Why does this bother me??? (Full Version)

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smileforme50 -> Why does this bother me??? (3/7/2015 11:57:54 PM)

So tonight I've had messages from 4 different guys all asking me if I "believe in a woman's place".

Now...over the past few year with a lot of thinking, investigating and soul searching I have come to the conclusion that I would most likely be happiest as a slave. Sometimes I still can't believe I have reached this point, but it is where I have landed and that's just the way it is.

So....ok....I can accept....nay...I even LIKE the idea of being "property" and of my partner being the one in charge. I honestly believe that this is my "place".

But for some reason....anytime one of these guys sends me a message, they always have to ask about "a WOMAN'S place". Well...in spite of how I feel I want my own relationship to be, I just cannot go along with them and make this same generalization and it just sends a bad vibe through my entire nervous system.

Why do they all have to talk in such generalities? I think I would probably respond a lot more favorably if they asked me if I believe in MY place to MY partner....then we might be have a conversation.

So....to those of you who are slaves or property....what's your reaction to this question? Does it irritate you as much as it does me when they talk about "women" and not just someone as an individual?



sexyred1 -> RE: Why does this bother me??? (3/8/2015 12:02:56 AM)

I am not a slave, but anytime someone addresses a question or comment to me using a generalization, it annoys me.

It just shows me that it's another guy looking for a role rather than to get to know me, personally.



DerangedUnit -> RE: Why does this bother me??? (3/8/2015 12:53:34 AM)

I think it's natural to be irritated by that.... I was born into an Uber religious home and was told by my father "if you act like a girl you'll be treated like one, if you want to be treated like a boy... prove it." I spent a lot of years hating women because of some sweeping generalization I learned as a child about how all women were only good for breeding and anyone who didn't want to be treated like an animal had to abide by someone else's definition of what was "manly" I had no female role models when I was young, they all bought into "gods grand plan for women" without a fight and little me hated them for it.... so I guess I was always more irritated by that thinking than everyone around me.



orgasmdenial12 -> RE: Why does this bother me??? (3/8/2015 4:11:42 AM)

Of course it's irritating! Asking if you know your place is a question about your personality; suggesting there is such a thing as a woman's place is sexism and indicative of male superiority. I can easily see why it irritated you.



GoddessManko -> RE: Why does this bother me??? (3/8/2015 4:59:01 AM)

I agree with sexyred, it is strange for any man to presume that a woman should conform to his ideal and to propose his interest in her with the premise that she should feel "inferior" based on gender. By the way, Happy International Women's Day.



shiftyw -> RE: Why does this bother me??? (3/8/2015 6:54:46 AM)

Everytime someone asks me that I tell them I'm a bisexual feminist and they are barking up the wrong tree and only asking for trouble.

So...that shuts them up.



caelestis -> RE: Why does this bother me??? (3/8/2015 8:33:02 AM)

I've found that most of the men who have messaged me with generalizations like that either have little to no experience with M/s or really don't have the mental faculty to actually own a woman. They just live in their fantasy of what they feel this "should" be like. Almost like they've watched entirely too much porn...



Kittenluv954 -> RE: Why does this bother me??? (3/8/2015 8:38:55 AM)

same in my experience. RPers who take their RP a little too literally and transfer it into "the computer world" where they still feel safe. they actually don't leave "RP land" and send messages thinking the recipients will buy their delusions and play along. I doubt very seriously any of these people would approach a real woman on the street that way.



DesFIP -> RE: Why does this bother me??? (3/8/2015 9:22:35 AM)

The only appropriate response is that a woman's place is in the home and the House (0f Representatives and White House).

What this says about these guys, assuming they aren't all sock puppets of the same hapless twit, is that they aren't capable of inspiring submission. That they don't have the skills required to get someone of quality to trust in them. And therefore they're looking for someone who is totally incompetent in her own life. Of course, if they got such a woman, they'd be whining about all the drama in no time.



Gauge -> RE: Why does this bother me??? (3/8/2015 9:49:36 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: smileforme50

So tonight I've had messages from 4 different guys all asking me if I "believe in a woman's place".

Now...over the past few year with a lot of thinking, investigating and soul searching I have come to the conclusion that I would most likely be happiest as a slave. Sometimes I still can't believe I have reached this point, but it is where I have landed and that's just the way it is.

So....ok....I can accept....nay...I even LIKE the idea of being "property" and of my partner being the one in charge. I honestly believe that this is my "place".

But for some reason....anytime one of these guys sends me a message, they always have to ask about "a WOMAN'S place". Well...in spite of how I feel I want my own relationship to be, I just cannot go along with them and make this same generalization and it just sends a bad vibe through my entire nervous system.

Why do they all have to talk in such generalities? I think I would probably respond a lot more favorably if they asked me if I believe in MY place to MY partner....then we might be have a conversation.

So....to those of you who are slaves or property....what's your reaction to this question? Does it irritate you as much as it does me when they talk about "women" and not just someone as an individual?



What I would ask them is what they define as the "woman's place" and see what they say. I find the question to be far to general because what I define as a "woman's place" may just be diametrically opposed to the next guy.



