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RE: Time Wasters - 3/11/2015 6:57:34 PM   
shiftyw


Posts: 2837
Joined: 6/6/2013
From: The Shire
Status: offline

(in reply to GoddessManko)
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RE: Time Wasters - 3/11/2015 6:59:55 PM   
Marini


Posts: 3629
Joined: 2/14/2010
Status: offline 		Since we have several Dominant women stating that it is not uncommon for male submissive's to pull "disappearing acts", is it common that many submissive women don't show up, when meeting Dominant's also?

Turning the tables, how many submissive's have had Dominant's that flake out or don't show up?

< Message edited by Marini -- 3/11/2015 7:02:38 PM >

_____________________________

As always, To EACH their Own.
"And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. "
Nelson Mandela
Life-long Democrat, not happy at all with Democratic Party.
NOT a Republican/Moderate and free agent

(in reply to shiftyw)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Time Wasters - 3/11/2015 7:12:42 PM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: shiftyw

This happens with all online dating I've found.
Its frustrating but I'm not sure what is to really be done about it?


I have never been stood up from here.

More importantly, I love your new pic, you look luscious!

(in reply to shiftyw)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Time Wasters - 3/11/2015 7:22:26 PM   
PandoraFoxxx


Posts: 182
Joined: 1/3/2011
From: San Mateo, CA
Status: offline 		You're one of the lucky few.

(in reply to sexyred1)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Time Wasters - 3/11/2015 7:23:00 PM   
Marini


Posts: 3629
Joined: 2/14/2010
Status: offline 		I agree it has a lot to do with on-line dating.
I have had people "disappear" on-line, but I have never been stood up in person.


_____________________________

As always, To EACH their Own.
"And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. "
Nelson Mandela
Life-long Democrat, not happy at all with Democratic Party.
NOT a Republican/Moderate and free agent

(in reply to shiftyw)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Time Wasters - 3/11/2015 7:26:54 PM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Marini

Since we have several Dominant women stating that it is not uncommon for male submissive's to pull "disappearing acts", is it common that many submissive women don't show up, when meeting Dominant's also?

Unfortunately, no.

The "unfortunately" part does not apply to all those wonderful women I have met that were sane and had a balanced personality. I have been lucky in that many of the girls I have met were not total batshit crazy crackpots. However, far too often they show up because they are chasing a fantasy that does not play out in real life and I have a reputation as a sadist. Which somehow equates to serial killer in their mind and in person they confess their impossible desires once they see I am as attractive in real life as I am in photos. My charm puts them at ease and then out pops the "cut my arms and legs off, keep my torso in a cage for gang bangs so I can get pregnant spitting out babies while hanging by my breasts from meat hooks as nuns poop on me when you aren't using me as a hucow in my spare time . . . every day, for the rest of my life". This being confessed by them as they puddle on the restaurant furniture or my office desk.

Admittedly, I grouped several peoples desires into one large scenario and I left out the, "remove my teeth, cut my cancerous tits off, flay me alive, crucify me with nails" and the all too frequent confessions that they "aren't really a slave or even that submissive" but figured I was like most Doms and just wanted sex if she would pretend to be my submissive in public.

So . . . unfortunately, of the dozens of girls I have met from online, only one was a no show. Fortunately the good ones show up too, so it's all worth wild. Don't get me wrong. Batshit crazy makes for one hell of lunch date as mom explains that she wants you to "make her teenage daughter a slave too, train the daughter real good sexually" so I can "sell her off to another Dom when she gets good enough because mom would eventually get jealous." Nothing goes better with soup and a sandwich like some light conversation about underage incest and white slavery ya' know.

< Message edited by ResidentSadist -- 3/11/2015 7:29:13 PM >

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Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Time Wasters - 3/11/2015 7:40:30 PM   
Marini


Posts: 3629
Joined: 2/14/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist
Unfortunately, no.

