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Coming clean with The Husband - 11/27/2004 3:34:51 PM   
asyouwishmaster


Posts: 26
Joined: 11/13/2004
Status: offline 		I would like to get advice on the subject of coming clean with The Husband. I want to discuss my feelings with my husband. I want to tell him what has been on my mind and what my activities have included over the past year. I am prepared for the worst. Has anyone done this and if so, how did you even begin the conversation? What can I do to prepare him? Please save your judgement. I cheated on him, physically and emotionally. I have no regrets. But I do not want to continue this life of deceit. I need a full time Master, with or without his approval. And no he could not be my Master, but I would not rule out that he would approve of one. You see, we are best friends. I don't even know where to start the conversation with him though. I'm open to suggestions. Thanks in advance!
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Coming clean with The Husband - 11/27/2004 3:53:19 PM   
krikket


Posts: 1183
Joined: 11/17/2004
From: Washington, DC Metro Area
Status: offline 		Hi...i'm not going to offer any advice -- simply because i don't know enough about your situation to offer any. i do, however, have a couple of questions.

What is your goal when you do "come clean" with your husband? Do you want a divorce or do you want an open marriage, where your husband knows about your Master but y'all stay married? There are many couples who do this, with the non-bdsm partner taking as much of an interest as they want.

i applaud your efforts to stop living a life of lies. It's impossible to keep up with (at least for me), and i would live in terror of messing up at the worst possible time (like in front of kids or in-laws or bosses).

If you want a divorce i'd tell him as little as possible, to minimize the hurt, and there will be hurt for both of you i would imagine. Even if you want to cause him hurt it won't really serve any purpose, and it's much harder to go back and erase words we shouldn't have said in the first place.

i don't think there's any way to "prepare" him for this discussion. i'd make sure the house is quiet, phones, tvs, and computers are turned off. Sit down in front of him, hold his hand (unless your relationship has gone beyond that), and explain as gently as possible that your relationship isn't working, and you want out. If it were me, i'd be as honest as i have to be with as few details as absolutely necessary. Would it serve any purpose to tell him your into BDSM, and have acted on it?

i think it would show a lot of class on your part to recognize that this won't be easy on either of you, but you're doing everything you can think of to make it easier on him.

good luck



quote:

ORIGINAL: asyouwishmaster

I would like to get advice on the subject of coming clean with The Husband. I want to discuss my feelings with my husband. I want to tell him what has been on my mind and what my activities have included over the past year. I am prepared for the worst. Has anyone done this and if so, how did you even begin the conversation? What can I do to prepare him? Please save your judgement. I cheated on him, physically and emotionally. I have no regrets. But I do not want to continue this life of deceit. I need a full time Master, with or without his approval. And no he could not be my Master, but I would not rule out that he would approve of one. You see, we are best friends. I don't even know where to start the conversation with him though. I'm open to suggestions. Thanks in advance!


(in reply to asyouwishmaster)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Coming clean with The Husband - 11/27/2004 6:02:18 PM   
mtsilence


Posts: 33
Joined: 8/29/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: asyouwishmaster

I would like to get advice on the subject of coming clean with The Husband. I want to discuss my feelings with my husband. I want to tell him what has been on my mind and what my activities have included over the past year. I am prepared for the worst. Has anyone done this and if so, how did you even begin the conversation? What can I do to prepare him? Please save your judgement. I cheated on him, physically and emotionally. I have no regrets. But I do not want to continue this life of deceit. I need a full time Master, with or without his approval. And no he could not be my Master, but I would not rule out that he would approve of one. You see, we are best friends. I don't even know where to start the conversation with him though. I'm open to suggestions. Thanks in advance!



