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Is It Wrong to Label Myself a Dom? - 7/11/2015 12:15:37 AM   
CharlieN


Posts: 11
Joined: 6/13/2015
Status: offline 		The reason I ask is because I'm still a virgin. I've mentioned before that instinctively I feel like a top and would only sub as a pup. In any other situation though I would be a dom. In this community there's an underlying agreement that you must earn your title and I haven't even dated.
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RE: Is It Wrong to Label Myself a Dom? - 7/11/2015 1:39:04 AM   
MiaCastle


Posts: 72
Joined: 5/4/2015
Status: offline 		You can call yourself anything that you want, but I recommend being comfortable with yourself and owning it. No one else determines who and what you are and if they do, I would wonder why. When you are loyal to who you are, you don't worry so much about other peoples expectations unless they are important to you. Be the person you want to be.

As far as I know, there is no expectation by everyone that does what we do, for you to have that university of domhood.

(in reply to CharlieN)
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RE: Is It Wrong to Label Myself a Dom? - 7/11/2015 8:51:56 PM   
aldompdx


Posts: 538
Joined: 10/24/2004
Status: offline 		Titles are what other's give you. Labels are how you and others compartmentalize or limit yourself. Control and mastery is first of yourself. As the above respondent advises, be true to yourself, with awareness of self.

(in reply to MiaCastle)
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RE: Is It Wrong to Label Myself a Dom? - 7/12/2015 10:56:58 AM   
crazyml


Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
Status: offline 		Well, the fact that you're asking the question is a pretty good sign I reckon.

If you're looking to be the dominant person in a relationship, the I'd say label yourself as Dom, but be upfront about your experiences and realistic about what you can offer.

We all started out with no experience after all.



_____________________________

Remember.... There's always somewhere on the planet where it's jackass o'clock.

(in reply to CharlieN)
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RE: Is It Wrong to Label Myself a Dom? - 7/13/2015 3:34:31 AM   
NookieNotes


Posts: 1720
Joined: 11/10/2013
Status: offline 		If you want to, sure. I am dominant. I label myself on another site as "kinkster,' because I prefer not to be pigeon-holed.

But realize a label is only as good as the person/actions backing it up.

_____________________________

Nookie
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I Write! A few of my books on Amazon: http://amazon.com/author/msnnotes

(in reply to crazyml)
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RE: Is It Wrong to Label Myself a Dom? - 7/13/2015 5:50:03 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		Giving yourself a label that describes you is fine. Trying to change yourself to fit the label (Doms do this, so I have to do it as well) is not.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to NookieNotes)
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RE: Is It Wrong to Label Myself a Dom? - 7/14/2015 11:21:26 AM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CharlieN

The reason I ask is because I'm still a virgin. I've mentioned before that instinctively I feel like a top and would only sub as a pup. In any other situation though I would be a dom. In this community there's an underlying agreement that you must earn your title and I haven't even dated.


When Hardy Haberman is asked where he got his cap . . . he replies, "at the leather shop like everyone else". I love that guy, he is so politically incorrect.

God bless the pomp and circumstance of a group of friends giving a leather cap or a Master giving a harness or vest to a subordinate but . . . none of that is recognized outside that small social group. There is no official registry. The esteem you hold in the community is by reputation only and "titles" are self appointed.

If you are a virgin to all this, do you really know what you are if you haven't tried anything yet? Don't get me wrong, I feel that labels are important to give people a general impression of who or what you are. But there is nothing wrong with being an explorer who has yet to discover themselves yet. Seems like you also like to switch . . . good luck sorting it all out.






_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

(in reply to CharlieN)
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RE: Is It Wrong to Label Myself a Dom? - 7/14/2015 2:08:36 PM   
daniel1973


Posts: 243
Joined: 6/16/2015
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: crazyml

label yourself as Dom, but be upfront about your experiences


I'd like to add:

Maybe it works for the OP as it did for me:
I teamed up with a buddy with the same level of experience, namely zero, to experiment a little from time to time.
Nowadays I call him "Sir" and he meticulously whips my ass if I forget to stand at attention when he talks to me (to mention one of the more harmless things we do on a permanent basis).
In between: a long period of trial and error, experiments, comparing experiences, negotiating boundaries, discussing rights and duties, etc.


< Message edited by daniel1973 -- 7/14/2015 2:12:25 PM >

(in reply to crazyml)
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RE: Is It Wrong to Label Myself a Dom? - 7/14/2015 7:26:57 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		No, you don't have to try things out to know they won't work for you.
I've never tried sex with another woman, because I've always known that I'm straight.
I've never bothered to go for therapy for gender dysmorphia because I've always known I'm a cisgender female.

I will say though, that just because you're a top, doesn't mean you're also dominant. The two terms are not the same.

If you want to be taken seriously, then I would suggest taking some workshops. And just because you've never dated in the past doesn't mean you can't start now.


