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Shyness - 3/28/2015 7:22:13 PM

cerebralfem

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Joined: 2/12/2015
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I just can't seem to overcome my shyness. Im naturally an introvert with a little social anxiety but when it comes to first time meetings I actually find it terrifying. I drove twice to meet a dom and twice got there then freaked out. I have had some bad experiences with Doms in the past on the first meet, many of them telling me I'm not really a submissive. I have been in a 7 year d/s relationship and that's the only guy I've been collared too. It took me 6 months to meet him. I find most guys very pushy and it just makes me crumble and hide. Am I just not ready or am I just not meant to submit again. I do often feel very judged and often get lied to.

Post #: 1

RE: Shyness - 3/28/2015 7:42:17 PM

Awareness

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Your shyness is linked to your self-esteem and assertiveness (or lack thereof).

If you lack the ability to set and enforce boundaries, then you need to focus on your own growth before becoming involved with someone else.

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(in reply to cerebralfem)

Post #: 2

RE: Shyness - 3/28/2015 7:52:56 PM

GoddessManko

Posts: 2257
Joined: 3/6/2013
From: Dante's Inferno
Status: offline

I would start small. Family get togethers, friends of family, friends of friends, small meetup groups. Someone on fet said they volunteer for munches and I think that's a good idea. I am an introvert but most people who meet me probably can't guess. More than talking I ask people questions about things they're excited about, ask them to elaborate and encourage them. People enjoy others appreciating things they hold in high importance.

_____________________________

Happy consent is the name of the game. You are my perfect Mistress. - my collared.

http://submissivemale.blogspot.com/

The Bird of Hermes is my name, eating my wings to make me tame.

(in reply to Awareness)

Post #: 3

RE: Shyness - 3/29/2015 4:09:48 AM

NookieNotes

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Joined: 11/10/2013
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Awareness

Your shyness is linked to your self-esteem and assertiveness (or lack thereof).

And not just this, but it could be an over-attention to yourself. Actually a sort of self-involved thing.

Instead of looking outwards, towards others, for ways you can interact with them, engage them, and put them at ease, perhaps you are busy worrying about how YOU look and come across to everyone else.

Are you are so focused on yourself that the smallest things affect you in disproportionate ways?

Take some time to ask yourself a few questions:

What's the WORST that can happen? How can you handle it? Go do it!

What IF people don't like you? Is that really a different end result from what you have now, when they don't end up getting to meet you, really? Ok, Go do it!

What if you have an amazing, warm, inviting personality, and YOU are the only reason it's not being shared? What kind of pain has that caused you? Are you willing to be to blame for that pain always? Go do it!

As an aside... I know quite a few submissives like you, with similar shyness/self-consciousness issues. Many people I know say these people are not submissive, because they innately sense the subs are too focused on themselves to focus on their dominant with the proper amount of attention.

Not saying any of this definitely applies to you. It's just food for thought.

_____________________________

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(in reply to Awareness)

Post #: 4

RE: Shyness - 3/29/2015 7:09:00 AM

noob4friends

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Joined: 3/15/2015
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From what I am gathering (correct me if I am wrong), you are talking to Doms on here and the first meeting has an expectation of some sort that you will be their sub (maybe you already agreed to be their sub).

In that case, how well do you know these Doms before you meet them? Do you do anything to verify their credentials? Do you ask for references prior to submitting? A few good references is not a guarantee that this particular Dom will satisfy the need you have, but it can give you a much better idea of what a relationship with this person would entail.

I also recommend starting off slower. Instead of meetings Doms one-on-one, meet kinky people in general. You will likely meet Doms in your quest to meet kinky people. But if you get to know them as a person first (rather than assuming the role of sub), you might transition into a relationship easier. Meeting kinky people might lessen your anxiety. Instead of worrying about if this particular Dom will think you are submissive enough, you are just meeting a person. If he becomes your Dom, great. If not, you probably made a new friend.

