Anti Poly (Full Version)

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Level -> Anti Poly (7/15/2006 3:25:05 PM)

For those of you not into, or are against, poly, why? I posted this here, not in the poly forum, due to most folks there are into it.



Caretakr -> RE: Anti Poly (7/15/2006 3:27:21 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

For those of you not into, or are against, poly, why? I posted this here, not in the poly forum, due to most folks there are into it.


The only problem I have with it, is when it is used as a puffed up rationalization to swing.  I have nothing against either practice,only with them being misrepresented.

There is a difference between family,and a revolving door to the bedroom.

So what am I against in it?

Dishonesty.



feastie -> RE: Anti Poly (7/15/2006 3:42:58 PM)

I'm just not wired for it.  It makes me feel inadequate and makes me feel there is something wrong with me.  I have enough stuff in life that can make me feel bad, my relationship shouldn't be one of them.



juliaoceania -> RE: Anti Poly (7/15/2006 3:49:32 PM)

I can understand that others have the desire for it. I would not do well in that situation for varying reasons.

1) How does one explain such a thing to their unmentionable?
2)I have a somewhat possessive nature
3)It is hard enough to learn to live with ONE other person, incorporating other personalities would probably not work for me


I think that is enough reasons for me to run away from such relationships. I respect others for their choices.. they are just different from my own.



KarbonCopy -> RE: Anti Poly (7/15/2006 4:02:02 PM)

Its always something I"ve wondered what would be like. Especially other lifestylers, but I'm scared that my insecurities would get in the way. I have self-confidence problems, so I kinda worry. I know that both me and my partner would probably enjoy it, but I'd just have to conquer the inscecure deamon lol.




sleazybutterfly -> RE: Anti Poly (7/15/2006 4:10:44 PM)

I think there are a few reasons why I don't see myself being in a poly relationship(MFF).  I don't much like to share the person I am with, with others(women).  Also, in agreement with Feastie, I think I would feel like there was something wrong with me, that I could not be enough to satisfy him..that something else was needed.  I want to come first in the persons life that I am with, not second..third..etc..  I know that there is assurance this won't happen..but I can't see how.  If two of the people are married.. I can't understand how the one that wasn't would feel as important.  I was told once by the woman in a couple I was talking to..that I would be treated equal..BUT..he wasn't allowed to fall asleep with me..nor be the father to my children.  How could you feel equal in that?
 
 
I think I could live in a poly with two men.  I feel like a hypocrite saying that because of the above statements.  I guess it's the double standard I have in my head..not for others..but for myself.  I think that with the MFM.. I would feel like I wasn't competing for affection.. or for love..(even if the men were bi) I would feel like I could bring something special to the mix...and not be the third wheel. 
 
I hope that makes sense..it does in my head..but luckily for you all.. you aren't in there.
 
~Andrea



sharainks -> RE: Anti Poly (7/15/2006 4:18:25 PM)

Poly is just not for me.  I do understand that in today's world there would be economic benefits to several in a household working.  Being a woman I can't see two or more women really getting along when it comes to cooking, raising unmentionables, cleaning or any number of things.  Maybe Master could go along blissfully ignorant of such undercurrents but those things would still be there. 




crouchingtigress -> RE: Anti Poly (7/15/2006 4:44:41 PM)

tough question level, because i know that i am poly, in that i have several boys, but i dont think of myself like that....i guess if i was having sex with them it would be differernt....i dont know....this question has me really confused i may have to go think for a bit.



LadiesBladewing -> RE: Anti Poly (7/15/2006 4:52:40 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

I can understand that others have the desire for it. I would not do well in that situation for varying reasons.

1) How does one explain such a thing to their unmentionable?


The other choices are truly individual choices, but we've brought up 4 human saplings to adulthood (or near-'bouts) in a poly household -- and the only explaination we had to give is "we love this person". That was always enough for them, and they loved all of us, too.

ZWD



meatcleaver -> RE: Anti Poly (7/15/2006 4:54:26 PM)

It sounds a great idea in theory but in practice I imagine it to be fraught with problems but I'm not speaking from experience and happy to be shot down in flames. Though I did have two lovers once for a six month period and they both knew about eachother since it was they that masterminded the trio. While it was enjoyable fantasy at first the balancing act required to keep it afloat was exhausting.

I remember a Kurdish friend in Rotterdam having married and his first wife went back to Krdistan to look after the family's property, he decided to marry again but didn't give his first wife the opportunity to approve of the second wife. He had to go endure a tribrunal of the matriarchy of both of his wives relatives. He lost pounds in weight with anxiety. I know it is a completely different culture and has little relevance to what we mean by poly here but having witnessed what he endured at the hands of those females, well, no thanks! LOL



LadiesBladewing -> RE: Anti Poly (7/15/2006 4:56:43 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: sharainks
Being a woman I can't see two or more women really getting along when it comes to cooking, raising unmentionables, cleaning or any number of things. 



Again, 10 years of practical experience speaks... while I can understand saying "I can't see myself getting along with another woman when it comes to cooking, raising unmentionables, cleaning, or any number of things", two women (or more), and even multiple women holding equal OR different stations in a household can manage to get along with all of those things IF they put the family before their egos. SR and I have done it for a decade and counting... in a household that now has 4 women full-time, and 1 part-time.

