RE: Opinions based on other peoples gossip. (Full Version)

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MariaB -> RE: Opinions based on other peoples gossip. (8/8/2015 1:32:42 AM)

I understand what you are saying NG, the thing is, although we appear to be a team, its a highly competitive environment with each man to himself. I didn't join this work force to gain friendships, I joined to do a job efficiently and thoroughly and earn some decent money. If I have no expectations from my work colleagues but remain cheerful and polite, they will soon get bored.

I know when I wrote this post I was being sensitive to the indiscretion that went on but on reflection, I have reminded myself that people who revel in gossip are merely people who desire scandal in their lives. Its just a pettiness and something I should take with a grain of salt.



NorthernGent -> RE: Opinions based on other peoples gossip. (8/8/2015 2:04:11 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: MariaB

I understand what you are saying NG, the thing is, although we appear to be a team, its a highly competitive environment with each man to himself. I didn't join this work force to gain friendships, I joined to do a job efficiently and thoroughly and earn some decent money. If I have no expectations from my work colleagues but remain cheerful and polite, they will soon get bored.

I know when I wrote this post I was being sensitive to the indiscretion that went on but on reflection, I have reminded myself that people who revel in gossip are merely people who desire scandal in their lives. Its just a pettiness and something I should take with a grain of salt.


Yes, I fully agree that on a personal level what these people have to say should be water off a duck's back. The problem is theirs and makes them look like idiots.

I was thinking more from a practical point of view.

You want this job and there are a group of people making life difficult for you. You could be a very strong character, but having to go into work every day for months/years being ostracised would grind the best of us down eventually. Also, bosses will be wondering what it is about you that means you can't get on with your co-workers, and some bosses won't care what the problem is: they'll simply see a situation where you're not fitting into the team.

'Suppose I'm saying that while it is idle gossip and beyond childish, it has the potential to damage your career and ultimately it's not fair.

For those reasons, I'd be setting my stall out early in terms of how I'm going to manage this situation, assuming the job is important this job to you, and once I'd decided on a course of action I wouldn't waver from it.

I do agree that the best course of action is to try to resolve it informally, but as someone who detests bullies, and it is a form of bullying; I'd be prepared to have these people in front of HR as a last resort.

On reflection, what I would say is that you do have a way out of this. It's not an insurmountable task. Be decisive, though. Sounds like you've made your mind up to be reasonable with these people and hope it rubs off on them. I wouldn't let it go on too long in the event they aren't responding, i.e. take another course of action before senior managers are wondering what is going on between you and your colleagues.



NorthernGent -> RE: Opinions based on other peoples gossip. (8/8/2015 2:12:16 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MariaB

I didn't join this work force to gain friendships, I joined to do a job efficiently and thoroughly and earn some decent money.



Not sure what line of work you're in MariaB, but in mine you need a network of people - which means building friendships/relationships.

Were I you, I would quickly come to the realisation that you need friends at work to make your life easier.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MariaB

If I have no expectations from my work colleagues but remain cheerful and polite, they will soon get bored.



Don't bank on them 'soon getting bored'. The workplace is a playground for some people and they thrive on this sort of thing.

I'm afraid you need a plan of action to manage this rather than hope they get bored.

First, informally yes. But, you need to work out now what the next step will be in case you have to go there.

Basically, get in control of the situation. By hoping it goes away the situation will control you and eventually it'll grind you down.



DaddySatyr -> RE: Opinions based on other peoples gossip. (8/8/2015 2:32:33 AM)


I would just like to interject that your friend might not have been indiscreet about you, directly.

It is possible that this friend is merely very open about their own lifestyle and wagging tongues have just assumed the worst (you did say that you didn't say how you knew your friend). Gossiping bitches don't usually trade in truth.



Michael



MariaB -> RE: Opinions based on other peoples gossip. (8/8/2015 8:22:37 AM)

NG thanks for some very good points.

I work in the financial market. All of my work involves an internet connection and a telephone. The only person I need to deal with on a daily basis is Miss Moneypenny and she works for the head MD. My back up system is my MD's and not the people who stand around in the same office as me. If anything we compete against each other because proficiency leads to some very good rewards. Its not the sort of job where you have time to chat or if you do, you're not doing your job properly. Lunch time is the only time to converse with those around you.