(in reply to NookieNotes)

Post #: 5

RE: Shyness - 3/29/2015 12:48:01 PM

IcarusBurning

Posts: 107
Joined: 2/1/2015
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quote:

ORIGINAL: cerebralfem

I just can't seem to overcome my shyness. Im naturally an introvert with a little social anxiety but when it comes to first time meetings I actually find it terrifying. I drove twice to meet a dom and twice got there then freaked out. I have had some bad experiences with Doms in the past on the first meet, many of them telling me I'm not really a submissive. I have been in a 7 year d/s relationship and that's the only guy I've been collared too. It took me 6 months to meet him. I find most guys very pushy and it just makes me crumble and hide. Am I just not ready or am I just not meant to submit again. I do often feel very judged and often get lied to.

in my humble opinion, neither shyness nor introversion are "problems" that you need to get rid of. i am introverted, and i find shy girls very attractive. i am sure i am not alone in this.

what is cutely amusing is your freaking out and running away. on one hand, i do understand men getting too pushy. you are right to push back and take it slower, it is for your own safety. it does not mean you are not ready, neither does it mean you are not submissive (i dont think its related to the latter anyways). it only means you are not comfortable with the speed at which the relationship is developing , and thats perfectly fine. to be honest, you met a guy in 6 months and had a 7 year relationship with him - hello! you are totally rocking it! deep and long term commiments take patience and time, and i dont think its an overstatement to say that your patience has been rewarded, and it will be again.

people judging you for being shy? trust me, you will find an equal number of people ready to judge you for not being shy as well. not sure why your shyness might have anything to do with getting lied to. i think its a common problem in this corner of the world. we all have too much to hide and probably too much at risk. not that i am endorsing it.

(in reply to cerebralfem)

Post #: 6

RE: Shyness - 3/29/2015 12:59:08 PM

GoddessManko

Posts: 2257
Joined: 3/6/2013
From: Dante's Inferno
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: IcarusBurning
in my humble opinion, neither shyness nor introversion are "problems" that you need to get rid of. i am introverted, and i find shy girls very attractive. i am sure i am not alone in this.

I agree. The cerebrally developed tend to be socially awkward, in more extreme cases it borders into autism or goes entirely there. Part of why most savants are autistic. To have both inherent extroversion and intellect really is a bit of a golden ticket and makes a person somewhat of a dynamo. I am socially tactful, I realized a long time ago I don't need other people in order to love myself so making them a part of my life is entirely personal choice.
I have 50 friends in any given area from east to west coast and they have 3 things in common. 1- I would never "bare my soul" to them. 2- they are loads of fun. 3- they have tons of drama. Why? Because they include way too many people in their lives and don't keep things in proper perspective. I am more of the listener in all regards and I've been jokingly called "Dr Phil" before.

ETA, I find shyness positively adorable too, much like Icarus. If it is crippling like others seem to believe and not entirely choice driven then you may have a deeper problem.

< Message edited by GoddessManko -- 3/29/2015 1:28:54 PM >

_____________________________

Happy consent is the name of the game. You are my perfect Mistress. - my collared.

http://submissivemale.blogspot.com/

The Bird of Hermes is my name, eating my wings to make me tame.

(in reply to IcarusBurning)

Post #: 7

RE: Shyness - 3/29/2015 1:17:10 PM

DerangedUnit

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I think whatever you see as negative is, the hardest part of changing anything is really wanting to. If you really want to get over the "meeting anxiety" meet people, I'd suggest not starting with does though, go hang out outdoors... parks, even shops, start a conversation with people you come across even if it is just the cashier. Just practice talking to strangers... some might be mean but the vast majority of people want integration and are just too scared themselves, so notice something funny in the environment state it out loud, tell and joke, tell someone you like their shoes.... even if it doesn't spark a conversation it starts forming new connections in your brain that will make it easier to engage people.

I myself have a crippling fear of telephones,can't explain it... every time I answer and it's some one whose face I haven't seen I freak out and throw it against a wall. I can force myself to stay on it, but I usually can't make out what people say and I start getting more and more nauseous the longer I try to listen. With people I've met the problem goes away but it is still something that is problematic since most jobs require heavy phone use. I got over it for a time by getting a job that required I was on the phone all the time and on off hours calling random numbers, ordering pizza, commenting on radio talk shows, pretending to take polls, it took a couple months but eventually I could talkeep on a phone for more than 5 minutes without doubling over. Now, while I still have a strong instinctual aversion to phones I no longer puke/pass out trying to talk on one.

