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What would you do? - 7/16/2006 8:27:59 PM

lilninotchka

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A hypothetical situation: Master has slave for over a year, slave messes up. Master stops talking to slave. Does NOT release though...yes, the relationship is like that. Does slave then move on? Probably yes, but when? How long a wait would be appropriate? After the apologies with no response (not even an 'f*** you!'), what do you do? Keep in mind that this is probably a little deeper/more involved mentally than the average relationship (that's purely a guess, might be wrong, but not thinking so!)

This probably has been discussed, but please answer anyway?

Post #: 1

RE: What would you do? - 7/16/2006 8:31:22 PM

Owned1

Posts: 847
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From: Toronto, Ontario
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It is a difficult one to answer without a few more bits of information. Was the relationship real time, in person, online?
I can only guess they were not living together. If there was a formal collaring i would think the slave should request release.

Honestly to me this doesnt sound like it was a real M/s relationship, or perhaps there was something lacking in the relationship from the outset.

i would love to hear more information to give a better answer.

owned

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~~in His Chains i am free~~

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Post #: 2

RE: What would you do? - 7/16/2006 8:36:54 PM

theRose4U

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Joined: 8/22/2005
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I would agree that if this is a real life relationship with a tangible collar requesting release would be a good idea. In reality if you've come to an open forum and are asking when you should ditch someone that's left you in the lurch and is refusing contact...you've already been released.

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Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
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Post #: 3

RE: What would you do? - 7/16/2006 8:49:29 PM

irishbynature

Posts: 551
Joined: 5/11/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: lilninotchka

A hypothetical situation: Master has slave for over a year, slave messes up. Master stops talking to slave. Does NOT release though...yes, the relationship is like that. Does slave then move on? Probably yes, but when? How long a wait would be appropriate? After the apologies with no response (not even an 'f*** you!'), what do you do? Keep in mind that this is probably a little deeper/more involved mentally than the average relationship (that's purely a guess, might be wrong, but not thinking so!)

This probably has been discussed, but please answer anyway?

If it were me:
'Slave' releases themselves due to very poor behavior from 'Master' and moves on.
Warmly
Irishbynature

_____________________________

What seems nasty, painful, or evil, can become a source of beauty, joy, and strength, for those who have the vision to recognize it as such. Henry Miller

(in reply to lilninotchka)

Post #: 4

RE: What would you do? - 7/16/2006 8:52:37 PM

enigmabrat

Posts: 2383
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I dont handle beeing ignored well and it is a limit as far as punishment goes for me Im too sensative so if a Dom would ignore me as punishment or withdraw affection In would be gone

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Post #: 5

RE: What would you do? - 7/16/2006 8:53:34 PM

crouchingtigress

Posts: 4387
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From: Maui
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i would hope the submissive in your example leaves immediately, the "silent treatment"imo should only ever be used with clearly stated time frames and emergency access....anythign less is irresponsible.

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RE: What would you do? - 7/16/2006 8:58:45 PM

lilninotchka

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Joined: 8/27/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Owned1

It is a difficult one to answer without a few more bits of information. Was the relationship real time, in person, online?
I can only guess they were not living together. If there was a formal collaring i would think the slave should request release.

Honestly to me this doesnt sound like it was a real M/s relationship, or perhaps there was something lacking in the relationship from the outset.

i would love to hear more information to give a better answer.

owned

The more information you ask for: This was real, in person with a few hours drive distance between them. Communication via telephone, email, occasionally chat and of course talking face-to-face. Not precisely a formal collaring, but an acceptance no less binding.

If the request should go unanswered? How long to wait then for an answer?

(in reply to Owned1)

Post #: 7

RE: What would you do? - 7/16/2006 9:11:10 PM

ownedgirlie

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How long as the Master been silent? Hours? Days? Weeks? Has he done this before? Was it an offense that had previously been communicated would get the slave released?

< Message edited by ownedgirlie -- 7/16/2006 9:12:15 PM >

(in reply to lilninotchka)

Post #: 8

RE: What would you do? - 7/16/2006 9:17:12 PM

Owned1

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From: Toronto, Ontario
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[/quote] The more information you ask for: This was real, in person with a few hours drive distance between them. Communication via telephone, email, occasionally chat and of course talking face-to-face. Not precisely a formal collaring, but an acceptance no less binding.

If the request should go unanswered? How long to wait then for an answer?
[/quote]

If there was no formal arrangement in regards to a collar or monogamy then there really is no question. There needs to be honest open lines of communication as to what the exact circumstances are of a relationship.

i would suggest if the length of time has been longer than in the past, if this is repeat behaviour, and there was no formal collar or consideration etc, it is time to begin your search again

owned

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~~in His Chains i am free~~

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Post #: 9

RE: What would you do? - 7/16/2006 9:21:01 PM

lilninotchka

Posts: 121
Joined: 8/27/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

How long as the Master been silent? Hours? Days? Weeks? Has he done this before? Was it an offense that had previously been communicated would get the slave released?

Almost a month except for some issue unrelated to the relationship - that was short and to the point. He has for very short periods beeen uncommunicative in the past. Release for any offense was never an issue. Release was contingent only upon true desire to leave the relationship.

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

Post #: 10

RE: What would you do? - 7/16/2006 9:25:16 PM

desertdancer

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I honestly think it depends upon the couple, I can see why many subs/slaves would request a release or would choose to leave on their own.

For me however, in the relationship I am in, although I would be crushed by being ignored, I would wait it out. I have battled a lot of demons to be with my Master, we've both had our own dragons to slay, immigration to fight, and our own darkness-es to trip us up. So for me, I could not give up on my Master. My wiring is to love him, if he told me today that we could not be together, I would still wait. Would I be unhappy, oh yes. Would I hurt and be in pain, yes, I'd feel pain beyond words. But it would hurt me much more to give up on the one I love and the work we've put into our relationship, so I would wait, even if it took weeks or years.