The "unfortunately" part does not apply to all those wonderful women I have met that were sane and had a balanced personality. I have been lucky in that many of the girls I have met were not total batshit crazy crackpots. However, far too often they show up because they are chasing a fantasy that does not play out in real life and I have a reputation as a sadist. Which somehow equates to serial killer in their mind and in person they confess their impossible desires once they see I am as attractive in real life as I am in photos. My charm puts them at ease and then out pops the "cut my arms and legs off, keep my torso in a cage for gang bangs so I can get pregnant spitting out babies while hanging by my breasts from meat hooks as nuns poop on me when you aren't using me as a hucow in my spare time . . . every day, for the rest of my life". This being confessed by them as they puddle on the restaurant furniture or my office desk.

Admittedly, I grouped several peoples desires into one large scenario and I left out the, "remove my teeth, cut my cancerous tits off, flay me alive, crucify me with nails" and the all too frequent confessions that they "aren't really a slave or even that submissive" but figured I was like most Doms and just wanted sex if she would pretend to be my submissive in public.

So . . . unfortunately, of the dozens of girls I have met from online, only one was a no show. Fortunately the good ones show up too, so it's all worth wild. Don't get me wrong. Batshit crazy makes for one hell of lunch date as mom explains that she wants you to "make her teenage daughter a slave too, train the daughter real good sexually" so I can "sell her off to another Dom when she gets good enough because mom would eventually get jealous." Nothing goes better with soup and a sandwich like some light conversation about underage incest and white slavery ya' know.


Great post as usual RS.
After reading this, many people should be "glad" that the person they were supposed to meet did not show.
I would venture to guess that many "no shows", are not anyone that they would want to meet anyway.
If you are that "put off", frightened, unsure, or whatever, who wants to meet you anyway?

I am often glad when people disappear, run-away, or flake off early, so that I wasted less time dealing with them.



_____________________________

As always, To EACH their Own.
"And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. "
Nelson Mandela
Life-long Democrat, not happy at all with Democratic Party.
NOT a Republican/Moderate and free agent

(in reply to ResidentSadist)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Time Wasters - 3/11/2015 10:44:58 PM   
MsLadySue


Posts: 2254
Joined: 12/18/2004
Status: offline 		This problem has been mentioned numerous times. One of the best responses I've read was having that first meeting at a munch or play party that you've already made plans to attend. If the sub flakes on you it's not a waste of your time because you will be having fun without them.

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Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Time Wasters - 3/11/2015 11:56:27 PM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Marini
quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist
Unfortunately, no. . .


Great post as usual RS.
After reading this, many people should be "glad" that the person they were supposed to meet did not show.
I would venture to guess that many "no shows", are not anyone that they would want to meet anyway.
If you are that "put off", frightened, unsure, or whatever, who wants to meet you anyway?

I am often glad when people disappear, run-away, or flake off early, so that I wasted less time dealing with them.

I suspect a lot of no shows are because they are just harboring a passing sexual fantasy, not a real desire. When faced with the reality of face to face meeting, they just can't do it. I'm reaching a bit with this example but . . . a Domme friend got tired of all the castration fantasies she was getting from some Yahoo group. So she would says yes. Then tell them that she has a sadistic friend (me) that would be glad to do it while she supervises and stuck them on the phone with me. I would ask them if they wanted to be iced down, anesthetized on go cold turkey so they could sacrifice their balls and their to their Mistress as a gift. I would ask about what kind of closures they wanted and if they thought they could properly maintain the aftercare of surgical staples . . . yup, faced with the reality of a guy they believed would really cut their balls off shut them up in a hurry. I think I ruined about 3 or 4 guys wet dreams.

So when fantasies meet reality, those without a true desire and are just harboring a passing sexual whim, they go running for the hills.

_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

(in reply to Marini)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Time Wasters - 3/12/2015 12:40:37 AM   
DaddySatyr


Posts: 9381
Joined: 8/29/2011
From: Pittston, Pennsyltucky
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist

quote:

ORIGINAL: Marini
quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist
Unfortunately, no. . .


Great post as usual RS.
After reading this, many people should be "glad" that the person they were supposed to meet did not show.
I would venture to guess that many "no shows", are not anyone that they would want to meet anyway.
If you are that "put off", frightened, unsure, or whatever, who wants to meet you anyway?