(in reply to GoddessManko)

Post #: 8

RE: Shyness - 3/29/2015 1:27:46 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
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Have you spoken to your doctor about your social anxiety? It is a treatable disorder. There's no reason to suffer when one pill a day can totally eliminate the crippling effects it has on your life.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to DerangedUnit)

Post #: 9

RE: Shyness - 3/29/2015 1:47:09 PM

DerangedUnit

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Joined: 2/23/2007
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Don't know if that was to me or the op but either way

"Anti-anxiety drugs like benzodiazepines work by reducing brain activity. While this temporarily relieves anxiety, it can also lead to unwanted side effects.

The higher the dose, the more pronounced these side effects typically become. However, some people feel sleepy, foggy, and uncoordinated even on low doses of benzodiazepines, which can cause problems with work, school, or everyday activities such as driving. Some even feel a medication hangover the next day.

Because benzodiazepines are metabolized slowly, the medication can build up in the body when used over longer periods of time. The result is oversedation. People who are oversedated may look like they’re drunk.

Benzodiazepines are also associated with depression. Long-term benzodiazepine users are often depressed, and higher doses are believed to increase the risk of both depressive symptoms and suicidal thoughts and feelings. Furthermore, benzodiazepines can cause emotional blunting or numbness. The medication relieves the anxiety, but it also blocks feelings of pleasure or pain."

I don't take drugs. Ever.(food, oxygen, and caffeine) as someone who was forced on sedatives among other things before and still has to deal with the side effects I am starkly against mood altering drugs, in fact I consider the desire to chemically, forcibly, alter ones neural pathways.... something that developed uniquely to your experiences, the equivalent of suicide.

Sorry if that seems harsh but that is one subject I don't speak about light heartedly.

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 10

RE: Shyness - 3/29/2015 1:50:25 PM

GoddessManko

Posts: 2257
Joined: 3/6/2013
From: Dante's Inferno
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DerangedUnit

Don't know if that was to me or the op but either way

"Anti-anxiety drugs like benzodiazepines work by reducing brain activity. While this temporarily relieves anxiety, it can also lead to unwanted side effects.

The higher the dose, the more pronounced these side effects typically become. However, some people feel sleepy, foggy, and uncoordinated even on low doses of benzodiazepines, which can cause problems with work, school, or everyday activities such as driving. Some even feel a medication hangover the next day.

Because benzodiazepines are metabolized slowly, the medication can build up in the body when used over longer periods of time. The result is oversedation. People who are oversedated may look like they’re drunk.

Benzodiazepines are also associated with depression. Long-term benzodiazepine users are often depressed, and higher doses are believed to increase the risk of both depressive symptoms and suicidal thoughts and feelings. Furthermore, benzodiazepines can cause emotional blunting or numbness. The medication relieves the anxiety, but it also blocks feelings of pleasure or pain."

I don't take drugs. Ever.(food, oxygen, and caffeine) as someone who was forced on sedatives among other things before and still has to deal with the side effects I am starkly against mood altering drugs, in fact I consider the desire to chemically, forcibly, alter ones neural pathways.... something that developed uniquely to your experiences, the equivalent of suicide.

Sorry if that seems harsh but that is one subject I don't speak about light heartedly.

Any pills that alter the chemical makeup of the body makes me nervous as these drugs are uniform while all of our bodies are designed and react differently. Sounds like more likely to be a miss than a hit. I like your suggestions a lot. I have never been able to "not overcome" something with applied effort. It can be like pushing a snowball uphill but doable.

_____________________________

Happy consent is the name of the game. You are my perfect Mistress. - my collared.

http://submissivemale.blogspot.com/

The Bird of Hermes is my name, eating my wings to make me tame.

(in reply to DerangedUnit)

Post #: 11

RE: Shyness - 3/29/2015 9:26:39 PM

Gauge

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Joined: 6/17/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: cerebralfem

I just can't seem to overcome my shyness. Im naturally an introvert with a little social anxiety but when it comes to first time meetings I actually find it terrifying.