I am not judging you here I am just curious as to how you got into the situation if you and your husband are best friends. I however will not go into a rant, as some people will about this being a lie etc. Since every single person can, does and will continue through out their lifetime to make mistakes. Instead, I will address things that I do know and do have an understanding of, namely that my Husband is my best friends as well, and I can and do talk to him about everything and I do mean everything. We have always had that level of trust in each other that we could afford to be honest, which is probably why our marriage works on the vanilla level as well as the very intense BDSM relationship we have. You see my Husband is my Lord as well. I would have to say if you are truly friends with your husband then you should be able to have an open and honest conversation with him about everything and tell him all your thoughts and feelings about your interest and needs. Why you might wonder. Because being honest will help both of you in the end, you will both have a better understanding where you are both at and where you want to go from this point. I would suggest that you start the conversation and ask him just to listen to what you have to tell him, to do so if possible without judging what you have to tell him. Then when you are done, you will need to listen to everything he has to say, about his thoughts and feelings and you will give him the same level of respect and caring that you want and need him to give you while you tell him what you have to tell him. I do have to applaud your realizing that you cannot live a double life and that you are taking this step to bring honesty back into your relationship. It is a very brave thing to do, more so since it is clear you feel your husband is a friend, and that you know this is going to upset him. If you want to bring him into the lifestyle, then by all means take the next step to introduce him gently to what it is you are seeking and looking for in your relationship. If however you have already determined that he just could not be the Master you need, then you need to seriously think about releasing him so that he can seek a relationship that is fulfilling and rewarding for him as well. If there was infidelity involved in your physical transgression then you also need to get yourself tested first to ensure that you have not contracted any type of disease, so that at least on this level you can give him some assurances of his continued health. (this would be another honorable thing to do) With all that said and type errors corrected. I wish you the very best of luck in this unpleasant situation.

< Message edited by mtsilence -- 11/28/2004 1:40:41 PM >

(in reply to krikket)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Coming clean with The Husband - 11/27/2004 6:19:28 PM   
proudsub


Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline
quote:

I want to discuss my feelings with my husband.


I have some experience here, but it wasn't by choice. I had a dom outside my marriage because i never thought Hubby would understand. He found out about it due to a mistake my dom made, so Hubby initiated the discussion and asked me to explain. I was sure He would ask for a divorce (we had been married 34yrs at the time). We had a long discussion and i explained my needs and why i did it. He shocked me by taking part of the blame, said He understood, forgave me, and wanted to learn to be my Master. I know i was very lucky. He was much more upset about the deceipt than the affair. I know He was hurt by the fact that i didn't go to him first and explain my submissive needs. That afternoon we went shopping together at the local adult store and bought a bondage kit, a few other toys and rented some bondage videos, and our bdsm journey together began.

I am wondering why you are so sure he would not be your master. Maybe he has his own fantasies that he has been afraid to verbalize. I don't have much advice as to how to begin the discussion, but i would be sure he is in a very good mood at the time. If he has a temper, maybe do it when you are out to dinner so he can cool off before the two of you are alone. I commend you for wanting to "come clean", i know how the guilt can eat away at you. Good luck and please keep us informed. Also feel free to email me if you want more details of my story.

_____________________________

proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan


(in reply to asyouwishmaster)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Coming clean with The Husband - 11/27/2004 10:14:23 PM   
LadyShoshin


Posts: 492
Joined: 7/19/2004
From: Burlington, Ontario
Status: offline 		A gentle lead in is to buy the books "Screw The Roses, Send Me The Thorns" and "A Different Kind of Loving" Make sure hubby sees you reading them & let his curiosity do the rest, whatever his response is, from yuck to yum, you now have an opening for discussion. Hopefully he will read the books too, it might help him understand your needs and get him out of the porno mindset that is so common with people who only know what they see in videos & porn mags.

_____________________________

PHLOX: “It’s unethical for a doctor to cause harm...I can inflict as much pain as I like.”

(in reply to proudsub)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Coming clean with The Husband - 11/28/2004 12:11:44 AM   
Lordandmaster


Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline 		It would be nice and neat if the only two possible outcomes were (a) you get divorced, or (b) he totally accepts it and supports you. But you have to be prepared for a third outcome: he doesn't want to divorce you and accepts what you've told him, but is conflicted about it and doesn't really tolerate your having a relationship with a master, even if he says he's willing to let you do it. That's a quagmire, because there's no easy way out.

There's no way to predict how he is going to respond, and it may take him a while to sort through how he feels. You've deceived him, you've kept a very important part of who you are hidden from him, and you're ready to leave him if necessary--all that takes a long time to work through.

I'm not throwing stones: I've been there too.

Lam

quote:

ORIGINAL: asyouwishmaster

I need a full time Master, with or without his approval. And no he could not be my Master, but I would not rule out that he would approve of one. You see, we are best friends. I don't even know where to start the conversation with him though. I'm open to suggestions. Thanks in advance!


