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RE: Sudden freedom - 7/20/2015 10:44:22 PM

DaddySatyr

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quote:

ORIGINAL: daniel1973

Master tells me that I am no longer his slave. Shock! Does he suddenly not want me?
No, he says, he trained me as best he could but it's time for me to not bend over like a school boy any more.
He will continue to accept me as long as I keep up my duties.

I don't miss the canings ... I do miss the guidance however.

Have you been through that?

I'm (kind of) guilty of this, from the other side.

I do everything within my power to maintain/improve a relationship, but once I have decided it is over, it is over. Done. Finito. There's no going back.

I understand that this can be difficult for the person on the receiving end, but after six months of: "We should ... " or even: "Maybe we need some counseling to work through this, together" falling on deaf ears, I just decide that my vocal cords/emotions don't need the exercise.

It is easy for us, as human beings, to blame the other person, but we have to look at our own part. I know, at times, we play no part. Sometimes, people just decide they want someone else more than they want us, but that aside, is there some culpability on our part?

If we can be honest with ourselves, more often than not, there is some responsibility. Recognizing it and adjusting ourselves accordingly makes "failed" relationships into learning experiences.

Michael

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RE: Sudden freedom - 7/20/2015 11:14:03 PM

LadyPact

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quote:

ORIGINAL: daniel1973
I just wanted to know what to expect, I guess. I wasn't too anxious, Master (I still call him that, although technically no longer required to) knows what he's doing.
And it works! I've made some choices of my own already and didn't disappoint. Master chipped in with suggestions sometimes, that felt like a special reward.

May I ask how it turned out for you?

LOL. Had you been here a couple of years ago, you'd have seen exactly how it went and it wasn't pretty.

However, I don't see my situation lining up with yours. I told the other person, unequivocally, that I wanted them out of my life. There wasn't any continued playing around, or orgasms, or formal means of address, or even a friendly 'hi, how are you' thing going on.

As a person, I was happy. One of the best decisions I ever made in my life. Even with the nonsense that ensued, I was a better human being for it. I went on to something ten times better and I was so much richer for it.

In the meantime, let's talk about you. I'm going to tell you something that isn't a popular opinion.

You really do have the capacity to make decisions. You're just out of practice. For however long "Master" was a part of your life, there was that other part where you *did* make decisions on your own. You really do have the ability to do that again. A little faith goes a long way.

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RE: Sudden freedom - 7/20/2015 11:38:39 PM

sexyred1

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I don't think that's an unpopular opinion.

You are completely right.

You always have choices.

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RE: Sudden freedom - 7/21/2015 12:14:25 AM

Moderator3

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Posting in hopes of clearing the scroll.

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RE: Sudden freedom - 7/21/2015 12:24:05 AM

LadyPact

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Why? Are you afraid?

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RE: Sudden freedom - 7/21/2015 12:27:54 AM

Moderator3

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No, I am not afraid of drama. It will not be permitted here due to the circumstances.

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RE: Sudden freedom - 7/21/2015 8:12:16 AM

BitaTruble

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quote:

ORIGINAL: FelineRanger

Maybe you and I are the outliers on "recovering" from breakups because I feel much the same as you do. After a divorce, a broken engagement, and a third long term relationship that ended abruptly, I've come to the conclusion that none of it really heals. You just learn how to function with the pain just the same as you would if you had a physical injury. Most days, my bad back lets me get through a day with minimal intrusion. But every once in a while, it reminds me that I was in one hell of a car accident. Emotionally, I'm very much the same. It's not the uplifting cliche you may have wanted but it is the honest truth.

This post I very much appreciate. Platitudes and cliches do not help and .. Don't know why..but your post actually did. I still am on day by day..well not true.. I count in months now actually.. 19 months tomorrow since my last kiss but crying..that's usually several times a day still.. All those little things for 18 years.. Time does not heal.. The pain is not 24 hours a day..but when it hits..it is no less brutal. All that said..the sudden freedom OP talks about is not what I would deem freedom and he appears to still be at least somewhat tied and living under guidance other than his own. The freedom I suddenly experienced did not allow for a weening process. The context of the posts from OP doesn't jive with the thread title.

