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submissive behavior - 7/7/2015 8:20:01 PM   
keybler76


Posts: 2
Joined: 6/23/2015
Status: offline 		ive been a sub for sometime but only tinkering not taking anything seriously , can anyone tell me their ideas of how to really behave for your dom
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RE: submissive behavior - 7/7/2015 8:30:34 PM   
daniel1973


Posts: 243
Joined: 6/16/2015
Status: offline 		Rule #1: Master knows best.

(in reply to keybler76)
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RE: submissive behavior - 7/7/2015 8:52:56 PM   
DerangedUnit


Posts: 660
Joined: 2/23/2007
Status: offline 		Behave how you want to. Whatever comes natural. Im different with different people, it's never been uniform. In the past i tended to be robotic, rigid and precise, i didn't show emotion unless it was violent but i followed lists to a tea. My day broken down into minutes i would spend in various tasks and constantly working at acieving better times in those smal times spaces.... with my current im the exact opposite. Life is all love and cuddles and if im upset damn right i'll throw a fit about it, my day has very little structure to it other than eating and exercise but im fine with that, half the time i dont know what he wants of me but im pretty sure thats because he doesnt want anything and i have an exess to give. A typical day just involves me jumping up and running to hug him when he comes home, blurting out everything amusing that happened to me while he takes his shoes off then i give foot rubs while he tells me stories until i cant take it anymore and cuddle him, which leads to other things since he cant touch me without it progressing. After he watches tv while he pets me and i read. He doesnt have any rules really... except if i have underwear on he will rip them off me. Think that is the only one though...

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RE: submissive behavior - 7/7/2015 9:22:02 PM   
daniel1973


Posts: 243
Joined: 6/16/2015
Status: offline 		My point exactly, no rules except if you break them.
You try to make your master happy but you can rest assured that you do - otherwise you'd be taken to the woodshed.

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RE: submissive behavior - 7/7/2015 9:45:47 PM   
DerangedUnit


Posts: 660
Joined: 2/23/2007
Status: offline 		Na I dont get punished. I asked and he reminded me there are 3 other rules I forgot.

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/ - 7/7/2015 10:51:31 PM   
daniel1973


Posts: 243
Joined: 6/16/2015
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DerangedUnit

Na I dont get punished. I asked and he reminded me there are 3 other rules I forgot.


What good are the rules if you don't get punished for breaking them?

I adhere to principles and the rules are mainly for my benefit (like, when I wake up I get the generous treatment and I may rub my nipples).

But when I do something wrong I feel ashamed of myself. Getting a nice sturdy caning for that helps me get it over with and also motivates me to not repeat the mistake.
If rules are impossible for me to comply with Master has to get rid of them. For instance: Master could tell me to not cross my legs, beat the living thing out of me three times a day for doing it anyway but I just can't do it.


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RE: submissive behavior - 7/7/2015 11:06:40 PM   
littleladybug


Posts: 1082
Joined: 5/30/2013
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: keybler76

ive been a sub for sometime but only tinkering not taking anything seriously , can anyone tell me their ideas of how to really behave for your dom


I behave because I take my relationship, and the commitments that I made, very seriously.

We don't have a punishment dynamic. I don't react well to it, and it's just not necessary for our relationship.

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RE: / - 7/7/2015 11:08:32 PM   
DerangedUnit


Posts: 660
Joined: 2/23/2007
Status: offline 		He figured out I dont respond to negative reinforcement. I never change my behaviour unless I want to, hitting me makes me hit back, ignoring me makes me ignore them, put something up my ass I put something up theres... so when I do something he doesn't like he holds me and hugs me and says hes sorry that he failed me and its all his fault and he loves me anyways.... so I do the same. I dont do things he doesn't like anymore because I dont want him taking the blame for my actions, it just makes me feel like im being frivolous, like I lost control if I do something to purposely hurt someone. He doesnt ask for things he thinks counter to me and goes out of his way to change his routine to make me happy so I do the same for him.

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RE: / - 7/8/2015 3:47:40 AM   
NookieNotes


Posts: 1720
Joined: 11/10/2013
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: daniel1973

quote:

ORIGINAL: DerangedUnit

Na I dont get punished. I asked and he reminded me there are 3 other rules I forgot.


What good are the rules if you don't get punished for breaking them?


They are to let the Master know that you want to serve. I rarely punish. It's not a dynamic I need or want. I prefer subs that serve out of love and a deep desire to please, not a fear of transgression.

quote:

I adhere to principles and the rules are mainly for my benefit (like, when I wake up I get the generous treatment and I may rub my nipples).


