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Why is this so difficult? - 7/23/2015 10:36:45 AM   
kw1984


Posts: 7
Joined: 7/19/2015
Status: offline 		Hi all. I am very new to this lifestyle and I am pretty desperate to talk to someone about which route to go down. I think I am a male sub, well I know I'm male lol. I am loving the thought of being owned but nobody is willing to give me any infomation or direction. I've tried messaging female mistresses but to no avail. I was so excited when I joined as it was my first step toward what I have wanted for a long time. It felt like a release. Any advise would be great

Thanks all
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Why is this so difficult? - 7/23/2015 10:45:31 AM   
NookieNotes


Posts: 1720
Joined: 11/10/2013
Status: offline 		Well, ask your questions. Messaging on the other side can be hit or miss, as many women will not even see your messages if you don't meet their criteria (close enough, the right orientation, etc.), and others will not respond if not interested.

However, here on the boards are quite a few women who actually enjoy helping out and giving advice.

Be warned, though. If you act like an idiot, you'll get skewered (virtually, of course). I don't recommend it.

Welcome! *smiles*

_____________________________

Nookie
--
https://datingkinky.com

I Write! A few of my books on Amazon: http://amazon.com/author/msnnotes

(in reply to kw1984)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Why is this so difficult? - 7/23/2015 10:56:29 AM   
kw1984


Posts: 7
Joined: 7/19/2015
Status: offline 		Thankyou for your reply! I will try not to be an idiot but be patient i am a newbie after all lol. I suppose it doesn't help that due to lack of experience I'm not entirely sure what I like/ dislike but we all have to start somewhere right?

(in reply to NookieNotes)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Why is this so difficult? - 7/23/2015 12:10:38 PM   
RockaRolla


Posts: 1153
Joined: 1/20/2014
From: South Florida
Status: offline 		Well, what are you curious about?

_____________________________

~Roxie

(in reply to kw1984)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Why is this so difficult? - 7/23/2015 12:13:52 PM   
NookieNotes


Posts: 1720
Joined: 11/10/2013
Status: offline 		Yes, we do all have to start somewhere. As RockaRolla asked, what are you curious about?

_____________________________

Nookie
--
https://datingkinky.com

I Write! A few of my books on Amazon: http://amazon.com/author/msnnotes

(in reply to kw1984)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Why is this so difficult? - 7/23/2015 1:46:03 PM   
kw1984


Posts: 7
Joined: 7/19/2015
Status: offline 		Like everything. Its weird having these type of feelings but not really knowing how to satisfy them. What does being a sub actually involve, the difference between a slave and a sissy? I really need to find all this out so I can make a more informed decision. Sorry for being a dunce lol

(in reply to NookieNotes)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Why is this so difficult? - 7/23/2015 1:56:01 PM   
NookieNotes


Posts: 1720
Joined: 11/10/2013
Status: offline 		I would worry less about the language and labels, and think more on what you want to try and experience.

There may be no difference between a slave and a sissy, as someone may be both. Or someone may be a slave, giving everything up to their owner, or someone may be a sissy, a man emasculated and made to act and dress as a woman, sometimes exaggeratedly.

< Message edited by NookieNotes -- 7/23/2015 1:57:08 PM >

_____________________________

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Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Why is this so difficult? - 7/23/2015 4:09:41 PM   
RockaRolla


Posts: 1153
Joined: 1/20/2014
From: South Florida
Status: offline 		If you don't know what you like and don't know for sure what you're curious about, what was it that sparked your interest in the first place?

_____________________________

~Roxie

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Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Why is this so difficult? - 7/25/2015 7:26:16 PM   
SnowRanger


Posts: 503
Joined: 5/25/2008
From: Sinsinnati
Status: offline 		Hello kw1984 and respectful greetings to the Mistress,

Ms. NookieNotes is right. If you have questions, you are in the right place. HOWEVER, if the Mistress think that you are looking for
"wanking" material they will indeed skewer you (or, worse, ignore you).

