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If you could walk away.... - 5/19/2015 3:52:32 PM

pleasure5ub

Posts: 2
Joined: 1/27/2015
Status: offline

I am wondering how many people in this lifestyle would walk away if they could? As in, if there was a way for you to find contentment in vanilla interactions and let go of bdsm, would you do it? Why or why not?

The reason I ask is because I would like to walk away and wonder if I am the only one. As a heterosexual male submissive, I find this is a very dead end lifestyle in terms of finding a compatibly minded female partner. The numbers just don't allow it...and then there are all kinds of other issues relating to whether there is a connection between you and another. In addition, there are a host of other bad experiences that I'm just not going to get into but the bottom line is...

I would like to walk away! I have been trying for years and looking for the means to do so. I believe I have found many pieces of the puzzle and have actually detailed them as best as I can here:

http://m4sculinsm.blogspot.com/

I realize that not everyone is drawn to a particular D/s role for the same reason, and I also realize there are many that would not want to walk away; but I thought it would be informative to discuss.

Post #: 1

RE: If you could walk away.... - 5/19/2015 4:26:25 PM

ExiledTyrant

Posts: 4547
Joined: 12/9/2013
From: Exiled
Status: offline

There are people that are in the lifestyle, then with some, the lifestyle is IN them.

You will find that one can walk away, and the other will never escape themselves.

So, are you in the lifestyle or is it in you?

_____________________________

Gnothi Seauton
To lead, first follow: Aurelius, Epictetus, Descartes, Sun Tzu, to name a few.

Semper fidelis (which sometimes feels like a burden)

(in reply to pleasure5ub)

Post #: 2

RE: If you could walk away.... - 5/19/2015 5:00:56 PM

Nitewing0001

Posts: 12
Joined: 11/25/2014
Status: offline

I have been in the lifestyle for 30+ years. I could never walkaway. The gift of giving my submission to someone is a joy that can never be filled in the vanilla world. After 30 years it has never been dull or boring. It has been a journey of exploration, learning, and joy. I can only hope the next 30 is just as good

(in reply to ExiledTyrant)

Post #: 3

RE: If you could walk away.... - 5/19/2015 5:07:56 PM

youthinkso121

Posts: 73
Joined: 10/18/2013
Status: offline

I walked away 4 years ago, best thing i ever did.

I read the forums still for entertainment and to keep in contact with friends, Dont miss the "lifestyle" at all.

(in reply to Nitewing0001)

Post #: 4

RE: If you could walk away.... - 5/19/2015 5:14:26 PM

ExiledTyrant

Posts: 4547
Joined: 12/9/2013
From: Exiled
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: youthinkso121

I walked away 4 years ago, best thing i ever did.

I read the forums still for entertainment and to keep in contact with friends, Dont miss the "lifestyle" at all.

Technically you're still in it, just vicariously.

_____________________________

Gnothi Seauton
To lead, first follow: Aurelius, Epictetus, Descartes, Sun Tzu, to name a few.

Semper fidelis (which sometimes feels like a burden)

(in reply to youthinkso121)

Post #: 5

RE: If you could walk away.... - 5/19/2015 5:23:34 PM

InHisHeart

Posts: 630
Joined: 3/22/2014
Status: offline

No, I couldn't walk away and I wouldn't want to walk away, I'd be suppressing a part of who I am. I would not be happy and content in a vanilla relationship, tried it a few times many years ago and it didn't work for me, I wasn't being true to myself. I've been living this lifestyle for over 30 years, this is who I am and I won't push down any part of what makes me....me.

_____________________________

I don't have a bucket list but my fucket list is a mile long.

I would rather have a mind opened by wonder than one closed by belief.

(in reply to pleasure5ub)

Post #: 6

RE: If you could walk away.... - 5/19/2015 5:32:19 PM

HonestsubforYou

Posts: 3
Joined: 1/31/2015
Status: offline

Now that I've recently rediscovered this aspect of who I am, being a submissive I don't think I could walk away. I suppressed it for years and always felt something was missing. It is a part of who I am, my make-up so to speak.

(in reply to InHisHeart)

Post #: 7

RE: If you could walk away.... - 5/19/2015 5:33:52 PM

LipstickLeuger

Posts: 101
Joined: 4/29/2015
Status: offline

Started at 17, left it after a bad situation, and spent many many years hiding from it, and myself. Glad to be back into it, because I feel like me again. So, no, I would no walk away from it. I did that once and it left me unhappy.