Many people do find the first meeting difficult if not nerve wracking. Those with social anxiety or extreme shyness suffer those feelings on a grander scale than others.

quote:

I have had some bad experiences with Doms in the past on the first meet, many of them telling me I'm not really a submissive.

Oh, that line. Well... only you can answer that. Were you not a submissive because you wouldn't fuck them or suck them off on the first meeting? Or was it because you wouldn't play with them right away... or did you come to the meeting all dressed up in FemDom gear and tell them to kneel at your feet and lick your boots clean? Whatever your answers are to those questions, I still believe that the only one who knows if you are a submissive is you. What some new person thinks of you and what they are basing that on is really not that important in the long range scale of your life, now... is it?

quote:

I have been in a 7 year d/s relationship and that's the only guy I've been collared too. It took me 6 months to meet him.

It took you 6 months to meet him and you were in a 7 year relationship with him. During that time... the 7 years, did he ever tell you that you were not submissive? If he never told you that, whose opinion do you value more, the person that you were in a BDSM relationship for 7 years or the guy you just met and they tell you that you aren't submissive? If he did tell you that you were not a submissive, then maybe you aren't. However, if that were absolutely true, I would think that your relationship with him would never have lasted 7 years.

quote:

I find most guys very pushy and it just makes me crumble and hide.

Pushy how exactly? Pushy to meet you? Pushy to get in your pants? Pushy to not respect that you have social anxiety and that meeting people is a daunting task for you? That kind of pushy? Or is it something else? I'm trying to understand how you see someone as pushy.

quote:

Am I just not ready or am I just not meant to submit again.

Why are you asking us? You should be asking yourself this question. Look, I am going to go out on a limb and say that after being in a 7 year BDSM relationship with someone that you are indeed a submissive (the caveat being that I don't know you). I will further postulate that you are simply not meeting the right people (the caveat being that I have no idea who you have met). Hell, I'll even be so brass balled as to say that you are ready to meet someone else... isn't that why you have been looking for another dominant in the first place?

quote:

I do often feel very judged and often get lied to.

Welcome to the human race... you're not alone. I'm going to ask a straightforward question to you, and one that is kind of bold... possibly to be construed as rude, but offered in the best way I possibly can. Why the fuck do you care what anyone thinks about you? At the end of the day, your opinion of yourself is what really matters, you will never stop other people from thinking what they think, so why waste energy worrying about it? If you can look at yourself in the mirror and be OK with who you are, that is what is important... if you cannot do that, then you need to do some work on how you see yourself and why you see yourself that way. You have to live in your skin... you need to be OK with who and what you are... that means taking the good with the bad. Embrace the good, work on changing the bad.

You sound like you are just not meeting good, decent folks. That's OK. I am sure the guy you had for 7 years didn't just fall into your lap from the sky... in fact, that is one patient motherfucker to wait a full 6 months until you screwed up the courage to meet with him, finally, for the first time. Look for someone like him. Be honest about your social anxiety, tell people up front about it, let them know that if they pressure you to meet, that it is over... but if they are patient, develop some trust with you until you get the courage to meet them then they will be pleased with the result.

Just remember something that a wise man once told me... he must have told other people because I have seen it all over the place... he said, "Go slow, go far." Those are words that can make all the difference in the world sometimes.

< Message edited by Gauge -- 3/29/2015 9:32:31 PM >

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to cerebralfem)

Post #: 12

RE: Shyness - 3/29/2015 9:28:32 PM

Gauge

Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Have you spoken to your doctor about your social anxiety? It is a treatable disorder. There's no reason to suffer when one pill a day can totally eliminate the crippling effects it has on your life.

Hell, not even a pill a day. I take something when I need it for anxiety, just to take the edge off. That way, I don't have the possibility that I become too reliant on it.

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 13

RE: Shyness - 3/29/2015 10:49:36 PM

sexyred1

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: cerebralfem

I just can't seem to overcome my shyness. Im naturally an introvert with a little social anxiety but when it comes to first time meetings I actually find it terrifying. I drove twice to meet a dom and twice got there then freaked out. I have had some bad experiences with Doms in the past on the first meet, many of them telling me I'm not really a submissive. I have been in a 7 year d/s relationship and that's the only guy I've been collared too. It took me 6 months to meet him. I find most guys very pushy and it just makes me crumble and hide. Am I just not ready or am I just not meant to submit again. I do often feel very judged and often get lied to.