I would suggest that you be thoughtful when posing questions here. Just what do really want to know? Think before you type. While
you're at it, make your posting as readable as possible. Little things such as spelling, grammar and punctuation count here. (Hey, I
don't get it either; but, there it is.) What helps me is thinking of the Mistress that frequent the boards as kinky English teachers. I had
a SERIOUS crush on My seventh grade.... :-D

I understand the excitement you mentioned. "WOW! There are women here that are looking for men just like me!" Temper that
excitement. Take some time for reflection. I lurked here for a while reading and learning in that manner. If you have a question, others
have probably asked it.

One last thing... Don't "think," don't equivocate... Stand up, hook up and own it... I AM A MALE SUBMISSIVE! Doesn't that feel better?
That does NOT diminish you in any way. You're still a Navy S.E.A.L. from Virginia or a Mountain Man from Dixie, Idaho.

Respectfully,

(s) Mike
The Fabulous SnowRanger.

< Message edited by SnowRanger -- 7/25/2015 7:32:32 PM >

_____________________________

You can't help where you were born; and, you may not have much to say about where you die; but, you can and you should try to pass the days in between as a good man.
Anton Myrer Once an Eagle

(in reply to kw1984)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Why is this so difficult? - 7/26/2015 12:17:43 PM   
daniel1973


Posts: 243
Joined: 6/16/2015
Status: offline 		Hi there and welcome!

quote:

ORIGINAL: kw1984
I suppose it doesn't help that due to lack of experience I'm not entirely sure what I like/ dislike but we all have to start somewhere right?


That's exactly right, you need to get started somehow. My advice: always be safe, never worry, and think small for now.
Watch out for real-life situations where you feel that tingling and ask yourself what made them special.



(in reply to kw1984)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Why is this so difficult? - 7/27/2015 12:11:45 PM   
TNDommeK


Posts: 7153
Joined: 3/13/2010
Status: offline 		Dont get lost in labels just yet. You're new, so just be honest, communicate well, the rest will be easy. A woman appreciates honesty so if there's something you don't know or have never experienced, just say so. Maybe you two can explore together. :)

Men are visual, we are emotional creatures so take the time to write out a good profile (if you already haven't, I have not looked).
Stimulate our brains! And for the love of all things...no dick pics!

_____________________________

Goddess of Duck Lips and Luxurious Hair
The working Fin Domme
Professional con artist, swindler, trixster, extortionist

Our snark-nado needs more cowbell


(in reply to daniel1973)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Why is this so difficult? - 7/28/2015 3:25:53 PM   
domincalifornia


Posts: 88
Joined: 6/7/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kw1984

Hi all. I am very new to this lifestyle and I am pretty desperate to talk to someone about which route to go down. I think I am a male sub, well I know I'm male lol. I am loving the thought of being owned but nobody is willing to give me any infomation or direction. I've tried messaging female mistresses but to no avail. I was so excited when I joined as it was my first step toward what I have wanted for a long time. It felt like a release. Any advise would be great

Thanks all



Here's the issue.

You really aren't looking for "information." If that's all you wanted, you have an Internet full of books and articles, as well as forums such as this where hundreds of thousands of words of questions and answers have been posted.

What you want is someone to take a personal, mentoring interest in you. That's much harder. Dominant women online are inundated with emails, and few want to spend their time answering questions from an eager novice.

So my advice: Start by doing your reading. That way you avoid all the elementary questions that will glaze people's eyes over (no one will want to mentor you if you are too lazy to do some of your own work). Then spend time on forums, reading a lot before you start typing. And then go to munches, classes and seminars --- you are only 50 miles from London, so there is plenty of opportunity to meet people and to go to classes.

So approach this as a learning process where you take responsibility for the learning, and don't try to shortcut stuff by asking others to do your work for you.

