RE: Subs rarely ask questions about a femdom's life outside of kink (Full Version)

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dreamlady -> RE: Subs rarely ask questions about a femdom's life outside of kink (5/1/2015 2:31:08 AM)

Fast Reply ( because it's too friggin' early for me to be fully awake yet [X(])

quote:

ORIGINAL: FriendlyMuppet

I think it has a lot to do with most submissive men have very little experience with a dominant woman so they automatically assume that woman is alien to them, and they get into a rut of believing they either have to gear their conversations towards kink (the only thing they think they share in common) or they're too nervous to bring up anything and hope she leads the conversation.

I think it has a lot to do with most men having very little experience with knowing how to interact with women in general and that most women are like alien creatures to them. Period. Unless a man was raised by a bunch of sisters or female relatives. . . then he's o.d.'d on an estrogen-rich atmosphere and is often accustomed to having females dote upon him (or rag on him up regularly, whichever the case may be). [8D]

Applying to men of all ages, if they can't talk about sports <mega eyeroll>, business, or politics or some similarly mindlessly boring subject, they are often at a loss for words of any import.
(This can apply to women also insofar as current fashion trends, their latest diet fiasco, or gossipy-type subjects as being similarly mindless subjects, but that's not the topic here.)
Applying to younger-generation men, if it's not about gaming, YouTube wonders/talking heads, or what-have-you latest technology, their intellectual repertoire is severely limited. Oh, and music -- but that's a cool topic. [:)]

My point being, this is a systemic condition.

quote:

ORIGINAL: FriendlyMuppet

But those kinds of conversations are a rarity, and I treasure them when they do occur.

Yes, and not just about intellectual or profoundly mind-expanding or consciousness-raising subjects, although those are phenomenally fascinating. A man who is instinctively perceptive and attuned to the needs and desires of a woman, and can anticipate them without having to be given a connect-by-the-numbers, detailed instruction manual is a wonder to behold.

As an update, I'll take a moment to brag on my new boy or pet (haven't decided which, possibly both), as being sincerely sweet and upbeat no matter what, and he doesn't hold back on expressing his feelings appropriately. That's what I find to be a rarer quality that I value highly and makes our conversations flow naturally because we seem to connect on so many different levels. [;)]

DreamLady



NookieNotes -> RE: Subs rarely ask questions about a femdom's life outside of kink (5/1/2015 3:47:02 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: dreamlady
I think it has a lot to do with most men having very little experience with knowing how to interact with women in general and that most women are like alien creatures to them. Period. Unless a man was raised by a bunch of sisters or female relatives. . . then he's o.d.'d on an estrogen-rich atmosphere and is often accustomed to having females dote upon him (or rag on him up regularly, whichever the case may be). [8D]

... snip...

My point being, this is a systemic condition.


I have a completely different experience. Offline, I find that most men do know how to have a perfectly good conversation, and follow my lead when things stall.

I do think that sometimes they get tongue-tied, but a little push gets them rolling.

Online, is a whole 'nother ball of wax.

quote:


Yes, and not just about intellectual or profoundly mind-expanding or consciousness-raising subjects, although those are phenomenally fascinating. A man who is instinctively perceptive and attuned to the needs and desires of a woman, and can anticipate them without having to be given a connect-by-the-numbers, detailed instruction manual is a wonder to behold.


Intelligence and anticipation is above and beyond conversation, or asking questions besides sexual. This is a wonderful thing.

quote:


As an update, I'll take a moment to brag on my new boy or pet (haven't decided which, possibly both), as being sincerely sweet and upbeat no matter what, and he doesn't hold back on expressing his feelings appropriately. That's what I find to be a rarer quality that I value highly and makes our conversations flow naturally because we seem to connect on so many different levels. [;)]


I have this as well. It's an amazing feeling. Congratulations!



dreamlady -> RE: Subs rarely ask questions about a femdom's life outside of kink (5/1/2015 4:17:49 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: NookieNotes
quote:

ORIGINAL: dreamlady
I think it has a lot to do with most men having very little experience with knowing how to interact with women in general and that most women are like alien creatures to them. Period. Unless a man was raised by a bunch of sisters or female relatives. . . then he's o.d.'d on an estrogen-rich atmosphere and is often accustomed to having females dote upon him (or rag on him up regularly, whichever the case may be). [8D]
... snip...
My point being, this is a systemic condition.