I am often glad when people disappear, run-away, or flake off early, so that I wasted less time dealing with them.

I suspect a lot of no shows are because they are just harboring a passing sexual fantasy, not a real desire. When faced with the reality of face to face meeting, they just can't do it. I'm reaching a bit with this example but . . . a Domme friend got tired of all the castration fantasies she was getting from some Yahoo group. So she would says yes. Then tell them that she has a sadistic friend (me) that would be glad to do it while she supervises and stuck them on the phone with me. I would ask them if they wanted to be iced down, anesthetized on go cold turkey so they could sacrifice their balls and their to their Mistress as a gift. I would ask about what kind of closures they wanted and if they thought they could properly maintain the aftercare of surgical staples . . . yup, faced with the reality of a guy they believed would really cut their balls off shut them up in a hurry. I think I ruined about 3 or 4 guys wet dreams.

So when fantasies meet reality, those without a true desire and are just harboring a passing sexual whim, they go running for the hills.


I don't think this is just about this particular lifestyle, per se.

I haven't experienced a no-show in quite a while until recently, but I think it's a matter of time invested, before a meeting is set up. For me, I insist upon some kind of vocal communication. This isn't for "verification". This is because I find I get a better feel for someone (if they're really on-board, if they may not be entirely honest, etc.), if I can hear their voice. There is too much possibility of deception, when using a text medium. Also, there are so many nuances of vocal communication that add more information to the mix (is the person sarcastic? Very quite?).

On rare occasions, when I can be persuaded to do so, I will not set aside more than 30 minutes (including driving time) to meet with someone with whom I haven't spoken. This has worked out very well for me.

As for all the people that treat voice communication as "the holiest of holies"? Two thoughts that I have found to be true:

A) They are "time wasters" (I think it could be chalked up to fear or, as RS stated; the reality smacking them in the face)
2) If they value their voice, that much where they're going to make me jump through hoops to hear it, they're probably not a very good match for me (because that's the first of many hoops through which they'll be expecting me to jump).



Michael

< Message edited by DaddySatyr -- 3/12/2015 12:45:47 AM >

_____________________________

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Screen captures (and pissing on shadows) still RULE! Ya feel me?

"For that which I love, I will do horrible things"

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Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Time Wasters - 3/12/2015 1:49:44 AM   
NookieNotes


Posts: 1720
Joined: 11/10/2013
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Sanctions

I seem to attract every fake on this site, they contact me, want chat and when I set up a meeting time and place they either dont show up or always have an excuse why they cant meet with me. This is really getting old and Im just plain sick of it, any others experiencing the same thing? I have hidden my profile so I can take a break from this crap.


I've not experienced much in the way of no-shows. Perhaps it has to do with my communication style.

Online dating (or CollarSpace-ing), to me, is all about disqualification as quickly as possible. If someone approaches me from a position of beyond-friendship interest, I begin the disqualification process.

It's usually quite easy. LOL!

If they get so far as being possibles, I invite them to an event.

If I get a genuine feeling about them, I'll make plans for something outside of my usual routine. If that does not play out once, it's back to an event.

And yes, I believe it is most often about personal fear. And I understand that. I feel for them. However, for me that is a deal-breaker. If a man or woman cannot overcome their fears of whatever this lifestyle may hold enough to step into it to simply meet me, they don't have the chops to hang with me over time.

Or, put another way, if their desire for me is not consistently, over time, greater a motivation than their fear, they are disqualified.

Q: Why would I want someone who is not utterly, completely, stupidly, head-over-heels for me?
A: I wouldn't.

_____________________________

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https://datingkinky.com

I Write! A few of my books on Amazon: http://amazon.com/author/msnnotes

(in reply to Sanctions)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Time Wasters - 3/12/2015 2:03:39 AM   
smartsub10


Posts: 865
Joined: 4/23/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist

quote:

ORIGINAL: Marini

Since we have several Dominant women stating that it is not uncommon for male submissive's to pull "disappearing acts", is it common that many submissive women don't show up, when meeting Dominant's also?

Unfortunately, no.