ZWD



NeedToUseYou -> RE: Anti Poly (7/15/2006 5:01:19 PM)

I don't see it being practical, personally. So, everyone knows it's hard enough for two people to make it work, and somehow adding 2 or more partners each with thier own views and needs in the mix is going to make it better, somehow? Besides being a hot fantasy, I just don't see it being practical. But if I found two women that could make it work, sure I would, but I've not met such a woman yet. My limits in regards to sex and predatory instincts are just in regard to men, I just don't feel comfortable with other men having sex with what I consider to some degree mine.  I could in theory love two women at the same time, I guess, but I think dividing time between the two, and the effort to maintain stability, would be horrible. What if one cooks better than the other, but they both like doing it? Or they both hate doing the same thing who does it? What if you enjoy the same music one does but not the other? What if one is more sexually compatible. I could list a dozen chances for someone to feel slighted, left out, unsatisfied, unfulfilled. It seems the perception of favoritism(spelling) would easily occur. Even if it wasn't intended. I can't imagine 4 or 5. I just imagine a Jerry Springer show, LOL, Catfight.

Hell, I guess I'm against poly because I don't see it as being stable. Maybe, that perception will change at some point.



popeye1250 -> RE: Anti Poly (7/15/2006 5:03:21 PM)

The reason I'm not into poly is because I'm just looking for one woman only.
I've always been a one woman man.
I think having one woman is a full time job.
Plus I wouldn't want my sub to feel jealous or threatened in any way.
I just couldn't be a swinger, no emotion there.



MysticFireTopaz -> RE: Anti Poly (7/15/2006 5:07:33 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Level
For those of you not into, or are against, poly, why? I posted this here, not in the poly forum, due to most folks there are into it.


I have tried both, poly and monogamous, and am happier in a monogamous relationship. 
 
When I was just getting into the lifestyle, I had multiple subs at the same time.  I found that I was just spread too thin trying to keep up with the demands of all the relationships.  In addition, I didn't care for the jealousies and insecurities that would crop up among the male subs.  One in particular was very competitive with the others and always wanted to outdo them, so I had to keep him in check.  The others kind of accepted the arrangement as their Mistress's prerogative and felt they should not question what I chose to do. 
 
I am now looking to own only one submissive.  I don't think I'm wired for poly and found it stressful.  I have been far more content and fulfilled when I owned only one sub at a time.  However, I know others have a different psychological makeup and are well-suited to poly.  If it works for them and makes them happy, I say go for it.
 
Lady Topaz



slavejali -> RE: Anti Poly (7/15/2006 5:23:27 PM)

I like life to be simple and uncomplicated.

Also, sex is spiritual to me (tantric) (and I'm trying to figure out a way to explain my thoughts around this in regards to why I'm against having multiple sexual partners)... I guess the best way to say it is, I feel the sexual energy we share with someone is a real transference, so having more than one partner would mean my energy is divided. I once saw an advertisment for AIDS and sexually transmitted diseases, it started with two people in bed together. The question was asked " Do you know who your partner has slept with?" Then it showed, 3 other people the woman had slept with and 4 other people the man had slept with, then it showed those partners to have other partners, then those partners other partners, within a short time, basically it was showing through a progression, that the one person had slept with maybe 10,000 people. That advert was about sexually transmitted diseases,,but it was a good way picture to describe how I feel energetically about sex. When you have sex with someone you are being effected by their whole history by transference and will have to cope with the repercussion of that energetically/spiritually.

I could name other reasons why I'm not poly, but my spiritual understanding at this time is the main one.



Level -> RE: Anti Poly (7/15/2006 5:23:38 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MysticFireTopaz

  However, I know others have a different psychological makeup and are well-suited to poly.  If it works for them and makes them happy, I say go for it.
 
Lady Topaz


Well said Lady Topaz; I just wanted to let others know I didn't start this thread as an attack of any sort on poly, by the way.[:)]
 



cuddleheart50 -> RE: Anti Poly (7/15/2006 5:29:52 PM)

I'm just too jealous, I dont like to share.  It would make me feel like I wasnt good enough too.



sophia37 -> RE: Anti Poly (7/15/2006 6:01:18 PM)

Even if I wasnt jealous, it might turn out that sleeping with two men would become a problem. I have yet to meet a man who thought it was ok that I sleep with him, AND someone else. Maybe I know all the wrong men. Who knows.




puella -> RE: Anti Poly (7/15/2006 6:08:10 PM)

Hello Level,

I can understand that for some, poly is the way to go. What I find really offensive is the view point that the reason some people don't do poly is because they have 'hang ups'.   One of my first posts to this forum was about my trying to deal with the idea of having to go into a poly situation.  I tried it.. I would have done anything, tried to turn myself into anything for that man... and everything has a cost.

I can honestly say, that has so seriously fucked me up, I do not know that I will ever be able to come back from it and be healthy enough to deal with another relationship, of any kind.  Right now... no way... all I can say is, where it has left me, is so completely destroyed inside that I neither should nor have any desire to be with another man in any relationship of any capacity... let alone being forced to be with a woman.

I think poly can work for some... but it should never be forced on someone in order to keep their relationship. 



Estring -> RE: Anti Poly (7/15/2006 6:26:20 PM)

What I find really offensive is the view point that the reason some people don't do poly is because they have 'hang ups'

Sorry to hear about your horrible experience puella. People also will accuse others of having "hangups" because they are not interested in swinging, or having gay sex. They don't understand that not everyone is turned on by what may be a turn on for them.
Good luck in your healing, puella.



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