I have a completely different experience. Offline, I find that most men do know how to have a perfectly good conversation, and follow my lead when things stall.

I do think that sometimes they get tongue-tied, but a little push gets them rolling.

Online, is a whole 'nother ball of wax.

Bouncing off of what FriendlyMuppet had described, I meant while out on a date or when first meeting, the ones who have made it past initial social ineptitude to get that far.
It's as if they can keep up the pretense of actually showing non-sexual interest for only so long, or project a false persona of pseudo-sophistication for roughly a couple of weeks, or even as long as a month before their not-that-well-hidden superficiality starts cracking at the seams.
They're too busy distracting themselves by trying to impress their dates with how physically fit they are with their daily exercise regimen by constantly referring to working out, how successful they are professionally and/or how educated they are, or when they see that their trappings of success don't impress me, that they find themselves at a loss to relate to a woman as a person.

Definitely on line, most of these dipping-their-toe-in-the-water newbies have zero game. The experienced slaves are even worse with their broken record spiels. *ugh* Both, with all the Female Supremacy party line rhetoric. *groan*

quote:

ORIGINAL: NookieNotes

I have this as well. It's an amazing feeling. Congratulations!

Nothing official, but a promising start, so thanks. Lucky you!

DreamLady



NookieNotes -> RE: Subs rarely ask questions about a femdom's life outside of kink (5/1/2015 4:47:49 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: dreamlady
It's as if they can keep up the pretense of actually showing non-sexual interest for only so long, or project a false persona of pseudo-sophistication for roughly a couple of weeks, or even as long as a month before their not-that-well-hidden superficiality starts cracking at the seams.

They're too busy distracting themselves by trying to impress their dates with how physically fit they are with their daily exercise regimen by constantly referring to working out, how successful they are professionally and/or how educated they are, or when they see that their trappings of success don't impress me, that they find themselves at a loss to relate to a woman as a person.


Hmmm. I guess I am not understanding. I don't experience this. Sounds... interesting.

I find the opposite. I spend time with men, and they start talking to me about all manner of things, sometimes without stop. Like chatterboxes. Sometimes they say they tell me things they haven't told anyone, and seem shocked that they have...

In fact, most get much deeper, more quickly, than the female subs I interact with.

But mostly, they just talk.

I don't know about the facade and such. I find men are men, and different from women, but not that different. Interesting.

quote:

quote:

ORIGINAL: NookieNotes

I have this as well. It's an amazing feeling. Congratulations!

Nothing official, but a promising start, so thanks. Lucky you!


I am blessed. I keep telling him that he is, too! *grins*



dreamlady -> RE: Subs rarely ask questions about a femdom's life outside of kink (5/1/2015 5:16:13 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: NookieNotes

Hmmm. I guess I am not understanding. I don't experience this. Sounds... interesting.

I find the opposite. I spend time with men, and they start talking to me about all manner of things, sometimes without stop. Like chatterboxes. Sometimes they say they tell me things they haven't told anyone, and seem shocked that they have...

In fact, most get much deeper, more quickly, than the female subs I interact with.

But mostly, they just talk.

I don't know about the facade and such. I find men are men, and different from women, but not that different. Interesting.

Possibly a regional variance? This Mid-Atlantic region is more of a melting pot. I find Southern men to be more outgoing, Eastern men to be more reserved, mid-Western is hard to say but they warm up fairly quickly. Western, besides a couple of business trips, I don't recall specific tendencies other than in the Southwest, a little rough around the edges, and Californians might as well come from another planet. Ah, there was a sexy hunk of a state trooper in Idaho who was so-oo romantic. Damn. Ok, that jolted me out of my fog of generalizations.

I also get the chatterboxes who confide their deepest, darkest secrets. It would depend on how approachable a woman is perceived to be, and how good a listener. They usually end up getting friend-zoned by me, though, and staying there. [:D]

OP seemed to be referring to those who have gotten closer than that, subs who should feel as though they have more of a green light than a mere passing acquaintance or someone you meet casually at a social gathering.

DreamLady

Edit - clarity



NookieNotes -> RE: Subs rarely ask questions about a femdom's life outside of kink (5/1/2015 6:47:16 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: dreamlady

quote:

ORIGINAL: NookieNotes

Hmmm. I guess I am not understanding. I don't experience this. Sounds... interesting.

