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Kaliko -> RE: Attraction issues???? Please help!!! (6/21/2015 1:48:41 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: sexyred1
She doesn't have to do a damn thing if it destroys her self esteem. Subs are actually allowed to not agree to something that hurts them: I know this is shocking news.
Of course a submissive can disagree. Condescension is not required for me to understand that.
However, there are consequences to our willingness to obey (or, our "agreement") being taken off the table. Depending on the relationship, a submissive's disobedience, regardless of how she feels about it, is cause for action. If she's prepared for that action to possibly be termination of her service, then she can disagree all she likes and let the chips fall where they may. If she's not prepared for that, then she needs to consider how to live within the parameters he's set for her.
I'm skeptical of submissives who claim self-esteem issues as a reason to disobey. It's too convenient. The appeal, for me, of living in submission is learning to set aside how I feel about something in favor of what he desires. This is not a comfortable process, even though it's ultimately rewarding. So I'm only wondering if maybe she's still working out the kinks in getting through that difficult process.
Or...it could simply be compatibility issues and best for her to move on. I only offer another perspective and certainly not claiming it to be the only valid one.
quote:
ORIGINAL: IcarusBurning
if he says yes, then explain to him that you are not comfortable pushing yourself so hard to make yourself attractive in one particular way, and that you would appreciate if he showed his affection to you in other forms, situations and channels.
and if its a no... well ... you know where that leads.
If it's a no, it doesn't necessarily have to lead anywhere. Just as she doesn't have to be a fetish delivery system, he isn't required to be affectionate on demand. Just because he doesn't do what she wants him to do doesn't mean it has to lead anywhere different than where she's already at. (Sorry - that's a really cumbersome sentence, isn't it?)
quote:
ORIGINAL: BrentsSugar
I honestly think I have become more confused then when I first asked this question. I have some saying just leave him because his fetish is more important to him than I. I have others that's it's my fault and I'm not trying hard enough to be what he needs me to be. Then I have others that are just saying that me need to communicate better. I have people asking me questions that I have been asking myself for weeks now and still can't answer for myself.
Now, after all that I've already said, I have to say this. My take on relationships in general is - if you're talking to yourself about all the reasons that you want to stay or go, then your hand is already on the door. Personally, I think you've already made your decision and you're looking for validation. If that's the case, you've got it, because it truly doesn't matter what any of us think. There's a difference between appreciating the struggles versus being genuinely unhappy. What you write about fetish and clothing and self-esteem makes me think you are uncomfortable with shedding your inhibitions to him and being in service how he wants you to be versus how you think you should be. Your statements above tell me that you don't feel good enough about your relationship to want to shed those inhibitions for him in the first place. And that's okay. Your choice, whatever it is, will be the right one for you.
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