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SockySockSock -> Ex play partner wants me not to attend event (3/9/2015 1:24:48 AM)
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Hello everyone,
I'm posting this using a sock puppet account, because this post concerns behaviour by an ex that might be considered thoughtless and juvenile. And as a general rule, I avoid bad-mouthing exes, especially on public Internet forums. If I used my real account, it would completely obvious who I am talking about even if I didn't name names.
OK so here's the situation: Last week I split up with a casual play partner of about 18 months. It was a mutual thing, and reasonably amicable as far as these things go. The reasons were mainly down to compatibility and failure to communicate things clearly on both our sides. Nothing that would cause bad blood.
She organizes regular but very small scale events. When we had the breakup talk, she told me that she didn't want me to come there for a while, because she had become emotionally attached to me, and needed time apart from me to get over me. She said that seeing my face again so soon after the breakup would be painful for her. I don't have a problem with this, and wouldn't want to go there myself for a while for similar reasons.
However, later this month she is also doing a show at a big fetish event (organised by someone else). She also told me not to come to that event.
A part of me thinks that this is totally unreasonable, and feels like she wants me to stop living my life just because we have broken up. I am thinking of going anyway for the following reasons:
- This is not her event, and she is far from a headline act there. About half a dozen other people are scheduled to perform there, and she is only the second act of the night (like the undercard in boxing).
- I really want to go to this event because of 4 other acts that are on that night (not including her). Some of these people are much more famous than she is.
- I was personally invited to the event twice, (in both cases by friends of mine who are performing at the event).
- I have arranged to go to the event with a large group of my own friends (many of which she barely knows).
- I have promised to introduce certain people to certain other people at this event.
- I don't want to play with anyone at this event. I respect that she might feel upset to see me play with someone else so soon after our split, and I don't think she deserves to have me flaunt a new play partner in front of her.
- I am not going to this event to talk to her, and it is big enough that I don't think we will have to (the last time I went there were well over fifty attendees).
- Our relationship was always one of just play partners rather than boyfriend and girlfriend. About six months after we met, we spent one evening talking about the idea of taking things further, but realized that it wouldn't be good for either of us. Apart from that one day, we never even brought up the issue of dating or anything like that.
- We were never even in an exclusive relationship. For the whole time we played together, she was always one of many for me, and I was always one of many for her.
However, I have also tried to see things from her perspective:
- She is performing at the event, and I am just a normal attendee (no matter what arrangements I have made with other people).
- I can understand how she has become emotionally attached to me. We played privately twice a week for 18 months.
- Even though officially we were only just casual play partners, I think emotionally she felt like we were more. For the first half of our relationship, I played with many other people, but they were all people that she had introduced to me, and she was usually involved in the play. When I started finding other play partners on my own, without her involvement, she obviously became jealous even though she wouldn't admit it (a factor in why we split up).
- The people that she wants to go there with have also become my friends (over the 18 months that we have been playing together). They may well want to pull me into conversations that she is also involved in. Some of them may even approach me for play (even though I wouldn't want to do it in front of her).
I have already talked about the issue to a close friend of mine who is performing there (and invited me to the event). This friend is also a close friend of my former play partner. My friend says that she will try and talk sense into my former play partner.
Maybe my former play partner will reconsider once she has had some time to think about the issue. But my worry is what to do if she puts her foot down. This is a complicated situation, what should I do?
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