RE: Playing without a safeword?

RE: Playing without a safeword? (Full Version)

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shiftyw -> RE: Playing without a safeword? (4/8/2015 7:03:10 AM)
OP just do whatever works for you and yours. We have been together 5 years. I have PTSD. We have a safeword because I can't always tell what is going to get to me. Sometimes having to say stop or no might be hard for me- simply because for me their is a great deal of mistrust in those words specifically. Of course I have used them before, but I prefer other words because it feels less associated with things that might set me off. I can't be with someone who can respect my need for one- If you are the same way OP- you can choose that without feeling less than. I can't go far with someone who wants to "push my limits"- my limits are brick fucking walls- I have no desire to get pushed through them. I don't care if that limits my capacity for growth in their (a general their) eyes. And I don't care if I get called a wimp or not true. So don't worry OP- get on with your safe wording self and enjoy.

SaintLeather -> RE: Playing without a safeword? (4/8/2015 11:45:12 PM)
I use safe words with people I rarely play with, at clubs or events etc. People that I've never played with I do negotiations and set up a safe word or a slow down. However those I play with often I don't use safe words or have a need to, W/we are both there to have O/our needs meet and they are complementary and established. limits..... Now that's a totally different animal. I would never play no limits. I recall a story from a Pro-Mistress years ago... A sub saying he had no limits. She shaved his eyebrows off. So while saying there are no limits there always leone form of lines or structure drawn when people play and I think that's healthy and once again proving clear communication is KEY!

preytolife -> RE: Playing without a safeword? (4/9/2015 9:58:01 AM)
quote: How can you find that edge if the Dom has to judge someone's tolerance on today versus yesterday? I personally wouldn't care to go to any edge with a partner who lacked the attention span to know (or at least pay attention to my tolerances. quote: Why would you NOT have a safeword? If the sub/slave never uses it, so what? So what? The so what is that if "safety" measures are only worth a damn if someone is actually willing to use them when they need to. A lot of people won't use safewords when they need to. But of course if you have a safeword, theoretically you have a your ass covered (eyeroll). It's based on the concept that an absence of a "no" means "yes". It's an inherently flawed concept. It's very common for people in altered states of mind to have issues communicating or in even recognizing when they become in distress ("How are you feeling?" "I don't know...") In theory I like the idea of safewords in terms of rapeplay or in situations where people want to be able to roleplay or say no when they actually don't mean no. It depends what you're looking for and how best you communicate however in practice I don't believe safewords keep anyone safe, they're the "oh shit" switch when things go south. For ropework for example if someone is in heavy bondage then "red" doesn't help, it doesn't tell the rigger what hurts or what's gone numb or where they need to focus on first -- and dropping someone from several feet in the air doesn't really help anything. And there's so much shame and negativity associated with safewording as well that it can actually break down communication faster than aiding in it. I really like the pain scale in scenes (what's your pain 1-10). I like signals and body cues. I personally don't engage in consent-blurring play casually or as a top so I don't have a problem with plain speaking. My local dungeon also includes common nonverbal signs in their orientation seminars and their DM training in an attempt to identify physical cues that indicate problems before safewords come in. I'm not really a fan of someone forgoing basic safety measures just because they trust someone but it's their risk.

MoxieMcfly -> RE: Playing without a safeword? (4/9/2015 2:52:41 PM)
I have had many occasions where I have played with out a safe word. It wasn't necessarily that I trusted the person to do these things with out knowing my feelings about it. It was usually because I felt "no means no" was valid. I expected the person to respect words such as no, stop or don't. I find that safe words are more important if the individual and the scene involves more of "You son of a bitch, don't you dare hit me with that" type of 'No means yes" arrangement. :)

Kana -> RE: Playing without a safeword? (4/10/2015 3:38:53 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist Pain is an emotional response. Have you ever cut yourself and didn't know it? It didn't hurt until you saw the injury. Your state of mind determines what is "too much". Getting inside someone's head and guiding them, letting them see iit through your eyes, sharing the passion can change their "limits" about what is too much. I love playing on these edges and exploring new things with my partner, expanding their limits. It is this connection that motivates most of my play. For me, BDSM type torture is about the connection and exploring them, exposing them to desires, passions and sensations . It is about getting inside their brain. I am extremely empathetic and can feel what my partner feels. I don't generally play casually with strangers I can't "read". When I do "Top" someone new, like a new person at a party, it is because I feel a connection to them. Their feedback is their body language, the look in their eye, the sound of their moans, the juice running down their leg . . . red, green and yellow safe words feel like traffic instructions and don't go well with my type of "play". Don't tell me how to drive or where to turn, tell me where you want to go and if it is a place I also want to go as well, then relax, submit, enjoy the ride and let me drive. If you don't trust me enough to read you, then it isn't the type of play I am interested in. So safe words have little value in my arena. I am not perfect, but I rarely misread someone and I ALWAYS can feel if we disconnect. When that happens I stop and talk until we connect and get back on track. So I am never torturing someone while I can't get a read on what they are feeling. For others where causal play is more kink-centric, more about the situation and what you are doing than who you are doing it with, I can see where safe words are very useful feedback. RS knocking it out of the park here. I was gonna respond, but I can't put it much better than that. Chortles-And I suspect quote strongly that he'll agree with my assertion that "without a safeword, you remove the ability to fully explore the depth of force/being forced." Heeheehee-come play with a serious fucking sadist. We'll force you to do shit beyond your wildest nightmares and mock you while we do. Little is funner than imposing your will on her, forcing her to do something that she would rather do anything else but. Watching the whore struggle internally, fight within, torn between desire to obey and raw stark fear, before finally capitulating to her need and greed and drop to please. Tell her you're going to nail her tongue to the floor. Then say, "Crawl over to the shed and get me the hammer and nails." Then sit back and watch. If her inner torment doesn't get you hard, something is seriously wrong with you Grins

littleone35 -> RE: Playing without a safeword? (4/17/2015 4:02:18 PM)
Master an i have been together for 9+ years and i trust him TOTALLY but he is npt a mind reader. He can usually tell if somethng is wrong because we have been togehter so long an h can read my body launauge. He wants me to have a safeword in case he misreads the signals. I have only had to use it once or twice, when i do Master aske m e what is wrong then he asses the situation and he decides on a course of action whether to stop or continue n another direction. it woeks fo us. Matt's littlone

LipstickLeuger -> RE: Playing without a safeword? (5/1/2015 8:09:21 PM)
We have a safe word, but if I say stop or no, those also work as well. Communication is key for us and talking about a lot of 'what ifs' help me to feel safer with my Dom. She is very much tuned into me because of my past experiences so I often find her stopping just before I would have safe worded anyhow. We have been together quite a while and she really watches me closely and reads me well. Still, knowing that I can say it and it will stop, really gives me security.

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