(in reply to asyouwishmaster)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Coming clean with The Husband - 11/28/2004 3:28:56 AM   
asyouwishmaster


Posts: 26
Joined: 11/13/2004
Status: offline 		Thank you all for your replies. I have a little more confidence now. I will pick up both books recommended by LadyShoshin, they are probably very good reading. I know this will not be easy at all but I am prepared for the worst. I will wait until after the holidays, only because I have a project at work that will need my full attention between now and year end. But in January I will make my move...one way or another (no pun intended). Thanks for all of your responses. I can't tell you how thankful I am to have found this site. It has been helpful beyond words.

(in reply to asyouwishmaster)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Coming clean with The Husband - 11/28/2004 5:45:12 AM   
MistressDREAD


Posts: 2943
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		asyouwishmaster
quote:

only because I have a project at work that will need my full attention between now and year end


you even put work befor
your marraige.....hmmm.
there is only one
issue for you to address here
that is the issue of ill integrity
and faithlessness. AND YOUR
MARRAIGE!

first off I want you to get the
right mind set for you do not
have it.

If you have involved another
person in this, remove them.
This is between you and your
husband ONLY. you do not need
others emotions getting involved
with this all important subject.

lets start with your comment
about you being best Friends
with your husband. This is not
true. Best Friends do not cheat
on one another nor are husband
and wife suppose to be unfaithful.
and your comment about your
desire to continue such actions
show that you have no remorse
in any thing that you have done
to not only destroy the friendship
but destroy the trust and honor
one should hold in the commitment
of matrimony.

The mistake you
made was in getting married
in the first place for this is
not the kind of life you can
at this point that I see live
by your own words of need.
You have changed it not Him.

If you have had sex with another
person while being married My
question to you would be was it
safe sex? Do you know what
this is and did you practice it
for the safety of this person
you took a vow to honor and
cherish and protect in all that
you do? If you didn't and
passed in any way body
fluids you now need to let him
know that both you and him
will need to go every 6 months
to be tested for viruses that
could end your life's. Hard truth?
You betcha. If you would like
to read more on this hard
truth I have just the link to show
you in this fact.

But when anyone
takes it upon their selfs to
become unfaithful in a relationship
they vowed to protect
this is what needs to be addressed
FIRST. Becoming a part
of a Alternate Lifestyle is
VERY second and your
discovery of your new desire.
And to judge what another
person can and would become
if anything is on your part
rather self centered. Were
you the same person HE
married? Or did you change
into the slave you are now
that He has no clue about?
your selling your partner
short on so many levels
only shows your own desires
and wants not thinking of
what is truly good for
HIM. and being a slave is
ALL about serving those
We choose and you have
not clearly learned this
yet as a slave because
you are NOT serving the
ONE you choose to serve
in all.

BEFORE you come clean
with your husband, you
really REALLY need to come
clean with your self.

Address the infidelity first
and after you have found
his reaction to such. If he
cannot handle such then
work out what you will do
with this wrong action on
your part and if there is
no saving the marriage
and friendship at this point
there is no need to add anything
else such as your continued
desires to live a lifestyle that
is different from his and
add salt to a open wound.
If he can handle your unfaithfulness
and has a desire to still be
with you and learn why this
happened then and only then
at this point would I bring in
this new desire you have and
explain how it came about
and how it has changed you.

He will decide all on his Own
if this is something He Him self
would like to pursue or not and
then you will know if He will be
something that would fill the shoes
you desire or not if this relationship
even gets that far as the trust has
been allready broken and this is
one of the main rules of Our Lifestyle.

I'm not known as the person whom
sugar coats any thing and My stark
real words sum times shock folks
but it is the reality of such actions
and it is you whom must omit your
wrongs to your self first before omitting
them to another. JMO= This is just MY OPINION.

Good luck in your relationship and life.
And be kind in how you will have to
hurt those around you, and don't turn
around your actions and make it into
it being His fault. It was not. Owe up
to your wrongs in your coming clean.

< Message edited by MistressDREAD -- 11/28/2004 6:01:46 AM >

(in reply to asyouwishmaster)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Coming clean with The Husband - 11/28/2004 9:26:50 AM   
proudsub


Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline
quote:

Address the infidelity first
and after you have found
his reaction to such. If he
cannot handle such then
work out what you will do
with this wrong action on
your part and if there is
no saving the marriage
and friendship at this point
there is no need to add anything
else such as your continued
desires to live a lifestyle that
is different from his and
add salt to a open wound.