My boy can play with his nipples anytime he wants. I like that he can pleasure himself and think of me. No orgasms without my permission, but then, those are not tied to good behavior or bad, either. They are tied to my whim only.

quote:

But when I do something wrong I feel ashamed of myself. Getting a nice sturdy caning for that helps me get it over with and also motivates me to not repeat the mistake.


Feeling ashamed is what I want from a sub that makes a mistake. And expiation is not punishment.

quote:

If rules are impossible for me to comply with Master has to get rid of them. For instance: Master could tell me to not cross my legs, beat the living thing out of me three times a day for doing it anyway but I just can't do it.


That would be a silly rule to make, then, wouldn't it?


quote:

ORIGINAL: littleladybug


quote:

ORIGINAL: keybler76

ive been a sub for sometime but only tinkering not taking anything seriously , can anyone tell me their ideas of how to really behave for your dom


I behave because I take my relationship, and the commitments that I made, very seriously.


This. This, exactly.

I would not accept less from a sub.

_____________________________

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RE: / - 7/8/2015 6:18:10 AM   
daniel1973


Posts: 243
Joined: 6/16/2015
Status: offline
quote:

What good are the rules if you don't get punished for breaking them?-
-
They are to let the Master know that you want to serve.


Admitting to be punished is a way for me to show my master that I'm serious.

quote:

My boy can play with his nipples anytime he wants. I like that he can pleasure himself and think of me.


Lucky boy! Of course I am always encouraged to play with myself thinking about Master as long as I don't finish, but: no hands. Rule is in effect again.

quote:

Feeling ashamed is what I want from a sub that makes a mistake.


And then you let him sweat while he awas to be forgiven ... Master does that too, of course. But he conforms to the German proverb that says: The Lord punishes minor sins immediately.
I even get spared the standard treatment often enough because he thinks that my feeling of having let him down is bad enough.

quote:

I just can't do it.

That would be a silly rule to make, then, wouldn't it?


Quite so. But just because non-compliance with my master's wishes does not carry an automatic punishment does dot meat that I don't give it my best.
Not crossing my legs now. Almost ready to be punished when I do.

(in reply to NookieNotes)
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RE: / - 7/8/2015 6:51:19 AM   
NookieNotes


Posts: 1720
Joined: 11/10/2013
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: daniel1973
Admitting to be punished is a way for me to show my master that I'm serious.


Is it? Or is it just another facet of your fetishes and kinks?

That is a fine line.

Oh, and if you asked me to punish you when you transgressed, I'd simply say, "No." Because I am in charge, and what I want goes.

So, perhaps that would be a punishment of it's own.

_____________________________

Nookie
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https://datingkinky.com

I Write! A few of my books on Amazon: http://amazon.com/author/msnnotes

(in reply to daniel1973)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: submissive behavior - 7/8/2015 3:50:18 PM   
InHisHeart


Posts: 630
Joined: 3/22/2014
Status: offline 		For me, I don't see it as behaving and I don't have to try to behave. D/s is the type of relationship I want, the type of relationship I enjoy being in and I aim to please him, follow the rules he has set because I want to, I have the desire to. It's about him, my love for him, his love for me, it's about us, our relationship and our commitment to each other. I would have to try really hard to misbehave but there's no reason why I would want to do that.

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RE: / - 7/8/2015 4:08:24 PM   
UllrsIshtar


Posts: 3693
Joined: 7/28/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NookieNotes


quote:

ORIGINAL: daniel1973
Admitting to be punished is a way for me to show my master that I'm serious.


Is it? Or is it just another facet of your fetishes and kinks?



Assuming that it's to satisfy kinks assumes that the bottom gets gratification (especially sexually) from being punished.
That's not the case for everybody.

I personally fair best with a punishment dynamic. I don't have a burning desire to 'serve' at all. What I have is a desire to be held accountable by a man I consider my superior when it comes to matters of will, determination, and leadership. For him to push me to be better than I can be without him pushing me.

Punishment works well for that (for me), and a lack thereof basically extinguishes my desire to submit to him, because it gets perceived as a lack of accountability for following the rules.

For that kind of dynamic to work though, punishment being something I actively don't enjoy is a prerequisite. Thus it would be rather hard to see it as a kink or fetish, unless you count my desire for domination itself as the kink, and the punishment just one of the many ways that kink is expressed.