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RE: Sudden freedom - 7/21/2015 9:42:30 AM

daniel1973

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Oh, what happened?

Anyway I'd like to take this opportunity to thank everyone for their input. Even though most of the replies did not relate exactly to my situation, I did learn something.

At some point you will have to assume responsibility for your actions, submissive or not.

My master and I are still very much a team, on our own we are good, together we are a force of nature!
I understand now that Master never punished me for breaking his rules, only for not trying hard enough to abide by them.
Don't think that I got it very often, but when I did it was the real deal. And I was always aware of the fact that it was me who made him do it and that I should concentrate on doing better next time.
It was basically a crutch for me to overcome my self-doubt, I could be sure that the was pleased with me because otherwise I would have been made aware of his dissatisfaction in a very unpleasant way!
He even beat me once for speculating on what my punishment would be - I'm not allowed to guess what he's up to.

Now Master says that he would like to use the cane on my buttocks again. Just for fun, old time's sake if you wish ... I'd rather get on my knees and beg for mercy. But that's not what he wants so it's not an option.
I refused (for the time being). And would you believe it, he is happy with that. He's right of course: to even consider letting him do to me what used to be punishment is a clear indication of my commitment.

< Message edited by daniel1973 -- 7/21/2015 9:45:55 AM >

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RE: Sudden freedom - 7/21/2015 10:26:37 AM

littleladybug

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So, are you with him or not?

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RE: Sudden freedom - 7/21/2015 10:48:15 AM

daniel1973

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quote:

ORIGINAL: littleladybug

So, are you with him or not?

No he's with me! I really am at a loss how to make it more clear that we are still together.
Master doesn't want any odd slave, he wants me, behaving like one. Preferably without the use of force.

< Message edited by daniel1973 -- 7/21/2015 11:01:22 AM >

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RE: Sudden freedom - 7/21/2015 11:18:46 AM

littleladybug

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Ah, ok...thanks for the clarification.

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RE: Sudden freedom - 7/25/2015 10:32:42 AM

daniel1973

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quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble
The context of the posts from OP doesn't jive with the thread title.

With hindsight I'd agree to that but at the time of writing I felt like I had lost something. Please note that I am the one who has to put everything into words, my master does not comment on his actions.
Now I would describe myself - squinting at those old gladiator movies - as his favorite slave, the one he has a soft spot for and who would make all the other ones jealous, if there were any.

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RE: Sudden freedom - 7/25/2015 2:52:37 PM

DesFIP

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From: Apple County NY
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quote:

ORIGINAL: daniel1973

Master doesn't want any odd slave, he wants me, behaving like one. Preferably without the use of force.

So your definition of slave means there has to be force and punishment.

I think that's what I didn't understand because there's none of that in my relationship.
He wants me to want to align with him, not to have to for fear of the consequences.

I also see no dichotomy between being his slave and being yoked with him as a team. There's always a lead dog in a dog sled team, a lead horse in a horse team.

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RE: Sudden freedom - 7/26/2015 8:10:20 AM

daniel1973

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

So your definition of slave means there has to be force and punishment.

I think that's what I didn't understand because there's none of that in my relationship.

More of an allegory than a definition but, yes, in my mind the word (considering the original meaning) seemed to imply the connection.
I try to be careful with labels but in this case it seemed obvious. Well, I'll try to be even more careful in the future.

quote:

He wants me to want to align with him, not to have to for fear of the consequences.

Sure, it was me who wanted to be punished, mainly because I wanted him to squeeze even more out of me than I could give on my own accord and to help me break undesired patterns of behavior.
(And, I admit it, because I have always been fascinated with it and to get rid of guilty feelings.)
But I never lived in fear of it, my master taught me to focus on getting it right instead of worrying what would happen if I didn't.

quote:

I also see no dichotomy between being his slave and being yoked with him as a team. There's always a lead dog in a dog sled team, a lead horse in a horse team.

I can see that now. By giving me my own share of the responsibility he has bonded me to him stronger than ever.
So, yes I'm his slave exactly in the sense that you describe.

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