Don't listen to anyone who says that all introverts and shy people lack self esteem. That is such unadulterated bullshit.

I am an extrovert, but I have 2 good friend, female and male who are shy. Both are accomplished, successful, great people. Sometimes people who are too pushy, like the men you describe are overcompensating for their own issues and you don't have to deal with any man unless it's on your time table.

After all, you are not a sub to them, right?

Take it slow and good luck.

(in reply to cerebralfem)

Post #: 14

RE: Shyness - 3/30/2015 2:14:18 AM

Gauge

Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Awareness

Your shyness is linked to your self-esteem and assertiveness (or lack thereof).

I debated whether or not to reply to this... but I think I should.

Social anxiety disorder is a mental problem. http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/social-phobia-social-anxiety-disorder/index.shtml It has nothing to do with self-esteem or assertiveness, although they can contribute to a degree to the disorder. What the OP describes as shyness sounds a great deal like the symptoms of social anxiety disorder. The fact that they use the phrase in the OP is also a clue that they likely have been either diagnosed, suspect they have it or they are in treatment for it.

quote:

If you lack the ability to set and enforce boundaries, then you need to focus on your own growth before becoming involved with someone else.

The OP stated that they were in a relationship for 7 years. I suspect that this is their first venture out into the big bad world of finding a new partner after the end of that relationship... I am willing to be wrong about my suspicion, but I'll stand by it for now. That they are anxious about the process is not unusual.

Nowhere in the OP did it state or indicate that they had problems setting or enforcing boundaries. What they did say was that they are finding guys that are telling her she is not submissive, and they are pushy with her... although the OP has not elaborated on their definition of pushy.

Crippling shyness that the OP described is more than likely social anxiety gone wild. Not everything is as easily answered as you tried to make it. I have had to endure people for years telling me that all I needed was a kick in the ass to get over my depression. I have suffered major depression all of my life... if a kick in the ass was all it took, I would have folks lined up around the block with steel tipped boots on.

< Message edited by Gauge -- 3/30/2015 2:16:15 AM >

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to Awareness)

Post #: 15

RE: Shyness - 3/30/2015 3:40:55 AM

NookieNotes

Posts: 1720
Joined: 11/10/2013
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge

quote:

ORIGINAL: Awareness

Your shyness is linked to your self-esteem and assertiveness (or lack thereof).

I debated whether or not to reply to this... but I think I should.

Social anxiety disorder is a mental problem. http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/social-phobia-social-anxiety-disorder/index.shtml It has nothing to do with self-esteem or assertiveness, although they can contribute to a degree to the disorder. What the OP describes as shyness sounds a great deal like the symptoms of social anxiety disorder. The fact that they use the phrase in the OP is also a clue that they likely have been either diagnosed, suspect they have it or they are in treatment for it.

If this is the case, then asking a group of strangers online what to do about it seems like a silly thing, yes? Shouldn't they be asking their mental health professional, possibly getting a prescription? Or specifically asking about what do do for a diagnosed disorder when they don't want to or cant go to a professional for whatever reason?

I think it's fair to say that you are right. Some shyness is a direct result of mental disorders.

Most of it, in varying degrees is not, so then other options would come into play, and the varied replies here reflect that.

_____________________________

Nookie
--
https://datingkinky.com

I Write! A few of my books on Amazon: http://amazon.com/author/msnnotes

(in reply to Gauge)

Post #: 16

RE: Shyness - 3/30/2015 9:11:54 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

I don't like the side effects of benzos. But if her social anxiety negatively impacts meeting new people at school or work, I was thinking more of a short term course of SSRIs. Meaning about 18 months while getting therapy for it also.