Not what floats everybody's boat for sure, but not a 'funishment' dynamic either.

_____________________________

I can be your whore
I am the dirt you created
I am your sinner
And your whore
But let me tell you something baby
You love me for everything you hate me for

(in reply to NookieNotes)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: / - 7/8/2015 4:40:13 PM   
daniel1973


Posts: 243
Joined: 6/16/2015
Status: offline
quote:

Or is it just another facet of your fetishes and kinks?

That is a fine line.

Oh, and if you asked me to punish you when you transgressed, I'd simply say, "No." Because I am in charge, and what I want goes.

So, perhaps that would be a punishment of it's own.


It's both! When my master lets me keep the instrument of choice in plain view he is actually doing me a favour, very hot!
But he can rest assured that he if actually uses it I won't enjoy that, and if he decides not to I won't be disappointed.

On the other hand, consider the following situation: I come without permission. No excuses, I have failed, I have taken something from my master that wasn't mine.
No way to make up for it except if he kindly agrees to punish me. Since I'm generally a good boy and don't need to have my attitude adjusted the flogging I receive is surprisingly bearable.
I am impressed with how generous my master is and he appreciates my eagerness to serve him in every way I possibly can.

"So, perhaps that would be a punishment of it's own." Indeed! I don't want to be punished when I don't deserve it.
When my master made me permanent he could expect me to be on my best behaviour at all times but I can also rely on getting it when I screw up the way I want it: hard!

(in reply to NookieNotes)
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RE:submissive behavior - 7/8/2015 6:33:18 PM   
Moderator3


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Status: offline 		Just posting to put the true title on the thread. If you respond to a post that is different, please change the title back if you can.

Thanks

< Message edited by Moderator3 -- 7/8/2015 6:34:06 PM >

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RE: RE:submissive behavior - 7/8/2015 11:45:04 PM   
crumpets


Posts: 1614
Joined: 11/5/2014
From: South Bay (SF & Silicon Valley)
Status: offline 		The answer, as I see it, is to be willing to serve, within your own limits, where you negotiate as equals, and then you do what pleases her/him as agreed.

(in reply to Moderator3)
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RE:submissive behavior - 7/9/2015 3:22:07 AM   
NookieNotes


Posts: 1720
Joined: 11/10/2013
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar


quote:

ORIGINAL: NookieNotes


quote:

ORIGINAL: daniel1973
Admitting to be punished is a way for me to show my master that I'm serious.


Is it? Or is it just another facet of your fetishes and kinks?



Assuming that it's to satisfy kinks assumes that the bottom gets gratification (especially sexually) from being punished.
That's not the case for everybody.


I did not assume. I asked the question. You see that question mark? Yeah. That's what makes it a question.

quote:

I personally fair best with a punishment dynamic. I don't have a burning desire to 'serve' at all. What I have is a desire to be held accountable by a man I consider my superior when it comes to matters of will, determination, and leadership. For him to push me to be better than I can be without him pushing me.

Punishment works well for that (for me), and a lack thereof basically extinguishes my desire to submit to him, because it gets perceived as a lack of accountability for following the rules.

For that kind of dynamic to work though, punishment being something I actively don't enjoy is a prerequisite. Thus it would be rather hard to see it as a kink or fetish, unless you count my desire for domination itself as the kink, and the punishment just one of the many ways that kink is expressed.

Not what floats everybody's boat for sure, but not a 'funishment' dynamic either.


No one is calling you out on your personal experience.

The person I was responding to was calling people out on their personal experience by questioning it, rather than simply stating their preference, acting as though there was no other way, with this:


quote:

ORIGINAL: daniel1973

quote:

ORIGINAL: DerangedUnit

Na I dont get punished. I asked and he reminded me there are 3 other rules I forgot.


What good are the rules if you don't get punished for breaking them?


You see? Different thing entirely.


quote:

ORIGINAL: daniel1973

On the other hand, consider the following situation: I come without permission. No excuses, I have failed, I have taken something from my master that wasn't mine.
No way to make up for it except if he kindly agrees to punish me.


Again, you are negating others' experience with your wording. This is why I am responding to you the way that I am.

There are MANY ways to make it up to your master without punishment. It is your choice and your master's choice to use punishment instead of those many other options.

For example, if my boy transgresses, we discuss it, I find out how bad he feels about it. I remind him of it, and I give him the task to find a way to make it up to me. This has resulted in:

- Flowers.
- Picnic.
- New Shoes.
- An amazing seduction.
- Dinner at a new restaurant.
- A heartfelt apology on his knees.
- Week of over-the-top solicitous service.