I find the opposite. I spend time with men, and they start talking to me about all manner of things, sometimes without stop. Like chatterboxes. Sometimes they say they tell me things they haven't told anyone, and seem shocked that they have...

In fact, most get much deeper, more quickly, than the female subs I interact with.

But mostly, they just talk.

I don't know about the facade and such. I find men are men, and different from women, but not that different. Interesting.

Possibly a regional variance? This Mid-Atlantic region is more of a melting pot. I find Southern men to be more outgoing, Eastern men to be more reserved, mid-Western is hard to say but they warm up fairly quickly. Western, besides a couple of business trips, I don't recall specific tendencies other than in the Southwest, a little rough around the edges, and Californians might as well come from another planet. Ah, there was a sexy hunk of a state trooper in Idaho who was so-oo romantic. Damn. Ok, that jolted me out of my fog of generalizations.


Possibly. I've spent time in the midwest, northeast, southeast, south and northwest. But I really haven't tried to think about how the men might react differently to me.

That's an interesting concept.

quote:


I also get the chatterboxes who confide their deepest, darkest secrets. It would depend on how approachable a woman is perceived to be, and how good a listener. They usually end up getting friend-zoned by me, though, and staying there. [:D]


Well, that's true of 4,999 out of 5,000 men for me. LOL! I'm pretty picky, and I interact a lot.

quote:


OP seemed to be referring to those who have gotten closer than that, subs who should feel as though they have more of a green light than a mere passing acquaintance or someone you meet casually at a social gathering.

DreamLady


Hmmm. I didn't think of that. But if someone got to that point, wouldn't they already have proven their social skills? I mean, I wouldn't go out with someone who had not already proven a quick wit and an interesting mind, in one way or another.

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha
In the "getting to know you" phases of online and real life femdom/malesub interactions, I find the same rut occurs: I do all the asking (tell me about your hobbies, what made you laugh today, what do you think about x,y z in the news, etc) -- because getting to know the man behind the sub helps develop chemistry, etc. Plus, we are both people.


So, I figured this was sort of all of the pieces... and since I don't spend time with people who do not show their desire, I guess I don't notice it?

I mean, isn't asking questions a way to determine their desire for me, as a person?

Hmmm.

I'll have to pay more attention.

Al I can say for sure is that this is not something I have ever noticed or run into as an issue. Perhaps it's because I have taken the reins, or because the conversations I tend to have focus more on ideas and concepts, rather than question and answer, and the answers just come out as part of the conversations.

Curious.

--

Something else I just thought of... I tend not to ask a lot of questions, either, unless someone comes off as hinky. I let the personal details sort themselves out naturally.

My Pet is sometimes driven mad by this. He'll ask, "So, where did so-and-so move from?" when I mention that so-and-so is new to town.

I'll reply, "I don't know. I didn't ask." Pet will roll his eyes and say, "Bad Domme!"

LOL!

A week later, I'll say, "Oh, so-and-so moved from Chicago. She's going back next month to visit her family, this is her first time out of Illinois."

I trust that engaged conversation will take us as a far as our relationship will naturally go, without ever forcing it.

Perhaps I am therefore not particularly suited to really comment on this particular experience.

*shrugs*



littleladybug -> RE: Subs rarely ask questions about a femdom's life outside of kink (5/1/2015 9:47:26 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: JVoV

A sub has no idea how to act, until you tell them what you expect. With their ultimate goal of serving & pleasing their Dominant, they need to be instructed and guided early on.



I actually fed into this idea at one point in my life. Until I came to the realization that I had *every* idea how to act-- which was, just like me. If a prospective Dom doesn't get it, then I know he's not for me, and we move on with our lives.

I've had the good fortune to be around people who have thought the same way.

In terms of the "getting to know you" stage, which I am assuming this thread is about, to me it's about determining *who* this person is. If a self-proclaimed Dominant started directing me as to how the conversation "should proceed" (i.e. saying something like, "now you may ask me questions", or the like) it's a "no go" for me. I ask questions, surely, but it's not on someone else's schedule.

IME, most people like talking about themselves and what they enjoy. Heck, if it's sports or politics, what's the issue? If I don't enjoy it, I have the option to move on. There are some people that bond over these things.





