What is high maintenance?

What is high maintenance? (Full Version)

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Lashra -> What is high maintenance? (7/15/2006 10:30:41 AM)
What exactly does a person mean when they call another high maintenance? I've seen and heard people say this many times and I'd like to know exactly what is meant by it? Are they people with boundaries who refuse to "lower" them in order to live a happy and more fulfilled life according to their own standards? Or are they just leeches looking for a freebies? Also why are people who are considered high maintenance to be avoided like the plague? I'm curious as to others opinions of this phrase. To me high maintenance is someone who desires possessions and lots of spending cash. They can be extremely self centered and spoiled. I've seen it in both genders so I do not believe it is gender specific. Thoughts, opinions? ~Lashra Whipping asses since 1981

SexyRed -> RE: What is high maintenance? (7/15/2006 10:36:33 AM)
I just posted about this in the trust in BDSM thread. I dislike the term high maintenance because it is a catch all phrase used to connote many things. One can be termed high maintenance as you say above, but I would term all that somewhat shallow, superficial, materialistic and acquisitive and not high maintenance. Other times a woman or man is called high maintenance when they are challenging intellectually, assertive, empowered, dramatic, intense or other attributes that intimidate others. It can also mean someone who takes care of themselves, gets manicures, gets their hair done, wears makeup and jewelry and takes too long to get ready to go out. I just dislike it when I am called high maintenance by someone who cannot handle that I spoke back to them or gave a strong opinion or expressed myself in a way that left them feeling insecure or one who is challenged by strong, bright women. Of course, it can also mean someone who is very difficult to get along with and who is uncompromising and one who requires too much work to deal with.

SusanofO -> RE: What is high maintenance? (7/15/2006 10:39:13 AM)
I must be in a weird, tired and humorous mood, as I am tempted to just say: See the thread on the word "real", hehe (you have to read it, it's good, and a good topic). Another subjective definition. Bottom-line, it means (to me): This person is too much, or whole heaps of (if not too much) work (for whoever is saying it to someone else) - which (I think) is fine for someone to state, as long as they've taken a good look at the situation, and themselves, and the other person, to reach that judgment, and not made it some excuse for their own shortcomings (this goes for both sides of the fence, I guess). You could also see the "why bdsm and slavery don't mix" (or whatever it's called, I can't remember now), thread that was posted by Crappy Dom earlier this morning. Maybe the people involved are at different "stages" in terms of personal growth? One person's "high-maintenance" could be another's dream partner, I guess it all depends on how honest people are being with themselves and eachother, and what it is they have to offer and what they want. - Susan

LadiesBladewing -> RE: What is high maintenance? (7/15/2006 10:40:06 AM)
To newcomers to our household, I am "high maintenance", as is my mate, SR. To me, high maintenance means that we expect that things will be as we decide that they will be, and will suit our comfort, rather than another's. We have expectations (though we try to verbalize them for the convenience of those who will be expected to meet them), and some of our expectations are quite demanding. SR and I are even worse than the materially-high-maintenance, who require lots of "things" to keep them happy -- we are intellectually, spiritually, esoterically, and emotionally high-maintenance. We are -not- easy to get along with, easy-going, free of conflicting opinions and contradictory moments -- and we expect those who attend to us to be able to adapt, rather than requiring that -we- adapt to the comforts and neuroses of those who attend us. Low-maintenance in our areas would be an individual who flowed with the shifts and changes around them without getting ruffled or needing a lot of external validation. We are certainly -not- that... and we haven't met very many people who are, actually. When it gets down to brass tacks, just about everyone is "high maintenance" -- which becomes apparent as soon as hir needs are not being met. The "low-maintenance" situations everyone dreams of develop because everyone's needs are being met, and so going with the flow becomes painless. The only reason I can think of to turn away an obvious high-maintenance situation is because we do not have the time, with our other responsibilities, to provide proper care and protection for the need that is reflected in the "high maintenance" situation, and when that is the case, we likely won't take on ANY new relationship, because IMO, all new relationships are "high maintenance". Otherwise, if we're in a place where we have the time and energy, every new relationship would have its own chance to find out whether the newcomer's "high maintenance" meshed with ours. ZWD

Estring -> RE: What is high maintenance? (7/15/2006 10:43:09 AM)
High maintenance is exactly that. Someone who thinks the world revolves around them and sucks up all your energy just to take care of their needs. It has nothing to do with being a "strong" woman. It has everything to do with an "it's all about me" woman. A strong woman can serve very well, a high maintenance woman will never be good at it. That's why they are to be avoided.

sexypet -> RE: What is high maintenance? (7/15/2006 10:43:41 AM)
i dislike the term as well...and am often called it because i have strong opinions, ask questions and am generally needy emotionally and want attention. i used to think i had finally found a place where i fit in, but am finding so many of the "Dominant" men i speak with are ill-equipped to handle this aspect of me and disappear, or part quickly. it's becoming quite discouraging.