GoddessManko -> RE: Why does this bother me??? (3/8/2015 10:55:33 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

What this says about these guys, assuming they aren't all sock puppets of the same hapless twit, is that they aren't capable of inspiring submission. That they don't have the skills required to get someone of quality to trust in them. And therefore they're looking for someone who is totally incompetent in her own life.


True, some people completely lack this capability so feel the need to tear others down to look better, rather sad.



IcarusBurning -> RE: Why does this bother me??? (3/8/2015 11:18:00 AM)

this bothers you because, in my humble opinion, it very well should.

yes, i am personally looking for a very submissive / slavish woman. however, that does not mean that my world view about a woman's "place" (if there is anything like that) is at the feet of a man. as i have noted in one of my journal entries, i believe in equal rights of choice for everyone, regardless of gender. women should be free to choose what they want to be and how they wish to be regarded, be it a CEO or a sex slave, without the apprehensions of judgement or retribution. just because one woman choses to be a slave does not mean that is the general outlook of all womanhood. personal choices vary, one woman might choose to be a slave and a man might be attracted to that individual, while it is just as equally likely that another woman would prefer to be in command and a man will offer his respects for that.

generalizations, by and large, are the instruments of a rudimentary mind that cannot embrace the diversity and complexity that is reality. and a man who thinks a woman belongs in the kitchen perhaps has a rather poor conception of what to do with her in bed.




tylerWILLsubmit -> RE: Why does this bother me??? (3/10/2015 1:05:47 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: smileforme50

So tonight I've had messages from 4 different guys all asking me if I "believe in a woman's place".

<snip>
Why do they all have to talk in such generalities? I think I would probably respond a lot more favorably if they asked me if I believe in MY place to MY partner....then we might be have a conversation.

To be fair, one might point out that you just made a generalization yourself. The only reason I bring this up, is because even though I doubt that was your intention, sometimes it is hard to avoid.

However, to answer your question, I see it as a stereotype. Much like other stereotypes, I think it is wrong and absolutely despise it. It is one thing to think it, based on society and culture(because let's face, nobody is born with stereotypes), but to act upon it and not bother to oppose it is not right.



littleone35 -> RE: Why does this bother me??? (3/11/2015 2:38:17 PM)

Oh if i ever got a message i would be more amused than annoyed. I am a sub not a slave
.
My answer would be i don't know where other women's places are, but this womans place is at her Masters feet. Funny they usually don't mesage me after tthat. Go figure.

Matt's littleone



mnottertail -> RE: Why does this bother me??? (3/11/2015 2:40:30 PM)

I just look at it this way....


Everbody gotta be somewhere.



ResidentSadist -> RE: Why does this bother me??? (3/12/2015 11:46:59 AM)

I just can't help but reminded of this video: Women: Know Your Limits

Seems like you are in tune with the idea of being property but hearing it from the wrong person used in a generalization only points out their marrow mindedness. How can they be a dominant owner or superior in anyway when their mind is so much smaller than yours? I am a property owner and M/s is, and has been my relationship style preference for ages. I'm just not so narrow minded I think all women fit into one mold or under one set definition.

When I was very young and new to BDSM, I had a gender bias about females being Dominant. I figured if woman couldn't force sexual domination (rape) against a man's will, they just couldn't take domination to it's extreme. I mean, how could a woman dominate me if she can't overpower me or force me to get get hard and have sex? But a man could do that to woman. Seemed like the natural order of things at that young age. Then I met Gertrude . . .



FelineRanger -> RE: Why does this bother me??? (3/12/2015 6:55:48 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: caelestis
Almost like they've watched entirely too much porn...


Hey! I resemble that remark!

Okay, stupid jokes aside, the "role vs. individual" and "fantasy vs. reality" dynamics have already been pretty extensively and pretty accurately analyzed. You also mentioned you got the same message from four different men. Getting the same idiotic message from multiple people would be disappointing, irritating, and generating a whole lot of other negative emotions.



puella -> RE: Why does this bother me??? (3/26/2015 5:18:29 PM)

I am assuming you, and a lot of women, find it annoying because the question itself is flawed, and only leaves you with flawed answers for possibilities.

It assumes that all women are one organic mass that are intrinsically wired the same way.

It implies that the sum of our life, education and even our biological make up makes no difference in the grand scheme of things because we are born female.

It suggests that there is only one place all women should be at every stage of their life, belying and belittling the possibility of growth, in what ever form that may take.


It also reveals something inherently disappointing in a man who would ask that question. No one woman OR man can define the place of an entire sex...unless they have degraded them in their own mind.

One can hope that what was meant to be asked was.... Do you feel you know where your place lies? That makes the question much more realistic in scope.



goodsubinCO -> RE: Why does this bother me??? (3/27/2015 5:21:02 PM)

I've been getting quite a few of those messages myself... I just reply a Woman's place is anywhere she chooses... they usually don't respond after that.... But yeah, it kinda rubs me the wrong way too... Where if they had sent a message asking me about almost anything else they would have been received with a much better attitude from me. shrugs...

Sheryl



MercTech -> RE: Why does this bother me??? (3/27/2015 8:15:10 PM)

Harumph....
A woman's place is on planet earth or in near earth orbit and nothing you can say will change my mind.



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