The "unfortunately" part does not apply to all those wonderful women I have met that were sane and had a balanced personality. I have been lucky in that many of the girls I have met were not total batshit crazy crackpots. However, far too often they show up because they are chasing a fantasy that does not play out in real life and I have a reputation as a sadist. Which somehow equates to serial killer in their mind and in person they confess their impossible desires once they see I am as attractive in real life as I am in photos. My charm puts them at ease and then out pops the "cut my arms and legs off, keep my torso in a cage for gang bangs so I can get pregnant spitting out babies while hanging by my breasts from meat hooks as nuns poop on me when you aren't using me as a hucow in my spare time . . . every day, for the rest of my life". This being confessed by them as they puddle on the restaurant furniture or my office desk.

Admittedly, I grouped several peoples desires into one large scenario and I left out the, "remove my teeth, cut my cancerous tits off, flay me alive, crucify me with nails" and the all too frequent confessions that they "aren't really a slave or even that submissive" but figured I was like most Doms and just wanted sex if she would pretend to be my submissive in public.

So . . . unfortunately, of the dozens of girls I have met from online, only one was a no show. Fortunately the good ones show up too, so it's all worth wild. Don't get me wrong. Batshit crazy makes for one hell of lunch date as mom explains that she wants you to "make her teenage daughter a slave too, train the daughter real good sexually" so I can "sell her off to another Dom when she gets good enough because mom would eventually get jealous." Nothing goes better with soup and a sandwich like some light conversation about underage incest and white slavery ya' know.


Jesus H. Christ.

No wonder so many men I chat with on this site tell me I'm "refreshingly normal".

_____________________________

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~ Judge Judith Scheindlin
____________________________________________

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(in reply to ResidentSadist)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Time Wasters - 3/12/2015 3:16:55 AM   
igor2003


Posts: 1718
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessManko


quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

I know of one Domme that demanded a refundable deposit prior to a meet to prevent exactly this.


This is actually a REALLY good idea and a trust building exercise. Also shifty, looking good over there! *whistles*


I totally disagree! I would NEVER give anyone any money before meeting in person. (Not that I would pay anyone anyway.) Just exactly what guarantee would I have that the person I sent money to wouldn't just keep the "deposit" and flake out on me? Remember those BOLD RED LETTERS provided by CollarSpace in their mail program that say "DO NOT SEND MONEY TO OTHER USERS FOR ANY REASON!"? It says that for a reason, and they are good words to heed.

And while I'm here, males, and male subs are not the only "time wasters" by any means. I have been stood up by women at "meetings" myself. And another kind of time waster is the woman whose profile says "Actively seeking......" and goes on to list her interests and type of person she is looking for. So there are SOME of us that actually read their profiles, feels like there are many areas where we match, then take anywhere from a half hour to an hour writing a courteous, friendly, thought out response, only to not even get a "Thanks, but no thanks," in response. TIME WASTED for the man! Then women wonder why men end up just writing a few lines instead.

Time wasters come in both sexes, and blame needs to be laid at the feet of all who are guilty.

_____________________________

If the women don't find you handsome they should at least find you handy. - Red Green

At my age erections are like cops...there's never one around when you need it!

Never miss a good chance to shut up. - Will Rogers


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Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Time Wasters - 3/12/2015 4:05:42 AM   
DaddySatyr


Posts: 9381
Joined: 8/29/2011
From: Pittston, Pennsyltucky
Status: offline
You make an excellent point, equating the different wastes of time. Of course the "No response is a response" crowd is going to poo-poo the idea.

I wonder if that equates to: "No meeting is a meeting"?



Michael

_____________________________

A Stone in My Shoe

Screen captures (and pissing on shadows) still RULE! Ya feel me?

"For that which I love, I will do horrible things"

(in reply to igor2003)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Time Wasters - 3/12/2015 4:18:09 AM   
NookieNotes


Posts: 1720
Joined: 11/10/2013
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DaddySatyr

You make an excellent point, equating the different wastes of time. Of course the "No response is a response" crowd is going to poo-poo the idea.

I wonder if that equates to: "No meeting is a meeting"?