< Message edited by DesFIP -- 7/14/2015 7:30:13 PM >

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Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to daniel1973)
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RE: Is It Wrong to Label Myself a Dom? - 7/14/2015 7:34:16 PM   
LookieNoNookie


Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CharlieN

The reason I ask is because I'm still a virgin. I've mentioned before that instinctively I feel like a top and would only sub as a pup. In any other situation though I would be a dom. In this community there's an underlying agreement that you must earn your title and I haven't even dated.


It's wrong to label yourself a '67 Chrysler.

(in reply to CharlieN)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Is It Wrong to Label Myself a Dom? - 7/15/2015 12:52:49 PM   
daniel1973


Posts: 243
Joined: 6/16/2015
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

No, you don't have to try things out to know they won't work for you.


That is true as long as you have at least a vague idea of what it is going to be like.
I don't have to sample my master's excrement in order to know that I will puke should he make me swallow it (which he will never do, bless him!)


My point is that in this particular corner imagination and reality can be vastly different.

If you had asked me ten years ago if I could enjoy being beaten I would have answered "Hell, no! What are you thinking! Beating people is always wrong!" Yet here I am, a few nice ones from Master with his belt are enough to make my day.


(in reply to DesFIP)
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RE: Is It Wrong to Label Myself a Dom? - 7/16/2015 9:18:34 PM   
CharlieN


Posts: 11
Joined: 6/13/2015
Status: offline 		Thanks for the advice guys. You're right ResidentSadist, I am a switch in the sense I would love to try puppy play. I think it would also depend on how the partner behaves, mainly because I myself don't take shit from anyone, so it would be hard for me to be submissive to someone I don't think deserves it.

(in reply to daniel1973)
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RE: Is It Wrong to Label Myself a Dom? - 7/16/2015 10:16:52 PM   
daniel1973


Posts: 243
Joined: 6/16/2015
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CharlieN
mainly because I myself don't take shit from anyone, so it would be hard for me to be submissive


That's the spirit! I don't let myself be bossed around either. But when my master says "jump" guess what I do, which makes it especially valuable to him.

You seem like the romantic kind. Go find your soulmate, he/she (you'd be surprised!) is somewhere out there.

(in reply to CharlieN)
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RE: Is It Wrong to Label Myself a Dom? - 7/16/2015 10:35:30 PM   
DaddySatyr


Posts: 9381
Joined: 8/29/2011
From: Pittston, Pennsyltucky
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CharlieN

... mainly because I myself don't take shit from anyone ...



There used to be a company (now, out of business) that used to specialize in celebrity-endorsed products.

Their Chuck Norris toilet paper failed for just the same reason you state; it was rough, tough, and didn't take shit off of anyone.



Michael

_____________________________

A Stone in My Shoe

Screen captures (and pissing on shadows) still RULE! Ya feel me?

"For that which I love, I will do horrible things"

(in reply to CharlieN)
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RE: Is It Wrong to Label Myself a Dom? - 7/16/2015 11:04:02 PM   
DerangedUnit


Posts: 660
Joined: 2/23/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CharlieN

Thanks for the advice guys. You're right ResidentSadist, I am a switch in the sense I would love to try puppy play. I think it would also depend on how the partner behaves, mainly because I myself don't take shit from anyone, so it would be hard for me to be submissive to someone I don't think deserves it.



If you don't take shit from anyone just find someone who isn't full of shit.... I've seen equal number doms and subs who had no clue how to exist without trying to manipulate someone else.... you'll run into that everywhere.

(in reply to CharlieN)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Is It Wrong to Label Myself a Dom? - 7/17/2015 4:34:13 AM   
NookieNotes


Posts: 1720
Joined: 11/10/2013
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DerangedUnit


quote:

ORIGINAL: CharlieN

Thanks for the advice guys. You're right ResidentSadist, I am a switch in the sense I would love to try puppy play. I think it would also depend on how the partner behaves, mainly because I myself don't take shit from anyone, so it would be hard for me to be submissive to someone I don't think deserves it.



If you don't take shit from anyone just find someone who isn't full of shit.... I've seen equal number doms and subs who had no clue how to exist without trying to manipulate someone else.... you'll run into that everywhere.


This. My Pet is an amazing submissive, and doesn't take shit from people. But he doesn't have to. I would never give him shit. I value him enough to give him all the best I have.

_____________________________

Nookie
--
https://datingkinky.com

I Write! A few of my books on Amazon: http://amazon.com/author/msnnotes

(in reply to DerangedUnit)
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RE: Is It Wrong to Label Myself a Dom? - 7/23/2015 10:19:10 PM   
MarcEsadrian


Posts: 852
Joined: 8/24/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CharlieN

The reason I ask is because I'm still a virgin. I've mentioned before that instinctively I feel like a top and would only sub as a pup. In any other situation though I would be a dom. In this community there's an underlying agreement that you must earn your title and I haven't even dated.


You have to "earn your title," eh? Perhaps personally, but that's where it ends in my book. And as as far when it's wrong to label yourself a dom, I'd say almost always, as the word is a bit of a caricature unto itself these days.

_____________________________

Omnes una manet nox

Founder, Humbled Females

(in reply to CharlieN)
Profile   Post #: 17
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