I disagree here. I think you need to give him the reason for the infidelity and explain what a strong need it is to submit, so that he understands the affair was not caused by somethng he did or by you falling in love with another. JMHO

_____________________________

proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan


(in reply to MistressDREAD)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Coming clean with The Husband - 11/28/2004 12:15:20 PM   
asyouwishmaster


Posts: 26
Joined: 11/13/2004
Status: offline 		At the risk of becoming an outcast on this site, I have to say direct to MistressDread, get a fucking life. It is not for you to judge anything I do. It is not for you to decide if I have the right mind set, and it is not for you to decide what mistakes I have made. I can see by the number of posts you have made (1543 since u joined Jan 1 2004) that you are highly opinionated and apparently don't hesitate to speak up. You went on and on and you never even addressed the original question, but you certainly didn't hesitant to ridicule me for my decisions. If you don't have answer, then don't reply. It's simple.

For the others who have offered advice, again I thank you. You have been very helpful. I will continue to seek guidance from this site.

(in reply to asyouwishmaster)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Coming clean with The Husband - 11/28/2004 12:38:52 PM   
MaitresseEden


Posts: 477
Joined: 8/8/2004
From: Houston, Texas
Status: offline 		There is a book "When someone you love in kinky" by Dossie Easton that is a great starting point for opening conversation. It was written for the sole purpose of giving to a starit vanilla partner to read. I would ask him to read it and give him time to process what he has read.

I for one would suggesting telling him slowing in a neutral setting, with someone that can be there for him. ( HE IS going to need support) A counselors office would be best, You can expect him to fell hurt and betrayed, and go through the normal areas of grief, the first of which is anger and it is because of that reason you must protect yourself first and foremost.


Ms. Eden


_____________________________

"If I didnt define myself for myself, I would be crunched into other peoples fantasies for me and eaten alive. - Audre Lorde"

(in reply to asyouwishmaster)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Coming clean with The Husband - 11/28/2004 12:43:48 PM   
Nvernilla


Posts: 303
Joined: 10/1/2004
Status: offline 		Well I think you can answer your own question just consider it, do you think he wants to willingly put himself in a position where you could give him VD at any time? sheesh!

(in reply to asyouwishmaster)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Coming clean with The Husband - 11/28/2004 1:36:03 PM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

I cheated on him, physically and emotionally.


quote:

And no he could not be my Master


quote:

I will wait until after the holidays, only because I have a project at work that will need my full attention


What in the above quotes was misinterpreted by Mistress Dread? She may have defined what you are differently then you are comfortable defining yourself; but what she says is pretty much dictionary definitions for your activity. And the consequences are just as obvious.

You are definitely not the first, but one of a long line who come to the message board seeming to want others to support and justify. You come under the guise of asking for advise - what advise? You have a husband who by your own words, you can't confide your sexual and emotional desires to, and is less important then your work or the holidays. I'm sure reality will be having an after the holidays sale.

quote:

It is not for you to judge anything I do.


I don't see Dread's option being judgmental. It was a restating in plain terms, and it did offer suggestions. No matter how political correctness wants to change it, there is still a LOT of black and white in this world. Cheating on a spouse is to me one of those issues. Hypocrisy only builds from the rationalizations that you need to get through your day. He's your friend? You're sensitive to his holiday? Read how you describe yourself. Your sensitivity is incredible. Perhaps it is you who, seeing what you do called for what it is, judge yourself. A mirror is a very strict and pragmatic.

(in reply to asyouwishmaster)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Coming clean with The Husband - 11/28/2004 7:40:24 PM   
MistressDREAD


Posts: 2943
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

I would like to get advice on the subject of coming clean with The Husband


You have received MY advice AND MY answers and your responce says volumes to just what I had stated....................

Here is a bit more
The number one rule in any Alternate Lifestyle is:
H O N O R
The number two rule in any Alternate Lifestyle is:
I N T E G R I T Y
The number three rule in any Alternate Lifestyle is:
T R U S T
The number four rule in any Alternate Lifestyle is:
T O T A L L Y O P E N C O M U N I C A T I O N
The number five rule in any Alternate Lifestyle is Noblity:
S.S.C S A F E S A N E C O N S E N S U A L and/or
R.A.C.K. R I S K A W A R E C O N S E N S U A L K I N K

If any of these 5 BASIC laws of Alternate Living are
broken the One breaking them is NOT living up to or have learned
yet their chosen Lifestyles Positions Rules, Regulations and
Proticals hence They are NOT what I would concider ready to scene. JMO

The items up above that are being broken need to be
corrected and a collaring in Our Lifestyle is equal to the
marrying in a Vanilla Lifestyle and should be taken as serious.
Of course being as you take your marraige as serious as the
garbage being taken out I suspect any collar wouldent have
any more value then the ring you have on now.
and yes I am the most opinionated BITCH on this site. Get use to it.
the only one whom will oust you is you. Plain truths are hard to swallow.
Ill say nothing more as its plain the truth cannot be handled by you.