(in reply to kw1984)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Why is this so difficult? - 7/28/2015 4:38:27 PM   
Lucylastic


Posts: 40310
Status: offline 		Hi OP....
I only get pissed off with people who are after wank fodder.
What does being owned mean to you...
What inspires those thoughts. if its porn, then you could be very unhappy trying to find a relationship for long term

Do you know what it is you are drawn to. service, play, devotion? degradation? any particular types of play...You dont have to share this information with anyone, its your your eyes and mind only at this point.
Have a look at a BDSM check list online...there are hundreds available...http://www.evilmonk.org/a/checklist.cfm?act=listcat
READ.....http://www.collarchat.com/m_1726118/tm.htm
a book list, A very good book list....if you cant afford to invest, there are indeed many forums , sites, with good advice.
read read and read again

Im not suggesting you try anything, just have a look at the list to see what is included in the list, some will quite possibly make you say WTF??? as in UGH squick...
Some you will not understand the meaning of, and some you will be intrigued by, some you will not have any interest in , some will be things that make you go mmmmm.
You dont have to share it, you dont have to discuss it, its your list, for now. you are finding YOU.
read read and read again oh and inwardly digest..

Dont get into a frenzy about experiencing anything or everything...its the best way to get bitchslapped by the universe. Its also a good way to find yourself out substantial amounts of money or worse, hurt.
Theres nothing wrong with being into kink, or being a play only person, just dont think that means everyone is. Especially dominant women/men.
You can be a slave and a sissy, you can be a sub and a sissy, you can be a sissy all on your lonesome.If you are a switch, you can be a dom sissy.
There is no one way to be a submissive. Or a slave, OR a switch, OR dominant. Anyone that says that as an absolute, is pulling your plonker.
Before you get into a BDSM relationship, figure out what YOU bring to the relationship.
It takes two.
or three or four, but lets stick with just the one right now:)
Dominant women have as many aspects to their desires as ANY man.

Just my very humble opinion and five cents..., I wish you luck.




_____________________________

(•_•)
<) )╯SUCH
/ \

\(•_•)
( (> A NASTY
/ \

(•_•)
<) )> WOMAN
/ \

Duchess Of Dissent
Dont Hate Love

(in reply to domincalifornia)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Why is this so difficult? - 7/28/2015 10:09:06 PM   
daniel1973


Posts: 243
Joined: 6/16/2015
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lucylastic

Before you get into a BDSM relationship, figure out what YOU bring to the relationship.


No! No! No! And, since I haven't said it yet: NO! From school to army to work life I've always been a leader. Begging for mercy on my knees? Not very likely.

(in reply to Lucylastic)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Why is this so difficult? - 7/29/2015 4:46:50 AM   
NookieNotes


Posts: 1720
Joined: 11/10/2013
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: daniel1973


quote:

ORIGINAL: Lucylastic

Before you get into a BDSM relationship, figure out what YOU bring to the relationship.


No! No! No! And, since I haven't said it yet: NO! From school to army to work life I've always been a leader. Begging for mercy on my knees? Not very likely.



You have a real thing for putting words in people's mouths. Nothing you said was in the quote you used from her.

EVERY relationship has two sides. And two people bring things. You don't bring begging. So what. Your master obviously wanted something other than begging to take you on, then.

_____________________________

Nookie
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https://datingkinky.com

I Write! A few of my books on Amazon: http://amazon.com/author/msnnotes

(in reply to daniel1973)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Why is this so difficult? - 7/29/2015 7:23:31 AM   
daniel1973


Posts: 243
Joined: 6/16/2015
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NookieNotes
Your master obviously wanted something other than begging to take you on, then.


And I didn't know that I had it so ...

quote:


ORIGINAL: Lucylastic

Before you get into a BDSM relationship, figure out what YOU bring to the relationship.



... I couldn't have figured it out before. Which means that, had I taken that advice we'd never found each other.