You see?

Your experiences are valuable and right for you. They do not apply to everyone. And acting as if there is no other way gets people's back up.

_____________________________

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I Write! A few of my books on Amazon: http://amazon.com/author/msnnotes

(in reply to UllrsIshtar)
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RE: RE:submissive behavior - 7/9/2015 8:39:48 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Punishment for many people only works if it's to relieve guilt.

It doesn't work as a teaching method unless it happens the moment you make a mistake.

Now if you're deliberately refusing, that shows major relationship problems with resentment, accrued anger et al. Those require communication.

The other thing is that if I'm not allowed to make any mistakes, then he better be leading by example. So no forgetting that it's my birthday or not remembering to take out the garbage. Because if I'm perfect, then he can't be fallible. I'm not going to respect anyone who isn't even up to my level.

Personally, punishment closes me down. I stop talking to him. I respond only with yes or no or shrugs. I don't carry on conversations. I don't respond honestly. I choose words very carefully so as not to give him an opening to punish me again. I do only what I have to and have no desire to do things just to make him happy.

Being reminded that I forgot to close the garage door and please do so before a skunk takes up residence works better on me. After a couple of times, I'll remember that I don't want to have to go back down once I'm cozy in front of the tv. No emotional upheaval, no anger or resentment. Just repeating things until they become habitual.

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RE: RE:submissive behavior - 7/9/2015 9:48:38 AM   
UllrsIshtar


Posts: 3693
Joined: 7/28/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NookieNotes

The person I was responding to was calling people out on their personal experience by questioning it, rather than simply stating their preference, acting as though there was no other way, with this:



I disagree. They asked what the point of something was because it's something they have no experience with. That doesn't equal negating other's experience.

Here again:

quote:

ORIGINAL: daniel1973

On the other hand, consider the following situation: I come without permission. No excuses, I have failed, I have taken something from my master that wasn't mine.
No way to make up for it except if he kindly agrees to punish me.


They are speaking from personal experience and you say that that experience is wrong, by insisting that there are other way it can be made up.

You have no idea if it can or not. If the Master in question doesn't accept other methods, it obviously can't, and your suggestions -while working wonderful in your own relationships- aren't at all alternatives for them.

I disagree with your comment about negating other's experience. All I'm seeing is a question and an *I* statement.


_____________________________

I can be your whore
I am the dirt you created
I am your sinner
And your whore
But let me tell you something baby
You love me for everything you hate me for

(in reply to NookieNotes)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: RE:submissive behavior - 7/9/2015 10:00:20 AM   
UllrsIshtar


Posts: 3693
Joined: 7/28/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Punishment for many people only works if it's to relieve guilt.

It doesn't work as a teaching method unless it happens the moment you make a mistake.




Agreed. Though for me personally it doesn't perform either of those functions.
I rarely feel guilt for messing up (which is why the "I'm so disappointed" stair don't work on me) and the kind of ways I mess up in usually aren't teachable to be prevented by punishment.

What punishment does for me is remind me that he claims the prerogative to hold me accountable to his standards, his terms, his expectations, and that he will settle for nothing less from me.

Not punishing me enforces on me that he doesn't really care about me meeting expectations, and that I thus might as well stop bothering.

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Now if you're deliberately refusing, that shows major relationship problems with resentment, accrued anger et al. Those require communication.



Nope, I don't tend to disobey out of anger or resentment. Both of those things tend to make me stoic and aloof in my service, and so perfect that its hard to find fault with, other than that something doesn't quite 'feel' right.

Deliberate refusal to obey is usually caused by anxiety instead. The belief that I somehow can't do what he wants of me. Punishment by itself is rarely a good method to get me through it, unless the punishment continuous until I get so frantic I actually do what he wants, but can help a lot to put me in a submissive mindset where he's claimed complete control of my focus, to then unravel where the anxiety is coming from to resolve it.

Another reason for deliberate disobedient is because I feel he's not doing his job providing the mastery, leadership and consistency I need. In that case the refusal tends to be more tauntingly teasing in tone, and basically serves as a kick in the nuts reminding him: "I ain't going to play pretend being a slave girl for you".

Like I said... I'm rather atypical in that I have no desire to serve for service sake at all.

_____________________________

I can be your whore
I am the dirt you created
I am your sinner
And your whore
But let me tell you something baby
You love me for everything you hate me for

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 20
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