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Coming clean with The Husband - 11/28/2004 7:48:51 PM   
MistressDREAD


Posts: 2943
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		~kirtsies~
towards Merc n beth
saying ~thankYou~
and walks out this thread.....

(in reply to MistressDREAD)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Coming clean with The Husband - 11/29/2004 3:08:37 AM   
Lordandmaster


Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline 		Normally I try to stay out when a thread deteriorates like this, but I have to say I agree with asyouwishmaster that MistressDread's comments were unhelpful. Asyouwishmaster originally asked for advice about how to start a conversation with her husband about the obvious crisis in her life--not moral badinage about what a faithless slut she is. Maybe you don't like the fact that she says she has no regrets about cheating on him, but that's the way she feels, and a tongue-lashing isn't likely to change her mind about it.

Lam

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Coming clean with The Husband - 11/29/2004 5:46:36 AM   
MrThorns


Posts: 919
Joined: 6/4/2004
Status: offline 		asyouwishmaster,

I'm happy to hear that you are taking steps to reestablish trust and come clean with your husband. You've been given some pretty good advice from Lady Shoshin. The books provide a good ice breaker, but they will only provide your husband with some information about your interests in BDSM. They will not overcome the obstacle of infidelity.

As far as advice from dread, I can only say...take it with a grain of salt. Once you get through some of the assumptions and judgement, there is actually some decent information in there:

You're waiting to have this conversation until after the holidays because you have a project to complete at work that needs your full attention. Truly ask yourself...what is more important to you? Your job? Or your relationship?

If you had fluid exchange with others it is wise to go get yourself checked out. It would also be wise to step away from the whomever you are seeing outside of the relationship with your husband so that you can be focused on "making things right" as it seems you are trying to do.

You did make a choice to be unafithful. It is important that you address the reasons why. Is he not the man you thought him to be when you married him? Were you seduced by the ideas of a wonderful BDSM relationship and didn't think he would understand? What is your ultimate goal? A BDSM relationship with your husband? Open relationship? Poly? It's a very valid question that you need to answer for yourself...otherwise, you're just spinning your wheels.

Before you jump on dread, try and sift through the tactless delivery and look at what was being said at the root of the message.

Good luck.

~Thorns

_____________________________

~"Do you know what the chain of command is? Its the chain I beat ya with when ya don't follow my command."

"My inner child is a mean little fucker"

(in reply to asyouwishmaster)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Coming clean with The Husband - 11/29/2004 7:25:36 AM   
stormiKnightBEAR


Posts: 306
Joined: 3/14/2004
Status: offline 		There is alot here that you will have to deal with.

The decision to wait because you have a big project....
well that is your choice as well.

There are somethings you do need to be ready for.
Admitting you've cheated let alone the bdsm, if he
is totally unaware is going to be devastating. Chances
are tho, in all honesty, that he does have the feeling
you have been doing something, but is unwilling to
bring that to the forefront.

This girl offers you this because she went thru it.
Only it was her hubby with the affairs not her. It had
nothing to do with bdsm just screwing anything in skirts.
stormi knew... without proof at the time but just the same
she knew.

What you need to be prepared for is HIS shock at hearing
the words, you need to be prepared for HIS anger (there
most likely will be ALOT), you need to be prepared for HIS
hurt.

Things not to do........(stormi can offer this from
being the person who found out. Granted your hubby maybe
the exception to the rule but from stormi's point....) The words
"i love you" mean absolutely nothing, you took the meaning and
threw it out when you deliberately made the choices you made.
(An accident would have happened only once... not a year's worth)
Don't try to lavish attention or words or gifts or whatever route you
take. DO try to respect HIS feelings and allow HIM to express them
without feeling hurt or angry yourself. DO be prepared for the possibility
of depression or withdrawl. Be prepared to deal with it. Especially
if he is "madly" in love with you. The road you have chosen is not
going to be easy..........far from it.

stormi is not by any means judging you or condemning, please understand
that. With that said, sometimes stormi does not believe that the
person who is breaking the vow/commitment understands the
hurt/anger/or anyone of the 1000 or more emotions that run thru
the partner's head and heart at the time of finding out about the cheating.
when you made the choices you made.

stormi offers this information to you from the stand point of the committed
partner who went thru hell and back to get her life back together.