Please, don't misunderstand, I am no doormat, and I know this answer has the potential to get me flamed for being weak for waiting it out and needing him so much. However, I answered from my heart, and thus am not offering advise to the OP, only telling how it would be for me.

~dancer

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* Shimmy Shimmy *

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Post #: 11

RE: What would you do? - 7/16/2006 9:28:11 PM

lilninotchka

Posts: 121
Joined: 8/27/2004
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quote:

If there was no formal arrangement in regards to a collar or monogamy then there really is no question. There needs to be honest open lines of communication as to what the exact circumstances are of a relationship.

i would suggest if the length of time has been longer than in the past, if this is repeat behaviour, and there was no formal collar or consideration etc, it is time to begin your search again

owned

Sorry, it was unclear here. There was an informal ceremony of sorts, but that didn't actually involve a physical collar, so while it was not a collaring ceremony, it was an official (for them) agreement. Monogamy was never a queston or concern. He is married and she (his wife) is aware and attends when they get together/visit. This was all agreed upon in the beginning and none of that was a problem for any onvolved.

While it may be time to move on, maybe it is not yet. How long would expect someone to wait in that situation before moving on?

Edited because there were WAY too many

quote:

thingys in there!!

< Message edited by lilninotchka -- 7/16/2006 9:35:21 PM >

(in reply to Owned1)

Post #: 12

RE: What would you do? - 7/16/2006 9:32:16 PM

MrDiscipline44

Posts: 1776
Joined: 1/5/2005
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So he has been like this for a month. Fuck'em. Time to move on. I could see maybe a week. Two for a really horrendous crime. But a month is too far. Especially if he is giving the cold shoulder when he has to interact with you.

_____________________________

If you love somebody, you have to be willing to break them.

Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach.

Have you slapped your slave today?

(in reply to lilninotchka)

Post #: 13

RE: What would you do? - 7/16/2006 9:39:34 PM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: lilninotchka

quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

How long as the Master been silent? Hours? Days? Weeks? Has he done this before? Was it an offense that had previously been communicated would get the slave released?

Almost a month except for some issue unrelated to the relationship - that was short and to the point. He has for very short periods beeen uncommunicative in the past. Release for any offense was never an issue. Release was contingent only upon true desire to leave the relationship.

Has the slave actually asked what the Master's intentions are? To keep or release? To communicate again in the future? If this is a punishment? If so, were there answers? It seems Master had been somewhat communicative as opposed to totally withdrawing. I would be asking a lot of questions, myself. Going a month without speaking and no clear communication as to why or his intentions seems cruel to me.

I can't answer the question for the slave in this scenario. At this point in my relationship with my Master, I am too tightly bound to him, and while I would whither away if he ever did that to me (I am certain he never would), I have no idea how long I would or could wait. I would probably just drive down there, show up and seriously beg.

(in reply to lilninotchka)

Post #: 14

RE: What would you do? - 7/16/2006 9:50:56 PM

lilninotchka

Posts: 121
Joined: 8/27/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

Has the slave actually asked what the Master's intentions are? To keep or release? To communicate again in the future? If this is a punishment? If so, were there answers? It seems Master had been somewhat communicative as opposed to totally withdrawing. I would be asking a lot of questions, myself. Going a month without speaking and no clear communication as to why or his intentions seems cruel to me.

I can't answer the question for the slave in this scenario. At this point in my relationship with my Master, I am too tightly bound to him, and while I would whither away if he ever did that to me (I am certain he never would), I have no idea how long I would or could wait. I would probably just drive down there, show up and seriously beg.

All those questions and more have been asked without answer. If that were remotely doable, the begging situation would probably have been done also. Unfortunately, it isn't an option under the circumstances.

Maybe you just did answer anyway - cruelty. Cruelty to critters!!! Where is the ACC (Association for Cruelty to Critters) when you need them!?

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

Post #: 15

RE: What would you do? - 7/16/2006 10:12:01 PM

Caretakr

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Joined: 6/24/2006
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She had best just bite down, and ask him if he still holds a collar.

And make it clear that no answer means no.

(in reply to lilninotchka)

Post #: 16

RE: What would you do? - 7/16/2006 10:16:12 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
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Been through this and I would not allow this situation again. I would release myself.

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Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to lilninotchka)

Post #: 17

RE: What would you do? - 7/17/2006 12:16:06 AM

lilninotchka

Posts: 121
Joined: 8/27/2004
Status: offline

Thank you all for the opinions and replies. They were very helpful

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 18

RE: What would you do? - 7/17/2006 12:53:45 AM

BitaTruble

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Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
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As I would in any job, I would give a two week notice. A polite written request for communication with the caveat that if I didn't hear from him in some fashion within the two weeks, I would consider the relationship ended and my power and freedom returned to me to do as I desired.

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

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Post #: 19

RE: What would you do? - 7/17/2006 2:42:19 AM

mons

Posts: 2400
Joined: 11/16/2005
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greetings

dear he is punishing you through not speaking. how long has it been since he spoke to you this is important too ? It is a week tweeks or longer. this is a way many dominant punihing instead of a beating you. I use this and it works it is a hard thing to have him pay no attention to you. this is why he is doing it. do i think it want to let go i can not answer that but put down how long this has been going on and may i ask what did you do I just read some of the other post and you said and i am sorry i misread a month you need to leave forget him it is easy for all of us to say but please get out there are more wonderful master out there wow he is cruel and you do not need that one week is painful a month is crazy drop him please

i wish you well

mons

(in reply to lilninotchka)

Post #: 20

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