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ORIGINAL: JVoV

Every dynamic is unique, as are the rules for every relationship.

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ORIGINAL: DerangedUnit


I think people have a hard time distinguishing between not controlling others and giving up control.

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ORIGINAL: Wayward5oul

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ORIGINAL: NookieNotes

In my personal view, I use two different words for those others may see as "brats."

Brats: Actually resist doing as they are told, wanting to be forced to submit.

Smart Ass: Talks all manner of sass, but does as told. Sassing is usually to get some attention/engagement/punishment.

I don't do brats. I LOVE LOVE LOVE smart asses, and enjoy molding them.

Lots of people do not see the difference between the two. When I first started in all of this, started meeting people at munches events, talking to them online and such, I initially identified as a brat sub because of what I know about my personality and what others saw as well. I am a smartass. I always have been and I own it. I am intelligent, independent, and I can hold my own against most anyone. That doesn't mean that I am always like that, but I am considered challenging by more than a few men.

So people told me I was a brat and I went with it. That was all before I started actually being intimate with people as a sub. Once I found myself in those situations, I found I had no desire to disobey, or openly challenge them, or any of that. If I found someone that tugged at my submissive side, I was generally still a smartass and playful, which they loved. And I was still playfully challenging with them, which is part of what made me attractive to them. But I wanted to submit to them and I didn't pretend otherwise. I am strong-willed, but once I see that someone can handle that, then they get a part of me that no one in my vanilla life would ever believe existed.

I no longer identify as a brat, just as a smartassed woman who also happens to be submissive. My smartassness (yes, I just made that word up) is not a part of my submission. But a lot of people don't understand that. So they just assume that all women like that are spoiled twats.

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ORIGINAL: daniel1973

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ORIGINAL: Wayward5oul
I'm confused...definitions can be scientific or non-scientific. What is this referring to?

No they can't. The definition of a definition is that a definition is the definition of the definition.

Being dominant doesn't make you smart or educated or wise for that matter. Being submissive does not make you stupid either.

I do, however, have an idea that some people claim their dominance as a way of getting away with their lack of character or willingness to work.

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ORIGINAL: DerangedUnit

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ORIGINAL: LadyOfLeisure3

I cannot fathom why a Dom would take on a brat and then proceed with attempts to exorcise such behavior. Why on earth do some Doms do this? You know what we are and what we do, if that was appealing to you when you took us on then, why has your opinion changed? Is the draw for you the challenge to turning your brat into a zombie? I simply cannot wrap my mind around it.

I have another point I thought to add...

I think people have a hard time distinguishing between not controlling others and giving up control.

It was always super easy for me to not control others. I want them to be who they are and do my best to not interfere unless a pretty please is involved. But I never give up control. I am very solitary in my thought process, my life continues regardless of other people. For example, say daddy usually brings lunch... one day he doesnt, I dont ask where lunch is...I go get my own lunch. He clogs the toilet, I dont ask him to fix it I do it and continue as normal.

How does this tie back into the question? This is how:

Most people rely on others actions to make their move, they don't think about what they want, they think about stopping the other person from getting what they want.

Example time. A dom gets a slave(ok fine it's me im bad at coming up with examples) he wants to get laid, that much is obvious but he tells the slave he doesn't find her attractive.... why? Because he cares more that she feels inferior than he cares about getting what he wants.

This. This right here is what I find to be completely irrational behavior.

To take something happy and try to make it miserable even if it means to forgo your chance of getting what you want isn't just pointless... it's completely backwards.

Not getting what you want doesn't make you look superior. having to lie and make obvious attempts at manipulation makes you look too weak to actually get what you want and too stupid to even know what that is.

The point being, a relationship shouldn't involve two people trying to see who can ruin the other more(I played that way a long time and nothing ever comes of it but a list of self endorsed "wins"). If one person is happy joking around and playing pranks, their partner should find it entertaining.

A relationship isn't about trying to make someone else miserable, it's about trying to make yourself happy.