NookieNotes -> RE: Subs rarely ask questions about a femdom's life outside of kink (5/1/2015 10:34:36 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: littleladybug
quote:

ORIGINAL: JVoV

A sub has no idea how to act, until you tell them what you expect. With their ultimate goal of serving & pleasing their Dominant, they need to be instructed and guided early on.



I actually fed into this idea at one point in my life. Until I came to the realization that I had *every* idea how to act-- which was, just like me. If a prospective Dom doesn't get it, then I know he's not for me, and we move on with our lives.


I can see both sides of this discussion.

1. People (including subs), to me, should come with their own personalities. that's why I like/love them. They each bring something new to my life. If they do not, there is not much point in them being in my life.

2. It's unfair to have expectations that another person will have the same values, behaviors and viewpoints that you do. As a dominant, I do feel it is my responsibility to say what is acceptable and what is not. In some cases, telling a submissive candidate that they can speak up is necessary. The earlier in the relationship small things are caught and corrected, the easier the overall relationship will flow.

Oh, and if those small corrections are not desired by the sub candidate, it's easy for me to understand we are not a match and part ways cordially.

Both are valid viewpoints in my world, and are not mutually exclusive.



MariaB -> RE: Subs rarely ask questions about a femdom's life outside of kink (5/1/2015 1:49:38 PM)

Good post but I do think this is very much an online problem.

sub male: "Its so good to see you here again"

Domme: "you too, hows life treating you? "

sub male: "My heads been all over the place, I sooooo need taking in hand"

Domme: "Well my week was pretty shitty too, my dog died and as if that wasn't bad enough, I lost my job"

sub male: "I think I really need a spanking, I'm sure that would straighten my head out"

Domme: "Did you hear what I just said prior to your last comment?"

sub male...long pause ....

sub male: "yes"

Domme: "Do you think I'm just here as your service provider ?!?!"

sub male "I'm really sorry to hear about your job Ma'am and its sad that your little dog died"

Domme "Well he was an old loyal friend and I'll miss him but he had a good life so.... As for losing my job, I'm still smarting about that one"

sub male "I could be your puppy dog Ma'am. I'm sure it would cheer you up if you could make me wear a puppy dogs tail"

Domme...this person has signed out...

This was an example btw but would like to add that my dog didn't die and I didn't lose my job! but this is the sort of short lived pointless conversations I far too often find myself having with submissive guys online. They rarely get to know me, they seldom notice my irritation (or maybe my irritation just excites them more [8|])I certainly wouldn't consider investing any time in getting to know them better.



FriendlyMuppet -> RE: Subs rarely ask questions about a femdom's life outside of kink (5/1/2015 2:05:27 PM)

I suspect a lot of this problem stems from the strong possibility that when they see you online, they're already in a specific mindset where all sorts of scripting is already playing out in their heads once they make a connection with you. Basically, if you don't conform to their set scripting, they're probably not paying attention to what you have to say. Strangely enough, I see the same sort of thing happen when teaching college courses (obviously not the same kind of content, of course). People go into script mode with all sorts of filing in of details that they expect and thus aren't all that interested in hearing anything else.

I imagine this type of thing must be extremely frustrating for a woman who is trying to connect with someone and achieve her own desires as a part of these encounters. But these people exist, and unfortunately, I can't do anything about it as they're no more interested in listening to me as they are a woman who is trying to tell them to quit that sort of behavior.

To me, it boils down to the infamous "kissing a whole lot of frogs" dilemma, which hasn't evolved all that much over the years but is still necessary in order to find the ones that are actually worth the time. I suspect a lot of these individuals get far more play than they deserve because of other factors, such as occupation, type of car, physical attributes and other such descriptive designations (no less than a lot of very attractive women probably get away with a lot of the opposite behaviors, taking advantage of such attributes to mask any less than desirable proclivities as well).

It seems to boil down to a simple cost benefit analysis for both parties each and every time they meet, and it's interesting how little those checks haven't changed between men and women over the years.