If you use the meds to lift the problem, it makes working on the problem in therapy a much fast process.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to NookieNotes)

Post #: 17

RE: Shyness - 3/30/2015 10:03:16 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: cerebralfem

I just can't seem to overcome my shyness. Im naturally an introvert with a little social anxiety but when it comes to first time meetings I actually find it terrifying. I drove twice to meet a dom and twice got there then freaked out. I have had some bad experiences with Doms in the past on the first meet, many of them telling me I'm not really a submissive. I have been in a 7 year d/s relationship and that's the only guy I've been collared too. It took me 6 months to meet him. I find most guys very pushy and it just makes me crumble and hide. Am I just not ready or am I just not meant to submit again. I do often feel very judged and often get lied to.

Okay. Is there any way to make it less terrifying for you?

I have had some bad experiences with Doms in the past on the first meet, many of them telling me I'm not really a submissive.

Sorry but that's par for the course. A lot of guys claim to be a Dom because they want to get their cock sucked/anal sex/their house cleaned for free/fill in the blank whenever they want, no relationship. They frequently tell women that they're not real submissives. Spend as little time/energy on them as possible.

I find most guys very pushy and it just makes me crumble and hide. Am I just not ready or am I just not meant to submit again.

Hard to say whether they really are pushy (many men online are), it's entirely your perception, or a mix of the two. I don't see the problem going away, so I wouldn't say it's you not being ready.

I do often feel very judged and often get lied to.

If I read your profile correctly, you're married. If you're doing this without your husband's knowledge/approval, you will get judged.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to cerebralfem)

Post #: 18

RE: Shyness - 3/30/2015 10:11:17 AM

DerangedUnit

Posts: 660
Joined: 2/23/2007
Status: offline

What are commonly referred to as 'side effects' are merely 'signs' of the underlying problem.... let's take one of the less annoying side effects of ssris... tardive dyskinesia, which has the effect of causing permanent irreversible ticks and muscle tremors... it's a 'side effect' of many of the medications that are used for mental 'disorders' and what it is, what causes uncontrollable muscle spasms... is the brain damage. At that point you have essentiallybroken you mind so badly it has lost it's ability to control your movement... so what you refer to as 'side effects' I still refer to as suicide..... which is ironic because one of the other 'side effects' of ssri's or 'anti depressants' is they have been shown to double suicidal thoughts and tendacies compared to a placebo.

< Message edited by DerangedUnit -- 3/30/2015 10:14:06 AM >

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 19

RE: Shyness - 3/30/2015 10:15:34 AM

GoddessManko

Posts: 2257
Joined: 3/6/2013
From: Dante's Inferno
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

quote:

ORIGINAL: cerebralfem

I just can't seem to overcome my shyness. Im naturally an introvert with a little social anxiety but when it comes to first time meetings I actually find it terrifying. I drove twice to meet a dom and twice got there then freaked out. I have had some bad experiences with Doms in the past on the first meet, many of them telling me I'm not really a submissive. I have been in a 7 year d/s relationship and that's the only guy I've been collared too. It took me 6 months to meet him. I find most guys very pushy and it just makes me crumble and hide. Am I just not ready or am I just not meant to submit again. I do often feel very judged and often get lied to.

Don't listen to anyone who says that all introverts and shy people lack self esteem. That is such unadulterated bullshit.

I am an extrovert, but I have 2 good friend, female and male who are shy. Both are accomplished, successful, great people. Sometimes people who are too pushy, like the men you describe are overcompensating for their own issues and you don't have to deal with any man unless it's on your time table.

After all, you are not a sub to them, right?

Take it slow and good luck.

I agree with this and I agree with Gauge. Some people are just happy in their own company while others are just bashful and then there is the "crippling" social anxiety. I disagree that extroversion equates to mentally sound. The most extroverted person I have ever encountered has untreated PTSD and has difficulty spending time alone.
He constantly needed validation from other people in order to feel "correct" or "right" or "normal". But on the inside he was a total mess and that was a contributing factor. I think it is odd to constantly need people to feel complete or self assured.
Even as he'd curl up in a ball crying on the floor it'd be "see? I'm OK, EVERYONE says and thinks I am." I don't put too much into what other people think as a result. I trust my own judgement.

< Message edited by GoddessManko -- 3/30/2015 10:33:11 AM >

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