_____________________________

Vanilla is only preferable for Ice Cream....

(in reply to InHisHeart)

Post #: 8

RE: If you could walk away.... - 5/19/2015 6:55:13 PM

aphrodite5

Posts: 71
Joined: 8/5/2007
Status: offline

I suppose I could walk away... But I can't imagine wanting to. Even with the difficulty of finding compatible partners, I find my life so much more satisfying. It is part of me. Denying a part of myself always leads to more problems. I love my kinky/lifestyle friends. I love my kinky/lifestyle events. I love my long-term plans -- which mostly also involve BDSM in some way.

Nope. Even the happiest vanilla relationship wouldn't tempt me away.

(in reply to LipstickLeuger)

Post #: 9

RE: If you could walk away.... - 5/19/2015 7:12:41 PM

RockaRolla

Posts: 1153
Joined: 1/20/2014
From: South Florida
Status: offline

This, I think, is the biggest problem with the "masculism" movement. You're focusing on the wrong things.

You're prioritizing finding a partner, any partner, and analyzing the numbers to suit your odds of landing a mate. That kind of approach doesn't work. Not only are you likely to end up with low hanging fruit that fails to satisfy, you give the message that your potential partner isn't important as a person so much as a bedwarmer. That's not the impression you want to make.

Focus instead on finding out who you are, what kind of partner you want, and what kind of partner you want to be. You should worry more about compatibility, not availability, assuming you want a relationship with any staying power. It's not going to be fast or easy, but then again it isn't supposed to be. People wait years before meeting the right partner(s), but in the end it's worth it.

Now, if you WANT to walk away and go for a vanilla relationship, that's your call. If you think you can be happy in that relationship go for it. But to consider walking away from D/s because you haven't found someone yet? Come on. Don't do that to yourself.

_____________________________

~Roxie

(in reply to aphrodite5)

Post #: 10

RE: If you could walk away.... - 5/19/2015 8:00:20 PM

WinsomeDefiance

Posts: 6719
Joined: 8/7/2007
Status: offline

I can and have walked away from "lifestyle communities and BDSM activities," but everywhere I go, there I am.

(in reply to RockaRolla)

Post #: 11

RE: If you could walk away.... - 5/19/2015 8:08:57 PM

shiftyw

Posts: 2837
Joined: 6/6/2013
From: The Shire
Status: offline

I have walked away many times.
I come and go. I don't consider all this "lifestyle" stuff a big deal.
I don't find community a key component in my sex life.
I just like people here so right now I'm in.

I'm just as happy for the most part in the vanilla scene. Just because your aex is more difficult doesn't mean it's better.
*shrugs*
I don't like to wax poetic about this stuff- maybe I'm untrue or a poser- but I don't care.

(in reply to WinsomeDefiance)

Post #: 12

RE: If you could walk away.... - 5/19/2015 8:36:06 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

I met my sub at a play party. I have friends who are in the scene, whoI can be open with. I suppose I could walk away, but I don't want to.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to shiftyw)

Post #: 13

RE: If you could walk away.... - 5/19/2015 8:55:02 PM

LittleGirlHeart

Posts: 1427
Joined: 4/4/2013
Status: offline

Yes.

_____________________________

We'll fight, not out of spite
For someone must stand up for what's right
'Cause where there's a man who has no voice
There ours shall go singing

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 14

RE: If you could walk away.... - 5/19/2015 9:18:19 PM

LilithMorrigan

Posts: 11
Joined: 5/19/2015
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ExiledTyrant

There are people that are in the lifestyle, then with some, the lifestyle is IN them.

You will find that one can walk away, and the other will never escape themselves.

So, are you in the lifestyle or is it in you?

This resonates with me.

I'm definitely the latter. I could walk away from the community, but I was into nonconsent scenes before I knew sex existed.

If I could extract kink from myself, I wouldn't. Living on societal margins is sometimes difficult, but it breeds empathy, and personality types like mine are great at assisting the normalization of taboos.