Marini -> RE: Subs rarely ask questions about a femdom's life outside of kink (5/1/2015 3:09:47 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MariaB

Good post but I do think this is very much an online problem.

sub male: "Its so good to see you here again"

Domme: "you too, hows life treating you? "

sub male: "My heads been all over the place, I sooooo need taking in hand"

Domme: "Well my week was pretty shitty too, my dog died and as if that wasn't bad enough, I lost my job"

sub male: "I think I really need a spanking, I'm sure that would straighten my head out"

Domme: "Did you hear what I just said prior to your last comment?"

sub male...long pause ....

sub male: "yes"

Domme: "Do you think I'm just here as your service provider ?!?!"

sub male "I'm really sorry to hear about your job Ma'am and its sad that your little dog died"

Domme "Well he was an old loyal friend and I'll miss him but he had a good life so.... As for losing my job, I'm still smarting about that one"

sub male "I could be your puppy dog Ma'am. I'm sure it would cheer you up if you could make me wear a puppy dogs tail"

Domme...this person has signed out...

This was an example btw but would like to add that my dog didn't die and I didn't lose my job! but this is the sort of short lived pointless conversations I far too often find myself having with submissive guys online. They rarely get to know me, they seldom notice my irritation (or maybe my irritation just excites them more [8|])I certainly wouldn't consider investing any time in getting to know them better.


[sm=mademyday.gif]
Okay MariaB,
I told you NOT to repeat most of the context of my conversations on CollarME.
I FUCKING LOVE THIS.

ME: I am having a very, very hard time these days.
I have a close family member battling deadly lung cancer, I hate my job, and I need home repairs.

Average sub on collarme: Oh, I see. I really need someone to put me in chastity and I can't find any "real" Dominants on here, that are not asking for money.

ME: Did you read what I just typed?

Average sub on collarme: Yes Mistress, I am so tired of looking for a Mistress, when we meet what will you do to me?

PEACE



dreamlady -> RE: Subs rarely ask questions about a femdom's life outside of kink (5/1/2015 3:41:27 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: littleladybug

IME, most people like talking about themselves and what they enjoy. Heck, if it's sports or politics, what's the issue? If I don't enjoy it, I have the option to move on. There are some people that bond over these things.

No problemo if somebody is into sports and/or politics, then they should converse with someone else who is also. All things being equal, if that were attainable realistically, talkative people will talk about what they enjoy, but there's a difference between seeking out an audience and truly wanting to interact on a meaningful level with another person, regardless of who it is. Btw, I have friends I can discuss this type of stuff with so it's not on my list of priorities in finding a sub who would be compatible with me. With any man I might be interested in, I would be seeking to establish a basis for intimacy to bring him into my inner circle, rather than engage with him as a friend only. It's romantic compatibility that has to be established first, then companionship potential, then making sure all the pertinent deal breaker issues have been addressed before assessing sexual compatibility.

That can work both ways between Domme and sub in the aforesaid "getting to know you" phase. OP described actively trying to draw conversational information out of subs that (I assume) she had pre-screened for potential suitability, and that they had passed her preliminary filters.
I would agree with NookieNotes (was it?) that if you have to work at it and then keep working at it, that if there isn't a spontaneous rapport unfolding, then that person just isn't a suitable match. It shouldn't have to become a mini-project, and yet many male subs expect and even implore Dommes to train them and mentor them at an intensive project level.

If I'm going to make it a mission to get a sub to interact with me the way I want him to, it's no longer going to be on a strictly verbal level at that stage. He has to have already passed in meeting my verbal and vocalization standards or it's a no-go. These aren't optional requirements for me. If he can't conduct a meaningful dialogue with me that shows me he can't get enough of me, then there isn't going to be the sexually charged tension I seek in our private convos, whether by person, over the phone, by text or in writing.

Circling back to which, is the OP's point that what does convey as being what the subs in question choose to bond over is essentially sex talk about their kinks and fetishes. . . and then, lo and behold, they are foaming at the mouth without a trace of shyness to be heard. No lack of subject matter there, and it doesn't do a thing for me other than compel me to put my foot down and cut him off at the pass. In fact, I find myself deliberately avoiding bringing up certain practices I would ordinarily want to screen for or screen out early on in an objective manner (including covering any mandatory limits), because I can tell that this will only serve to get the sub excited and encourage him to continue to fixate on BDSM. Once this happens, I know it's pointless to bother with dealing with this individual and there's nothing more to be said and no further action(s) to be taken. They have effectively disqualified themselves from the running, even before we'd covered all bases.