Of course I will see how it goes and if I continue to feel uncomfortable I will apply for a similar position with another company. You and I both know that you have to work for a company for two years before you have any rights. I could be dismissed tomorrow without reason and there is absolutely nothing I could do about it. I have spent years working for similar companies and I absolutely know the MD's only care about one thing and that's how productive we are. They don't care about gossip, they don't care if that gossip upsets someone unless it affects their work load. Its just about as cut throat as it gets and that's why my entire self has to remain focussed on the job and not dwell on something I feel is personally unfair.



MariaB -> RE: Opinions based on other peoples gossip. (8/8/2015 8:24:20 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: DaddySatyr


I would just like to interject that your friend might not have been indiscreet about you, directly.

It is possible that this friend is merely very open about their own lifestyle and wagging tongues have just assumed the worst (you did say that you didn't say how you knew your friend). Gossiping bitches don't usually trade in truth.



Michael


Yes of course, it could merely be a presumption, in fact it very probably is.



NorthernGent -> RE: Opinions based on other peoples gossip. (8/9/2015 3:03:30 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: MariaB

NG thanks for some very good points.

I work in the financial market. All of my work involves an internet connection and a telephone. The only person I need to deal with on a daily basis is Miss Moneypenny and she works for the head MD. My back up system is my MD's and not the people who stand around in the same office as me. If anything we compete against each other because proficiency leads to some very good rewards. Its not the sort of job where you have time to chat or if you do, you're not doing your job properly. Lunch time is the only time to converse with those around you.

Of course I will see how it goes and if I continue to feel uncomfortable I will apply for a similar position with another company. You and I both know that you have to work for a company for two years before you have any rights. I could be dismissed tomorrow without reason and there is absolutely nothing I could do about it. I have spent years working for similar companies and I absolutely know the MD's only care about one thing and that's how productive we are. They don't care about gossip, they don't care if that gossip upsets someone unless it affects their work load. Its just about as cut throat as it gets and that's why my entire self has to remain focussed on the job and not dwell on something I feel is personally unfair.



I work in a similar industry, MariaB, although office based.

One or two observations I would make:

Like anything in life you need people on your side, for the reason you stated in your initial post: reputation is important and can make or break your career.

Also, it is not necessarily true that you have no comeback due to not having worked at a company 2 years. I forget the exact rules but I think you would have a case for wrongful dismissal but not unfair dismissal regardless of how long you have worked there (unfair dismissal kicks in after 2 years).

Not that it should come to having to make a claim because clearly you'll make it work one way or another.

Were it I, MariaB, I wouldn't walk away from a job that I wanted because of a few idiots. It would make me determined to sort out the problem and fight for a position that I have earned and due to.

You have it within your grasp to resolve it and come out of it smelling of roses - played in the right way of course.

And, I do agree that the right way is to try to resolve it informally first and foremost as that is what the senior managers would expect.

Either way, good luck, and remember if you want to fight fire with fire: dig up some dirt on the ringleaders, everyone has a past!




MariaB -> RE: Opinions based on other peoples gossip. (8/9/2015 10:55:22 AM)

Thanks NG, I'm back on board tomorrow so I'll see how it pans out :)

I just wanted to add, you can have comeback for wrongful dismissal but without two years of service, Acas will not help you. Most solicitors won't touch a case with less than two years employment and if you do eventually find one they will almost certainly insist on a barristers conference. Unless you have very deep pockets or personally know a lawyer or better still, a judge who works specifically with employment law you are better off walking away and finding alternative employment. The law in this country is really not on the workers side when it comes to short contracts.



ChrchofDrk -> RE: Opinions based on other peoples gossip. (8/9/2015 12:39:30 PM)

MariaB we've known each other a long time. I've never known you to be anything but top shelf. If those that don't know you have formed a less than stellar opinion of you then that's their loss. Don't let it affect you and the work I know you're capable of. Embrace who you are because in my not so humble opinion, you're pretty top notch



NorthernGent -> RE: Opinions based on other peoples gossip. (8/9/2015 1:14:53 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: MariaB

Thanks NG, I'm back on board tomorrow so I'll see how it pans out :)

I just wanted to add, you can have comeback for wrongful dismissal but without two years of service, Acas will not help you. Most solicitors won't touch a case with less than two years employment and if you do eventually find one they will almost certainly insist on a barristers conference. Unless you have very deep pockets or personally know a lawyer or better still, a judge who works specifically with employment law you are better off walking away and finding alternative employment. The law in this country is really not on the workers side when it comes to short contracts.


No bother, MariaB, good luck and remember you have some good options with this!



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