Good luck to both of you......and stormi's best wishes to come thru this whole are
with your hubby.


stormi
property of Master Bear

_____________________________

owned white silk slave of TEMJI aka Master Bear

PROUD TO BE TEXAN AND AMERICAN BY BIRTH~
GOD BLESS TEXAS AND THE U.S.A !!!!

(in reply to asyouwishmaster)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Coming clean with The Husband - 11/30/2004 11:18:09 PM   
HisV


Posts: 4
Joined: 11/13/2004
Status: offline 		I find it odd how many of you don't understand the whole waiting until the holidays are over, or that she has a big project at work.

What exactly is the harm in waiting until she can give it her FULL concentration? I think this alone shows she has the right attitude. Marriage takes work. And coming clean to your partner is not .. NOT an easy task. Setting a time to do it, and making sure that time is good, when you can spend the necessary time and effort on it... thats a GOOD thing.

As for her husband not being able to be her Master... There are some things a woman knows. And if you've been dating at all in your life, you know there are those you can.. and cannot submit to. You also know there are those who can and cannot Dom. I'm not sure which category her husband falls into, but I'm sure she knows him much better than any of you. Sure there are some instances where the husband has surprised the wife, but those are rare.


(in reply to asyouwishmaster)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Coming clean with The Husband - 12/1/2004 7:38:14 AM   
subbiejenn


Posts: 631
Joined: 7/12/2004
Status: offline 		asyouwishmaster,

i have been in a situation probably not just like yours but one in which i was unhappily married and very depressed and i found myself learning about the lifestyle from a online friend. The more i read the more interested i became until it was all i wanted.


a little about the past --i don't know where things with my husband went wrong but at this point it had gotten really bad and he was gone all the time, usually drunk when He came home and even so we still lived together it was like we had 2 separate lives. Being submissive i couldn't just walk away, i felt i had to stay and i couldn't leave until the day came i found out He was cheating on me (even so i had been learning of the lifestyle and very interested i had never meet anyone or cheated on Him physically) the same week i got a call from the police station after 11 PM that he was locked up with a DUI but i wouldn't go and get Him, i called His mom and told her but told her don't bring Him home because He wasn't allowed back in. It took me a good 6 months to pull myself together and decide i had to be strong and take care of myself and my kids so i got a job and really starting living life again. The whole time i was still thinking about the lifestyle and wanting it to become something real for me, about a year after kicking Hubby out of the house i met my 1st Dom which became my Mentor/Teacher and He taught me so much. Since then i have met several wonderful Doms but not "the one" yet. i was was separated but still married and actually still am. My husband has changed a lot - stopped drinking, is home after work everyday (just not my home) is a lot better father to our kids but we still have the problems that were there before -- communication is the biggest i believe.

anyway, i told Him -- 2 1/2 years later we are still married and still separated but communicating more now and about 3 months ago He asked me what it is i was looking for in a Man and i told Him. I told Him all of it, i explained the best i could how i wanted a D/s relationship and what that meant to me. He started reading and learning and is interested in the lifestyle now but still far off from being a "Dom". Even so He is naturally Dominate it takes a lot more to be a "Dom/Master". i still am not sure if we will get back together or not but i do think now that i was honest with Him and explained it to Him we are closer of getting back together. We have a lot still to work on but at least now we both know what them things are.

for me telling Him was a good thing -- even if we don't get back together and end up divorced. It is a long hard road but i have learned being honest is the best way to go and you can't ignore your feelings for the D/s lifestyle. You will never be truly happy if you settle for less, i don't know much about your relationship but if you are married to this Man then He deserves the chance to be the Dom you dream of. The desire i had of being submissive and feeling controlled is very strong and nothing i wanted to ignore.

i wish you well and if you ever want to just chat you can e-mail me on the otherside or my yahoo IM name is imjustfukinpeachy .

huggies
~jenn~

_____________________________

~Subspace is my perfect paradise vacation from busy-mind... blessed be to the Dominant who can stamp my ticket there.~

"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away"

(in reply to asyouwishmaster)
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