DreamLady



littleladybug -> RE: Subs rarely ask questions about a femdom's life outside of kink (5/1/2015 3:52:58 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: dreamlady
No problemo if somebody is into sports and/or politics, then they should converse with someone else who is also. All things being equal, if that were attainable realistically, talkative people will talk about what they enjoy, but there's a difference between seeking out an audience and truly wanting to interact on a meaningful level with another person, regardless of who it is. Btw, I have friends I can discuss this type of stuff with so it's not on my list of priorities in finding a sub who would be compatible with me. With any man I might be interested in, I would be seeking to establish a basis for intimacy to bring him into my inner circle, rather than engage with him as a friend only. It's romantic compatibility that has to be established first, then companionship potential, then making sure all the pertinent deal breaker issues have been addressed before assessing sexual compatibility.



I can understand (and empathize with) the frustration with being viewed as a "kink delivery system".

Just out of curiosity, what, to you, constitutes "interaction on a meaningful level"? What sort of topics would fall under that umbrella?



marsneedswomen -> RE: Subs rarely ask questions about a femdom's life outside of kink (5/1/2015 4:03:13 PM)

Another rule of thumb for me is to listen to what a woman is saying before answering. True intimacy takes time to develop and once established everything goes easier conversation and communication wise. One of the problems with online is that male sub missives believe they are talking to stereotypes or professional sex workers. Others like myself are fantasist or at least I was and only believe the dream not the reality. Eventually you get over that and life gets better.

Mnw



dreamlady -> RE: Subs rarely ask questions about a femdom's life outside of kink (5/1/2015 4:18:47 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: littleladybug

I can understand (and empathize with) the frustration with being viewed as a "kink delivery system".

Just out of curiosity, what, to you, constitutes "interaction on a meaningful level"? What sort of topics would fall under that umbrella?

To keep myself on track [:-], I'll draw from the priorities I'd listed:

1. Romantic Compatibility - Is being a romantic partner and mate what this man is seeking in a committed, exclusive LTR? If I sense any sign that it isn't or if he shows signs of waffling, then I won't consider him. He can talk a good talk, but in the course of discussing his track record in previous relationships and how long they endured, I want him to be forthcoming with information and not have to conduct an interrogation session in order to extract his biographical info.

Example of Meaningful: I was married for 17 years but then my wife cheated on me, and I would have taken her back, but she ended up marrying that guy. It was hard on our daughter, who was 16 at the time. (He's opened up to me. I can feel his pain. The underlying reason for his ex-wife's dissatisfaction will make the wheels in my head spin to find out more, but that can wait until later on when we've gotten to know one another better.)

Example of NOT Meaningful: I'm divorced and I'm looking for a Mistress who will punish me when I deserve it.

2. Companionship Potential
3. Assessing Deal Breakers
4. Sexual Compatibility

I decided to spare you my other examples, littleladybug, because I think you get the gist of it! Hopefully. Personally meaningful information that reveals more about his character and personality, whether this is someone I would want in my life. Showing that he wants to know me at a more profound level that just statistical data. Going that extra step like my current sub under consideration did to find out more about me on his own or by doing his homework once I started throwing him a bread crumb trail. [;)]

DreamLady



littleladybug -> RE: Subs rarely ask questions about a femdom's life outside of kink (5/1/2015 4:40:48 PM)

Thanks for elaborating DreamLady.

I get what you are saying, and appreciate it. I had been interpreting it as more of an ongoing thing. Like, "yeah, I get you're into politics, but I never, ever want to hear about it". (Which is fine too-- I tend to nip those conversations in the bud. LOL) Seriously though, I'm the same way in terms of initial stages. Though, I may be a little more lenient about him talking about things that might interest him that I have no interest in. I find that people talking about what they're passionate about tells me a lot about them- so long as it's not ALL the time. [:D]



Politesub53 -> RE: Subs rarely ask questions about a femdom's life outside of kink (5/1/2015 5:11:20 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Spiritedsub2

Every now and then someone will stand out from the crowd with a more 3 dimensional interest.


But some of us just dont like Cubism.... [;)]



Marini -> RE: Subs rarely ask questions about a femdom's life outside of kink (5/1/2015 8:35:39 PM)

I love this thread.