But never mind, according to your logic it would follow that I don't even exist. Which would increase your book sales, no doubt.

< Message edited by daniel1973 -- 7/29/2015 8:09:10 AM >

(in reply to NookieNotes)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Why is this so difficult? - 7/29/2015 1:14:18 PM   
Lucylastic


Posts: 40310
Status: offline 		Yeah i dont think you understood what i was actually saying, but im fine with that, if you dont ask, Itake it that you were just making idiotic assumptions.

_____________________________

(•_•)
<) )╯SUCH
/ \

\(•_•)
( (> A NASTY
/ \

(•_•)
<) )> WOMAN
/ \

Duchess Of Dissent
Dont Hate Love

(in reply to daniel1973)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Why is this so difficult? - 7/29/2015 6:00:34 PM   
Wayward5oul


Posts: 3314
Joined: 11/9/2014
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: daniel1973


quote:

ORIGINAL: Lucylastic

Before you get into a BDSM relationship, figure out what YOU bring to the relationship.


No! No! No! And, since I haven't said it yet: NO! From school to army to work life I've always been a leader. Begging for mercy on my knees? Not very likely.


Nothing in this response has anything to do with what Lucy said.


quote:

ORIGINAL: daniel1973

quote:

ORIGINAL: NookieNotes
Your master obviously wanted something other than begging to take you on, then.


And I didn't know that I had it so ...

quote:


ORIGINAL: Lucylastic

Before you get into a BDSM relationship, figure out what YOU bring to the relationship.



... I couldn't have figured it out before. Which means that, had I taken that advice we'd never found each other.

But never mind, according to your logic it would follow that I don't even exist. Which would increase your book sales, no doubt.


And neither does this.

OP, go back and read threads on this board regarding male subs and female dominants. Once you weed out all the threads complaining about findommes, you will find a recurring theme...in general, dommes extolling the virtues of subs (male and/or female) that have something to contribute to a dynamic, rather than someone who treats the dominant as a fetish delivery system. (Male doms value this as well.)

These are the people that you are interested in exploring relationships with, I would listen to what they have to say.

(in reply to daniel1973)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Why is this so difficult? - 7/29/2015 6:49:21 PM   
MAINEiacMISTRESS


Posts: 1180
Joined: 9/12/2012
Status: offline
quote:

Waywardsoul

OP, go back and read threads on this board regarding male subs and female dominants. Once you weed out all the threads complaining about findommes, you will find a recurring theme...in general, dommes extolling the virtues of subs (male and/or female) that have something to contribute to a dynamic, rather than someone who treats the dominant as a fetish delivery system. (Male doms value this as well.)

These are the people that you are interested in exploring relationships with, I would listen to what they have to say.


The Ask A Mistress threads are very informative and will give you insight into how to REALISTICALLY contact a Domme. Also, don't go watching a crapload of BDSM porn and think it has anything to do with reality. The majority are pure fantasy you'd have a hard time finding a Domme willing to participate in, and some depict activities that could be downright DANGEROUS. Remember, it's all staged, with scripts, props, and sometimes special effects. Don't try to enter into D/s with a real Domme thinking She's going to be like the actor in your favorite porn vid. Some of us in fact believe those videos RUIN an otherwise good submissive.

(in reply to Wayward5oul)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Why is this so difficult? - 7/29/2015 7:14:26 PM   
NookieNotes


Posts: 1720
Joined: 11/10/2013
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: daniel1973
But never mind, according to your logic it would follow that I don't even exist. Which would increase your book sales, no doubt.


Not sure where you get this. Your existence, or lack thereof, or your believing that everything in the world has any or everything to do with you...

Does not affect my books sales in one way or another.

_____________________________

Nookie
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https://datingkinky.com

I Write! A few of my books on Amazon: http://amazon.com/author/msnnotes

(in reply to daniel1973)
Profile   Post #: 20
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