(in reply to ExiledTyrant)

Post #: 15

RE: If you could walk away.... - 5/19/2015 9:24:25 PM

IcarusBurning

Posts: 107
Joined: 2/1/2015
Status: offline

its a good question, one that i have faced in the reverse direction.

ultimately it comes down to hard personal choices. at one point you have to ask yourself what is more important for your happiness and satisfaction as an individual. i stress individual, because currently you are taking your decision based not on what you innately want, but rather on the availability and ease of the "market" in general. that is a bad idea. trust me, people in vanilla relationships have also looked for years to find the right person they want to settle down with. it will not get any easier if you "walk away".

on the other hand, if you are prepared to walk away for your sake only, then you have to mentally prepare yourself. its not easy, it is as hard as cutting off an arm or a part of yourself. but if you really want to walk that path, i am sure it will be possible. also, you might seek professional or psychiatric help to guide you towards leaving it behind. addicts have quite drugs. this should be doable too, if you have the right conviction.

just to reiterate:

There comes a point in life when we must choose between what is easy and what is right - Albus Dumbledore

(in reply to LittleGirlHeart)

Post #: 16

RE: If you could walk away.... - 5/19/2015 9:28:03 PM

IcarusBurning

Posts: 107
Joined: 2/1/2015
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RockaRolla

You're prioritizing finding a partner, any partner, and analyzing the numbers to suit your odds of landing a mate. That kind of approach doesn't work. Not only are you likely to end up with low hanging fruit that fails to satisfy, you give the message that your potential partner isn't important as a person so much as a bedwarmer. That's not the impression you want to make.

Focus instead on finding out who you are, what kind of partner you want, and what kind of partner you want to be. You should worry more about compatibility, not availability, assuming you want a relationship with any staying power. It's not going to be fast or easy, but then again it isn't supposed to be. People wait years before meeting the right partner(s), but in the end it's worth it.

Now, if you WANT to walk away and go for a vanilla relationship, that's your call. If you think you can be happy in that relationship go for it. But to consider walking away from D/s because you haven't found someone yet? Come on. Don't do that to yourself.

Ah. Doesn't it feel amazing these days when people say the exact thing on your mind on discussion forums? So rare...

(in reply to RockaRolla)

Post #: 17

RE: If you could walk away.... - 5/19/2015 10:01:56 PM

sexyred1

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline

I could walk away. I never thought I could, but I have new perspective now.

I think it is hard to meet the right person anyway, let alone with compatible kinks.

I also know now what seemed important just a few years ago is not important at all.

Real life does that.

(in reply to IcarusBurning)

Post #: 18

RE: If you could walk away.... - 5/19/2015 10:15:53 PM

DerangedUnit

Posts: 660
Joined: 2/23/2007
Status: offline

People inside or outside "the lifestyle" aren't much different to me. Doms tend to be less volatile, more controlled because they expect I'm toying with them and watch out for it, taking extra care to keep emotions in check. Other than that, the length of time it takes to settle into the same routine that is, there has been no difference in my vanilla or bdsm relationships on a whole. So I hold no opinion on the "lifestyle", any more than I hold on people in general. I found exactly what I needed, and once he is gone I will quit people in general, not just the lifestyle.... as much as I possibly can anyways.

(in reply to pleasure5ub)

Post #: 19

RE: If you could walk away.... - 5/20/2015 7:58:54 AM

MiaCastle

Posts: 72
Joined: 5/4/2015
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: pleasure5ub

I am wondering how many people in this lifestyle would walk away if they could? As in, if there was a way for you to find contentment in vanilla interactions and let go of bdsm, would you do it? Why or why not?

The reason I ask is because I would like to walk away and wonder if I am the only one. As a heterosexual male submissive, I find this is a very dead end lifestyle in terms of finding a compatibly minded female partner. The numbers just don't allow it...and then there are all kinds of other issues relating to whether there is a connection between you and another. In addition, there are a host of other bad experiences that I'm just not going to get into but the bottom line is...

I would like to walk away! I have been trying for years and looking for the means to do so. I believe I have found many pieces of the puzzle and have actually detailed them as best as I can here:

http://m4sculinsm.blogspot.com/

I realize that not everyone is drawn to a particular D/s role for the same reason, and I also realize there are many that would not want to walk away; but I thought it would be informative to discuss.

I read your profile and some of your blog and it seems you have more conflict than life experience. I don't mean that as an insult. As we age, we get more comfortable in our own skin and accept who we are. We can stop fighting what comes naturally to us or what naturally is and make friends with it all. There is nothing better than the peace that brings forth, where our spirit can rise.

Mia

< Message edited by MiaCastle -- 5/20/2015 7:59:15 AM >

(in reply to pleasure5ub)

Post #: 20

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