Michael


I would think so.

I respond to every message (until I specifically say I will not). I go to every meeting I say I will. I expect that of others, but when it does not happen, I don't get overly put out. I own my decisions. People only waste my time for themselves. My time is never wasted. It is my choice to take a chance. if it does not work out, my time was not wasted, I learned something.

1. I learned this person is not reliable.

2. I may have learned some additional "red flags" of an unreliable person in online communication that I can use in the future to make better decisions.

_____________________________

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Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Time Wasters - 3/12/2015 4:54:45 AM   
Kittenluv954


Posts: 237
Joined: 3/18/2014
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Sanctions

I seem to attract every fake on this site, they contact me, want chat and when I set up a meeting time and place they either dont show up or always have an excuse why they cant meet with me. This is really getting old and Im just plain sick of it, any others experiencing the same thing? I have hidden my profile so I can take a break from this crap.


bloody hell, how many times can we beat this same dead horse?

(in reply to Sanctions)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Time Wasters - 3/12/2015 6:56:54 AM   
shiftyw


Posts: 2837
Joined: 6/6/2013
From: The Shire
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DaddySatyr


You make an excellent point, equating the different wastes of time. Of course the "No response is a response" crowd is going to poo-poo the idea.

I wonder if that equates to: "No meeting is a meeting"?



Michael


Yes.

It's for sure saying something Isnt it?

Here's an example...I met this guy- he talked big game online. We chatted for a month or so, exchanged normal clothes pics of each other. He met me at a restaurant. he was Frightened, timid, and I could tell he wasn't really into to me or what I looked like from the get go.

He pretended to get a phone call and said he had to go before we even ordered.

My ego was a bit bruised, sure- but I got a burrito to go and was glad I didn't waste several dates with someone who wasn't really into me or what I'm into. Plus anyone with such disregard for me as a person can suck it.

To me his lack of communication and interest had a real clear message. i don't want to be with someone like that anyways, you know? I understand incompatibility is hard to accept but that, to me, just saves me from bullshit down the road

(in reply to DaddySatyr)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Time Wasters - 3/12/2015 7:20:14 AM   
thishereboi


Posts: 14463
Joined: 6/19/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MsLadySue

This problem has been mentioned numerous times. One of the best responses I've read was having that first meeting at a munch or play party that you've already made plans to attend. If the sub flakes on you it's not a waste of your time because you will be having fun without them.


I met my first Mistress in an aol chat room. After talking for a few weeks we agreed to meet at a pizza place for dinner. She said afterwards that she chose a place that was close to her house and cheap enough to pay for if I didn't show up.


to the op, yes there are wankers out there who are not going to show. One of the things that seems to attract them is free porn. When they see a little bit offered they think they might be able to get more. If I were serious about getting into a relationship, I would take down any nude clips I had on my profile and wait to share them with someone after I had actually met them. Now this won't stop the problem entirely, but it may slow it down a bit.

_____________________________

"Sweetie, you're wasting your gum" .. Albert


This here is the boi formerly known as orfunboi


(in reply to MsLadySue)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Time Wasters - 3/12/2015 7:30:08 AM   
thishereboi


Posts: 14463
Joined: 6/19/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

I know of one Domme that demanded a refundable deposit prior to a meet to prevent exactly this.



I wouldn't have a problem with that as long as she was willing to send me one also.

_____________________________

"Sweetie, you're wasting your gum" .. Albert


This here is the boi formerly known as orfunboi


(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Time Wasters - 3/12/2015 7:35:37 AM   
GotSteel


Posts: 5871
Joined: 2/19/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Marini
Since we have several Dominant women stating that it is not uncommon for male submissive's to pull "disappearing acts", is it common that many submissive women don't show up, when meeting Dominant's also?


I've never had it happen but then I think there are a couple of things to my advantage. Female submission is more socially acceptable and male domination is more common. Perhaps this leads women to be less conflicted about their desires and more likely to have prior experience (which leads them to be less conflicted about their desires). Hence perhaps less in the way of last second freak out and run for it.

(in reply to Marini)
Profile   Post #: 40
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