Random CollarMe Male Submissive: Hello Ma'am, how are you? How is life treating you?
I really care about you, and want to be a comfort and support to you. I want to serve you, and make your life better. I want to make you happy!
PLEASE tell me how you are doing?

Dominant Woman: Well, since you asked, and want to be a comfort, I will tell you the truth.
My life is in falling apart, I have stress in almost every area. I just lost my home, my job, everyone in my family is sick, I think I might have 5 diseases, I am living in my car and in a shelter, and I am not sure where my next meal is coming from.

Random CollarMe Male Submissive: Are you into cuckolding and can you force me to suck a dick? Can you make me dress up like a woman and put a big dill pickle in my ass?

Dominant Woman: Did you read what I just typed?

Random CollarMe Male Submissive: Yes, you have a few problems.
What are you going to do to me? Do you wear high heeled-boots and leather?
How big are your dildo's?

Dominant Woman: All my clothes were burned up when the shelter caught on fire, I am wearing some donated overalls. I lost all my earthly possessions.

Random CollarMe Male Submissive: Do you wear really high heels? Do you have a dungeon? What are you going to do to me when we meet?

[sm=LMAO.gif]



submgreenbay -> RE: Subs rarely ask questions about a femdom's life outside of kink (5/1/2015 8:35:58 PM)

Interesting thread.

I agree, and have found this logical focus, is also an effective way to separate the wheat from the chaff so to speak. Sadly there is still a lot of chaff.

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

AAkasha, I never understood that either. I always assume that a straight female Domme and a straight male sub (and for that matter a straight male Domme and a female sub) will be more or less compatible in kink play, and that the huge question is vanilla compatibility. So why not focus on the place where compatibility needs to be determined?




AAkasha -> RE: Subs rarely ask questions about a femdom's life outside of kink (5/2/2015 10:57:25 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Marini

I love this thread.

Random CollarMe Male Submissive: Hello Ma'am, how are you? How is life treating you?
I really care about you, and want to be a comfort and support to you. I want to serve you, and make your life better. I want to make you happy!
PLEASE tell me how you are doing?

Dominant Woman: Well, since you asked, and want to be a comfort, I will tell you the truth.
My life is in falling apart, I have stress in almost every area. I just lost my home, my job, everyone in my family is sick, I think I might have 5 diseases, I am living in my car and in a shelter, and I am not sure where my next meal is coming from.

Random CollarMe Male Submissive: Are you into cuckolding and can you force me to suck a dick? Can you make me dress up like a woman and put a big dill pickle in my ass?

Dominant Woman: Did you read what I just typed?

Random CollarMe Male Submissive: Yes, you have a few problems.
What are you going to do to me? Do you wear high heeled-boots and leather?
How big are your dildo's?

Dominant Woman: All my clothes were burned up when the shelter caught on fire, I am wearing some donated overalls. I lost all my earthly possessions.

Random CollarMe Male Submissive: Do you wear really high heels? Do you have a dungeon? What are you going to do to me when we meet?

[sm=LMAO.gif]



Great example but I think it may be a bit exaggerated. I can guarantee you though a sub who LISTENED to your problems would many times very early and honestly come back with one of two responses:

1) I am sorry to hear that Mistress. If you need extra money I am sure you can whore me out for services, maybe to your friends, or you can make arrangements for me to be a cock sucker at a club for $$$$$$$$ and I send you the money

2) I am sorry to hear that Mistress. Perhaps I can take your mind off of things by being your little sissy bitch? I will do anything!!

To play devil's advocate, a lot of men on here say they feel that asking questions or getting into the personal life of a woman is intrusive. I feel that's a poor excuse if the woman put's up the information first, vs. him just sitting there wondering what to do in silence and feeling as though he'd get skewered (?? really) for asking "are you addicted to any programs -- what was the last thing you binge-watched on Netflix?" just to have some conversation going. That's NOT intrusive. Intrusive is, "What was your last relationship and why did it end" (intrusive for some people - others will just answer). And, a femdom is fully capable of saying, "I don't feel comfortable getting into that with you."

And, a sub can say, "I worry about coming off as intrusive, so please feel free to let me know if I am being too persona, I just would love to get to know you as a person." I mean, my heart literally flutters at a sub saying those words: "I would love to get to know you as a person." It should be in EVERY toolbox of every sub. But only if you mean it.



Akasha



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