hopelesslyInvo
Posts: 522
Joined: 2/10/2008
From: the future
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quote:
ORIGINAL: MrJerryW
I just want to state a personal observation/opinion and get your feedback. When I was in college and then the military, I met a lot of asshole men. Lots of aggression and they get what they want at the expense of others. When we go to several BDSM clubs the men "act tough" as if they are superior. Women always seem to be nicer about things and had more understanding about life. Maybe because they are the ones who bear children. Also, there are a lot more men incarcerated then women.
did you really expect to find nice people in the military? i'd look for it in prison before the military, the military has a very legitimate reason for stamping out unnecessary tendencies.
did you think you'd see a lot of maturity or people that think for themselves in college? it's mostly a lot of people that have know idea who the hell they are yet.
i can't see any way that bearing children is a factor in this, no matter which gender might have more nice people.
incarceration numbers are also going to mean so little in a society where women are almost always viewed as either an innocent bystander or the victim, and can get away with just about anything by acting nice, playing innocent, crying, giving a sob story, or appearing remorseful. if people magically ended up in jail whenever they did something wrong, those numbers would be telling, but the people who put people in jail and get people off the hook are too corrupting of any solid information.
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anyway, if it appears women are nicer, in my experience it's because in this society at least, women are "allowed to be nice", because they're practically "required to be nice", and they generally know the perks that are often afforded to them for acting that way. they will often play that part as a necessity to reach their goals rather than it being because of who they are or want to be.
for men though, being nice often gets them seen as weak, gay, creepy, boring, dorks/nerds/geeks, useless, incompetent, losers, lacking confidence, bad partners, not a real man, and easy to walk over.
it's also extremely dependent on social situations, stature, and appearance. but for the most part "rawr, men punch things" and "tee-hee, us girls are only naughty in designated pre-approved circumstances" are still the most generally accepted social norms. there's a whole lot of "women shouldn't act that way", and just as much if not more "you're not a man until you've _________" , mindsets in society, and none of the things that go in that blank are about being "nice".
whether it's from the constant social grooming through ridiculing men that cry, are shy, talk about their emotions, are thoughtful or sweet, or whether it's from their own doubts eventually becoming reassurances that "nice guys finish last, girls only want bad boys, etc etc" and so forth; plenty of nice men turn into broken defensive assholes that gave up looking for acceptance, yet suddenly have more of it than they ever did before. anyone who's had positive reactions from people after doing something unquestionably shitty probably knows how odd that can feel, and how tempting it can sometimes be to repeat.
the new fad seems to be accusing the nice guys that recently reached a breaking point as never having been nice in the first place, and in fact being worse than normal assholes. it's kind of like getting out of the friend-zone only to go straight into being an ex-husband. not that i'm not going forget to acknowledge how many guys seem to think "if i do something nice for someone that means they're obligated to like me", or how much those types will lose their shit when it doesn't work out for them.
most people seem to have zero concept on whether they're actually nice or not. they get confused and think doing "nice gestures" means they're a "nice person"; they don't understand that them being "nice" is measured in merit, not action. and absolutely everyone tries to validate how something is ok for them to do even though they would condemn anyone else for doing it. cheaters, murderers, people who make fun of little jimmy's ears, you name it.
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i think nice people of both genders feel there are extremely few people who appreciate them or the things they do.
i think nice men act tough on par with how often women who don't give a shit will pretend to.
i think "being nice" is not enough to be known for, and that you can be "good" even if you're not nice.
i think risk-taking and aggressiveness does not equate to "not nice", so i throw testosterone out the window mostly.
i think women are much less likely to let you and me see the "not so nice" side of them; if they did it would be counterproductive to their goals. you saw what it's like being a man when surrounded by a bunch of other men, but if you knew what it was like to be a woman when around a bunch of other women, we would probably never be having this conversation.
TLDR
them womens is just as human as the rest of us; they done gots plenty of nice people and tons of assholes.
< Message edited by hopelesslyInvo -- 4/8/2015 2:55:58 AM >
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