Morpheus07 -> RE: What is high maintenance? (7/15/2006 10:44:36 AM)
quote: I just dislike it when I am called high maintenance by someone who cannot handle that I spoke back to them or gave a strong opinion or expressed myself in a way that left them feeling insecure or one who is challenged by strong, bright women. Personally, I would just call your type irritating (to me), it has nothing to do with insecurity. High maintenance means different things to different people, to me high maintenance means that the partner is never satisfied in one way or another and there is always an uneasy peace. In my past that partner has usually been me, so I guess I would be considered high maintenance.

babygirl005 -> RE: What is high maintenance? (7/15/2006 10:45:42 AM)
Why would would you think being generally needy and needing attention make you desirable? Estring

darkinshadows -> RE: What is high maintenance? (7/15/2006 10:45:50 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Estring High maintenance is exactly that. Someone who thinks the world revolves around them and sucks up all your energy just to take care of their needs. It has nothing to do with being a "strong" woman. It has everything to do with an "it's all about me" woman. A strong woman can serve very well, a high maintenance woman will never be good at it. That's why they are to be avoided. ...Unless one a besotted s-type and she is a beautiful Dominia...[;)] Peace and Rapture

SexyRed -> RE: What is high maintenance? (7/15/2006 10:45:50 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Estring High maintenance is exactly that. Someone who thinks the world revolves around them and sucks up all your energy just to take care of their needs. It has nothing to do with being a "strong" woman. It has everything to do with an "it's all about me" woman. A strong woman can serve very well, a high maintenance woman will never be good at it. That's why they are to be avoided. I agree that is one more definition of high maintenance, but it is often declared that a woman is high maintenance if she even WANTS her own needs addressed, and that is what I have an issue with.

juliaoceania -> RE: What is high maintenance? (7/15/2006 10:46:12 AM)
I consider myself high maintenance, and not economically. I have much value to someone that would choose to collar me one day, and it takes high maintanence to keep this up. I have no problem with the term high maintenance, it surely beats being low maintenance in my eyes. We get what we give in this world, anything worth having is worth putting effort into, and I am worth putting effort into. If a Dominant doesn't agree with that worldview, well I wouldn't be the sub for him. I consider a high mainenance submissive to be someone that a dominant sees worthy of investing time into. Perhaps he wants to corset train her, or puppy train her, or for her to appear a certain way, such tanned and fit.. these things take maintenance and they are not free. Just my opinion of course

SexyRed -> RE: What is high maintenance? (7/15/2006 10:47:21 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Morpheus07 quote: I just dislike it when I am called high maintenance by someone who cannot handle that I spoke back to them or gave a strong opinion or expressed myself in a way that left them feeling insecure or one who is challenged by strong, bright women. Personally, I would just call your type irritating (to me), it has nothing to do with insecurity. High maintenance means different things to different people, to me high maintenance means that the partner is never satisfied in one way or another and there is always an uneasy peace. In my past that partner has usually been me, so I guess I would be considered high maintenance. Oh goody. I am glad that being intelligent and questioning and forthright and bright makes me irritating. And I can certainly weed out those men who cannot keep up with me. If that is high maintenance, I will keep it up.

WyrdRich -> RE: What is high maintenance? (7/15/2006 10:47:23 AM)
I define 'high maintenance' as someone who believes their immediate desires are the top priority in your life. For some, this might be the center of a D/s or M/s relationship. To me, it means the same as 'unreliable.'

darkinshadows -> RE: What is high maintenance? (7/15/2006 10:50:06 AM)
It just another subjective term. Some people see it as a positive attribute - some like to use it do dismiss people as too 'untrainable' or such. Take the person who uses the word, find their definition and work on it from there... Peace and Rapture

meatcleaver -> RE: What is high maintenance? (7/15/2006 10:51:43 AM)
High maintenace to me is someone who loves to be adored rather than adores to be loved. Their gratification is paramount or the relationship goes belly up. I agree with WyrdRich, it makes someone unreliable, which I found out very much to my cost.

juliaoceania -> RE: What is high maintenance? (7/15/2006 10:53:28 AM)
fast reply, for those who think of this as a pejorative term, I have to ask, do you want a submissive that takes no maintanence at all?

Morpheus07 -> RE: What is high maintenance? (7/15/2006 10:54:05 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SexyRed quote: ORIGINAL: Morpheus07 quote: I just dislike it when I am called high maintenance by someone who cannot handle that I spoke back to them or gave a strong opinion or expressed myself in a way that left them feeling insecure or one who is challenged by strong, bright women. Personally, I would just call your type irritating (to me), it has nothing to do with insecurity. High maintenance means different things to different people, to me high maintenance means that the partner is never satisfied in one way or another and there is always an uneasy peace. In my past that partner has usually been me, so I guess I would be considered high maintenance. Oh goody. I am glad that being intelligent and questioning and forthright and bright makes me irritating. And I can certainly weed out those men who cannot keep up with me. If that is high maintenance, I will keep it up. Absolutely, you should always be exactly who you are, I just know what irritates me and what types I belong with (I am sure to offend many with my word usage, but...Oh well). Fortunately for both of us, I have found my mate, and I wish you luck in finding yours.

sexypet -> RE: What is high maintenance? (7/15/2006 10:56:31 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: meatcleaver High maintenace to me is someone who loves to be adored rather than adores to be loved. Nope, i definitely adore to be loved...but it's definitely been awhile. i don't need anyone to adore me, i have my mother for that, lol.

meatcleaver -> RE: What is high maintenance? (7/15/2006 10:56:38 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: juliaoceania fast reply, for those who think of this as a pejorative term, I have to ask, do you want a submissive that takes no maintanence at all? Just someone who can accept life is a two way street.

Morpheus07 -> RE: What is high maintenance? (7/15/2006 10:59:25 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: juliaoceania fast reply, for those who think of this as a pejorative term, I have to ask, do you want a submissive that takes no maintanence at all? I absolutely love to maintain my submissive, it is one of the true joys of my life. I love to bathe her, brush her hair, listen to her thoughts and feelings, get her waxings/manicures/pedicures/spa days, take her to dinner and feed her from my plate, spank her bottom when she needs it, make her cum till she cries, etc, etc, etc... Oh yes, maintenance good....yummy High maintenance bad...yucky

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