essential to the therapeutic process. He doesn't have to cry, he does have to know how he feels and be able to talk about it. Male and female, I prefer people who talk it out, not act it out.

IcarusBurning -> RE: Vulnerabilities of Dominants (3/8/2015 9:44:31 AM)
manko take it easy. i do not mean any insult to anyone, and i definitely have no insinuations against any dominants. i am merely curious about an observation i have made - and if you think the observation is wrong, it is fine to just say so. from the comments of the other people i do not think that is the case. we are all learning, more so someone like me who is younger and have relatively less experience than many on here. i hold the opinions of almost everyone on here in very high regard since they come across as sane, logical minded and wise people. there is not need to roil any form of bitterness in this. furthermore, if you do not agree with a point of view, it is not mandatory for you to reply, or a simple "i dont agree with your view" would suffice. please do not think i am ranting against you, as i said, i have nothing but respect and honor in my heart for everyone (including submissives) on here. i want to keep it friendly and gentle(wo)manly on here, thats all.

GoddessManko -> RE: Vulnerabilities of Dominants (3/8/2015 9:58:27 AM)
Against me? Where did I throw myself into your accusation? Maybe you can't remember your OP, OK, I'll help you. "I have noticed this attitude among some of the younger dominants - the expectation that dominants are some extra-terrestrial beings who are unaffected by worldly emotions. Has this happened to you, and if so how have you dealt with it? " Is it all coming back to you now? What did you mean by that statement then?

IcarusBurning -> RE: Vulnerabilities of Dominants (3/8/2015 11:07:56 AM)
relax manko, if there is a problem, write to me directly. i do not wash my dirty linen in public, i am not going to fight over this in the forum. i am not going to make any more replies on this.

ResidentSadist -> RE: Vulnerabilities of Dominants (3/8/2015 3:14:55 PM)
I am first and foremost . . . human, not a 2 dimensional storybook construct. I accept that my partner is also human and although our lifestyle is a choice, being human wasn't. I conduct my life and relationship to embrace the humanity of it. I don't think your observation is just TNG. I have always noticed the "extra-terrestrial beings who are unaffected by worldly emotions" (2 dimensional) stereotypes in and out of the lifestyle. That stereotype is so rigid and unbending, the ebb and flow of reality usually gives them health problems or heart troubles.

GoddessManko -> RE: Vulnerabilities of Dominants (3/8/2015 3:20:57 PM)
I think personally it's insane for someone to assume they know the personality of a Dominant, their lifestyle and what they had for breakfast based on what they post in a forum or send through an email. Icarus you don't have to reply but you also don't have to act like you actually offended me personally either. It was a direct question in reference to your OP about "young dominants". Like DerangedUnit said, you don't say something unless you mean it and you were simply making a baseless accusation. Anyway, as you were. I don't wish to derail this thread based on the psychic powers of certain members. [8\|]

DerangedUnit -> RE: Vulnerabilities of Dominants (3/8/2015 3:32:28 PM)
Dont drag me into this one :P I generally cant stand most young doms. My owners boys for instance... exact same personality, minus 20 years and I cant stand um. I also think there is usually something to sweeping generalizations. For instance, someone who says "all women are money grabbing hoes" has probably gone on a lot of dates without getting laid. All generalizations are true for the person speaking them, the difference is just viewpoint.

GoddessManko -> RE: Vulnerabilities of Dominants (3/8/2015 3:40:52 PM)
I'll be honest honey, you're sweet, but I don't care what your preferences are, just as I don't expect anyone to care for mine. If you think young Dominants think they're martians, good for you. I'm sure many people watch these forums and wonder why so many people take things so personally. As a sub I'm guessing you have experience with Dominant men and can speak from such a perspective though. But who am I as a Dominant woman to say I know how all other Dominant women think? Like I've really sat there and had a conversation with a slew of them or even read through their profiles? Come on now, LOL. I can speak about submissive men all day because I have hundreds of emails from them and YEARS of experience dealing with them and it didn't take me decades to have someone wear my collar so think I know what I'm doing at this point. But I am still learning about other Dominants and how they think. That's why I asked him why he thought that way. I thought maybe he had a real answer for me but turned it into this weird thing where allegedly I got offended? Uh alrighty then, LOL.

DerangedUnit -> RE: Vulnerabilities of Dominants (3/8/2015 3:49:47 PM)
You do sound offended though? Maybe text is confusing... but pretty certain that comes across as defensive. That isnt trying to be mean that's just honestly how I read your words. Maybe it has to do with slipping in things like " it didnt take me decades to have someone wear my collar" little things like that, or misconstruing my message to be about preferences rather than example. It comes across as angry.

GoddessManko -> RE: Vulnerabilities of Dominants (3/8/2015 3:52:53 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DerangedUnit You do sound offended though? Maybe text is confusing... but pretty certain that comes across as defensive. That isnt trying to be mean that's just honestly how I read your words. Maybe it has to do with slipping in things like " it didnt take me decades to have someone wear my collar" little things like that, or misconstruing my message to be about preferences rather than example. It comes across as angry. Really? LOL That made me laugh, thank you. No, not at all. What I am saying is I can speak for submissive men because I know them well. I don't understand why a male Dominant or any random person on a forum feels compelled to point out the characteristics of "young Dominants". I rarely talk to ANY Dominants. Thanks for that laugh though, LOL!

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